The interior is exactly the same, so don’t have a panic attack unless you’re OCD about your bookshelf.

If that’s the case, sign up for my email thingie – I’m going to [...]]]> (Yes, I redesigned the cover of Prelude to a Super Airplane to make the series visually copacetic.

If that’s the case, sign up for my email thingie – I’m going to give you a solution next week.)

According to a trusted confidant, my Guys Who Watch Girls podcast with @robertcarroll has been downgraded from a “jerkcast” to a “hatecast”.

The allegation is that I just don’t like the show, and am looking for ways to pick it apart.

This may very well be true, but I want to make it clear that I don’t think the show is bad, nor do I think anyone who likes it is stupid.

In fact, I recognize why it’s good – it’s just not for me. I felt the same way about The Sopranos, so who am I to judge anything.

I plan to talk more about this on the next episode (out every Tuesday on iTunes) but something else happened that made me realize that yes, I just don’t like the show.

What happened?

I read all the spoilers…and I do legitimately hate spoilers.

For example, while I’ve seen the initial Dark Knight Rises trailer, from here on I’ll be changing the channel or clicking away or leaving the theater if anything that could even possibly show me something I haven’t seen yet seems imminent.

I like to know as little as possible about anything I think I might enjoy, which makes the internet an awful place, i.e. websites that stick spoilers in headlines, or think that telling you things that don’t happen aren’t spoilers.

But Girls? I know all kinds of stuff about the upcoming episodes.

What does making this determination mean for the podcast. I have no idea – I think it’s on the agenda for the next episode.

Do you like spoilers for Go Go Bunny Rises.

I was actually going for “I’m so confused” just to see if that was something that people Google a lot. I love the idea of people with general life malaise turning to Google for [...]]]> In my post about ways to avoid writing, I forgot another one of my favorites: playing with Google’s search auto-fill.

I was actually going for “I’m so confused” just to see if that was something that people Google a lot. I love the idea of people with general life malaise turning to Google for advice.

When I saw this, I stopped typing:

Making people is a very crafty thing to be able to do. It’s a little troubling that so many people are capable of this that Google is offering it up on auto-fill, but whatever.

It could mean making babies, but I’ve not heard it referred to as such that often. Might also be a song lyric. I could just click it and find out for sure.

Is there irony in me writing a blog post to avoid writing.

My skin is fair and burns easily, being in the sun makes me tired, and my sister had a malignant melanoma at 24, so I just want no part of being in direct sunlight for too long.

I’m not telling anyone to agree with me, but think about it [...]]]>

#art

My skin is fair and burns easily, being in the sun makes me tired, and my sister had a malignant melanoma at 24, so I just want no part of being in direct sunlight for too long.

I’m not telling anyone to agree with me, but think about it like this: the sun is a giant ball of fire that’s so giant and fiery that it’s scalding you from 93 million miles away.

That’s 149,668,992 kilometers!

As such, I read sunscreen articles like this one on CNN closely.

Your sun hat should be floppy, wide-brimmed, and made from a tightly woven material.

I had no idea there were designated ‘sun hats’, but now that I do, you can be sure I’ll ask everyone if that’s their Sun Hat or just their Regular Hat.

If it’s just a Regular Hat, think of all the interesting avenues of conversations I’ve just opened regarding why they don’t have a Sun Hat on, and how their head is being scalded, and how they better stop smoking around their kid before I take the cigarette out of their mouth and crush it on their forehead.

In conclusion, try not to get cancer, and I also hate trees, grass, outdoor plants, and animals. Here’s the latest Guys Who Watch Girls jerkcast – remember to sub on iTunes thx.

It would go as such:

1) Independently and off the top of our heads, we each list the best 25 players since the +/-mid-80s, which is when my family started being hardcore basketball fans.

2) [...]]]> I was watching Heat-Pacers yesterday – that’s professional basketball – and my dad called me with an activity game.

It would go as such:

1) Independently and off the top of our heads, we each list the best 25 players since the +/-mid-80s, which is when my family started being hardcore basketball fans.

