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Brad Radby’s Moby Dick

moby dickI have no idea why I got up at like 5am and started writing this while still in bed.

BRAD RADBY’S MOBY DICK

“Oh man, I’ve got to get that whale!”

Captain Nemo was on his boat and he was going to the ocean again because of that big whale he saw. He called his dad and asked what time the maid was bringing some more gas for the boat, and the maid said the boat took coal, and not gas, and that’s because it was 1810.

“Tidey-ho!”

As the boat workers made the sails on the boat happen, the Captain looked down at his peg leg and wondered where the time had gone, and how it used to be 1809, and soon it would be 1811, and he still wasn’t married.

He made a fist – he really wanted that whale bad now!

There’s a lot more of it – not sure if it’ll get finished or abandoned or what, but there it is. Why is my brain like this.

Wait, here’s Chapter 2. The one above was Chapter 1. All the chapters are this short.

LOL!

Below deck, the old man went back to work carving his little boy dolly out of wood. Just like he wanted that whale, he wanted his dolly to be a real boy.

“Maybe one day, Pornorkio…”

He sighed and made Pornokio do a little jig, and he did that by moving the strings that were on his little cute wood legs and arms, and also there was one on his neck.

A crash at the side of the boat messed up the jig, and Captain Nemo fell on the ground, and his peg leg broke.

“What happened?!” He yelled up to the slaves who were doing hard work on the boat. “Did we crash!?”

One of the slaves came down into the below deck part of the boat, because that’s where Nemo was, and he was the Captain, and also he owned the slave.

“‘Twas an iceberg! A grave of the high seas itself!”

Captain Nemo needed help up, but he was too mad at himself for forgetting he was supposed to be driving the boat instead of working on Pornokio.

Make it stop.

Brad Radby’s Brad Radby (The Complete Filmography: 1999-2023)

The Christmas Bridge is Open

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To say my latest book is accidental would be accurate.

It all started with this post back in April.

You can see right there in the parenthetical postlude how I knew instantly that something was about to happen.

Alas, here we are five months later or whatever and the book is released.

Everything in that post adapted itself into the story to some extent – you can get the full low-down in the tab at the top of this page or at the Christmas Bridge website.

Here are my personal thoughts on the novel itself:

1) It’s unforgivingly stupid, but has a lot of fun being just that. I don’t remember a lot of the writing process. Thus, I enjoy it as a reader.

2) While this stands alone 100% on its own, if you’re a fan of my little universe I’ve been piecing together, you’ll find even more between the lines.

It takes place 8 years after Prelude to a Super Airplane, Bruce Willis is the President, and there’s a favorite Who Shot Mamba? character who has an important (and shocking) supporting role.

3) The chapters are brief. This was almost made to be read on a phone in short bursts. These are types of books I like, therefore I write them like that. Grab a Kindle app and TCB becomes a great 3 minute distraction at your job or a traffic light.

4) Lost fans: in many ways, this is a love letter to that show. That the writing of TCB began right around the final episodes definitely influenced a lot. I make no secret of it in the text.

5) I don’t know that this would ever work as a live-action movie, but it should make for a phenomenal Adult Swim Christmas Special or the most insane Pixar film to date.

6) If you’ve caught the videos of people reading excerpts to their animals and children, those will continue. Keep them coming and let me know if you want to do one by emailing brian [at] turtlecalls [dot] com.

It nets you a free copy and they get posted on the Bridge website. I’m still figuring out what I want from them creatively, and I expect the balance shall arrive soon.

Of course, they also let you know where your child or animal falls in the book’s big conflict and if you want me to link to your site or whatever in the vid, I’m happy to do so.

Okay go buy the book – and if you read it, please let me know what you think, either directly or via an Amazon review.

Thanks for your support – I’m on my way to Cleveland for the rest of the week, but will continue to make blogs happen.