Yep, it’s @milquetoast7, and she’s even reading it in an airplane station.)

My Twitter got hacked over the weekend, and while what I assume was a program/bot of some kind only got up one [...]]]> (Guess who has as early look at the first 24 segments of Flight of a Super Airplane.

Yep, it’s @milquetoast7, and she’s even reading it in an airplane station.)

My Twitter got hacked over the weekend, and while what I assume was a program/bot of some kind only got up one Tweet, it did an uncanny job of being me.

Here are two Tweets that came out of my timeline the day of the hacking. See if you can guess which one I actually composed.

Number one:

Interesting how online careers have gone up 40% in 2011. I just received my first payment from my website thanks to cnbc.com-article.in/k/?13222 =D

And the second:

lol this girl is eating a hamburger in her car

For every person who guesses it right, I will draw a picture of a Time Lord from Dr. Who and mail it to my dad in a Christmas card that says, “Dad have you ever seen Dr. Who it’s pretty good sometimes even though a lot of the times I can’t figure out what’s going on thx.”

Here’s the Tweet this sprang from – now that I’ve pointed out [...]]]> I genuinely wanted to write this up with words, but there was no good way to do it. This video worked out much better, although I wonder why the YouTube screengrab makes it look like I have colonial makeup on.

Here’s the Tweet this sprang from – now that I’ve pointed out how great it was for me, it’s only like 87% as funny probably, but whatever. There was that initial moment it existed, and that will always be there.

mr jones and me, we both like, fairy tales, and we, stare at the women, we’re lookin at her, no no we’re lookin at me, we’ve got bob dylan [...]]]> I like this enough that I took it from a Facebook comment, redid it on Twitter, and now am giving it its own blog post.

mr jones and me, we both like, fairy tales, and we, stare at the women, we’re lookin at her, no no we’re lookin at me, we’ve got bob dylan pogs, we like fairy tales, oh no no, we’re lookin at me, mr jones yeah

Another thing – I started watching Buffy Is A Vampire Slayer on Netflix.

When does it start being widescreen, if it does start being widescreen. I’m not being a snob – I just want to know. thx

My experiment in SEO for “panic attack questions and comments nobody would ever search for” from the other day put me on Google Page one for all ten of my queries in under a day.

It was unrelated, but I tweeted the following this [...]]]> (I looked this slim and blurry/enigmatic before Thanksgiving.)

My experiment in SEO for “panic attack questions and comments nobody would ever search for” from the other day put me on Google Page one for all ten of my queries in under a day.

It was unrelated, but I tweeted the following this afternoon:

i bet i can be #1 in google for “can the pawn stars guy fly” by tomorrow – does anyone want to race me with their blog lol
25 minutes ago via web

Connor Huchton took me up on the challenge so I’m committed to go for it.

I’d link to his site, but don’t want to give him SEO-juice that could sabotage my effort. Let’s see how this comes out on Monday.

Is there anything you’d like to see me #1 in Google for.

People were asking me all day yesterday for advice about how to make their chickens, because I guess I look like a guy who knows [...]]]> (My website is still a mess – hopefully will fix by the weekend. In the meantime, I am shopping for new banner pictures – do you like this one.)

People were asking me all day yesterday for advice about how to make their chickens, because I guess I look like a guy who knows how to make birds turn into food.

Then this stud @BlazeWR15 started asking for advice, and it wasn’t chickens, but still it was about protein, and that’s kinda chickens.

@brianspaeth since you are a person of mass knowledge, do you have any tips on how to get larger man type muscles? #FitnessTweet
15 minutes ago via Twitter for Android

After that @girlnextdior1 asked me if she could start asking advice.

@brianspaeth need your help! You seem wise and godly!
13 hours ago via Twitter for BlackBerry®

Her question was about how to give some chickens to charity, or how to go to a concert or something.

How can I monetize this thing where everyone thinks I’m so smart – do you need to know anything about the different kinds of chickens.

