The Shoulder Tattoo

By On January 23, 2009 · 57 Comments · In Girls, Misc, Twitter, WSM?

Somehow this came up on Twitter – I think it was when I said this:

I wish the tattoo on my shoulder was a fun maze instead of tribal crap with a smiley face underneath I got when I was 16.
about 14 hours ago from web

Anyway, nobody believed it could be that bad, so here it is:


And yes, that’s a screengrab from WSM? – the actress is Stephanie Sanborn. When the movie comes out, I’ll interview her on here and ask her an incredibly uncomfortable series of questions – look forward to that.

Alas, this is how that monstrosity on my shoulder came to be:

AGE 16: My nickname in my family, because my brother couldn’t say my name when I was very young, is “Bo”. During growing up, this transferred to my friends, and because I was maybe the dumbest of dumb people at 16, I got this tattooed on my shoulder.

Now, the initial tattoo was in a very simple font – it was not unlike the font on this site. But, because I was also drunk and afraid upon the tattooing, I flinched, and it came out looking something like “BO” with a stray wisp of black coming off the “O” – almost like a “Q” rolled over.

This would not stand, although looking back I should’ve just let it be.

(Here it is in action – it actually doesn’t look bad when in motion. That’s also from WSM? – I think that’s Ben (who I interviewed here) in the b/g there.)

3 MONTHS LATER: I go elsewhere to get it “fixed”. Because I was also hardcore, I went ahead and told the guy to re-do it as “BO” in like script lettering.

I gave him a lot of leeway in this – the result was that it actually ended up looking way more like it said “BAD”. Now, as a non-yoked 16-year old white kid in suburban Ohio, I’m pretty sure I’m the last person on Earth who should’ve been walking around with “BAD” on his shoulder.

The lesson: don’t get a tattoo until you’re of legal age, because the tattoo guy will hate whatever you’re going to do, and punish you for it. (That lesson I should’ve learned on my leg tattoo, which is an equally horrible story for another time.)

6 MONTHS LATER: I decided the best way to solve this situation was to go ahead and just have a whole new tattoo artist re-make the entire thing into like one of those tribal signs.

Me being me, I thought it also made a lot of sense to have him put a smiley face beneath it. This would be my final tattoo-alteration, because not only did it still look like it said “BAD”, but now it had a smiley face beneath it.

It’s also all faded weird because I went out in the sun all the time with it. Oh, and when people ask, I tell them it’s “the tribal symbol for birthday cake”.

This is one of the worst tattoos on the planet, and I challenge any and all to show me a worse one. It’s removal is very high on my list of things to do when I have excess income.

 
  • cameronfrye

    It could be worse….I know a girl who has a tramp stamp of a blue rose with flames coming out of it. She picked it off the wall(big mistake) and got it when she was 14(bigger mistake) at a place in Hampton Beach, NH where they spell tattoo TATU(biggest mistake). She's now a born again christian and use to tell me I'm going to hell because I was a whore.

  • cameronfrye

    It could be worse….I know a girl who has a tramp stamp of a blue rose with flames coming out of it. She picked it off the wall(big mistake) and got it when she was 14(bigger mistake) at a place in Hampton Beach, NH where they spell tattoo TATU(biggest mistake). She's now a born again christian and use to tell me I'm going to hell because I was a whore.

  • becky_b

    there is a better picture of the tat where you are standing in front of Staples, isn't there?

  • becky_b

    there is a better picture of the tat where you are standing in front of Staples, isn't there?

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Send it to me first – how is it anywhere though? Google cache?

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Oh yeah that is from the old version though I forgot about that. I still have it somewhere.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Oh yeah that is from the old version though I forgot about that. I still have it somewhere.

  • becky_b

    ah yes, I found it and will link to it if you desire…it's funny because it says “WSM – Coming January 2007″

  • becky_b

    ah yes, I found it and will link to it if you desire…it's funny because it says “WSM – Coming January 2007″

  • Fios

    I knew a girl who saw Sebastian Bach on a solo tour, she got backstage and made out with Mr. Bach who subsequently signed her stomach. Approximately a week later, she decided to get the remnants of said autograph made into a tattoo. The ink had faded so badly that it appears to be a foreign language and, again, it's on her stomach. I have no picture of it but that thing is the worst tattoo in history.

  • Fios

    I knew a girl who saw Sebastian Bach on a solo tour, she got backstage and made out with Mr. Bach who subsequently signed her stomach. Approximately a week later, she decided to get the remnants of said autograph made into a tattoo. The ink had faded so badly that it appears to be a foreign language and, again, it's on her stomach. I have no picture of it but that thing is the worst tattoo in history.

  • http://www.thenerdpulse.blogspot.com nerdpulse

    man i have hideous shoulder tat as well.

    I was at a kegger, 19 years old, three sheets to the wind, and got tatted by some amateur artist.

    after waking up the next day with a massive hangover i realized i had a paper towel taped to my arm and remembered….

    anyway it's hideous and i hate it.

    i'll try to find a picture and post it.

  • http://www.thenerdpulse.blogspot.com nerdpulse

    man i have hideous shoulder tat as well.

    I was at a kegger, 19 years old, three sheets to the wind, and got tatted by some amateur artist.

    after waking up the next day with a massive hangover i realized i had a paper towel taped to my arm and remembered….

    anyway it's hideous and i hate it.

    i'll try to find a picture and post it.

  • Greg Odens tonsils

    I have a rooster tattooed on my deltoid. I'm good with it though. Initially I thought it might've been too large but I'm good with it.

  • Greg Odens tonsils

    I have a rooster tattooed on my deltoid. I'm good with it though. Initially I thought it might've been too large but I'm good with it.

