mr jones and me, we both like, fairy tales, and we, stare at the women, we’re lookin at her, no no we’re lookin at me, we’ve got bob dylan [...]]]> I like this enough that I took it from a Facebook comment, redid it on Twitter, and now am giving it its own blog post.

mr jones and me, we both like, fairy tales, and we, stare at the women, we’re lookin at her, no no we’re lookin at me, we’ve got bob dylan pogs, we like fairy tales, oh no no, we’re lookin at me, mr jones yeah

Another thing – I started watching Buffy Is A Vampire Slayer on Netflix.

When does it start being widescreen, if it does start being widescreen. I’m not being a snob – I just want to know. thx

A thing I do when I move is [...]]]> You may not know this because I love to not tell you anything real, but I recently got a new place, and that means my old TV is on a random person’s front yard with a big ribbon on it and a note that says, “Enjoy!”

A thing I do when I move is not take anything with me – instead, I use my muscle arms to throw my stuff on random properties as Off-Season Christmas Gifts.

If the stuff still works, that’s the twist. #storytelling

What this means is that I’ll be buying a new TV come Memorial Day, and that’s so that I can get an extra eight-ten inches for less money.

Reading some reviews online of different models, I came upon this.

The instructions are in english only and in color, which I enjoyed.

That does seem good. I am in on that 109-Inch 3-D HD Truthbox.

Anyway, with no TV, sometimes I like to watch Battlestar to Galactica on my iPod Touching.

Last night I was doing that and fell asleep when Starbuck was being pensive and cocky, and the iPod Touching fell and hit my front tooth.

I was like, “wtf Starbuck,” and she winked at me.

That’s how it works.

Here’s an even deeper look inside, and that means a romance email from that girl who thinks I’m not romantic.

i just listened to ________ again. [...]]]> I’m always so clear about what’s going on in my life experience, and that’s good because nobody ever has any questions about me ever.

That’s how it works.

Here’s an even deeper look inside, and that means a romance email from that girl who thinks I’m not romantic.

i just listened to ________ again. i can’t tell you how much i love it. i also love it because when i first heard it i had only met you and _________ you that one time and so it just reminds me of ______________.

like when we first ___________ i couldn’t even __________ you the right way lol. anyway i am totally __________ today and i just thought you should ________.

You may think I made those underlined sections happen, but that’s not it at all.

Our new romance works because of how she lets me play Virtual Mad Libs so much instead of just sending regular emails.

I don’t even know what she’s talking about in any of this except for the “lol”.

lol

Hey that Being Human show is kinda fun. Do you think that’s what she’s talking about.

I have a really good story about how this morning I was going to buy a protein bar, and while I was in the car I unbuckled my seatbelt for no reason.

Then I looked in the rearview mirror and was like, “who is [...]]]> (Pic was sent to me this morning from an airplane.)

I have a really good story about how this morning I was going to buy a protein bar, and while I was in the car I unbuckled my seatbelt for no reason.

Then I looked in the rearview mirror and was like, “who is the main man in this car who is in charge” and winked at myself, because it was me.

I guess that was the whole story.

Hey, I was watching the Bachelor again the other night and made a chat happen with @kristinbrennan, my old business partner.

me: I’m watching the bachelor lol

Kristin: oh GOD lol
Kristin: not like i can judge but still why
Kristin: i will def watch american idol, which is just as bad

me: I will watch that too
me: but I watch dancing with the stars
me: so there’s that

Kristin: i dont know which is the worst of the three
Kristin: hahaha i just lol’ed a little thinking this, but you should be the next bachelor!

me: I would be a mess on that show
me: I’d go in thinking I was above it all like a snob
me: but it’d take about five minutes for me to be that guy taking his shirt off and thinking I was in love with all of them lol

Kristin: i found the perfect girl for you, btw
Kristin: she is exactly your type

Who do you think is in the redacted link. Do you think it is Hugh Jackman’s wife.

I hope not, because of how he seems like a good guy and also he is Wolverine when he wants to be.

Hey, wolverinewhenhewantstobe.com would be a funny name for your website – everyone would know exactly what that site is about right away, i.e. good branding.