Ask away.

Did you hear I like to do Twitter.

It’s true, and that is not even my dark secret.

We are about to get deep again, so hang on.

Sometimes I make a Direct Message happen to someone I know, and other times [...]]]> (Thank you @milquetoast7 for placing webinars in my head.)

Did you hear I like to do Twitter.

It’s true, and that is not even my dark secret.

We are about to get deep again, so hang on.

Sometimes I make a Direct Message happen to someone I know, and other times I do not know them as much.

That is called Variety of Friendships, and maybe you can take my $40,000 webinar to learn about that, and it is trademarked, so don’t front.

I sent all of these DMs last week.

hey a turkey just came in here

call me a comeback i been here for years lol

band brome chabba mix mix smh [note: oops i said this everyone]

hey my last tweeter was supposed to be a DM to you – it is the band brome one – plz write back

go buy my books wtf

hi yoo r pritty lol

what is your name again lol

out of printer paper

oona wanna wookie chewbacca haha funny when he does that right

That was only 9, even though the headline says 10.

Title/Number Deception is also in my webinar, but it is in the Overtime portion, and that costs an extra $10,000. Since it is overtime there is a referee there, and he will blow a whistle when the webinar is over.

Do you go to stores ever – please answer below.

I have a hard time making my sleep appear when someone else is in the bed.

Like this weekend I had to be like, “Hey Jenny and Katie, stop kicking each other – we are all supposed to be friendly here, plus I [...]]]> (Follow @IamDonCheadle on Twitter – he heard the turtlecalls…!)

I have a hard time making my sleep appear when someone else is in the bed.

Like this weekend I had to be like, “Hey Jenny and Katie, stop kicking each other – we are all supposed to be friendly here, plus I am trying to sleep.”

Haha I am just joking – Michelle was there too, but she didn’t want to be in the blog post because of her boyfriend finding out, and yelling, and etc.

For real, I am always hyper aware of the other person(s) – their breathing and movements drive me nuts, plus I feel on an instinctual level that my breathing and movements might be driving them nuts.

That’s the worst part because we all know how selfless I am.

LOL!

Another thing is like if they’re not moving, then I think maybe they caught sleep apnea, and I don’t want to catch it from them.

What ends up happening is I pretty much stay as still as possible and think about how I might be able to make morning get there earlier.

As for this past weekend, I decided – as I have many times before – to sleep on the floor. That’s the living room floor, since Ashley was on the bedroom one.

Also we made popcorn and watched movies. Do you like sleepovers.

@kerrimello do you want to riot together – I know where all the best water and ipods are
23 minutes ago via TweetDeck

That brought a thought to [...]]]> I was talking to @kerrimello on Twitter about the pending rapture this Saturday, and how we might best team up during the riots.

@kerrimello do you want to riot together – I know where all the best water and ipods are
23 minutes ago via TweetDeck

That brought a thought to mind – what will I actually grab when the rioting starts.

It won’t be water and ipods – I just mentioned those to entice Kerri’s recruitment. I have no idea where they keep those.

This is probably my list, in no particular order:

1) Envelopes When all of the computers get smited, we’ll need these to pay our cable bill.

2) A Pen Then I can keep my blog going on the back of those envelopes. I’ll just have to also note on there that after the cable clerk processes my bill, they should pass the envelope around the room, so everyone can read my insights into the bold new world we’re living in.

3) Scissors After we get captured by the mutates, we’ll need a way to get free from our bonds.

4) Allef Of course.

5) A Plate That way we have something to eat of off. Also, in the event the mutates tie us up with chains instead of rope, we can trade this for freedom.

What is on your list. Don’t just copy mine, because if everyone is trying to trade the mutates a plate, ours loses value. Figure out your own post-rapture commerce system.

Yep, it’s a controversy, and here’s how it happened.

When @shellieshel read that post about me being the worst boyfriend ever, she Tweeted me this:

@brianspaeth Someday, I [...]]]> There’s nothing as fun as having a virtual introduction surprise via your blog between two girls who are being cool at you in different ways.