  • http://benjamincox.blogspot.com Ben

    i am menacing

  • http://benjamincox.blogspot.com Ben

    i am menacing

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Yes you're very much like, “I'm keeping watch over this situation or else”.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Yes you're very much like, “I'm keeping watch over this situation or else”.

  • TomTupa

    I was getting a tattoo in NH (not Hampton Beach thank god, but not far) when a couple of guys on vacation came in to get the old school Patriots logo tattooed, together. The artist working on me didn't just make fun of them for a whole hour – she was actually angry.

  • http://preludetoapretentiousreview.blogspot.com/ Kingsley Le Corbusier

    I was getting a tattoo in NH (not Hampton Beach thank god, but not far) when a couple of guys on vacation came in to get the old school Patriots logo tattooed, together. The artist working on me didn't just make fun of them for a whole hour – she was actually angry.

  • TomTupa

    this has got to be high on the list of the world's worst tattoos. That Sebastian Bach thing is pretty bad, though, if only because it's Sebastian Bach.

  • http://preludetoapretentiousreview.blogspot.com/ Kingsley Le Corbusier

    this has got to be high on the list of the world's worst tattoos. That Sebastian Bach thing is pretty bad, though, if only because it's Sebastian Bach.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Yeah they get really offended. How many do you have now – like 19?

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Yeah they get really offended. How many do you have now – like 19?

  • TomTupa

    Seven, with plans for another in March, and at least another two after that. That would make an even 10.

  • http://preludetoapretentiousreview.blogspot.com/ Kingsley Le Corbusier

    Seven, with plans for another in March, and at least another two after that. That would make an even 10.

  • Fios
  • orange5o

    hmmm, breakfast head tattoo. What if i got plain toast tattooed on my head. THEN would there be a $6 promo code???

  • http://www.jenwatch.com orange5o

    hmmm, breakfast head tattoo. What if i got plain toast tattooed on my head. THEN would there be a $6 promo code???

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Soon there will only be family promo codes, so you'd best hustle up.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Soon there will only be family promo codes, so you'd best hustle up.

  • orange5o

    i'm pretty adamant about the $6 dollar code. perhaps a cuyahoga falls discount.

  • http://www.jenwatch.com orange5o

    i'm pretty adamant about the $6 dollar code. perhaps a cuyahoga falls discount.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Write me a poem about how bad you want the $6 code and I'll give it to you.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Write me a poem about how bad you want the $6 code and I'll give it to you.

  • orange5o

    ok, i will email it instead of posting the comment in the likely event that it should be debuted as its own post.

  • http://www.jenwatch.com orange5o

    ok, i will email it instead of posting the comment in the likely event that it should be debuted as its own post.

  • http://www.thenerdpulse.blogspot.com nerdpulse

    ok, so here's the link to my own hideous tat. don't mind the poor quality, I just snapped a pic with my phone while at work…people were looking at me like I was crazy.

    I'm all like “What?! I take pictures of my body parts randomly throughout the day! Don't look at me like that, you know you do it too.”

    http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/I59_-tnuC8…

  • http://www.thenerdpulse.blogspot.com nerdpulse

    ok, so here's the link to my own hideous tat. don't mind the poor quality, I just snapped a pic with my phone while at work…people were looking at me like I was crazy.

    I'm all like “What?! I take pictures of my body parts randomly throughout the day! Don't look at me like that, you know you do it too.”

    http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/I59_-tnuC8…

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Dude what is it?

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Dude what is it?

  • http://www.thenerdpulse.blogspot.com nerdpulse

    A fail of epic proportions.

    It was supposed to be some tribal sun or something…sounded like a good idea at the time. But that was after far too much to drink. My GF at the time stopped the guy because he was effing it up so bad and I was beyond caring enough to stop him.

    So I guess it's a half finished jailhouse style something or other. I don't even know.

    I'd still like to kick the dude in the balls that talked me into it though.

  • http://www.thenerdpulse.blogspot.com nerdpulse

    A fail of epic proportions.

    It was supposed to be some tribal sun or something…sounded like a good idea at the time. But that was after far too much to drink. My GF at the time stopped the guy because he was effing it up so bad and I was beyond caring enough to stop him.

    So I guess it's a half finished jailhouse style something or other. I don't even know.

    I'd still like to kick the dude in the balls that talked me into it though.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    That's a great visual of the girlfriend calling it off in the middle. lol

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    That's a great visual of the girlfriend calling it off in the middle. lol

  • Yahtzee

    Perhaps adding the tribal symbol for Kwame Brown would help?

  • Yahtzee

    Perhaps adding the tribal symbol for Kwame Brown would help?

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  • http://www.tattoopilot.com tattoopilot

    I agree with those saying that it is not that bad. But your story is really funny, anyway, and I love the meaning of your tribal, the birthday cake :D
    I have heard of people who regret their tattoo, but I had never read such an honest admission. Maybe you could still do something to make things better, but after your many tries, maybe it's better if you leave your tattoo alone and learn to live with it ;)

  • http://www.tattoopilot.com tattoopilot

    I agree with those saying that it is not that bad. But your story is really funny, anyway, and I love the meaning of your tribal, the birthday cake :D
    I have heard of people who regret their tattoo, but I had never read such an honest admission. Maybe you could still do something to make things better, but after your many tries, maybe it's better if you leave your tattoo alone and learn to live with it ;)

  • http://www.tattoopilot.com tattoopilot

    I agree with those saying that it is not that bad. But your story is really funny, anyway, and I love the meaning of your tribal, the birthday cake :D
    I have heard of people who regret their tattoo, but I had never read such an honest admission. Maybe you could still do something to make things better, but after your many tries, maybe it's better if you leave your tattoo alone and learn to live with it ;)

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