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Are Shamrocks Real

who shot mambaI could write 4000 words analyzing my life-and-times, and how it relates to the number of common things I simply don’t know.

Let’s skip that and go right to listing two of those things that have come to recent attention:

1) Figs are actual things. Up until last week, I truly thought “fig” was short for Fig Newtons, the popular cookie that I now realize is among the foods I’ve never eaten.

2) Shamrocks are actual things. I’d never actually thought about this until I actually thought about it. For me, the word has always been associated with Shamrock Shakes, or that boat the Pilgrims came on, or etc. Part of me thinks I assumed shamrock was another word for clover, but I can say with 100% assurance that’s not true. Shamrocks are one of my Life Blind Spots.

As I write this concluding sentence, it occurs to me that I’ve not bothered to Google either of the above items, so I might just be taking someone else’s word on this, and it’s all a big trick.

If I had to guess, shamrocks look like clovers and figs look like…smashed walnuts…that are mixed with honey…and I don’t know.

What is something you don’t know, or do you know everything already.

Target Sells That Pan You Need

flight of a super airplaneI tried really hard to take a picture of these two people in Target today, but they were making me have my laugh so hard that I couldn’t get close enough.

They were pacing up and down the pan aisle and like he was holding a pan, and she was like looking at it like she was trying to decide whether to have an abortion or not.

All I could think about was how they were at home and were all like, “Well, let’s go get the pan,” and whichever one didn’t say that responded by putting on a hat.

If it was the boy it was a baseball cap, and if it was the girl it was a horse-racing audience hat.

The best part about the whole sequence was when I fell on the floor and starting rolling around, like on the internet.

That was when the girl came over and asked what was so funny, and I told her the pan was on sale last week, and she clapped her hands all angry, like people do at the doctor’s office when they find out they have aids.