I Like Various Things

(One of the Armenians is literally screaming, “Mush-dee pava-do! Meh-toe!” at the top of his lungs over and over right now – I’m really tempted to just start screaming it out the window in response.)

The big news today for the fifteen American biking fans is that Lance Armstrong is going to ride in the Tour of La France Oh Nine, breaking his vow to retire forever.

I’m gonna go on the assumption that none of those fifteen people are reading my blog and say something offensive: I think Lance Armstrong is a big phony.

I think he used steroids* (or whatever illegal things bikers use), I think he liked having cancer, and I think those yellow bracelets he invented are actually blue bracelets he painted yellow.

Something about him just doesn’t ring true.

I also think I need to get off of CompUSA’s email list, because every single day, they send out these amazing HDTV offers, and one of these days I’m gonna break, ’cause I’m easy.

For example, I was in Target lasterday, and there was this girl looking at a DVD of Short Circuit for only $5. So as I walk by, I go, “Johnny Five no disassemble!”

She laughed a healthy laugh, but I noticed the tragic truth – this was the last $5 copy of Short Circuit. What ensued was a negotiation. I gave her $5 not to buy it, so that I could go ahead and buy it for $5.

It was only after reaching the parking lot that I realized:

a) I’d essentially bought Short Circuit for $10.
OR
b) I’d bought Short Circuit for $5 and this girl’s phone number for $5.

Either one is stupid, because I’ll never watch this DVD, nor will I ever call this girl. (She was a nice girl who was nice-looking, I just never call in these Target situations – I think I just like to know I can get phone numbers at Target if I want to.)

*One of my friends told me I have an unhealthy obsession with steroids – this is absolutely true. I’m dying to be in a position to get offered a role wherein there’s like an ungodly amount of money on the table, but only if I can put on like 20 pounds in the next two months.

This would force me to go ahead and use them, and I could finally get that experience out of the way.