2) We then compare lists, and cross out all players on both of our lists.

3) From our remaining players, we each put together a five-man line-up, aligning players to position as best as possible.

4) Have heated debate about whose team would win.

I immediately noted that the winner would be determined by who avoided any glaring omissions, and felt confident I would be that guy.

Here was my squad:
Steve Nash
Gary Payton
Kevin Garnett
Kevin McHale
Hakeem Olajuwon

And his:
Jason Kidd
Dwyane Wade
Reggie Miller
Kevin Durant
Bill Walton

I don’t think there’s any question my team would beat his, especially with his glaring omission of Hakeem. If you think differently, let me know why.

Also, this game is timeless and will make you cry – play it with your favorite relative today. If you don’t like basketball, you can play it with Harry the Potter characters.

Greatest-of-all-time level talent, and none of the intangibles that would cement that status.

This is well-chronicled and debated elsewhere, so I won’t rehash it.

What I want to talk about are questions like this from Heat beat writer Ira Winderman’s [...]]]> LeBron James developing legacy is one of the odder ones in sports history.

Greatest-of-all-time level talent, and none of the intangibles that would cement that status.

This is well-chronicled and debated elsewhere, so I won’t rehash it.

What I want to talk about are questions like this from Heat beat writer Ira Winderman’s daily Q&A column, which I’m convinced is just him writing questions to himself.

That’s beside the point. This question is the point:

Q: Ira, the league went and did it now, putting even more pressure on LeBron by naming him MVP. Isn’t that the last thing the Heat need? — Mort, West Palm Beach.

This is actually a legitimate concern, and if I didn’t take such a raw, savage joy from watching his failures, I’d feel bad for LeBron’s situation.

Actual pressure would be something like this:

Q: Ira, the league went and did it now, putting even more pressure on LeBron by [suspending all his teammates and making him play 1-on-5, and also by making him play with the MVP trophy in a backpack that's strapped across his chest, instead of on his back]. Isn’t that the last thing the Heat need? — Mort, West Palm Beach.

That would be some legit pressure.

Can you imagine this type of stuff being said about Michael, Kobe, Duncan, or any of the other all-time greats? It’s kind of amazing.

Besides, I thought LBJ finally had that eye-of-the-tiger need taken care of, etc. He even got a mouth guard with XVI on it – can a player get more killer-instinct than that.

P.S. Before you paint me as a bitter Cavs fan, remember I soured on him when he was still in Cleveland, and three years before he left. This is verified over the course of 2000+ posts. That said, I’m also a bitter Cavs fan.

I’m not the most adventurous eater.

One look at this list of foods I’ve never eaten should verify that, while also cementing that I don’t like condiments.

As a kid, it was plain hot dogs, plain hamburgers, and plain everything. Barbeque sauce was like [...]]]> (Allef posing for more Instagram pics.)

I’m not the most adventurous eater.

One look at this list of foods I’ve never eaten should verify that, while also cementing that I don’t like condiments.

As a kid, it was plain hot dogs, plain hamburgers, and plain everything. Barbeque sauce was like a massive, tumultuous experiment, I’ve probably never dipped anything into a dip, and things like Cinnamon Life were considered exotic.

I’ve since grown into a health-and-fitness-based adult, so my natural (or learned) tendencies work well for it. Tuna right out of the can and an apple works as a meal, and I’d be totally happy eating protein bars and shakes all day.

In any case, the best part of the hummus experience was that I really had no idea what it was.

I was fully prepared to assume it was the Middle Eastern version of grits or pudding, and would’ve eaten it as such, if my lunch experience companion hadn’t been there.

(Of course, if she hadn’t been there, I wouldn’t have been there, but that’s like some dimensional crazy talk. And I am glad I was there, and glad I tried it.)

Did I like it? I guess it tasted fine, but it’s really a condiment, and gloppy condiments just aren’t something I’m into.

