BANNER FEB2010

Regarding Kellie Simpson

by Brian on July 27, 2009

in Coloring,Girls,Readers,Twitter

BRANDI ENGEL(Don’t forget to go do the @Brandi88 Coloring Contest – this is the only way you’ll win the $15 bills signed by Tara from T-Mobile. This one is by @trrbl.)

Hey, so I’ll bet you think I forgot about all those questions and requests you submitted, didn’t you.

Let me tell you something – just because I’ve forsaken the question mark, doesn’t mean I don’t follow through on stuff, especially when the next query in line only has seven words.

From @robgokeemusic:

1) What happened to your wife, Kellie Simpson?

This is a great question.

I have no idea – I’m going to invite her over (via her Twitter) to this post to answer for herself, and that way I’m not accusing her of being Lex Luthor about the whole thing.

In other news – against all possible scenarios – still with my girlfriend. I’ve tried every possible way to make this not work, and it won’t stop working. Thus, two questions:

1) Happiness this pure doesn’t suit me – what can I do to get her to end this.

2) Do you think I mailed in this post and why.

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  • 1 - i once saw Kellie Simpson say sometime last week that she's really busy, or something.

    2 - i think you should just act like a complete douchey asshole to her and all of her friends and family constantly for like two weeks. (saying, 'jagerbombs and fuckin' skanks' repeatedly in public like you're totally serious about it scores bonus points.) you could also publicly embarrass yourself on purpose several times and in really stupid ways and see if it annoys her. this is fun because it's also an experiment, because if she doesn't break up with you after all that, then you will know that she has no respect for herself and then you should break up with her. the added bonus is that it's actoring practice for you.
  • Muscle Milk.
  • i do not understand what relevance this has to my comment. please elaborate.
  • 1) You said "jagerbombs and fuckin skanks". I continued the theme (from said video) with the line "Muscle Milk". I expected you to know this. smh.

    2) I didn't realize relevance mattered?
  • 1) ohhh, right. i use to work at a GNC so whenever anyone says Muscle Milk
    all i can think of are shelves and shelves and shelves and boxes of it. ugh.
    thanks.

    2) touche!
  • So you totally have, like, sweet creatine hookups now, right?
  • um. no. i would say yes if my awesome manager still worked there, but he doesn't. but um... let me know if you ever need some creatine while you're in Savannah, and i'll see what i can do? no, nevermind. don't.
  • damnnnnnnnnnnn yo, @dennymayo got played like a fiddle son!

    Creatine gives me calf cramps :-\
  • MuscleMilk is delicious...

    I like to "accidently" spill some on my shirt, and then sit in my office the rest of the day shirtless so I can say

    "oh yeah, got musclemilk on my shirt"

    and then everyone can look at my big stomach and man boobs and think "why waste the money or the effort?" #lifefail
  • Wish
    "Happiness this pure doesn’t suit me – what can I do to get her to end this."

    Two answers: 1) cheat on her, 2) stab her in the tummy with a No.2 pencil. Preferably not both of these things at the same time though. Humanity couldn't handle that.

    If she's 16 you could go on that '16 and Pregnant' show on MTV. Those girls always break up with their bf's.
  • Or you could get a 16 year old pregnant that isnt her.
  • Love that show.

    You could also post nude photos of her on the internet. Unless she's into exhibitionism, of course.
  • Yeah she might like that - what if I stole her car and told her I did it just to be mean.
  • But steal it and then sell it for parts. THAT would be mean.
  • I think it's meaner on a baseline emotional level to just give it back - then she knows I got absolutely nothing out of it other than hurting her feelings.

    In your scenario, she could justify that I did it because I was hard up for cash.
  • GregOdenstonsils
    Are you engaged in dating a real woman or is this blog speak Brian?
  • TVBrain
    Why hasn't anyone turned the explosion into a flower. Can't flowers be beautiful too.
    You totally E-mailed this one in (See what I did there.)
  • Yes, I do think you mailed it in. But I'm going to mail in my comment, too, and not say why. See how you like it.
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