It was gonna be a screenplay, but 20 pages in I realized nobody would ever, ever make this movie, so I’m trying it as a book.

It’s a civil rights movement piece, and if you’ve read my [...]]]> (This is a tiny piece of something I’m messing around with in my spare time.

It’s a civil rights movement piece, and if you’ve read my Brad Radby book, you can probably dial in and figure out what it’s about.)

It was Christmas Eve 1968, and Korea was going crazy with war.

There was war everywhere, and people were really upset about how it was happening all over the roofs of their houses.

Especially the Koreans.

They were the most upset because of their houses being the ones the war was happening on top of. That wasn’t all, because sometimes after some war happened on top of the house, the top of the house wasn’t there anymore, and then the war would start happening inside the house.

When this happened, the Koreans were like, “Oh, this is the worst thing ever and we’re also out of pretzels,” except they said it in Korean.

A wild and sexy surprise wrapped up in guns and fire, that’s what this war was.

That’s because it was The Korean War, and unlike all the other wars, this one wasn’t supposed to be hell.

These 149 words were all that Andre Washington could think to himself as he looked across the battlefield that was once downtown Korea City.

(The plural-word-mistake that caused a small pain in your head was on purpose. It’s gonna be okay.)

If you have no idea what a Two Gun Girl might be, go watch this Two Gun Guy thing.

Anyway, most of this week has been spent brooding and being happy about how [...]]]> So my sister did some photoshoot for a friend last week, and I just got my eyes on the pictures.

If you have no idea what a Two Gun Girl might be, go watch this Two Gun Guy thing.

Anyway, most of this week has been spent brooding and being happy about how sad and happy I am. Also, lots of self-important writing.

Over at AOL Fanhouse, I wrote up my problems with LeBron James, and did a podcast with Brett Pollakoff, wherein I talked about LeBron’s Dancing Crisis, Bill Simmons’ basketball book, and of course some Who Shot Mamba? plugging.

At Yahoo!’s Ball Don’t Lie, there’s a small essay about the logistics and fun of shooting at Bill Walton’s house. Couple cool behind-the-scenes pics – I think in that one I’m trying to explain what an Orange Roundie is.

LOL!

What.

At CT Kingston’s blog – otherwise known as @CTK1, I did maybe my favorite Photoshop work I’ve ever done for part of her mega-super-2009-roundup-post.

Thanks also to @DennyMayo, @mfeige, @cjrider, and @thegnc for joining me in that Matt Bullard-based Houston Rockets chat, helping to bring Calvin Stadiums, Petey Skippen, Sherpa, Peter Ovaire, Brad Radby, Russell Slanteer, Monstero, and others to vivid life.

Keep in mind we are twins, but I’ma go ahead and say it – do you want to date my sister?

Check out @mfeige (who is pending due to Twitter hackage) and @NDEddieMac.)

There are many things that have been consuming my time this week – including putting together the [...]]]> (If you wanted to let the Orange Roundie invade your personal Twitter space in support of WSM?, this is now entirely possible.

Check out @mfeige (who is pending due to Twitter hackage) and @NDEddieMac.)

There are many things that have been consuming my time this week – including putting together the @Brandi88 entries finally, and doing this interview with Canadian–person MCM.

More than anything, however, I’ve been scraping my hands against coarse objects trying to figure out where Beyonce’s career will stand in 2015. Ongoing icon of sorts like Diana Ross. Fallen idol like Whitney Houston. Constant reinvention like Madonna.

These are all possibilities, and with the rapid advances in gene therapy, it’s possible she could just be exactly like Beyonce in 2009, who just by chance, is exactly like Beyonce from 2006 and 2003.

What can’t be denied is that Beyonce has left a mark in music history because of Bootylicious, and whenever my girlfriend sings me a lullaby, this is the song I ask her to choose, along with all of the following:

1) Da Doo Ron Ron, The Crystals
2) Wild, Wild West, Will Smith
3) Welcome to the Terrordome, Public Enemy
4) Baby I Need Your Loving, The Four Tops
5) Big Empty, Stone Temple Pilots
6) Monday, Monday, Mama and the Papas
7) Sk8ter Boi, Avril Lavigne

I let her choose the order, but I threaten a permanent break-up if she doesn’t lullaby me each and every song in full.

