Scott is Waiting For Next Year

(I’m officially (and humbly) re-integrating myself into my old haunt of the sports blogosphere, where I was once a king.

I will not link-bait. I will, however, reach out and touch people in ways that only I can. If you would like to be touched, please email me.)

First up is Scott, who writes over at a Cleveland-centric blog, Waiting For Next Year.

1) I offer you $500,000 a year to do nothing but re-paint a white gazebo over and over, every day for the next five years. You must work 10 hours per day, with two weeks vacation and four sick days. You get a 10% raise every year, and at the end of the five years, you have to put “Gazebo Painter” on your resume. Do you take this offer?

It depends on where the Gazebo is located. Inner-city Detroit? Probably not. South Beach? Vegas? When do we leave?

That was another trick question – this isn’t a real offer! You look foolish!

2) Tell me the lowest and highest moments in your blogging life.

Highest: Getting a sh*t ton of page hits for a thoughtless post about Brady Quinn’s ESPY dates.

Lowest: Getting a sh*t ton of page hits for a thoughtless post about Brady Quinn’s ESPY dates after getting a fraction of said traffic on something that I actually put time and effort into.

3) After I killed my old blog, I started a new blog, and now I want my new blog to have the big audience my old blog had. Do you think there are some self-destructive tendencies in my personality, or am I just the cool voice of my entire generation?

Can’t you be both? You may just be the Chris Farley of blogging – just without the t*ts and well-documented addiction to substances.

Yes, my addictions are well-hidden.

4) Your blog, Waiting For Next Year, is all about Cleveland sports. If a giant wave took out Cleveland and you were the only survivor, and for some reason you had to keep your blog going or another wave would kill you, what would your blog be about?

Assuming that my bank account survived the wave, I would probably purchase a new URL – assuming you don’t own them all. If possible, I’d like to reserve “rustbeltm*sturbation.com” in the event of this natural disaster. It would be of the autobiographical nature.

If that’s taken, after a long grieving process, the blog would be about the hysterical fact that the Knicks would ultimately blow for the next century thanks to clearing money for LeBron James, whom obviously did not survive the event. I’d then sell the book/movie rights…

5) Let’s co-write a book about LeBron James. What should it be about? Also, the word “Streamlined” must be in the title.

Would we get near the end and then just stop writing? And then start a new book a while later? Could be fun…

And it would be about the tidal wave from [the other question]. “Streamline” is considered the most hydrodynamic position that a human can take while accelerating under water. Wikipedia told me so. Alas, LeBron James would be the last person to succumb to the wave due to a faulty streamline – the chalk on his hands didn’t bode well.

I like this, but the title has to contain the world “Streamlined”, not be “Streamlined” in full. For example, I would title that book you described, “Tomorrow is Streamlined Day”.

Anyway, we can’t co-write this together anymore because you broke the title rules.

The rest of you – Go read Waiting For Next Year, and learn all aboot CLE sports.