“Make sure you’re creating a lot of energy around her, and tune into that.”

“Yeah! Yeah!” exclaimed the Bachelor. “I’m gonna use tonight’s cocktail party to talk to these women.”

How is the Bachelor gonna create his energy shield at the cocktail party.

Doesn’t he need to be [...]]]> “Bingo,” said the Bachelor’s therapist.

“Make sure you’re creating a lot of energy around her, and tune into that.”

“Yeah! Yeah!” exclaimed the Bachelor. “I’m gonna use tonight’s cocktail party to talk to these women.”

How is the Bachelor gonna create his energy shield at the cocktail party.

Doesn’t he need to be in his lab.

Why is he so nervous, and where did he get that accent. Get to the lab, Trent.

“Jamie gave me some invaluable advice tonight – make these women feel comfortable.”

Good job using your degree, Doctor Jim.

The Bachelor’s belt is on inside-out.

Who let him go on TV like that. lol

This was my 600th post on this dot com – what a memorable gem of an entry.

After that I drove home, took a nap, got up, lifted weights, made some turtlecalls, ate a chicken sandwich lol, and then got [...]]]> Hey I was at a TV watching parlor soda party yesterday when once of those “hey I’ve seen this commercial 500 times but never actually watched it” commercials came on.

After that I drove home, took a nap, got up, lifted weights, made some turtlecalls, ate a chicken sandwich lol, and then got on gchat with a girl.

me: ATIVIAAAAA

girl: LOL…the allergy medication?

me: yeah just heard the commercial
me: That’s one of those commercials I’ve seen 800 time but never watched

girl: i think there’s a bee in it
girl: or no…that’s nazen-ex

me: there’s a bee in the medicine?
me: wtf

girl: the commercial
girl: get with the program zilly

me: like the Honey nut Cheerios bee lol
me: he’s doing some work on the side

girl: *silly
girl: yes

How good is her grammar. Should I make a marriage happen or what.

That poor guy.

He wouldn’t be there if he weren’t a changed man!

The guy just said that, too.

“That’s fair,” he continued, “I want to be the guy I know I can grow [...]]]> I’m just sitting here watching The Bachelor, and the guy just said the thing in the title of the post.

That poor guy.

He wouldn’t be there if he weren’t a changed man!

The guy just said that, too.

“That’s fair,” he continued, “I want to be the guy I know I can grow into be.”

Both of the girls are nodding not so much like they agree, but like they’re so happy to be on TV again.

Is this whole post going to be me transcribing a minute and a half of The Bachelor. lol

They just showed an extreme close-up of this girl’s hands on her leg. What in the world.

He wants to meet these ladies – he just said it, flat out.

What a great show.

Well, I was watching 30 Rock last night, and look at what happened to me and my keyboard and my fingers.

EXT. [...]]]> You may remember last time I did the thing where I steal a line of dialog from TV and write a quick script from it, it was about a police station.

Well, I was watching 30 Rock last night, and look at what happened to me and my keyboard and my fingers.

That is really something as far as drama. I hope there’s a part two.

What show do you think that line was from.

If we keep moving along, Kiana Greene Spaeth will have the best exercise bike fleet in wherever it is she lives.

As for me, we really need some celebrity power for [...]]]> So Spaeth Day 2010 is blowing up on FB, with 92 people committing to changing their last name as I write this.

If we keep moving along, Kiana Greene Spaeth will have the best exercise bike fleet in wherever it is she lives.

As for me, we really need some celebrity power for this, so I reached out to my friend Tom Welling.

Remember high top fades. lol

I’m actually conducting a new experiment where I turn on the TV, listen to the first line of dialog I hear, and then write a [...]]]> You may think this is just something that a police guy said to me last night after the incident I had at the store, but that’s not it at all.

I’m actually conducting a new experiment where I turn on the TV, listen to the first line of dialog I hear, and then write a super short script about it.

I like that.

Wow.

Can you guess which TV show the line of dialog came from. Here is a hint – it wasn’t Dancing at Some Stars.

