I was having a type at my qwerty keyboard after Allef’s Android Vignette App photoshoot that he was having and my typing was for an email to tell Allef thanks for coming to the photoshoot.

He is a famous guy who likes to get thank you notes in his inbox maybe is where I was coming from.

Then this happened and I told about it inside that Twitter website.

lol I was just perfectly one key to the right in typing my name all the way through and it came out Ntosm.
half a minute ago via TweetDeck

Okay well the post was going to end early because that’s all it was that was supposed to be in the post, but here is some excitement news instead.

Maybe you can imagine Buzz Lightyear is telling you the news and that will make it even more fun?

If you haven’t read the first book I wrote well I need you to go and get it for free on your Kindle or Kindle application and as long as you have a computer or phone you can get it in like two seconds just go do that here and you’ll learn how, and the way is that I’ll send you an Amazon Gift Perk Email.

Thanks I don’t ask favors at you much so boogie down productions. lol

(Submitted without comment.)

BRAD RADBY’S FOREWORD
by Brad Radby

I think holidays are cool things to have happen at you.

Like I was born on July 4th, and fireworks always make me think, “Time to get out of the uterus!”

Okay let’s get real for you about the book. The story is a cool one and maybe you can find the Christmas meme Brian put in it so you can learn about yourself and how deep you can be.

That’s how we grow and save the poor people from those mosquitos the internet nerds are always complaining about. How come they can’t fix that one again?

LOL!

I hope you like the book when you do your reading with it.

Brad Radby
Augtember 46, 2023

Brad Radby is the two-time Academie Award winning director of Brad Radby’s The Exploders, among many other theatrical motion pictures. He is a survivor of the Super Airplane ride, and resides in Los Angeles with his wife Melinda.

(This is my outgoing mail today.

Also, this picture happened with a pseudo-Polaroid Android app.)

So I was at the gym yesterday getting ready to make my muscles happen some more, and as I opened my gym bag, I realized I hadn’t put anything in it.

There was just one stray weightlifting glove – I never use these cause I’m a tough man – and a pair of old ePod headphones.

There were no workout pants and/or shorts.

I had a t-shirt on, so no problem there. But I also had on jeans.

I sat in there contemplating what to do for about 15 minutes. I took off my shirt while I did this so anyone who walked in would think I was in the middle of changing, and also so I could do my narcissism I like to have sometimes.

Ultimately I decided to drive away in my car to someplace to buy some pants, and then came back to the gym.

I crawled in so the staff wouldn’t have deja-vu and get scared about how their minds worked.

Have you ever worn casual clothes to the gym.

I’ve been working on this script for something that’s being put together, and I’m a little back and forth on the writing style – I do think my time in novel-land messed with me just a bit.

Anyway, here’s a small piece.

Anyway, the part I’m questioning is the action line that ends with the big “NOT EVEN THE NAPKIN IS HELPING”. Especially the end, but the whole line is in question.

Debating with myself:

1) It does nothing to help from a production angle – it’s really a bunch superfluous words, and there are more compact ways of getting the point across that the napkin isn’t making him more at ease.

Example: He takes the napkin – it brings no comfort.

2) On the other hand, this isn’t a shooting script, and the way it’s written all over-dramatic to the point of stupid helps put across the ridiculous-played-straight tone of the material.

It needs to be played like this napkin should be a Xanax or something, and this is a way to do that without having to be all “even though it’s a napkin, he takes it from her like it should be relaxing him”.

At the same time, I do know that some readers will need their hand held like that, though. (And that’s fine – they’re not predisposed to like this, if I had to guess.)

3) A lot of the script is written in this style, and it reads FUNNY. So tell a coherent a-b-c story along with that, and you’re in good shape – a good story that made you laugh is a successful comedy screenplay.

I dunno – my thoughts – would love yours.

NOTE: For you Prelude to a Super Airplane fans, Timothy is someone you will know, at least indirectly. (It’s not Colonel T, and this story takes place in 2001.)

So my sister did some photoshoot for a friend last week, and I just got my eyes on the pictures.

If you have no idea what a Two Gun Girl might be, go watch this Two Gun Guy thing.

Anyway, most of this week has been spent brooding and being happy about how sad and happy I am. Also, lots of self-important writing.

Over at AOL Fanhouse, I wrote up my problems with LeBron James, and did a podcast with Brett Pollakoff, wherein I talked about LeBron’s Dancing Crisis, Bill Simmons’ basketball book, and of course some Who Shot Mamba? plugging.

At Yahoo!’s Ball Don’t Lie, there’s a small essay about the logistics and fun of shooting at Bill Walton’s house. Couple cool behind-the-scenes pics – I think in that one I’m trying to explain what an Orange Roundie is.

LOL!

What.

At CT Kingston’s blog – otherwise known as @CTK1, I did maybe my favorite Photoshop work I’ve ever done for part of her mega-super-2009-roundup-post.

Thanks also to @DennyMayo, @mfeige, @cjrider, and @thegnc for joining me in that Matt Bullard-based Houston Rockets chat, helping to bring Calvin Stadiums, Petey Skippen, Sherpa, Peter Ovaire, Brad Radby, Russell Slanteer, Monstero, and others to vivid life.

