(I blatantly re-purposed this Photoshop job from my old website, sorry.)
I know it’s like the “blog thing to do” to bash ESPN’s Bill Simmons, and I don’t come here to do that today expressly.
Say what you will about him, but I’ve come to quite like his podcast – he has interesting guests and there’s an enthusiasm and casualness to it I like.
He’s also fairly aware he maybe needs to step back from the NBA trade machine a bit – he freely admits his craziest trade suggestions are indeed crazy at times.
However, on his show with JA Adande the other day, he was totally serious (it seemed) in his opinion that the best basketball situations for LeBron to go to are Chicago and the LA Clippers.
Not only that, but he completely discounted the Cavs as anything more than a remote possibility.
Now, while I’m a Cleveland fan to the end, I’m freely willing to admit LeBron may leave, and that he’ll certainly visit every single team in the NBA on his free agent tour this summer.
Looking purely at it from a basketball standpoint though…let’s look at the Cavs.
- Best record in the NBA
- Built-in chemistry/continuity
- Defensive-minded coach
- Brand-new practice facility
- Big expiring contracts
- One of the few teams that are profitable
- Owner willing to spend whatever it takes
You could go down the list with both Chicago and LAC, and they’re the opposite of what the Cavs have in many cases.
LeBron’s gonna go play for Mike Dunleavey on the most cursed, cheap, and poorly run organization in sports? I can’t even see how that’s a rational argument at all, basing it purely on basketball.
And Chicago? Does LeBron really want his legacy to be having every single thing ever written about him forever be even more of a comparison to Michael Jordan?
Even adding in marketing, he’s fine in Cleveland.
With the new McDonald’s deal, he’s got all the big sponsor segments except a car company.
Look, he’s conquered America, and this doesn’t even take into account that Cleveland is close to home, the Cavs can pay him the most money, and also have a minority owner from China, which is actually a bigger market than LA and NYC. (!!!)
In conclusion, I’m sure this has been written 50 times elsewhere already, but I didn’t even know Stephon Marbury was playing in China, so there you go.
(WSM? ends tonight – if you missed the first half of the big Sherman-Stadiums showdown…here. Aw, lookit Petey Skippen getting his chance to shine!)
I’ve been working on this script for something that’s being put together, and I’m a little back and forth on the writing style – I do think my time in novel-land messed with me just a bit.
Anyway, here’s a small piece.
Chelsea follows Jazz to the back – she’s all giddy as she passes Colleen, who notices Timothy being all fidgety and nervous. She sits next to him and gives him a napkin.
COLLEEN
Here.
TIMOTHY
We’ll get out of this, right? He can do this?
He takes the napkin all thankfully, but he’s terrified – NOT EVEN THE NAPKIN IS HELPING.
COLLEEN
(hesitant)
I’ve seen Jazz do some...
(beat)
I was at the Jefferson Incident. The Memorial.
TIMOTHY
I know that, Miss Burns.
He unfolds the napkin and starts tearing it up.
TIMOTHY (CONT’D)
I know a lot of things I shouldn’t.
Anyway, the part I’m questioning is the action line that ends with the big “NOT EVEN THE NAPKIN IS HELPING”. Especially the end, but the whole line is in question.
Debating with myself:
1) It does nothing to help from a production angle – it’s really a bunch superfluous words, and there are more compact ways of getting the point across that the napkin isn’t making him more at ease.
Example: He takes the napkin – it brings no comfort.
2) On the other hand, this isn’t a shooting script, and the way it’s written all over-dramatic to the point of stupid helps put across the ridiculous-played-straight tone of the material.
It needs to be played like this napkin should be a Xanax or something, and this is a way to do that without having to be all “even though it’s a napkin, he takes it from her like it should be relaxing him”.
At the same time, I do know that some readers will need their hand held like that, though. (And that’s fine – they’re not predisposed to like this, if I had to guess.)
3) A lot of the script is written in this style, and it reads FUNNY. So tell a coherent a-b-c story along with that, and you’re in good shape – a good story that made you laugh is a successful comedy screenplay.
I dunno – my thoughts – would love yours.
NOTE: For you Prelude to a Super Airplane fans, Timothy is someone you will know, at least indirectly. (It’s not Colonel T, and this story takes place in 2001.)
I haven’t written anything for 11 days on here – this is where I’ve been and what I’ve been doing:
- Went to NYC
- Working on script
- Explaining to Mom that I haven’t actually taken the moon supplement
That’s really about it – and I’ll start recapping a little of my NYC trip soon – some funny stuff happened.