By the way, I come by it all honestly. I emailed my mom about this and here’s her response:

Hummus = never had it, never will!

Does your mom like to do math/language hybrids too.

History will look back at this period when people actually got angst about this the same way we look at women or blacks voting, i.e. how is it even possible [...]]]> I was going to write a whole post about the Obama stance on gay marriage, but I’ll just sum it up in one sentence:

History will look back at this period when people actually got angst about this the same way we look at women or blacks voting, i.e. how is it even possible this wasn’t allowed?

It’s basic civil rights.

There’s a related conversation to be had about angst over whether that was a “smart political move” for the President or not, but I’m probably way too anti-political to have it.

Someone saying the right thing because it’s the right thing shouldn’t be questioned. Go see Captain America again and rethink your stance.

If you disagree re: gay marriage, it’s your right to do so, but history and common sense isn’t on your side. Find a more productive crusade.

Much more writable today is my personal issue with my bathroom garbage can, pictured in this post.

You’ll note the empty toilet paper roll, which I removed and put in the (covered) kitchen garbage after taking this photo.

Why?

Anyone that knows me well is aware I’m not that great about bodily functions. Something just sets me askew.

On the extreme end, not only can I not watch surgery shows, but even hearing about surgery will make me feel like I’ll throw up. I had a surgery a few years back and started to pass out as the doctor explained the procedure.

(That doctor ended up giving me what I refer to as an inadvertent nose job, but that’s a story for another time.)

In the end, I assume everyone is like this, and wouldn’t want visitors to think I’m actually going to the bathroom in my bathroom. The empty roll would be clear evidence, and thus it was hidden.

I’ll be on Twitter later – right now I have to get Allef into his Captain America costume.

Do you like The Avengers.

I vaguely remember waking up and considering sending this, and decided I’d better, because I’d never remember otherwise.

Good job for sure on that one.

Here’s the latest Guys Who Watch Girls podcast [...]]]> I would love to know what I was trying to tell myself last night with the email to your right.

I vaguely remember waking up and considering sending this, and decided I’d better, because I’d never remember otherwise.

Good job for sure on that one.

Here’s the latest Guys Who Watch Girls podcast – we also recorded a special edition one this morning with Meredith Borders from BadAssDigest, so look out for that on iTunes.

This year I came to the conclusion that I had my hands in way too many things, and subsequently cut a few out.

It was a matter of being spread too thin – creating a lot, but no real [...]]]> (This post was inspired by Chris Brogan’s recent post about passionate blogging.)

This year I came to the conclusion that I had my hands in way too many things, and subsequently cut a few out.

It was a matter of being spread too thin – creating a lot, but no real time to promote any of it like it needed to be.

Thus, I had to figure out what I really wanted to do most with my time. To be cliche, what’s my passion.

I’ve discovered this is a really important thing to do, and rather than take you through my personal process, I’d rather just tell you my conclusion, and hope that it inspires you to take a similar look at how you spend your time.

This may surprise you, but at my absolute foundation, the one thing I’m 100% passionate about isn’t books or movies or storytelling of any kind at all.

My passion is that I’ve never seen a horse in real life.

So many times I’ve come close, but it’s never happened, and if I have 7,000,000 breaths left in my body, each one will in some way be spent feeding my raw, savage desire to never see a horse.

It drives me every day, and I derive amazing amounts of joy from it. Every time I turn a corner or finish doing a jumping-jack and a horse isn’t there, it’s like some magical form of intangible euphoria rushes through me.

Attaining that feeling – that’s passion, and I’m fortunate to have realized it while I’m still deceptively muscular.

What’s your passion based on seeing horses or not. If it’s not based on that, maybe read this again, while paying better attention to the deep subtext.

I don’t really believe in writer’s block, but I definitely suffer from writer’s procrastination.

It’s not like I have one of those romanticized “fear [...]]]> (I found this pic of me and my niece in my iPad. Not sure how it got there, since I’m in the pic and she appears to have my iPad.)

