Secret Borders Meeting

By On October 19, 2009 · 27 Comments · In Family, Marriage, Misc, Retail Stores

IMG00456I spent a good four or five hours in a Borders on Saturday, reading my own book, Prelude to a Super Airplane.

(My ego isn’t that crazy – something I’m working on has a a few loose tie-ins, and I wanted to make sure my continuity wasn’t getting screwy.

That said, I’ve read it purely for pleasure something like 27 times.)

In any case, I didn’t get much reading actually done, since the two elderly ladies over my knee there spent lengthy amounts of time talking about the merits of Nick Cannon, whom one of them referred to as, “that colored fella from America’s Talent Show“.

As if that – and my need to IM everything I was hearing to a friend – wasn’t enough, at a tumultuous moment, the following seven people came in and sat at a nearby table.

- white female/21
- white male/52
- latino male/16
- white male/28
- white male/48
- latino female/58
- white female/35

This was an amazingly odd grouping of people, because they didn’t seem to know each other at all.

Book club? No books.
Parent-teacher thing? No – there was a lot of introductory conversation, and the mix wasn’t right.
Fellow Nick Cannon enthusiasts? No mention of Nick Cannon.

It was really starting to bother me – there were no logical scenarios.

My IM companion said I should go sit down and apologize for being late, which I considered, along with simply asking them, “WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU HERE, YOU SOBs. ALSO DO YOU WANT TO BUY MY BOOK.”

You may think I wouldn’t do this – I assure you I would, minus the SOB-calling and book-selling.

I didn’t have to though, because the 16-year old boy was squeezing the 21-year old girl’s leg under the table. She smiled, and had braces – I reasoned she wasn’t 22 at all, but rather 15 or 16 herself.

Then a flurry of info came forth – 35-year old whitey has infertility issues. She said this with a conviction and volume that amazed the entire cafe section. 52-year old white male runs down his family’s health history.

Adoption and “staying in the baby’s life” are discussed.

28-year old whitey – now reasoned to be in his mid-30s – tries to discuss Madden 2010 with the boy. He’s full of wonderment about how, “All the real players are in the game now…wow, how neat.” Buddy, they had that 20 years ago when you were growing up – did you only play Metroid and Zelda.

In any case…these teens were pregnant, and having a nice meeting about giving the baby away.

At BORDERS.

By the way, if you go to that Borders, there’s now a signed copy of PTSA randomly placed in the Cooking section. Where would you have your baby-momma adoption meeting.

 
  • http://twitter.com/Dennymayo Dennis Mayo

    I can't believe you saw a real-life acting out of Juno.

    Did Jennifer Garner have sadness at the end -

  • http://brian23.com Brian

    All I could think is those kids went home and were like, “those people sucked”.

  • cambie

    Dude, you have all the fun.

  • nrojb

    do you think the parents make them leave the door open when they are in one another's bedroom now? what's done is done.

  • http://alexisreviews.tumblr.com alexiskn

    good lord! who would have that kind of meeting at Borders?! i would definitely have that sort of meeting in the privacy of a Starbucks inside a Barnes and Noble. sheesh. what's with people these days?

  • http://twitter.com/milquetoast7 [redacted]

    Nice jeans.

    I thought Nick Cannon was married to Mariah – since when does he have “talent” -

  • http://brian23.com Brian

    I'd have it at Best Buy so I could spot-check dad on his video game and pop culture knowledge. For some reason that part of the whole thing bothered me. lol

  • http://brian23.com Brian

    The two ladies were fascinated by his marriage to Mariah Carey – I could do an entire separate post about them.

    btw their names were Ruth and Muriel.

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  • http://brian23.com Brian

    I decided while this was happening that anyone I marry would have to be happy to sit there until we figured out what was going on. lol

  • http://twitter.com/milquetoast7 [redacted]

    Ruth and Muriel Begins – love it.

    Brian Spaeth, did they say each others' names constantly like everyone on TV does even when there's only one other person in the room – thanks for your response Brian Spaeth.

  • http://brian23.com Brian

    Yes, and they talked really loud and were reading Oprah magazine.

  • http://twitter.com/milquetoast7 [redacted]

    This just gets better and better. Are they in Oprah's book club too -

    The screaming kid @ 3 y.o. in my bookstore just kept going “AAAACK” and his mother would laugh and pat him on the head and her friend would laugh too. I did not hear their names, but I'm sure Ruth, Muriel, and the Juno gang could have handled the situation.

  • http://twitter.com/SarahHorvat Sarah Horvat

    They should've gone to Chuck E. Cheese. 'za, games…noise.

  • Wish

    Customer satisfaction and pricing are the two things that consumers worry most about so my top two secret meeting locations are as follows

    Burger King: so I could end every sentence with….”your way, right away.” – Customer satisfaction wouldn't be an issue

    Next up would be Subway….”home of the $5 footlong”. Although, I'm unsure if kids are more than a foot long when they are born? – Letting them know the price early on.

  • http://preludetoapretentiousreview.blogspot.com/ Kingsley Le Corbusier

    I hated Juno. Despised it. With a passion. Turned it off after I heard the word “homeslice” one too many times.

    Brian, I really would like your opinion on the Android from Verizon and its “iDon't” campaign.

  • http://brian23.com Brian

    Interesting about that ad – it's a Motorola ad, not Verizon.

    I think I'm going to end up with like 3 phones before this is all over. mmh

  • http://iareawesomeness.com/ Jeremiah

    Man… I frequent Barnes and Noble for the free internet connection while reading the latest manga (Cheap bastard that I am) and nothing like this ever happens to me! I'm jelous… of those jeans… and the event ;)

  • http://twitter.com/ColleenBurns Colleen Burns

    the sad thing is…im more offended by the Nick Cannon discussion. And you TOTALLY should have went and introduced yourself into both convos…sounds like they would adore your book/thoughts ;o)

  • http://www.amylaurel.com AmyLaurel

    OMG, just saw this! Is this separate from the 'dude-on-the-phone-who-I-told-you-to-do-the-Bruce Willis-head-turn' incident? Do you live at Borders?

  • http://brian23.com Brian

    No but I've been going there a lot to write lately – it's been full of amazing.

  • http://www.amylaurel.com AmyLaurel

    You're homeless! I worked it out. Do you need a few bucks? What are the people at the table closest to you saying right now?! lol

  • http://brian23.com Brian

    No but I've been going there a lot to write lately – it's been full of amazing.

  • http://www.amylaurel.com AmyLaurel

    You're homeless! I worked it out. Do you need a few bucks? What are the people at the table closest to you saying right now?! lol

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