How To Destroy Twitter in 21 Days

What follows is a detailed process by which we, collectively, shall lay waste to that which is known as Twitter, thus reclaiming our real world lives to some small degree.

To accomplish this will take a massive and collective effort from all, for only by breaking our own Twitter addictions, in a precise combination (collision) with a cessation of Twitter’s own useful nature, shall Twitter truly be destroyed.

The detailed process shall encompass twenty-one (21) days and will be composed of three (3) parts, or phases.

PHASE ONE (1)
In the first (1st) phase, all Twitter users shall begin, at midnight of Day One (1), to post the following as their only Tweets:

Where have you been?

When one is responded to, the reply is to be as follows:

@MelissaPR Where have you been?

This shall continue for seven (7) days, at which time participants shall, collectively, rest for two (2) hours.

PHASE TWO (2)
This is perhaps the most crucial phase, for we will, collectively, attempt a complete and total paradigm shift at exactly midnight EST (12:00am EST) of Day Eight (8). At this time, the reply Tweets shift to the following:

@BrokenDoll I was at the store.

On the sixth (6th) day of Phase 2, no more and no less than one hundred and forty-six (146) volunteers will email Twitter founder or owner or CEO or whatever Evan Williams and tell him the following:

Hey Evan – Are you at the store, too? :(

This will, collectively, trigger Evan’s paranoia and sadness having, which will render him incapable of pushing the Twitter Reset Button, which is a large teal button inside a hollowed-out Bible, underneath his waterbed. It is a teal, and round, and buttony looking button.

While Evan’s sadness having is beginning, we, collectively, will go outside for a period of no less than fifteen (15) minutes.

PHASE THREE (3)
At midnight of Day Fifteen (15), a third and final paradigm shift:

@halfbee29 :(

This continues through to the end of Day Twenty-One (21), by which time Twitter has become completely useless, fulfilling the detailed process as was laid out.

By our nature, we, collectively, will not desire to use something so utterly pointless and repetitive as “that website where people make sad faces at each other all day”.

Thus, history will show how Twitter was destroyed in this manner, in a swift and efficient time period of twenty-one (21) days. Please do not attempt to think that this process could be more swift or efficient than it was made to be herein.

(Are you following me on Twitter?)