Keep in mind we are twins, but I’ma go ahead and say it – do you want to date my sister?

I was doing a reformat on the Kindle version of Prelude to a Super Airplane over the weekend, and totally forgot there’s an amalgamated Twilight + Harry Potter series of novels that are part of the 19th subplot.

Anyway, Chapter 30 of PTSA was actually an excerpt from one of the books.

I thought this an apt time to post it here – if you’ve never read the Twilight books, sadly this is exactly what they’re written like. Everything after this sentence is lifted directly from my book.

30
(I know this has nothing to do with airplanes, but I wanted to put it here, because I’m hoping if I put like a blurb on the cover, I can sell more copies of the book.

This is an excerpt from “Andreanna Marsupial and the New Moon’s Glow”, the fourth book in the Andreanna Marsupial saga. All material is copyright of the author, Stephenie Piperbraum, or however you say that correctly.)

CHAPTER 143 – THE END OF ACT 1

I wasn’t sure. I didn’t know if I should or not. The television was sitting there in front of me, and I’d been looking at it for several hours, debating whether to turn it on or not. My father, Lugustus, had bought the television many years ago – it was old now, but when he bought it, it was new.

Lugustus liked to buy things, because he was a detective. I call him Lugustus because that’s his name, and I like to use names. When I was living in Unicorn Valley County, everyone called each other names. Their real names. That was before I moved here, where I had to watch Lugustus buy things. The day Lugustus bought the television, it was raining, which is when water falls from the sky. Some people call it precipitation, but I call it rain, because it takes less time to say, and because I’m an outsider. That means I’m not like everyone else, and it’s only worse here, because I moved here from somewhere else. Sometimes that means I don’t fit in with the people in this place, which is a different place from the place I came from before. I wish I were tan, and that my tail weren’t so sleepy.

The rain on the day the television was purchased was a heavy rain, which means that in terms of water, there was more of it coming down than if it were lighter. The heaviness of the rain made me a little sad, because I don’t have as many friends as I did in the other place I lived. The rain here was heavy.

“Hey, let’s go buy a new TV,” Lugustus said to me. “It’s raining, and the old TV doesn’t work good in the rain.”

The old TV was a seven-inch hand-held from Casio. We had it propped up in the corner on an old cereal bowl. The bowl had a chip in it. I’d put the chip in that bowl when I moved here – I’d been trying to eat some cereal, and because I was so new and had no friends, I dropped the bowl. This is where the chip came from.

The chip was one-quarter inch by one-eighth inch. I knew the exact measurement because I’d used a ruler to measure the chip. The chip I made because I had no friends. I never did eat that cereal that day – instead, I took the bowl, and used it to prop up the old Casio handheld TV. This way Lugustus, who’s my dad who I call by his first name, wouldn’t have to hold the TV in his hands anymore. I couldn’t believe how big the chip in this bowl was, and when I measured it, I knew everything would be different. Thank god I had that ruler. Ugh…life.

The ruler was blue. It wasn’t a light blue, and it certainly wasn’t a dark blue. This meant the blue fell somewhere in the middle, although it wasn’t quite royal blue. Maybe it was plain blue. Plain. There’s a word to describe my life in this new place. P-L-A-I-N. Plain. What a word. Five letters, and not one of them the same. I had no friends here – I couldn’t believe it.

I took the plain blue ruler and picked up the bowl. The bowl with the chip. The chip that reminded me my heart was empty. The actual chip itself was little. I kicked it under the refrigerator, which was pale yellow in color, and had two doors. One for things we wanted to just make cold, and one for things we wanted to freeze. That part of the pale yellow refrigerator was called the freezer. It made sense to me. Nothing else did. I was so confused in this new place. This new place that was so new to me, because I’d never lived here before.

Lugustus was a professional detective. He would hate the chip in the bowl, and would feel like he had to do his detective work on it. This is why I had to hide it under the pale yellow refrigerator. The kick I used to kick the chip was just soft enough to get the chip underneath. If I kicked it too hard, it might hit the wall and bounce back out. If I kicked it too soft, it wouldn’t make it under at all, which would mean I’d have to kick it again. I didn’t want to do this, because I was so tired from not having any friends, because I’m an outsider in this new place. Everyone looked at me weird. Like I was weird. Lugustus wouldn’t understand. He was just my dad, and not my mom, and I called him by his first name. He couldn’t figure this out, because he didn’t understand me. Some detective.

Once I had hid the chip, I took the bowl and looked at it. I noticed for the first time that it was white. A pale white. All white was pale, but maybe this was paler. Paler than white. I laughed to myself. Maybe I was going crazy from not having friends to go places with. It’s not like I’d know where to go anyway – I wasn’t even from here. I was from somewhere else. Someplace that wasn’t here. I looked at the bowl for another minute, and started walking to the living room. I tripped – just a little. Not a lot. Not enough to fall down. My heart ached again. I couldn’t tell Lugustus about Handsomar Horsebuck coming back into my life. Not now, and not ever. That means never. Not even later than now. My dad could never know about Handsomar’s return. He was just my dad, and he wouldn’t understand. Nobody understands me, because I’m not from here. Except Handsomar. We still love our staring contests so much.