What songs would you want to have lullabied at you if you were dating my girlfriend. Where do you think Beyonce’s career will be in 2019.

(Follow me on Twitter here, and befriend Calvin Stadiums on Facebook here.)

To follow up on the whole Texas thing quick – this map is my solution for fixing the entire financial crisis.

UPDATE SAT 4/18: If you’re looking for Cavs/Lasers predictions and thoughts and such, they’ll be on my Twitter feed. “Cavs in 4, with no less than 7 Sheed technicals” sums it up.

To follow up on the whole Texas thing quick – this map is my solution for fixing the entire financial crisis.

1) Sell Montana to China for cash.

2) Agree to let Texas secede, but Trademark the name “Texas” before they do so, while forcing them to agree to my alternative supplied here, then sell the name Texas back to them for cash.

3) This isn’t totally crucial with all the cash we’ll have after steps one and two, but if we can also find a way to move Alaska and Hawaii to those locations shown on the map, I can’t help but think we’ll be a stronger nation.

The big news yesterday was actually this high-speed choo-choo train system Barack Obama wants to build with his own two hands.

If I were smart, I’d go do a find/replace and write myself Prelude to a Super Choo-Choo Train – the media could be all like, “Ooh, he’s so precious with his mind predicting abilities regarding technology and transportation in the near future…ooooh…ooohh…oooh…oo. Look at his muscular arms.”

Fast trains from the future are the way to go, especially if they make that bubble sound like a shuttle pod. Even if they don’t technically make that sound while running, I’d recommend putting in an external speaker system that broadcasts the sound.

It may sound dumb, but I’d be 75% more likely to ride these things if they did this.

Oprah is all about Twitter today – she’s making her first Tweet, after which she’ll hand the account over to a show intern, who will Tweet each day’s guests in a lawyer approved fashion.

Hopefully the show will cover the phenomenon of current and ex-basketball bloggers from Los Angeles interviewing girls from Orlando about the NBA.

The No-Look Pass did a lengthy piece with @alexiskn yesterday, and hit up @ColleenBurns today, who provides a link to a picture worth looking at for sure.

I have my piece with Colleen sitting here, but will probably save it for Monday, because I only ask her one thing about the NBA. Mainly I cover different scenarios in which we would watch Bad Boys II and hold hands.

(Follow me on Twitter here.)
(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here.)

In the spring of 1998, an unknown director named Brad Radby quietly directed his first movie.

Titled The Exploders, it starred Bruce Willis, Will Smith, and Keanu Reeves…and it went unseen for 15 years.

When it was finally released [...]]]> So this is book number two: Brad Radby’s Brad Radby: The Complete Filmography (1999-2023).

In the spring of 1998, an unknown director named Brad Radby quietly directed his first movie.

Titled The Exploders, it starred Bruce Willis, Will Smith, and Keanu Reeves…and it went unseen for 15 years.

When it was finally released in May of 2013 as Brad Radby’s The Exploders, the film industry was changed forever.

In the years between, Mr. Radby directed thirty-six other movies, before his alleged death aboard the famed Super Airplane in December of 2012.

Inside these pages, in his own words, Mr. Radby walks you through each of these films, giving valuable insights into the stories, and the stories behind the stories.

Brad loves Mustangs.

Brad Radby’s work has touched us all in some way, and he’s finally returned to tell us how he did it.

A few quick facts, although I’m not going heavy into this until the paperback version is available, which should be Monday or so. (The Kindle version is up and running now, for those of you who have one, or like to read on an iPhone/iTouch.)

1) This is a Prelude to a Super Airplane tie-in, but stands completely on its own. BRBR is extremely accessible to anyone, and if you love movies and/or pop culture of the 90s and ’00s, you’ll love this book.

2) If you’ve read PTSA, then you can stop complaining that it left things hanging. PTSA took place in 2012 – Brad Radby’s Brad Radby takes place in 2023, about a month after the ending of Flight of a Super Airplane, which is a book I will never write.

