Internet Married

By On June 13, 2009 · 31 Comments · In Blogs, Girls, Marriage, Money, Social Issues

KEllie Simpson(This is @kelliesimpson, my first Internet Wife.)

I don’t know if stuff like this goes on in like Second Life or those other online community games, but as all this social networking gets more real world, ie people are online who they are offline, I’m convinced there’s money to be made somewhere in the concept of Internet Married.

Whether it be a venue for heavy flirting as it is now (I’m Internet Engaged to at least 5 girls), or an actual non-legal but formal arrangement wherein you can only be internet married to one person at a time, there’s just something there.

For example, let’s say InternetMarried.com had like a lot of traffic, and the gist of it is that two people (who met on Twitter or wherever) decide they want to get Internet Married. It’s submitted to the community for a judgment, and then like some kind of something is issued.

(Naturally, you have an offshoot site called Internet Divorced.)

So like someone go run with that and get rich off of it. I think the real money would come when a real marriage came out of it, and then you started doing talk shows and writing books, pretending you’re some kind of relationship expert.

Oh – another idea I have is called Nuclear Internet, which is like the regular internet, but nuclear, and everything has like plutonium dripping everywhere. I don’t even think you need to issue judgments or have a central website for this, so like you could get started like immediately.

Thoughts on all of the above?

(Follow me on Twitter here.)
(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here – it’s available in paperback, or iPhone/Kindle for only 1.99.)

 
  • joe

    i dont think i'm alone here, I think it would be sweet to have a minute by minute “A day in the life of Brian” post.

  • joe

    i dont think i'm alone here, I think it would be sweet to have a minute by minute “A day in the life of Brian” post.

  • http://alexisreviews.tumblr.com alexiskn

    omg she likes Banksy…

    also, yes, i agree (a la @ColleenBurns and @TheNoLookPass). i also had friends (IRL) who wanted to start a dating website for foreign citizens to be set up with someone who is a US citizen so then they get married real quick so the other one gets to be a US citizen. my two friends who came up with this idea are British and Irish citizens. turns out it's kind of illegal…

  • http://alexisreviews.tumblr.com alexiskn

    omg she likes Banksy…

    also, yes, i agree (a la @ColleenBurns and @TheNoLookPass). i also had friends (IRL) who wanted to start a dating website for foreign citizens to be set up with someone who is a US citizen so then they get married real quick so the other one gets to be a US citizen. my two friends who came up with this idea are British and Irish citizens. turns out it's kind of illegal…

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    I know someone that did this – got married to hook up citizenship. It didn't work and they both live in Australia now.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    I know someone that did this – got married to hook up citizenship. It didn't work and they both live in Australia now.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    I'll consider this, but I do enjoy that I've been fairly good about being really open with my life while not really telling anything about it.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    I'll consider this, but I do enjoy that I've been fairly good about being really open with my life while not really telling anything about it.

  • Jordi

    Way back in the dawn of the Internet, somewhere around '96 or '97, I was in a chat room where two people got “married”. It was interesting.

  • Jordi

    Way back in the dawn of the Internet, somewhere around '96 or '97, I was in a chat room where two people got “married”. It was interesting.

  • glitterbubbles

    intriguing! I like the idea of the community making a judgment. except for the part where I don't. um. see, I like the idea of the two people being held accountable, I guess, if they're serious about it… but I don't like the idea that the community could decide they're not allowed to get internet married. we kinda have enough of that going on in actuality.

    also, while I'm really a fan of social networking sites, I've made connections with fantastic people, some of whom I've met in real life & have become close friends with, & I spend way more time than I should on twitter & facebook, I honestly don't get the Second Life thing. I had to join for a class, & while it was fun going skydiving without the paralyzing fear of heights, that was pretty much all I enjoyed about it. I can't imagine meeting someone there & getting married. though I know it happens. I just can't relate.
    … aaaanyway.
    xo

  • glitterbubbles

    intriguing! I like the idea of the community making a judgment. except for the part where I don't. um. see, I like the idea of the two people being held accountable, I guess, if they're serious about it… but I don't like the idea that the community could decide they're not allowed to get internet married. we kinda have enough of that going on in actuality.

    also, while I'm really a fan of social networking sites, I've made connections with fantastic people, some of whom I've met in real life & have become close friends with, & I spend way more time than I should on twitter & facebook, I honestly don't get the Second Life thing. I had to join for a class, & while it was fun going skydiving without the paralyzing fear of heights, that was pretty much all I enjoyed about it. I can't imagine meeting someone there & getting married. though I know it happens. I just can't relate.
    … aaaanyway.
    xo

  • http://www.yaps4u.net shinerweb

    You should also have “Internet Bigamist”, especially since I'm sure I'm already “internet married” to @kelliesimpson. Mind you, there is the slight issue that I suspect she doesn't actually know about it yet.
    You'll also need “internet stalker” since there are millions of those little buggers.