Anyway, here’s the penultimate segment of Who Shot Mamba? – this (and the next one) is probably my favorite segment of all – I love all the Sportscentury type stuff and the characters that came really to life for it.
This Chapter is actually cut in half – it runs differently in the feature-length version. Strangely, I like this version better – it works as a super dramatic cliffhanger, which you really don’t get watching it as a full movie.
Official WSM? DVDs are available for $9.99 – this is the stripped down one. Just the movie and the trailers, including the trailer that was out for one day like a year a half ago.
It’ll be on Amazon and available for download also at some point, but there are a few things we need to wait and hear about first – I’m making this available now simply because people have been asking for it and I want those who want it to have it.
Looking forward to getting back to like some regular irreverent blogging – LOL! What.
I guess I was confused, because @The_Real_LLC read it as the guy just couldn’t see the sky or something.
The one thing I know for sure is that this guy’s log of his experience is amazing.
Some more:
Vision side effect, I went to bed I couldn’t see a thing, the window blinds were open and there was light outside, but whatever spot I looked at it went dark but I could see from the side of my eye, for example if I looked at the widow directly there was nothing, but as soon as I rotated my eyeballs away from the window I could see it clearly.
my biceps are sore more than ever and I am loving it.
That last sentence is an LOL for sure, but I still don’t understand how this works.
i just got back driving over one hour at night, a little uncomfortable because all the incoming headlights looked yellow tinted and was confusing especially looking in the rear view mirror
Seriously – I thought in the other entry he couldn’t see when he was looking at something?
PS. I didn’t get enough sleep last night due to the energy drink, so I felt really tired today and somewhat lightheaded, but tomorrow is chest day and I’m ready to rip it up
Oh.
i went outside while the lights were off and tripped over a chair, it hurt like son of a b—h, even my son who was walking with me looked at me like (how in the hell you didn’t see that chair!)
Kids are so silly – don’t they know daddy is getting big and strong.
just wanted to report about my vision, the moon was so bright last night according to my wife, she said the whole room was lit, well i couldn’t see a thing, i couldn’t even see where the window was
This next one is also interesting, although not vision-related.
The new [redacted] tastes different, kind of like fiberglass glue, not that I tasted fiberglass glue, but it tastes like the smell of fiberglass
: /
Whatever – regardless of whether this stuff works, I need to understand how this vision side effect works. It seems there’s not just a problem with the moon, but also with seeing windows.
Should I try this stuff or not? I’m still waiting for Mommy to get in touch telling me not to – she may have stopped reading the blog again.
If you haven’t yet watched Chapter 7 of Who Shot Mamba? you might want to do so – what follows will be filled with spoilers, because this segment is LOADED with revelations.
So Calvin Stadiums is the instigator of the shooting of Mamba, and continues to threaten people with guns.
If you haven’t quite put the pieces together, Calvin Stadiums is 90% based on Wizards star and gun enthusiast Gilbert Arenas…and this was written well over two years ago – long before he was suspended by the NBA for his firearm incident.
Calvin is so much a Gilbert avatar that a couple years back we were in discussions with Arenas’s people about him playing the character. We were told “yes” at one point and put the entire production on hold to wait…and wait…and wait.
Dylan Mooney came in and owned the role in a way that made for a better movie anyway, but we hold that Gil has The Curse of the Mamba hovering over him.
You laugh, but guess who was very close to playing Sherpa (from Chapter 1) and then decided against it?
Yep…Greg Oden.
In any case, while writing WSM?, just how much Gilbert was there inserted into Calvin? Here’s the breakdown of the basketball-based aspects of the character:
GILBERT ARENAS
- Obvious play on the name
- Uniform number
- Agent Zero/Henchmen Zero
- Aloof and Quirky
- Obsessed with Orange Roundie
- Unique father-son relationship
- Big Tiger as symbol of sorts
- Washington, DC
- Gunplay (unintentional)
MICHAEL JORDAN
- Greatest ever
- Gambling problem
- Competitive arrogance
- Petey Skippen sidekick
KOBE BRYANT
- the complete lack of self-awareness the younger Kobe had
The biggest Calvin-Gilbert-gun similarity of all is something I can’t talk about until the movie is over, but it was what struck me most heavily when the Arenas/gun stuff started, because it was something I had decided on years ago.
Keep watching – and there’s much more about the transition from Arenas-to-Stadiums right here.
As you may or may not know, long ago I was a personal trainer, a brief gig that sprung mainly from my love for health and fitness.