I don’t really believe in writer’s block, but I definitely suffer from writer’s procrastination.

It’s not like I have one of those romanticized “fear of the blank page” things, nor any of the other elements that go into the typical tortured writer cliches.

Once I sit down and actually starting pushing the buttons, it all flows rather easily. Usually within a sentence I’m in a hole I don’t come out of for awhile, especially when hopped up on the l-tyrosine.

That said, I do put it off. These are my seven go-to writing delays:

1) Reorganize Google Calendars. I do this at least 3 times per day. I have color-coded calendars for every project, job, personal thing, etc. I love to shift all the different tasks around – this means I’m not writing and also feeds my OCD.

2) Put on Breaking Bad, Batman Forever, or Battlestar Galactica for background noise. I don’t actually like writing with background noise, but I like to pretend I do. Edward Norton’s The Incredible Hulk is often used here, too.

3) Drive to Starbucks and then decide their wireless signal is too weak to connect with Google Docs. Then I head back home and put on Breaking Bad.

4) Change my shirt.

5) Go to Target. If I can’t talk myself into needing something on the way there, I buy a hot pretzel and then walk over to customer service and return it.

6) Decide I need to review/outline what I’ve already written. What I do then is switch the writing task on my Google Calendar and go to Target.

7) Write blog posts. How many blog posts I’ve written in any given month correlates in some ratio with how much of my required writing I’m getting done.

Keep in mind, I published a new book and wrote a whole screenplay this year, so whatever’s happening in these seven activities contributes to my productivity in some way.

Can you guess what I get when Target is out of hot pretzels.

The title of this one made me curious, for obvious reasons.

What was I wondering that morning back in March of 2012?

It turns out I was thinking about 2005. This [...]]]> I have 56 blog post drafts inside my WordPress install here at brian23.com, and this morning I decided to browse them.

The title of this one made me curious, for obvious reasons.

What was I wondering that morning back in March of 2012?

It turns out I was thinking about 2005. This is that post. Or this is all a big fabrication, and I just needed a way to tell everyone I bought Cobra from Amazon Primal.

I find myself thinking this morning of an afternoon in mid-2005 – when YouTube barely existed and was largely unknown – as I explained to my father that one day we’d be able to watch anything we wanted at the push of a button.

This would include, but by no means be limited to, The Adventures of Marion Cobretti. In most countries this film is known as only as Cobra.

“Wouldn’t it be great to watch Cobra right this minute, father?” Cobra never played (or plays) on cable, and the DVD isn’t one many folks have sitting around the house. “It’s so very watchable!”

Yesterday wrought this Tweet.

am i the only person on earth who bought cobra from amazon instant video this morning thx
8:19 AM – 4 Mar 12 via TweetDeck

I think it’s a viable question, even here in May, as I finally finish this post, and Cobra is still only 6.99 to own forever.

While I haven’t watched it yet, there’s a comfort in knowing it’s there for me in Amazon Primal, right next to Face/Off.

Here’s a recent email from a reader of Flight of a Super Airplane.

(That’s an Amazon link, i.e. a prompt to go buy the book with your big new paycheck – only $3.99 in ebook form.)

Reading FOSA on breaks, [...]]]> There’s nothing like writing a new book and having it torment people.

Here’s a recent email from a reader of Flight of a Super Airplane.

(That’s an Amazon link, i.e. a prompt to go buy the book with your big new paycheck – only $3.99 in ebook form.)

Reading FOSA on breaks, and you murdered [redacted], and I hate you so much. Back to a Kristina chapter. Bye!

Kristina is Kristina Von Vendervan, the redhead in this video.

In the story, she’s often paired with professional basketball star Petey Skippen, a supporting character in Who Shot Mamba?.

There’s more to the real-life instigation of those two forming an action team that I could tell you, but that would be spoilers for Prelude to a Super Airplane. (On sale for only 2.51 right now.)

Do you see my universe-building I’m doing and how enticing it can be. You better start reading.