It’s a cool one for sure called Lost Tag and here is how you play at it.

Instead of being “It” you get to be “Jacob” and you have [...]]]> I was having Lost fun on Twitter with @JoannePistonFan and @ahhhhlee when a new game decided to come and live inside my head.

It’s a cool one for sure called Lost Tag and here is how you play at it.

Instead of being “It” you get to be “Jacob” and you have to chase everyone with a water bottle.

You still try to do a tag on someone but not like a hit or slap – you need to touch them on their shoulder in a way that is gentle.

When that happens everyone has to stop and look at you and the new Jacob and pretend to have tears happening while the new Jacob drinks some water and you use your sensitive look on them.

Once they take a sip you tell them “Now you’re like me” in your destiny voice and the game starts again only the new person is Jacob.

Also while you’re doing this the new Jacob has to be acting like maybe it is going to be too heavy of a life burden or they lose two points.

At the end whoever has the most of their points left gets to be Desmond. There are ten rounds.

Don’t think I won’t play this next time there is beer or Fresca For Men inside me and other Lost fans around.

She knew she had to take a turn at being Project Manager, and what did today’s task turn out to be?

Build a swimming pool and then swim in it at a pool party with celebrity friends for charity and have a diving contest after the pool party and [...]]]> Summer couldn’t believe her luck.

She knew she had to take a turn at being Project Manager, and what did today’s task turn out to be?

Build a swimming pool and then swim in it at a pool party with celebrity friends for charity and have a diving contest after the pool party and then pizza!

Getting to be Project Manager was never easy for Summer when the other ladies on Team Girl Power Deluxe were all so strong-willed and dynamic.

Sharon and Cyndi had intricate age strategies on their side, and Holly had her business acumen, and Maria was hot.

Sometimes Summer felt like she was cast as the “normal girl” – what made her so special? She was a Plain Jane, except really she was a “Plain Summer”. : \

Sigh.

“I don’t know what to do!”

This is what she’d told Bret the night before, as they drank orange juice margaritas out by the pool at their Celebrity Apprentice Condo at Trump Towers.

Bret told her to stand up straight, be proud of who she was, and march right in there and tell them a thing or two about swimming laps (in life)!

“Okay, I’ll do it!”

That’s what she said to him, and she could tell that even Bret thought she believed it.

But she didn’t believe it, and instead she went back inside, put on her Panasonic-branded wool pajamas, and went to bed.

Maria slept in booty shorts and a sports bra.

“Well, who’s it going to be, Team Girl Power Deluxe?”

Donald’s voice brought Summer back to the present, and she knew it was now or never. She took a deep breath and glanced over at Bret.

He nodded to her and whispered, “You can do this!” and suddenly Summer felt brave and scared all at once.

“I’ll be Project Manager, Mr. Trump!”

Everyone gasped – especially Sharon and Cyndi. This wasn’t what they’d agreed to at all – Maria was supposed to be in charge this time!

Summer looked back at the boys on Team Achievement Patrol, who were all aghast, and she knew she was finally making her mark on the show.

Even Curtis – normally so calm and collected – had let out a little gasp, but that was because being in the Northern Hemisphere made it hard for him to breathe.

Bret gave her a knowing (and proud) nod – his special trick had worked!

Summer hadn’t felt this alive since 1992.

When I was done with that, I stopped pretending to get work done, and instead embraced my wild nostalgia for the subsequent 8.5 hours.

After that, I went and read [...]]]> I spent about an hour and a half yesterday watching the marathon of the two original V miniseries on SyFy while I worked.

When I was done with that, I stopped pretending to get work done, and instead embraced my wild nostalgia for the subsequent 8.5 hours.

After that, I went and read the recaps of the single season of the regular TV series.

It wasn’t until I reached this synopsis of the last episode that I realized what a profound effect this franchise had on my work, particularly the type of writing I’ve been doing for about the past year.

When Diana learns that Mike and Philip have agreed to a friendly fencing exhibition, she orders James to make sure the swords are deadly — instead of unarmed exhibition weapons, Mike and Philip will use swords charged with nuclear disintegrators.