    Come to think of it, who says we can't have more than one “internet marriage”?
    It works for some cultures (and religions).

    And how would an “internet marriage” differ from a real marriage? You'd be physically separated by a few 1000 miles in most cases, so just like a 'real marriage', the sex would be the same. (i.e. in ones head or non-existent). (Am trying to avoid getting into a “virtual relationship” scenario here).

    Would “internet marriage” work better than 'real life marriage'?
    I certainly know some couples who would actually talk more.
    But then the potential for “internet nagging” would be exponentially massive which is a far more scarier thought.

  • http://www.yaps4u.net shinerweb

    You should also have “Internet Bigamist”, especially since I'm sure I'm already “internet married” to @kelliesimpson. Mind you, there is the slight issue that I suspect she doesn't actually know about it yet.
    You'll also need “internet stalker” since there are millions of those little buggers.

    Come to think of it, who says we can't have more than one “internet marriage”?
    It works for some cultures (and religions).

    And how would an “internet marriage” differ from a real marriage? You'd be physically separated by a few 1000 miles in most cases, so just like a 'real marriage', the sex would be the same. (i.e. in ones head or non-existent). (Am trying to avoid getting into a “virtual relationship” scenario here).

    Would “internet marriage” work better than 'real life marriage'?
    I certainly know some couples who would actually talk more.
    But then the potential for “internet nagging” would be exponentially massive which is a far more scarier thought.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Issues like dual marriages are why this would be fun – it's all put to a vote or something.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Issues like dual marriages are why this would be fun – it's all put to a vote or something.

  • bKrafty

    Wow!! Now THAT sounds like the makings of a rip-roaring sequel and/or prequel. Something like “Australia 2: Man Down Under” or “Australia: Origins”….both starring Hugh Jackman of course.

  • bKrafty

    Wow!! Now THAT sounds like the makings of a rip-roaring sequel and/or prequel. Something like “Australia 2: Man Down Under” or “Australia: Origins”….both starring Hugh Jackman of course.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    The only way I would do Second Life or something like that is if I got to be Superman or at least had powers of some kind.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    The only way I would do Second Life or something like that is if I got to be Superman or at least had powers of some kind.

  • http://alexisreviews.tumblr.com alexiskn

    i am very much bothered by your alternation from double to single quotation marks, so much so that i couldn't actually read this comment. wtf.

  • http://alexisreviews.tumblr.com alexiskn

    i am very much bothered by your alternation from double to single quotation marks, so much so that i couldn't actually read this comment. wtf.

  • http://www.yaps4u.net shinerweb

    I usually ignore the “grammar/layout Nazi police”, but when it comes from someone who can't remember where the caps lock / shift key is, it is sort of like the pot calling the kettle black.

    I do suspect dat f I had RitN it n txt spk, U wud hav undRstD it much BetA.

    But, holding head down in shame, I did re-read it back myself and it annoyed the buggery out of me too. My bad for typing at 200mph but proof reading at 2.
    Consider myself told off, wrists slapped and I'll try harder next time, just for you…
    (Now I'm paranoid that my … will get on your tits too, or damn, will the () do it instead).

    Oh what the heck, one more just for you… “Heil Grammatik”

  • http://www.yaps4u.net shinerweb

    I usually ignore the “grammar/layout Nazi police”, but when it comes from someone who can't remember where the caps lock / shift key is, it is sort of like the pot calling the kettle black.

    I do suspect dat f I had RitN it n txt spk, U wud hav undRstD it much BetA.

    But, holding head down in shame, I did re-read it back myself and it annoyed the buggery out of me too. My bad for typing at 200mph but proof reading at 2.
    Consider myself told off, wrists slapped and I'll try harder next time, just for you…
    (Now I'm paranoid that my … will get on your tits too, or damn, will the () do it instead).

    Oh what the heck, one more just for you… “Heil Grammatik”

  • http://alexisreviews.tumblr.com alexiskn

    hey Bri-Bri – can we have a “No Like” button?

  • http://alexisreviews.tumblr.com alexiskn

    hey Bri-Bri – can we have a “No Like” button?

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    I don't know what that means

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    I don't know what that means

  • Username_Already_Exists

    you're sexy. let's make kissy time now.

  • http://. Username_Already_Exists

    you're sexy. let's make kissy time now.

  • http://. Username_Already_Exists

    you're sexy. let's make kissy time now.