Yep, it’s a controversy, and here’s how it happened.

When @shellieshel read that post about me being the worst boyfriend ever, she Tweeted me this:

@brianspaeth Someday, I am going to take you out for 1/2 priced burgers and not torture with questions of where our relationship is headed.
2 hours ago via TweetDeck

There was no way around it – I had to get a haircut after that…!

After I did, I sent it to the first girl, and she sent me this text message on my Googelle Nexus Seven:

Oh it’s short – I like it! Also that doesn’t really look like you. Also omg I’m so 13 year old in love I have a file on my desktop with all the pics of you that you’ve sent me in it. !!!

First of all, it doesn’t look like me because I am doing that “eoouuuhh” thing with my mouth, and you can tell that because you can see my tongue there, being like “eoouuuhh”.

That sounds like “eoouuuhh” if you say it out loud.

What do I do now. I’m going to see her today and have her read this blog post to me out loud.

An adventure is you.

Some of the best sentences of 2011 are in that search. Like here is one from this @salthoresen person.

@therobbinator those chicken fingers were SO good. shouldve stuffed some down my shirt
[...]]]> I was so excited last night because I made a Twitter search for chicken fingers happen on my computer.

Some of the best sentences of 2011 are in that search. Like here is one from this @salthoresen person.

@therobbinator those chicken fingers were SO good. shouldve stuffed some down my shirt
1 hour ago via web

They let you do that in Europe if you clean your plate, i.e. finish your supper.

That’s culture and I’ve got it. You can get it too!

Also, a typo I made was that I called this a “chicaken fingers survey” on my first try.

I wonder if people also like those, and how the Applebees babes will feel when I say that for my order.

Here comes the survey.

Are you into Applebees still.

I’m like the exact opposite with my 26K+ marathon that never stops, and it don’t stop.

That’s like the song.

My brain is too occupied to write a blog post, [...]]]> This guy in the picture here – click it to enlarge – put on the greatest 3-Tweet show in history, and then disappeared.

I’m like the exact opposite with my 26K+ marathon that never stops, and it don’t stop.

That’s like the song.

My brain is too occupied to write a blog post, so here are some fun things I said on Twitter that you’ve probably already seen.

This ATM just goes “please get out of your car and get into the machine” wtf lol I’m out of here no way
4 Jan via Twitter for Android

And then only 2 days later.

The funniest thing is go into a Verizon store and ask if they sell Rice Krispie Treats lol
6 Jan via Twitter for Android

Do you like how these are over a week old. All my Favorited/Starred Tweets are my own. lol

Remember that time mom was like get out of the woods there are too many bugs lol oh mom
14 Dec via Twitter for Android

This one is super old and also because I am such a snob.

@mfeige @Lynnster23 If you watch Hulk in HD you can see in the background of the pizza shop scene I am under a table waving at the camera.
12 Dec 09 via UberTwitter

Okay gotta go to the store. brb

That opener was really just my transition into explaining the random LeBron dream I had the other night.

Myself, LeBron, and ESPN’s Bill Simmons were [...]]]> Occasionally I still pretend to be an @OrangeRoundie on Twitter and spout off about how I feel about Kobe (pictured) vs how I feel about LeBron.

That opener was really just my transition into explaining the random LeBron dream I had the other night.

Myself, LeBron, and ESPN’s Bill Simmons were seated Oprah-style in front of a live studio audience.

Not sure who was the host or whose show it was supposed to be, and it wasn’t an interview situation. It seemed to be a private conversation that was taking place in public.

LeBron was trying to explain something, and having a lot of trouble putting the words together. Bill cut him off to ask about some statistical thing – I don’t remember what.

This made LeBron more flustered, so I put one hand on Bill’s shoulder and gave him a look like, “this isn’t the time for that.”

Then I took my other hand and put it on LeBron’s knee, and was like, “go ahead.”