Now, if that doesn’t sound like it’s right out of my Brad Radby book or my Saved By the Bell Begins, I don’t know what does.

After reading that, I couldn’t help it, and started watching the episodes on thewb.com – particularly because of the way Marc Singer’s Mike Donovan embraces the action jump, the action run, the action ladder-climb, the action casual walk, and the action going-out-to-dinner.

Those of you who have seen 2WO G2N G2Y – which is nobody – would be as shocked as I am to see I’m basically doing Mike Donovan in that role.

You can watch some choice Donovan clips right here.

Oh, and if you’ve read my Prelude to a Super Airplane book, you know that the V screengrab at the start of the post was also good for a mild heart attack.

What is your favorite kind of action thing to do and when was the last time you did it.

Instead, I made this list of actual pieces of commercial media and entertainment that have made me produce tears, be they sadness tears or happiness tears.

He’s got a lot of stuff out there, and if you’re looking to self-publish books, he gets mad amounts of downloads, and tracks the stats (with analysis) [...]]]> (I want to hand a post off to someone I met via Twitter a few months ago, who to me is like a Canadian force of nature.

Guy’s got some new stuff coming out, and I thought you would find it cool. You know I’m a huge baby about my personal space, therefore you also know I’m like doing being serious here. Everything after the vid is the enigmatic “MCM”.)

Hi, I’m MCM and I’m insane. Above, you can see the trailer I made for my TV show, “RollBots” (airing on the CW4Kids in September) about spherical robots in a Hot Wheels world.

I’m also writing a mystery novel called “Fission Chips” where the audience decides what happens next. If you like being a bastard, you’ll like it. I cry myself to sleep every night because of what people suggest in the polls.

My newest book is “The Vector”, about a woman trying to survive a crumbling world dominated by bio-hackers and machete-wielding Chinese agents. You can read it for free on my site, with new chapters every Monday and Wednesday. There’s lots of blood in there.

Thanks to Brian for letting me post here today. I suppose I will now have to delete those incriminating photos of him with the toga, hedge clippers, and four geisha girls from Oregon. A deal’s a deal.

(MCM is also on Twitter. On a scale of one to ten, what you would use your personal RollBot for. Also, I’ve stopped using question marks for at least the next two months. How do you feel about this.)

Zack is inspired for sure now, and decides to get serious and organize a Zack Attack. He has to hurry, because Keanu has [...]]]> (This is it – the conclusion to my big budget, theatrical Saved By the Bell reboot movie. Links to the Intro, Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.)

Zack is inspired for sure now, and decides to get serious and organize a Zack Attack. He has to hurry, because Keanu has pushed the button, and the bronchitis is making its way through the tunnels to Bayside City, and it’s going to come out of all the nuclear oil wells right during the the Miss Bayside City Pageant, which is happening at halftime of the Valley City-Bayside City Professional Football Bowl, sponsored by Buddy Bands.

Just to make sure nobody tries any tricks, Keanu also has tied all Zack’s friends to different nuclear oil rigs throughout Bayside City, and if any of them are untied from the oil rigs, then the nuclear oil will destroy everything in the United States that Keanu doesn’t like, and that’s like a lot of things, and that’s what Keanu tells Zack in his video blog dot com email.

Zack is like all hardcore about having lots of guns strapped to him, and uses his jet-ski to sneak down the Bayside City Canal and get Screech free, who then uses his nerd tricks on the computer to get Kelly free, and then Slater gets Jessie free, and he calls her “Momma,” and that’s so the people watching the movie can have tingles about their nostalgia again.

Now the gang is back together, but while they were busy getting free, the bronchitis got everywhere, and now everyone in Bayside City is coughing really hard, and the stores are out of Dayquil, so everyone is overdosing on Nyquil, and the news people remind everyone that if you fall asleep with bronchitis you can die. Keanu is on top of the main nuclear oil rig taking bids on the land from the Portuguese gangs, and everything is on fire because he’s smoking a big cigar so close to the nuclear oil.

