Wolverine, Swine Flu, Miss Destructo

It’s not that I don’t think Wolverine be good, it’s just that as a ex-comic book junkie, I always felt what was cool about the character was his mysterious past.

A movie called X-Men Origins: Wolverine kinda kills that. However, I recently read the review at /film, and needed only three paragraphs to turn.

The opening scene kept me guessing as to how successful the film would ultimately be. It serves as a super-quick introduction to Logan’s rage and guilt, which are given as some kind of inner drive for him and visualised [sic] in the form of a howling motif we will see again and again.

I’m there – this is exactly what I wanted from it, yeah?

Swine Flu – I have it. It’s not that bad – I mean, it’s one of those “hurty” coughs, but like I can eat and exercise and everything. I’m sure it’ll pass.

Okay, here’s the real item on today’s agenda – one of my Twitter friends is a young lady who goes by the name of Miss Destructo. She’s cool, and funny, and more than anything, she loves Bruce’s Yams. (Her Twitter is here. Her blog is here.)

The company that makes this product – Bruce Food Company – has no social media presence, outside of Miss Destructo’s very organic and public love of them. With her permission, I went ahead and wrote a digital letter to the company, asking if they could please discuss hiring her to start jamming them on Twitter or Facebook or whichever social media thing will be big next week.

Here’s an excerpt – this is the part that made me laugh the most:

…and thus it is why I write you this day of yore.

Perhaps it is in our darkest hours, sirs, when the light may shine brightest? Perhaps the tempest of prophesy is upon us? To quote from Hamlet, if I may, sirs, and please excuse what mayhap, sirs, be construed as hyperbole:

“NAY, FATHER! NAY! NAY! NAY! WHAT DOST THOU DO!? NAY!”

The message then, sirs, is clear. Allow me to establish a quagmiric layout of procedural tempest with which one may assuage the binary methodologies, sirs, with which Miss Destructo may benefit your multi-state conglomorate of food supply business doings, sirs:

1) A three-pronged attack of social media, sirs, encompassing the following, including, but not limited to, sirs, the aforementioned Twitter, the venue by which I became associated with Miss Destructo in no less than three mannerisms. Tempest, again – you see this now, I assume.

2) Tempestual matters of this sort as shall be discussed, sirs, related to what we in the industry refer to as “Facebook Tempest” or “The Facebook Tempest”. A redux will perhaps be necessary, sirs, in the event of quakes of thine earth. Hurricanes known to be traditionally more dangerous amongst the smaller of the human race. Height, being an unqualified advantage in times of peril and yore.

Printed out, this digital letter is two pages in length. I’d pretty much pay anything to hear from whoever it is at Bruce’s Food Company who read it first, so if that’s you, please get in touch.

You can take up the cause for Miss Destructo by writing to info@brucefoodsla.com.

I’d suggest putting “GIVE MISS DESTRUCTO YO TWITTA” in the subject line, and then like anything short and sweet inside. I think my message laid out the tempest pretty well.

NOTE: We can add “yams” to that list of foods I’ve never actually had.

(Follow me on Twitter here.)
(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here.)