The Shoulder Tattoo Returns

If you’ve read my stuff for any length of time, you know the vividly horrific story behind my shoulder tattoo, and my embarrassed self-loathing I do at myself whenever anyone sees it.

If you’re new or whatever, this is it, all oiled up and stuff for you.

The time has come, at long last, to finish this mistake once and for all.

I’ve talked to people several times over the years about what to do about this monstrosity.

The removal options are bad – since it’s been done three times already and there’s scarring to boot, it just won’t look right.

I asked one tattoo artist about putting a roman numeral XIV over it, the rationale being that I could make up different stories every time someone asked me about the deep, hidden meaning of my ancient number tattoo.

This wasn’t going to be doable either, and every other tattoo artist suggested things that just wouldn’t work for me.

I always make this clear before these conversations – my number one option would be for it to not be there at all anymore.

Starting from there, I’m not sure how these people come to, “How about like a cool snake that’s on fire and goes from your shoulder all the way around your chest, and then is flowing into a skull that’s on your back, and it’s the skull of a naked booty stripper?”

Anyway, after many years and much thought, I am giving up…and that’s what this new version of the tattoo will represent.

Inevitably, someone will try and make it artistic or special or whatever.

No, no, nay, nay, booty.

I don’t want it planned or artistic or meaningful – I want it to look like someone scribbled over it in frustration…like which is what I feel about it with my special heart that is inside me.