(This is the third part of my summary for a proposed big-budget reboot of Saved by the Bell, titled Saved by the Bell Begins. Casting and excessive rationale is here. And Part 1 is here. And then Part 2 is here. Read all those before you move forward.)
Lisa explains that all the things that have been happening are not coincidences, and that they need to be careful, and not to go to Valley City. Then she does a wink-and-click, and Zack is all like “Whoa, you were in the booty babe jury!” and she does another wink-and-click, but the click sound is in stereo this time, because Lisa can throw her voice. Slater does a click too, but nobody listens, because Artie was in his mouth.
Zack has on big high-tops.
Everyone gets in Mr. Belding’s spy airplane and heads to Valley City, where Zack and Kelly and Slater and Jessie put on tricky disguises and look for the bronchitis containers in an abandoned mall that’s full of holographic-mannequins. It’s scary, so a lot of almost-kissing happens between Zack and Kelly, and then between Slater and Jessie, and then between Zack and Slater. After shutting down the mannequins, they find the silos, and see the bronchitis swirling and bubbling inside, and then notice huge holes all over the ground. Zack and Kelly do some action spelunking, and follow the hole all the way down to a tunnel, and then the tunnel goes to an upside-down hole, so they follow that up, and come out in Bayside City!
That’s not all, because Keanu and his men are there, and they’re trapped, until Slater shows up in his hot muscle car, and he’s wearing a pink tank top. They get in, and there’s a big car chase, and Jessie is not so excited at all because she forgot her pills, and now she’s so scared instead, and she tells Zack this so that the audience can cheer some more about their childhoods.
After a big crash with 426 other cars, Zack gets away, but Slater and Kelly and Jessie get captured, and as they’re dragged away, Slater is like, “Heeeeelllllppppppp ussssssss, Prepppppiiieee…” and that’s in slow motion because Zack is having internal conflict, and because it’s raining.
Zack goes back to Mr. Belding’s spy airplane, and it’s all shut down because he’s getting indicted for doing date rape on Miss Bliss, and that’s because Keanu used his President powers to make everyone think that about Mr. B.
Screech invites Zack for a sleepover, and they talk about how hard it is to be having life issues, and Zack breaks an Elvis statue because of how mad he is, and some documents fall out of Zack’s pocket, and these were documents he picked up at the mall for no reason. Screech thinks maybe they were important after all, because they have big words like “IMPORTANT” and “HANDS OFF” on them in Keanu’s handwriting. Screech reads them with help from his robot Kevin, and they say that Keanu’s plan is to kill everyone in Bayside City with the underground bronchitis, and then auction off the land to Portuguese gangsters from Valley City for big money.
Well, Zack is pretty upset about the Portuguese bad guys maybe taking ownership of his condo, and he decides to give up, because his life was simpler when it was just about making money and delivering morally questionable arguments and action-packed evidence on behalf of his celebrity clients. That’s when Screech gets electrocuted by Kevin, and that’s because Keanu put a lightning virus in him, and also Kevin has on a Darth Vader costume when he does this. Keanu’s men take Screech hostage and make him go and be a prisoner with Slater, Jessie, Kelly, and Lisa.
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
(Tomorrow is the stunning conclusion.
Go read my free movie book Brad Radby’s Brad Radby for more of this type of action and follow me on Twitter here, where I randomly ask people to call and sing to me during the day. Yesterday brought a stirring rendition of “Eye of the Tiger: from @StacyHead.)
