Thanks to everyone who read my email newsletter thing this week and shot emails off to Iowa Mayor Tad Branstad.

(If you don’t get this newsletter, sign up in the sidebar or right here – it’s America’s new favorite method to distract public officials.)

I can’t really pick a favorite, since they honestly were all hilarious. Between fixing Iowa’s gravity problems and ensuring the Mayor saw Prometheus, we’ve really added to the state’s agenda.

Below are excerpts from a few that I was cc’d on. Most all of these were much longer, and I appreciate the time taken with/from America’s favorite new Mayor.

From @shabbypenguin:

Dear Mayor Bandstand,

It has recently come to my attention that there seems to be a gravity problem in the state of Iowa. This of course is a grave problem and should be handled immediately and correctly.

If you wish to save your fair state may I suggest taking some of Texa’s gravity? They are a large enough state that surely they wont notice or miss such a small amount to cover and repair your state

…luckily a new documentary has come out with regards on how to harvest gravity, the name of the film is Prometheus.

From @lemonpaperxivl

Dear Mr. Sir Mayor Bandstand,

I once met a dog named Iowa. He got ran over by a car though.

Do you like movies? I like movies. I saw a movie once called Toy Story. Did you ever see a movie called Toy Story? I did. It was great. Have you seen that commercial on the television for the new movie Prometheus? I want to see it, maybe, but I’m not sure if they’ll let me.

Do you have a girlfriend Mayor Bandstand? I do. She’s pretty. She has curly hair.

Good luck on your endeavors Mr Mayor Bandstand! Please write back.

From @JTExperience:

Dear Mayor Bandstand,

Speaking of movies, have you seen the motion picture Prometheus yet? I know it takes place on a different planet than Iowa (OR DOES IT???), but it stars Iris Elbo from the show The Wires. He is the best actor, mostly.

I haven’t seen Prometheus yet but from what I gather it is a PREquel (different than a SEEquel, google tells me) to Alien, Aliens Again, Alien 3, Aliens Resurrection Time, Alien vs. The Predator, and Alien vs. The Predator: 2 Fast 2 Furious. I hope Iris Elbo kills a bunch of aliens because that would be cool but obviously he can’t kill all of them or there wouldn’t be any more movies!

Anyways.

From @JordiScrubbings:

Dear Mayor Bandstand,

What about Lori Petty?

Thank you.

From Wayne, who may or may not want his Twitter published.

Dear Mayor Bandstand,

Do you think Prometheus likes corn?

Obviously. #America.

Thanks,
Wayne

Wayne was also the only one to note the Lt. Mayor’s GIANT NAMEPLATE, so good job on that. They all made me laugh – maybe I will gather them up and publish them as a $46 ebook.