That’s when Zack gets everyone together and says that only by working together can they stop Keanu, and they all do like a jumping group-high-five, and then get to work climbing up the nuclear oil rigs around Keanu’s oil rig, and then like jumping from their rig to his, and Keanu sees this happening, so like he’s always making their rigs have a nuclear explosion right as they jump off.

That’s really real, but the heroes are serious about just how Zack this Attack really is, and they knock Keanu’s rig down to the middle of the football stadium, which is now filling up with nuclear oil, and Zack is even more mad because a goose died when it got nuclear oil on its feathers and lungs, and that’s when he stands up like a man and rips the last shreds of his tattered Bayside High t-shirt off, and even Slater is like, “Whoa, Preppie – what are you doing??” and Zack looks at him like Bruce Willis and says, “For once…the right thing,” and it’s the most intense thing anyone has ever said ever in a movie.

There’s a big fight in the middle of the pageant between Zack and Keanu, and the good guys win when they use their friendship strategies to drop the Bayside City History Tradition Bell on Keanu just in time, and Zack calls in a favor with Johnny Dakota to get more Dayquil, and like it’s clear that there are gonna be more adventures and that’s THE END.

During the credits is when Jay-Z does his modern and legit hip-hopping version of the original Saved by the Bell theme, and it’s close enough to the old one that everyone watching cries, because they’re also showing black-and-white still photos from the TV show along with the names of the people who made the movie.

At the end of the credits, there’s a trail of oil footprints that lead into the Oval Office, and you can hear Keanu muttering, “Let’s see you save THIS by the bell, Morris…” and that’s an ominous meme for the next movie, The Bayside Knight.

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four

(That’s it – feel free to openly shun the production company who turned this down. Follow me on Twitter here. Read my Perfect Strangers Begins summary right here – it’s Bruce Willis as Cousin Larry, and Antonio Banderas as Balki.)

Lisa explains that all [...]]]> (This is the third part of my summary for a proposed big-budget reboot of Saved by the Bell, titled Saved by the Bell Begins. Casting and excessive rationale is here. And Part 1 is here. And then Part 2 is here. Read all those before you move forward.)

Lisa explains that all the things that have been happening are not coincidences, and that they need to be careful, and not to go to Valley City. Then she does a wink-and-click, and Zack is all like “Whoa, you were in the booty babe jury!” and she does another wink-and-click, but the click sound is in stereo this time, because Lisa can throw her voice. Slater does a click too, but nobody listens, because Artie was in his mouth.

Zack has on big high-tops.

Everyone gets in Mr. Belding’s spy airplane and heads to Valley City, where Zack and Kelly and Slater and Jessie put on tricky disguises and look for the bronchitis containers in an abandoned mall that’s full of holographic-mannequins. It’s scary, so a lot of almost-kissing happens between Zack and Kelly, and then between Slater and Jessie, and then between Zack and Slater. After shutting down the mannequins, they find the silos, and see the bronchitis swirling and bubbling inside, and then notice huge holes all over the ground. Zack and Kelly do some action spelunking, and follow the hole all the way down to a tunnel, and then the tunnel goes to an upside-down hole, so they follow that up, and come out in Bayside City!

That’s not all, because Keanu and his men are there, and they’re trapped, until Slater shows up in his hot muscle car, and he’s wearing a pink tank top. They get in, and there’s a big car chase, and Jessie is not so excited at all because she forgot her pills, and now she’s so scared instead, and she tells Zack this so that the audience can cheer some more about their childhoods.

After a big crash with 426 other cars, Zack gets away, but Slater and Kelly and Jessie get captured, and as they’re dragged away, Slater is like, “Heeeeelllllppppppp ussssssss, Prepppppiiieee…” and that’s in slow motion because Zack is having internal conflict, and because it’s raining.

Zack goes back to Mr. Belding’s spy airplane, and it’s all shut down because he’s getting indicted for doing date rape on Miss Bliss, and that’s because Keanu used his President powers to make everyone think that about Mr. B.

