What Is Pine-Sol For?

what is pine-solHey, if you’re a cool dude who needs your cool dude apartment to smell like a nice place to be, here’s a big tip.


Go to your local store and buy a bottle of Pine-Sol, the world’s first and best naturally made synthetic air freshener.

I typed that as “air fresher” the first six times I tried.

If you don’t have a local store, move to someplace where there is one of those.

Next, go back to your cool dude apartment and take the Pine-Sol out of the organic bag you brought it home in.

Unscrew the bottle, and dump a quarter of it into your sink, which you’ve put the plug thing in already. I told you to do that in the sentence before the last one – it’s just I forgot to type that sentence.

No matter what size bottle you buy, pour out a quarter of it.

Fill the sink with water. Hot water!

Make sure it’s hot.

Let this sit all day, or until right before your hot babe date comes over.

Remind her to take her shoes off, because of what a cleanliness freak you are, and also because you don’t want her to leave.

Pretend to stub your toe if she starts to see the dust on your tables and TV.

Another idea is not to have any tables.

If she doesn’t mention how nice and clean your stud apartment smells, you did it wrong.

Add a small bucket to the living room next time.

All of this works.

Don’t drink any of the Pine-Sol – you’ll die.

  • ZeroKNS

    Is this post the result of Pine-Sol fumes

  • You forgot to mention that you should take the dirty dishes out of the sink first and shove them into the oven. Just don’t forget they are in the oven. I once defrosted some smelt in my microwave, then forgot they were in there for over a month. Even Pine-Sol didn’t help.

  • I refuse to believe Pine-Sol didn’t help something smell better, or even perfect!

    *Author of Flight of a Super Airplane,
    an epic, pretentious & stupid novel about Bruce Willis putting out a fire on the Moon.*
    *Twitter: twitter.com/brianspaeth*
    *Blog: brian23.com*

  • Nathan Rust

    I had an experience wherein a tenant attempted to harness the”Power of Pine sol,” hoping through some alchemical reaction, (boiling said pine sol) she would achieve the effect you describe. After a brief panic followed by the utilization of a fire extinguisher, my self and a Gruff fireman arrived to the scene in awe. Bottom line, Pine sol is flammable. Don’t let women be with fire around it.

  • You are right. I probably should have tried the Pine-Sol instead of throwing the microwave away. Then I could have turned the microwave into one of those lawn shrines, or maybe a planter. Would have looked niftier than a bathtub or a toilet.

  • JoannePistonFan

    What if the scent of Pine Sol triggers PTSD for the hot babe? Maybe she was cleaning the furniture with Pine Sol, and then the roof fell down on her. Now she’s crying in your living room, and she just threw your piano out the window. :(