Sarah Phillips & Why I Don’t Work For ESPN

guys who watch girls brian spaeth64,938.

That’s how many Twitter followers one-time ESPN.com freelancer and alleged scam artiste Sarah Phillips has acquired.

Short version is…there is no short version. Go read that link at Deadspin. It’s worth your time if you’re at all interested in modern media, creepy ESPN.com editors, internet fame, or just a good con job.

Personally, I applaud her. In a world where an entire Kardashian Industry has been created on the back of a sex tape, Sarah’s got the first step in the process down, albeit on smaller scale.

I’m not being cynical – I love a good case of well-orchestrated infamy, and I’ll be curious to see how she plays it from here.

The important thing is how we can make this a way for me to talk about myself. Luckily @MartinRickman took care of that.

didn’t @brianspaeth already own like every twitter account and have them talk to each other 2 years ago…why isn’t ESPN trying to hire him
12:20 AM – 2 May 12 via TweetDeck

I have no idea why ESPN isn’t trying to hire me, other than I can’t imagine ESPN has any idea who I am, other than a few people who may have a vague recollection of the big Orange Roundie fight from like five years ago.

If somehow that conversation did occur, it would go something like this:

ESPN: So what do you say to our big boy lucrative deal?

BRIAN: Do I have to write about sports. You people need to do your research, because I don’t even like sports anymore.

ESPN: Why don’t you write about that?

BRIAN: You can just copy/paste that and put it on your internet house. I can’t expand on those ideas in order to fill some sort of column-word-quota. It’s like how you guys write 900-word articles about a ten-word Tweet that LeBron made, and then attach 3 minutes of related video debate featuring Jalen Rose to the article. How do you guys do that – I tried to write 100 words about a 10 word Tweet once, and I couldn’t do it.

ESPN: The video would auto-play also.

BRIAN: I am going to not be on the phone anymore. Goodbye.

This is a lie – I would totally write about sports, and then get fired for doing nothing but taking veiled shots at my bosses for making me write about sports. On a sports website. The point is I’d take their money tomorrow, and we all know it.

How did I get so complex.

The real point of this post is why I’ve been writing so many posts lately. As I explained to Allef, when I’m writing books, I can’t write blog posts all that much. I only have so many words to expel on a daily basis.

I’m in a blogging window right now, but don’t worry – it’ll go away soon ‘CAUSE WE MAKING A SOMETHING THIS SUMMER.

Here’s episode three of the Guys Who Watch Girls podcast – now available on iTunes:

  • nrojb

    sarah phillips is going to RT this and you are going to esplode.

  • http://brian23.com Brian

    *do you think she is a cool one to know*
    *
    *

  • nrojb

    just throw her some cash, and i’m sure you’ll have a blast. i bet she has a lot of ‘girl’ wisdom to impart.