My Cable Is Out

Taken with Vignette for AndroidAmidst the chaos of shooting a movie, participating in the holidays, and getting Level 9 Bronchitis over the past three weeks, one thing I didn’t need was my cable to go out.

Because of karma, and having a bad luck charm on by accident, and etc…that’s just what happened.

Instead of the latest episode of Funeral Hoarders, I instead have been subjected to the crisp, inspiring audio from same, plus a swarm of digitized green squares.

Luckily, the sharp minds at Time-Warner have technicians available for live chat.

Carolyn: Thank you for contacting Time Warner Cable. At the end of our chat you will be given the option of taking a brief survey. My name is Carolyn. Please give me a moment while I access your account.

Brian: Okey. btw this survey business sounds like a great palate cleanser to this experience. I love fun surveys. Is the survey about having fun.

Carolyn: Thank you for waiting.
Carolyn: I will be glad to assist you with the issue.

Brian: I have music on is that okay.

Carolyn: Yes.
Carolyn: Since when are you experiencing this issue?

Brian: Over a week – it started i think Friday the 21st, but I went out of town the next day until yesterday, and now I have bronchitis more than anyone has ever had bronchitis before.

Carolyn: Okay.

Brian: Can you acknowledge my bronchitis, just so I know you are a real person.

Carolyn: Sorry to hear you have been under the weather with bronchitis.

Brian: haha that was for keeping it real
Brian: Anyway, during my Christmas Vacation experience I thought maybe it was a glitch and it would fix itself but it’s still doing it.

Carolyn: Alright.
Carolyn: I will help you to get this issue resolved.
Carolyn: In this case, I will refresh the signals for the cable box. Is that okay?

Brian: Okay – do I need to turn it off.
Brian: The cable, not my bronchitis. That will not go anywhere without antibiotics, time, and the compassion of my primary care physician.

Carolyn: No, keep it on.

Brian: COUGH

Carolyn: I have refreshed the signals. This will reset and synchronize the program code of the cable box.

Brian: Okay looks like it is rebooting – how long should this take.

Carolyn: Few minutes.

Brian: How long is that in metric.

Carolyn: Please wait till you see the current time on the display of the box and keep me updated.

Brian: k

Carolyn: Thank you.

Brian: k it’s showing the time, and that is happening in blue numbers.

Carolyn: Please Power On the cable box and check if this has resolved the issue.

Brian: Yes!
Brian: Thank you!
Brian: Now I can watch the big game!

Carolyn: Great!
Carolyn: You are welcome.
Carolyn: Is there anything else I can help you with today?

Brian: Nope.
Brian: You’ve been a life-saver – thank you so much for existing.

Carolyn: Alright.

Brian: Bye Carolyn!

Carolyn: My pleasure!

Brian: COUGH

I logged off before that cold, emotionless drone version of Carolyn tried to offer me a survey, so I suppose this is the end of the post.

The picture at the top is of water, and has no context.

  • Brian, welcome back. I was worried that you might have been overcome by Pine-Sol fumes. Sorry about your cable. And your bronchitis. I heard strawberry-flavored water is good for that. Oh, and Happy New Year.

  • I fought it and fought it but the only thing that defeated my bronchitis experience was officially licensed medicine.

    *Author of Flight of a Super Airplane,
    an epic, pretentious & stupid novel about Bruce Willis putting out a fire on the Moon.*