Screech invites Zack for a sleepover, and they talk about how hard it is to be having life issues, and Zack breaks an Elvis statue because of how mad he is, and some documents fall out of Zack’s pocket, and these were documents he picked up at the mall for no reason. Screech thinks maybe they were important after all, because they have big words like “IMPORTANT” and “HANDS OFF” on them in Keanu’s handwriting. Screech reads them with help from his robot Kevin, and they say that Keanu’s plan is to kill everyone in Bayside City with the underground bronchitis, and then auction off the land to Portuguese gangsters from Valley City for big money.

Well, Zack is pretty upset about the Portuguese bad guys maybe taking ownership of his condo, and he decides to give up, because his life was simpler when it was just about making money and delivering morally questionable arguments and action-packed evidence on behalf of his celebrity clients. That’s when Screech gets electrocuted by Kevin, and that’s because Keanu put a lightning virus in him, and also Kevin has on a Darth Vader costume when he does this. Keanu’s men take Screech hostage and make him go and be a prisoner with Slater, Jessie, Kelly, and Lisa.

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four

(Tomorrow is the stunning conclusion.

Go read my free movie book Brad Radby’s Brad Radby for more of this type of action and follow me on Twitter here, where I randomly ask people to call and sing to me during the day. Yesterday brought a stirring rendition of “Eye of the Tiger: from @StacyHead.)

Zack is thinking like he better [...]]]> (This is the summary for my proposed big-budget reboot of Saved by the Bell, titled Saved by the Bell Begins. If you missed the intro, including casting and excessive rationale, you can find it here, and then Part 1 is here. You should probably read that first.)

Zack is thinking like he better help fix this, because that’s what his job is as an action lawyer who loves money so much more than people. He almost gets too excited about making so much hardcore money, so Zack stops the movie and says something charming to the audience about what he’s going to do next, and there’s a finger-snap-and-point that he does, to make sure everyone knows that Zack is serious about making that money and getting a bigger beach condo.

When Zack lets the movie start again, Mr. Belding sends him and Slater and Kelly to a hot dancing club called The Max, so they can meet up with the spy scientist that is helping them find out secrets about Keanu’s bad guy plans, and the spy scientist is Jessie Spano. During some cool and trendy dancing and more love triangling, they find Jessie, and Zack is mad because he realizes she’s the one who shot a bazooka at his shoulder when he was on the water-blimp.

That’s when Zack starts to know how serious this is, because he remembers seeing all the big silos of bronchitis on the water-blimp, and he gives those clues to Jessie to work on all night, and she plans to take lots of over-the-counter stay-awake pills to be able to do that, and she’s so excited about it. Because his dancing is too great and slick, Slater gets in a pushing match with the rival football players from Valley City, so that’s a fist-fight to have at this part of the movie. Zack and Slater are both trying to impress Kelly with their good punching they can do, but she knows sexy mini-skirt karate, and she can vote in all the same elections they can, also.

When they get done doing all the fighting, Keanu’s secret service men arrest Zack and Slater, and take them to the first nuclear oil rig field, so Keanu can give them a speech about not messing with his cool and important fossil fuel-based plans. Then the first bit of nuclear oil comes out, and Keanu tastes it, and it’s the good stuff for sure, and that’s another meme. He gets ominous about telling them to stop asking so many questions, and then tells his government fashion nurse, who is Lisa Turtle, to fix them up and then let them go, so that his men can capture them and beat them up again, and she’s supposed to have this go on for a week.

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four

(Wow. Part 3 tomorrow – if you found this to be a thing that you liked, you should go read my movie book, Brad Radby’s Brad Radby, which is online over here and costs you nothing. Keanu has won like six Presidential elections in there, as well. Also follow me on Twitter, because that’s a meme also.)

1) This is envisioned as a feature film – like a big, $150M summer tent-pole. It was actually pitched to the rights-holders – and if you can believe it – turned down.

2) [...]]]> A couple points of interest before you read the greatest thing ever written for people raised in the 80s and 90s.

1) This is envisioned as a feature film – like a big, $150M summer tent-pole. It was actually pitched to the rights-holders – and if you can believe it – turned down.

2) Don’t be fooled by the fact that the cast is primarily the original cast. It’s a complete reboot, not a continuation. Think Batman Begins – nothing from the TV show “counts”.