LeBron stood up and started reading hateful Tweets from Northeast Ohio people, and after four or five he started bawling and sobbing at the same time.

As the crowd started cheering, we had a Good Will Hunting moment. I started giving him a comfort hug, except instead of hugging him I turned into the Hulk, and that’s when I woke up.

The weirdest thing about the dream is that I was wearing a super tight Bank of America t-shirt through the whole thing, and when I turned into the Hulk, it didn’t tear at all – it just got bigger with me.

What do you think this dream means. Should I switch banks.

I have no answer for them.

For example, sitting at a stoplight yesterday morning – with everyone honking and complaining about me not using my gas pedal enough [...]]]> Sometimes people are like, “How do you get so many ideas and why are they so random and great. Where did you get your muscles also.”

I have no answer for them.

For example, sitting at a stoplight yesterday morning – with everyone honking and complaining about me not using my gas pedal enough – I Tweeted out the following.

Did anyone get the new issue of Captain Sunshine where he goes bad and throws Dr Windvane into the sun. #soldout
19 minutes ago via Twitter for Android

Oops #spoilers for Captain Sunshine #701 in that last tweet
16 minutes ago via Twitter for Android

That’s the irony of Captain Sunshine is he’d gone 700 issues without using his powers (throwing people into the sun) even once.
13 minutes ago via Twitter for Android

In #702 like he’s making up for 700 issues of not using his powers, ie stay out of his way unless you want to get thrown into the sun. Lol
10 minutes ago via Twitter for Android

On the surface, that’s not all that interesting outside of Captain Sunshine’s amazingly one-note powers. Super-heroes have gone bad plenty of times.

But what about the story of the writer who’s brought in to write this controversial story when Captain Sunshine’s creator (who’s written his adventures for 60 years) refuses to do it.

Also, Captain Solar Throw is funnier and Captain Sunshine is a Venture Brothers thing – I figured someone must have used that before.

How embarrassing – always check your work. I was at the stoplight for 9 minutes.

Sometimes I’m driving in my car on a lone desert’s night through a neighborhood.

That means instead of sleeping I’m behind the wheel, wishing upon a moonlight’s query that I had more four-wheel drive technology inside my car’s wheels.

I could write for pages about my personal life at the moment, but it might ruin my self-image of being such an arrogant stud.

SMH!

Okay, instead let’s just have a fun recap of the conversation I had with @bohnlein that started here and [...]]]> (Vignette for Android with new “self-portrait serial killer” setting.)

I could write for pages about my personal life at the moment, but it might ruin my self-image of being such an arrogant stud.

SMH!

Okay, instead let’s just have a fun recap of the conversation I had with @bohnlein that started here and that means me doing Twitter as below.

Do it with a super thick accent and Harry Potter sounds like AirPaw lol

@bohnlein what do you think about me just driving around saying Harry Potter different ways to myself

@bohnlein do you think there’s a ripoff version of me driving around saying Perseus Jackson

For real, I do that wrt Harry the Potter, and driving, and talking, and etc.

This entire post was repurposed from Twitter, including the picture. Check it out – I was also dressed for businessman times yesterday.

LOL!

That’s called poor blogging. Good job.

Both that I knew to do it and was actually able to. Also I am in a circle of life, [...]]]> (I wrote this post by running my netbook to the internet via a wifi hotspot I tethered on my phone. I know this isn’t a big deal, but I thought it was hilarious.

Both that I knew to do it and was actually able to. Also I am in a circle of life, which is why I had to make my internet happen this way.)

I was on Twitter talking about my favorite state New Delaware, and how it was the greatest of all the colonies in These United States of America.

It’s got the best trees.

Anyway, two other people noted that their favorite was Georgia, which I didn’t realize was one of the 13 originals.

The exercise that decided to happen was to list them without looking. I’m not counting Georgia, since I wouldn’t have guessed it previous to this whole thing starting.