Okay, time for more negative feedback – this piece is from @milquetoast7.

@brianspaeth so i’m about 50 pages from the end of #FOSA but i’m reading really slowly because i don’t want it to end :/ #sadness

See how reading this series will crush your soul with its insistence on ending and its multiple deaths of major characters. #cry

And don’t worry @milque, based on the release schedule between Prelude and Flight, you should be seeing Book 3 by sometime in 2015.

No for real, I’d like to have the next one out late this year or early next. I have one more book to write and a SOMETHING to make, and then I can get to it.

In any case, handling negative feedback as a writer is easy, because I never get any. The end.

That’s how many Twitter followers one-time ESPN.com freelancer and alleged scam artiste Sarah Phillips has acquired.

Short version is…there is no short version. Go read that link at Deadspin. It’s worth your time if you’re at all interested in modern media, creepy ESPN.com editors, internet fame, or just a [...]]]> 64,938.

That’s how many Twitter followers one-time ESPN.com freelancer and alleged scam artiste Sarah Phillips has acquired.

Short version is…there is no short version. Go read that link at Deadspin. It’s worth your time if you’re at all interested in modern media, creepy ESPN.com editors, internet fame, or just a good con job.

Personally, I applaud her. In a world where an entire Kardashian Industry has been created on the back of a sex tape, Sarah’s got the first step in the process down, albeit on smaller scale.

I’m not being cynical – I love a good case of well-orchestrated infamy, and I’ll be curious to see how she plays it from here.

The important thing is how we can make this a way for me to talk about myself. Luckily @MartinRickman took care of that.

didn’t @brianspaeth already own like every twitter account and have them talk to each other 2 years ago…why isn’t ESPN trying to hire him
12:20 AM – 2 May 12 via TweetDeck

I have no idea why ESPN isn’t trying to hire me, other than I can’t imagine ESPN has any idea who I am, other than a few people who may have a vague recollection of the big Orange Roundie fight from like five years ago.

If somehow that conversation did occur, it would go something like this:

ESPN: So what do you say to our big boy lucrative deal?

BRIAN: Do I have to write about sports. You people need to do your research, because I don’t even like sports anymore.

ESPN: Why don’t you write about that?

BRIAN: You can just copy/paste that and put it on your internet house. I can’t expand on those ideas in order to fill some sort of column-word-quota. It’s like how you guys write 900-word articles about a ten-word Tweet that LeBron made, and then attach 3 minutes of related video debate featuring Jalen Rose to the article. How do you guys do that – I tried to write 100 words about a 10 word Tweet once, and I couldn’t do it.

ESPN: The video would auto-play also.

BRIAN: I am going to not be on the phone anymore. Goodbye.

This is a lie – I would totally write about sports, and then get fired for doing nothing but taking veiled shots at my bosses for making me write about sports. On a sports website. The point is I’d take their money tomorrow, and we all know it.

How did I get so complex.

The real point of this post is why I’ve been writing so many posts lately. As I explained to Allef, when I’m writing books, I can’t write blog posts all that much. I only have so many words to expel on a daily basis.

I’m in a blogging window right now, but don’t worry – it’ll go away soon ‘CAUSE WE MAKING A SOMETHING THIS SUMMER.

Here’s episode three of the Guys Who Watch Girls podcast – now available on iTunes:

I seem to get a lot of emails and gchats and hand-written letters on expensive antique parchments from people about how to get stuff done.

This is probably because I’ve seemingly done a lot online: NBA blogs, turtlecalling services, [...]]]> Nothing you read here is revolutionary or new, but I felt like writing it.

I seem to get a lot of emails and gchats and hand-written letters on expensive antique parchments from people about how to get stuff done.

This is probably because I’ve seemingly done a lot online: NBA blogs, turtlecalling services, published books, made a movie, written like 5000 blog posts, dabbled in and out of vlogging, and more additional things that were abandoned than I can remember.

That last thing is the important one, because each and every one of the things I can’t remember or haven’t listed were complete failures. I’ll revisit that.