3) If this was done how I’ve laid it out – like an over-the-top, ridiculous Michael Bay style action movie – I challenge you to admit you wouldn’t see it. I’d venture to say a lot of you would pay $50 a ticket and see it at least ten times, just like I would.

4) Everything would be played totally and completely 100% straight. No winks-and-nods to the audience, except the one time that there’s a literal wink-and-nod.

With those parameters – and links to all four parts of the summary are below – I give you…

LOGLINE
When President Rod Belding schemes to install nuclear oil rigs across Bayside City, his brother Richard forms a team of elite specialists to save everyone…by the bell.

CAST
Mark-Paul Gosselaar…Zack Morris
Mario Lopez…AC Slater
Tiffani Thiessen…Kelly Kapowski
Elizabeth Berkley…Jessie Spano
Lark Voorhies…Lisa Turtle
Dustin Diamond…Samuel “Screech” Powers
Hilary Swank…Tori Scott
Claire Forlani…Miss Bliss
TBD…Johnny Dakota
Kevin Costner…Mr. Belding
Keanu Reeves…President Rod Belding

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four

(Follow me on Twitter here.)
(If you like what you’re seeing, you should really go check out my free book, Brad Radby’s Brad Radby – there’s a little something called Perfect Strangers Begins in there.)

The summation is thus: they had twins, then had an additional litter of six. TOTAL OF EIGHT KIDS. Got a reality show on TLC.

Kate is a slightly controlling/cold sort, [...]]]> I’ve only seen this show once for 10 minutes, but because I love reading about paparazzi action, I’ve recently become really into their adventures.

The summation is thus: they had twins, then had an additional litter of six. TOTAL OF EIGHT KIDS. Got a reality show on TLC.

Kate is a slightly controlling/cold sort, who’s become enamored with her own fame and looks like a completely different human than she did two years ago.

She’s also stated for the record that she has an “obligation to the public” to keep her children on TV for the duration of their collective childhoods.

As you can imagine, Jon looks like he wishes he were still eligible to go on spring break.

Allegations and rumors of two-way marital malfunctions are rampant, and the kids have no chance. I’ve been talking it up on Twitter.

Next on Jon & Kate + 8, Jon slings a guitar over his shoulder and walks away from the house in slow motion.

Next on Jon & Kate + 8, Jon drinks by himself in the dark and listens to Dido.

Next on Jon & Kate + 8, Jon watches Fight Club 47 times in a row.

Next on Jon & Kate + 8, Kate grounds the kids for not spending their allowance on her new book.

Next on Jon & Kate + 8, Jon fails in his attempt to snowboard into a tree at 88 miles per hour.

Next on Jon & Kate + 8, Jon makes up a fairy tale to explain his new cutting habit to the kids.

Next on Jon & Kate + 8, Kate hires a marketing firm to re-brand the twins.

Next on Jon & Kate + 8, Jon is conflicted when he learns his will to live is no longer part of the ongoing storyline.

Next on Jon & Kate + 8, Kate considers whether to re-conceptualize the show as Kate & Kate + Kate.

Next on Jon & Kate + 8, Jon decides to hide his soul @Public_Storage in case Kate wants a snack.

Next on Jon & Kate + 8, Jon has a nervous breakdown when he sees an old friend as a contestant on The Bachelorette.

This will go on until I run out, which should be never.

Their media onslaught has inspired me to sit down and actually watch the show, so I haven’t even begun to mine material. The one segment I did see was Kate telling the kids they were getting puppies, and then stating that she’d already named them, and those names were not negotiable. I need to see it again, but I’m pretty sure you can actually see the life-force of one of the twins drain from their body at that point.

Side note: avid blog participant @alexiskn has reviewed Prelude to a Super Airplane over at her secret identity website. She has Disqus comment/points system, so go be all, “OH YEAH GIRL!!” like @jerryricetwo.

Add’l side note: I have no Finals pick – I’m just not interested. Sorry. :(

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(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here – it’s available in paperback, or iPhone/Kindle for only 1.99.)