3) Also for PTSA readers – yes, you’re going to read Brad’s full synopsis and production notes for such works as Brad Radby’s Secret Father, Brad Radby’s The Dating Pill, Spacemappers, and all the rest that were mentioned in there, including what exactly happened when Brad took on the Andreanna Marsupial series.

The best thing is that this book is 100% completely free – you can download a pdf or the full html right now, or you can read it in blog format over there, for those of you who find excessive amounts of Brian Spaeth in one sitting a bit too much.

The blog portion will be rolled out piece-by-piece, and nine such pieces are up right now – I’ll be going through each entry starting next week, and you’ll get what’s essentially a commentary track right here. (Don’t worry, this won’t dominate the site – it’ll be an addendum to each post.)

So why am I giving away an entire book for free? I’ll try and explain that sometime, as well.

Anyway, go over to BRAD RADBY DOT COM and muck around – it’s all really simply set-up and nice and such and such, although I am messing with the format on the blog still.

(Follow me on Twitter here.)
(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here.)

For example, that Hot Wheels car to your left, which I bought because it was there and $1.89.

Now it sits in my [...]]]> Something those of you who own retail stores need to know about me: if it’s priced under two dollars and is at the checkout line, there’s a 90% chance I’ll buy it.

For example, that Hot Wheels car to your left, which I bought because it was there and $1.89.

Now it sits in my car, where people ask me why it’s there, and I explain how I fall for the vast majority of point-of-purchase items and flashy ad campaigns.

This is a serious, long term trend, and thus an official characteristic, much like the “if 2/3 of Bruce Willis/Will Smith/An Explosion are in it, I will like your movie” theory.

The reason this all came up right now is because I’d been messing with some test posters for the Dallas thing, and realized my dream movie poster is the following, elegant piece:

That’s it – I don’t need previews, pictures, fancy fonts, or anything except where to be and how much you want.

If I actually used checks, I’d give you a signed blank one and take my seat.

And another thing – I don’t care how skinny those girls are – I love ‘em.

Those girls are healthy, except that they smoke, which is the real reason they’re disgusting. But for real – they aren’t anorexic. You want to see anorexics, do some Google searching.

The Painted Veil, Closer, Superhero Movie, The Station Agent, Blind Date, The Bonfire of the Vanities, Hudson Hawk, Loaded Weapon [...]]]> In the final transition over from ye olde website, here are the latest additions to the movie list(s), which can be found in the titular link up top:

The Painted Veil, Closer, Superhero Movie, The Station Agent, Blind Date, The Bonfire of the Vanities, Hudson Hawk, Loaded Weapon 1, Striking Distance, Color of Night, Beavis and Butthead Do America, The Fifth Element, Mercury Rising, The Sixth Sense, The Whole Nine Yards, Unbreakable, Hostage

I went through the filmography of Mr. Bruce Willis, who is right beside Will Smith in the, “if they’re in it and something explodes, I probably like it” club.

One I really struggled with is 2005′s Hostage – I honestly have no idea if I’ve seen it or not. I think I have, but I might just be thinking of Mercury Rising, which went on the “I Remember Nothing About This Movie But I Know I Saw It” list.

No!

Reading the full summary now, I’ve definitely seen Hostage – I remember thinking it was fine, but not much else.

Weird one is The Sixth Sense (#185), because it was spoiled for me before I saw it – I’ll never know what my real reaction to it would’ve been, but knowing the twist definitely damaged the whole deal.

And no, I won’t apologize for liking Hudson Hawk (#90) – I really don’t see what the problem is with that movie – it’s fun and fast and over the top, and I guess people hated it because it’s got like a superhero movie plot or something?

Also of note – Unbreakable (#28) listed pretty high.

Bruce Willis wasn’t in The Painted Veil, Closer, The Station Agent, or Superhero Movie, but I’ve watched all of those since moving into my non-cable-having September sublet.

Me and my roommate also went around meeting a bunch of the Armenians lasterday, because one of them had a stroke.

Now they all seem to think I’m like the President or something. I’ll try to explain this when I figure it out.