Why a podcast about HBO’s Girls with Robert Carroll?

It seemed like a good idea. We kicked it around on Wednesday, recorded the first two on Sunday, and had them up on Monday. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, nobody will remember anyway.

The point is, it’s so easy to produce stuff today.

In the aforementioned messages from people, I see a lot of anguishing over how others will find a given project, and Kickstarter campaigns, and a whole host of other issues that don’t need consideration. Who cares about your blog theme – without blog posts it’s fairly irrelevant.

Just make stuff and get it out there. Then make more stuff.

No one thing is so golden or precious of an idea that it’s going to be the thing that “makes it”. turtlecalls was a one-off gag I never intended to use as anything more than a funny Tweet, and it ended up going for 15 months and paid for a lot of TVs and gadgets.

I wrote my first book by accident.

Imagine if I’d thought too hard about whether I should/could do it or not – it never would’ve happened. Now I have four books, and am working on a fifth.

In summation – Nike, just doing it, etc. That’s basically my answer to all of those questions.

I hope this didn’t come off as pretentious – that’s my biggest fear in life after ghosts of spiders.

You can watch Guys Who Watch Girls on Robert’s YouTube channel, and you can also subscribe to the audio-only version in iTunes. A week ago this wasn’t even an idea, and the third ep comes out today.

I also noted my new book Flight of a Super Airplane, wherein Bruce Willis flies a giant airplane to fight a raging fire on the Moon.

My favorite response to that email came from a guy [...]]]> Last week I sent an email via turtlecalls about the end of turtlecalls.

I also noted my new book Flight of a Super Airplane, wherein Bruce Willis flies a giant airplane to fight a raging fire on the Moon.

My favorite response to that email came from a guy whose turtlecall never got made. A few slipped through the cracks over the 15 months I was doing it – that was inevitable.

The emailer refused to let me give him a replacement call, and instead became an avid responder to email newsletters. Over the course of a year, he would always respond within minutes, playfully calling my thriving business venture a scam.

This was his latest missive.

In your next story, Bruce Willis should light that con-turtle on fire. What is your next plan, get the kids all excited for a phone call and then never make it? what a great idea. i cant believe that rip off reptile didnt make enough money for you and him to retire. i hope your turtle becomes turtle soup.

I’ll miss these and the many other interactions I got to have with people over my time as the world’s first and only turtlecaller.

This is especially true of the people I got to call. While only 169 made it online, a final tally this morning tells me I talked to 1999 people. If you think that number is amazing, even more amazing is that there’s one more call to make.

Somehow, I ended this at exactly 2000 completed calls.

I have no idea what the dollar value is on that, but there was a higher percentage of $10 and $20 calls than you’d think. The highest anyone ever paid for a call was $200 – this was for an “instant call” to someone’s in-progress birthday party in England. I don’t think it made it online – drunk people always made for the worst turtlecalls.

In any case, turtlecalls will be back in a new format sometime this year – the character has value, but I don’t think he was being maximized in his current format, which was pointed out to me by this stud. Yes, he’s joining me in turtlecalls 2.0.

Thanks again to everyone who joined in the fun – for something that started as a 10-minute gag and I never promoted, I think it had a great run.

At this point, I follow it, but can’t call myself actively engaged.

The reasons for this are varied, and if you have time to read 2000+ posts, you can skim what’s through that link [...]]]> You may or may not know that I used to love the NBA, or American professional basketball.

At this point, I follow it, but can’t call myself actively engaged.

The reasons for this are varied, and if you have time to read 2000+ posts, you can skim what’s through that link and watch the breakdown from rabid to angry to frustrated to bitter to apathetic.

All that before the rest of the country even realized what an awful competitor LeBron James is.

I do still watch the Playoffs a bit more closely, and since they start tomorrow, here are five quick thoughts.

1) The Heat losing brings me more joy than anyone else winning, and I objectively see them losing again this year. Weak bench, weak inside, weak point guards, and more than anything, LeBron’s various fears, which cause him to disengage.