During that time, I tried probably every nutritional supplement possible, and even now continue to keep an eye on the newer stuff coming, some of which might be deemed “borderline legal”.
It’s rooted in a longing I have to be offered a role where they’re like, “This pays a lot of money and it’s yours, but we need you to put on 20 pounds in two months.”
When that happens, I’ll call and apologize to my mom, then speed-race to the nearest steroid dealer I can track down with more excitement than anyone has ever done anything with.
Anyway, there’s an interesting product swirling around that surely will be banned sooner rather than later.
Perusing a message board where some people are trying it out, apparently there’s a small vision-based side effect that accompanies the ingestion of said product.
Here are some posts made by users.
Occasional blurred vision side [effects] are still something that will have to be taken in account till there is a sure fire way to either stop it or lower the chance of getting it.
Slight and occasional blurring. Annoying, but somewhat mild really.
I did have a blurred vision. It wasn’t much but I remember having to concentrate more to focus on things. I also had a vision sides during the day – yellow tint, color cycling and a definite blurring.
What.
i don’t think any of us experienced blurred vision, we only lost the ability to see farther at night; we could only see where the light was aiming at. also it took longer to adjust from light to dark places, and at night we couldn’t see the sky even with a full moon.
That’s like an actoring tip. Sorry if this is hard to read.
@InflatableBen is in jail, too. The fact that these two are clearly not really Ben Wallace and Jerry Rice – and never, ever claimed to be – has eluded el Twitter.
Crippling to Team Mamba where Ben is concerned. Very disappointing – hope they clear this up.
The details on the free Who Shot Mamba? iPhone app are below – thanks again to Renegade Apps for putting this together, and also to @_dannyb_ for really being the impetus – he is justly credited inside the app itself. Click anywhere on ther to get it – it’ll open your iTunes thing.
Do me a favor – download, rate, review if you get it OR if you don’t get it. If you half-way get it, I guess don’t worry about it.
I’ll get back to writing like regular stuff one day soon – I have updated thoughts on Twitter, which is actually somewhat of a 180 from how I’ve been…!
I also miss writing completely irreverent stuff unrelated to this WSM? movie thing. I get back from NYC on the 2-something and hopefully I have some more time to make this blog have more blog on it.
I will get to the important issue of the Who Shot Mamba? iPhone app being available tomorrow. (Click here to go get it in the iTunes Store – it’s 100% FREE.)
In the meantime, old friend Bjorn of Half Broke Hotel shared an article with me about one of my most anticipated films of this year, The Expendables.
It features some of the biggest names of the genre – including Arnold Schwarzenegger, 62, Bruce Willis, 54, Dolph Lundgren, 52, Mickey Rourke, 57, Jet Li, 46, and Jason Statham, 37.
It also stars Brittany Murphy, who died in December of a heart attack.
Of course her death isn’t funny, but the article is all about how horrific the stunts were, the “tough legends” that have banded together, and how Stallone fractured his neck during the shoot.
If you read it all the way through, the placement of that sentence and the context makes it seem like she died of a heart attack during the shoot because she couldn’t handle how intense the shoot was.
I was gonna make a big deal about like doing a big redesign on the site for 2010, but realized I like the thing how it is. All I did was move the links for my books up a notch and add a page about the Radby book.
Brad says he’s been getting all this email asking “wtf” about whether he’s a real person or a fake person or a cartoon person, so I felt a need to clarify things.
The big news for 2010 is that I’ve found myself kinda into the NBA again. The Cavaliers are quietly playing quite well after a bumpy start, and there just seems to be lots of interesting things going on.
I get intrigued by things like Tracy McGrady having his sadness again and Gilbert Arenas being unable to shake the Curse of the Mamba.
In any case…some IM action, in lieu of actual content.
Brian: Why are you awake
Girl: Lol…sorry.
Brian: : /
Girl: : /
Brian: Have you ever had the cereal Blue Crunchos
Girl: I have noto. Is it tasty
Brian: Yeah and even crunchier than it sounds
Girl: Oh wow
Brian: Yeah
Girl: Cool well I’m glad we talked about that brian
Brian: Me too
Girl: Bye
Brian: Can I put this on my blog it is making me laugh
Also I’ve eaten two full boxes of Cold-Eeze in the past 48 hours.
(I blatantly re-purposed this Photoshop job from my old website, sorry.) 
As you may or may not know, long ago I was a personal trainer, a brief gig that sprung mainly from my love for health and fitness.
I will get to the important issue of the Who Shot Mamba? iPhone app being available tomorrow. (Click here 