Here comes the education. (*notes correct)

*Connecticut
*Virginia
*North Carolina
*South Carolina
*Pennsylvania
*Maryland
Vermont
*Delaware
*New York
Grimbleton
New Delaware

NOTE: I just started laughing.

*Massachusetts
Virginia again

Why am I living inside that Jeff Foxworthy game show.

Also, I can’t really grasp that Massachusetts is spelled like that, I had Delaware as “Deleware” before my browser corrected me, my confidence that the Carolinas were correct was at 30%, and how is Vermont not one of them.

You try and name Colonies 14-21. Good job and good luck, like that George Clooney movie.

Too much I’m doing and my creative parts are drained on these channels.

How about if I come back after Thanksgiving.

LOL!

There goes a deer.

There goes another one.

Hey, while I’m gone go pick up my books, will [...]]]> Wow, I think I am social media and blog burnt again.

Too much I’m doing and my creative parts are drained on these channels.

How about if I come back after Thanksgiving.

LOL!

There goes a deer.

There goes another one.

Hey, while I’m gone go pick up my books, will you. I put a big arrow over there on the left so you could know about where to get them and what they are so much.

Remember to study. See, at least I am still deep.

I’ll be on email/text/IM – just no blog/Twitter/Facebook. Put that in your Excel or Google spreadsheet.

(There will be new content still at Brad Radby’s site and The Christmas Bridge, but it’s all prepackaged. Don’t get freaked out like there’s a ghost or a spider doing it.)

I want to try it, so here it goes:

http://twitter.com/#!/brianspaeth/status/1366058963304450

Do you see it.

I think I only see the url [...]]]> So Twitter is supposed to have this new thing where you just put the url of the Tweet in and it’ll automatically bring up what’s supposed to be a screengrab or something.

I want to try it, so here it goes:

http://twitter.com/#!/brianspaeth/status/1366058963304450

Do you see it.

I think I only see the url nerd writing and not the picture of the Tweet. It said this, in case you’re confused:

I don’t want to take a picture with your horse no lol
17 hours ago via Twitter for Android

I thought that one would be so viral, but only a couple people said something, and one of those people was really insulted about their horse. The world works in strange days.

Let me know how college is going for you. brb

He was cool enough to take a picture of The Christmas Bridge in his fridge for me after it arrived from Amazon.

This note didn’t actually come with it but it was a fun one I made up.

Here [...]]]> If you have a minute, maybe go follow this guy @rod_leviathan on Twitter.

He was cool enough to take a picture of The Christmas Bridge in his fridge for me after it arrived from Amazon.

This note didn’t actually come with it but it was a fun one I made up.

Here is a picture of the book in the fridge.

That’d be so dynamic to get in your gmail inbox, plus the book is nice and cooled off to read.

Next edition is definitely getting a new page requesting fridge pics, and then I’ll write that sequel The Christmas Fridge everyone is clamoring for.

What I won’t do is ask about everything surrounding the book on those shelves, because it all looks gross. Would you eat those cheese olives. wtf

(An alternate version of this post written in my Christmas Bridge Voice is over on the Christmas Bridge website.)

Before I reveal the big business concept, let me tell you that it came from this Tweet by @milquetoast7.

@brianspaeth is everyone staring at [...]]]> I know everyone is crazy about getting out to make a vote for freedom tomorrow, but instead of building new libraries so much, maybe this is a better idea.

Before I reveal the big business concept, let me tell you that it came from this Tweet by @milquetoast7.

@brianspaeth is everyone staring at you brushing your teeth
via web in reply to brianspaeth

I don’t remember what I said to instigate that, but I was probably brushing my teeth where there were other people around.

Hahaaaa I just typed “remember” like this: remembemebemebebemer. I couldn’t stop.

Oh man.

So the idea is really clean, high-end, private toothbrushing kiosks. They’d be like in places where I would use them, which is everywhere.

Are you going to vote on the library bill and get that new library in your area or not.