What happened last season will only make opposing crowds and players try to actively bring out those fears out. He’s vulnerable and everyone knows it.

Before you jump all over that, remember what I said before – I knew LeBron was crackable in 2006. It’s verified. It’s in the link.

2) Who I’d like to see win it all, in order: Lakers, Spurs, Thunder. I love Kobe, I like the idea of the Spurs getting one more in this weird season, and it’d be fun to see Durant/Westbrook get a title.

3) Again about LeBron. Not only is he a headcase, but The Avengers opens next week, plus Amazing Spider-Man and Dark Knight Rises this summer. He can’t handle any of this.

4) He loves movies, and that’s the meme.

5) I tried to do that graphic as like a meme thing, but I am old-school and it seemed weird. There’s a reason I retired. Pau Gasol has electricity instead of blood, and that’s another meme, but I think it’s one from 2007. There was a t-shirt and everything.

Do you like my NBA blog action and how excited I seem about it.

I had another post I was going to do about how I’ve never seen a horse in person that was much more energetic. Maybe I will do that on Monday.

Distraught I’d be forced to listen to nature as opposed to a doubletime podcast and/or Guns N’ Roses, I went ahead anyway, figuring it was just in my car or something.

Why I didn’t just look in my car, I [...]]]> I was prepping for a run this morning and couldn’t find my iPod anywhere.

Distraught I’d be forced to listen to nature as opposed to a doubletime podcast and/or Guns N’ Roses, I went ahead anyway, figuring it was just in my car or something.

Why I didn’t just look in my car, I have no idea. I walk right by it to go to the starting line. I suppose my thinking was that if it were in there, then I’d have to go back upstairs and get my headphones, etc.

This seemed like a huge hassle, but that’s a mania for another day.

Anyway, as I did my manly wind sprints, my mind began to clear up, and I generated a clear memory from yesterday afternoon, when I placed my iPod in my fridge, as pictured.

This was a vivid recollection, and I absolutely 100% remember – for no reason whatsoever – getting up from what I was writing and consciously deciding, “I need to put my iPod in the fridge.”

I have no idea what/why I was thinking that, but it was completely intentional, made sense in the moment, and then was forgotten. Thinking about it right now is actually kind of freaky – almost like an out-of-body thing.

I’ve been known to go into odd zones when I’m writing – note the content of my books – but this was a whole other place.

Another thing is yesterday my fridge did Fahrenheit, but now it does Celsius. Do you ever put things in my fridge.

My like/hate relationship with this show is well-explained already, and conversations following Sunday’s episode brought into a more clear view why I’m so conflicted.

In Sunday’s episode, the British girl is going to get an abortion, [...]]]>

i do instagram sometimes now

My like/hate relationship with this show is well-explained already, and conversations following Sunday’s episode brought into a more clear view why I’m so conflicted.

In Sunday’s episode, the British girl is going to get an abortion, she stops at a bar instead, makes out with some guy, and then something happens.

This gchat I had the next day explains both that, and my apparent misunderstanding of what that was. We pick this conversation up in the middle.

Her: like you didn’t laugh at doctor’s office scene, i bet
Her: they aren’t ha ha jokes anyway
Her: also the real parts probably gross you out
Her: like he put his hand down her pants and it came out bloody and they showed it

Me: I liked the stuff in the waiting room where they were mad at her for not coming to her own abortion party
Me: I didn’t mind the pants part with the blood – they had to show that
Me: cause of how she miscarried

Her: she got her period
Her: omg
Her: honestly

Me: what
Me: so she was lying about being pregnant?

Her: what? no
Her: she was confused – it happens all the time
Her: i mean not all the time but you know what i mean

Me: no clearly i do not
Me: if you think you’re pregnant don’t you take a pregnancy test

Her: what? lots of my friends have had pregnancy scares
Her: yes usually but they can come out wrong

Me: but how did she not know she wasn’t pregnant
Me: to schedule an abortion don’t you have to be pregnant lol

Her: no
Her: the first thing they do is give you a pregnancy test
Her: i’m sure she thought she was pregnant – she wasn’t just bluffing or something
Her: you are getting hung up on the weirdest things
Her: its like we’re watching 2 different shows or something

Me: I’m not hung up on that – I really didn’t understand lol
Me: I just assumed she was really pregnant and had a miscarriage ie blood
Me: and she was kinda relieved

Her: “kinda relieved”? bds – are you crazy?

A couple points.

First of all, when I meant she was relieved she didn’t have to go through with the abortion, I’m saying she was relieved she didn’t have to make that decision to go through with it and all that comes with it, before/during/after.

I’m NOT saying she was relieved because now she had a couple extra hours to kill or something flippant like that.

(I want to also note that we don’t know that character well enough yet to know everything about her situation. She’s been established as a complete flake, or at least that’s the exterior visage she’s put up.)

Secondly, it’s now clear that the reason I can’t get with this show is I have no understanding of what’s happening in half the scenes.

Dr. Who does things like reboot the entire universe with a giant Rubik’s Cube and it’s less baffling to me than Girls. (This applies to both the show and the gender.)

I really want to do a male-female podcast now about watching Girls. Would you listen to that on a scale of 1-15. Also, am I even more ignorant than I thought or are there other males out there who also misinterpreted this.

It’s not like an anger impatience – please don’t think that. It’s more of a thing where I simply can’t wait for something to get done before doing the next thing.

For example, just now [...]]]> All four or five people who can claim to actually know me well might tell you I can get impatient.

It’s not like an anger impatience – please don’t think that. It’s more of a thing where I simply can’t wait for something to get done before doing the next thing.

For example, just now I was filling up a glass of water from the tap, with the intent to use it to take my vitamins.

It got about a quarter of the way there – maybe a third – and I couldn’t take it. I wanted those pills inside me now.

Of course, it wasn’t enough, and I had to refill the glass a little of the way through the process. Ultimately, my impatience is costing me time here.

One solution could’ve been having two glasses in rotation under the running water, and I thought about this. The problem there is after I got the first glass out, I wanted to get the water inside it immediately – my impatience allowed no room to get out another glass.

How do I even get through the day.

My other problem is that only four or five people know me well, so there are very few people to help me through my mania.

If you ask people who think they know me well what I’m like, they’ll start to tell you and get stuck around the part where any hard intel would come into play.

Then they do one of those half-laugh-half-look-down-half-shake-their-head movements and are like, “Y’know, I uh…I forgot, I’m late for a math test.”

In conclusion, why do people who think they know me pretend to still be taking math classes. Can you help with this question:

I had a whole post written about Girls again, but decided against it. I’ve determined I just don’t like the show very much and/or can’t relate to it.

Instead, here’s some ideas and concepts I discussed with my girlfriend the other [...]]]> (Pictured: some sink/urinal hybrid I’m not so sure about.)

I had a whole post written about Girls again, but decided against it. I’ve determined I just don’t like the show very much and/or can’t relate to it.

Instead, here’s some ideas and concepts I discussed with my girlfriend the other day regarding urinals.

I’m big on having a urinal in one’s home, a concept she is squarely against, since there’s no lid/cover and therefore it’s disgusting.

I countered that the urinal could have a lid, which she didn’t think guys would ever go for or use.

(I don’t know if she thinks we would just go all over the top of the lid or what – parts of her argument here lost me. If I have to go, I’m not going to stop and be like “Oh…a lid…well.” in a British accent. This is why I don’t like the show Girls – none of it makes any sense.)

Anyway, I said that you could have a urinal with a lid that guys would love IF it had a futuristic auto-sliding lid – like something out of Star Trek that went WHOOOSH as you approached it. Many men would drink more water just to use it, thus improving their health, and the various healths of their offspring.

She frowned like that was stupid, and then I went outside and stood in the rain with my shirt off.

Would you want one of those urinals.