I tripped over a chair. The wooden chair. The same one I’d eaten dinner in last night. I’d gotten home late from school, because I’d been out with Handsomar, who when he first came back, I thought had become a vampire man-horse. He wasn’t. He was still a regular man-horse. Something else had changed about him though, and it would change my life forever, but I need to explain the chair. The chair. The wooden chair – that’s what was important right now. It was a wooden chair, made of wood. When I sat in it last night, never in a million years did I think I would trip over it that morning. But I did, because I was lonely, because I had no friends. This place was so strange.

I’d made chicken for Lugustus and I for dinner. The dinner where I sat in the chair I had tripped over, after I’d hidden the chip in the bowl, which I’d used to prop up the Casio, which one morning Lugustus and I were going to replace with a new TV, which I was sitting in front of now, wondering if I should turn it on. The chicken was good. I’d bought fresh fowl at the grocery store that afternoon, which is the time between morning and evening. The time of day I’m most aware of my lack of friends. No friends. Wow. How did I get here?

The grocery store Lugustus had told me to go to was big. This was because it was one of two stores in town. It had been remodeled recently, because the other store was selling more food than them. I guess they thought they should make a bigger store to hold more food. Maybe if I had a bigger heart, I could have more friends. I was so alone. The other store was big. I’d only been there once, because I didn’t know how to get there, because I wasn’t from here. I was from somewhere else. Yeah, somewhere not here.

The outside of the other store was a dull beige, with bricks lining the top and bottom rims of the roof and ground. In front was a sidewalk, which was made of cement. Cement was heavy. Like my heart, which was alone from not having friends.

At the start of the movie, Brad is finishing the new cover for his book, which he did because he has his exciting ADD and wanted to make people confused.

The inside of the book was still the same, and like that was so the paparazzi would not go crazy?

Brad used inDesign.

So like then Brad looked at the 14,000 different formats he would need to re-create to make the eBook version of his excitement book widely available, and like that made him do his vomiting, and he cursed society again.

But Brad saw that now the Kindle software was available for PCs, and so that was a good thing that he liked to have happen, even though Kindle formatting robs him of all the exciting fonts that he likes so much, and that it was a somewhat archaic device the day it was released.

Brad right then like at that moment made a decision that until the Apple Tablet arrived and fixed society, he was only going to keep it simple and have his book only available in three ways: Paperback, PDF, and Kindle.

He also decided this would include any related books that he appeared in as a character, like Prelude to a Super Airplane.

(Brad also knew that he thought it was funny how the publisher was like, “Hey, do you know that you state this Brian Spaeth person is the author, but the cover misspells his name, and doesn’t even list him as the actual author?”

Brad was just like “LOL!! Hit that publish button BRO.”)

I spent about an hour and a half yesterday watching the marathon of the two original V miniseries on SyFy while I worked.

When I was done with that, I stopped pretending to get work done, and instead embraced my wild nostalgia for the subsequent 8.5 hours.

After that, I went and read the recaps of the single season of the regular TV series.

It wasn’t until I reached this synopsis of the last episode that I realized what a profound effect this franchise had on my work, particularly the type of writing I’ve been doing for about the past year.

When Diana learns that Mike and Philip have agreed to a friendly fencing exhibition, she orders James to make sure the swords are deadly — instead of unarmed exhibition weapons, Mike and Philip will use swords charged with nuclear disintegrators.

Now, if that doesn’t sound like it’s right out of my Brad Radby book or my Saved By the Bell Begins, I don’t know what does.

After reading that, I couldn’t help it, and started watching the episodes on thewb.com – particularly because of the way Marc Singer’s Mike Donovan embraces the action jump, the action run, the action ladder-climb, the action casual walk, and the action going-out-to-dinner.

Those of you who have seen 2WO G2N G2Y – which is nobody – would be as shocked as I am to see I’m basically doing Mike Donovan in that role.

You can watch some choice Donovan clips right here.

Oh, and if you’ve read my Prelude to a Super Airplane book, you know that the V screengrab at the start of the post was also good for a mild heart attack.

What is your favorite kind of action thing to do and when was the last time you did it.

I’m actually really wiped out from this surgery and probably overdid it yesterday, so I’ma take it easy today. My brain is kinda dead…no jokes or thoughts are happening. I also have to go back to the doctor for inspection.

I was gonna write up my idea for a water-park style playland that’s made of dirt, but I just don’t have it in me. For now, enjoy this picture from Reid Gershbein, aka @thraveboy – he made the film “Here. My Explosion…” that I looked at back here.

That’s the happiest picture on Earf!

While I’m resting, can you tell me the happiest picture you’ve ever take in your life? If you’re more of a miserable sort, how about the saddest picture you’ve ever taken?

Link to either if you can – I’ll send my favorite a free copy of Prelude to a Super Airplane – I just got a shipment, so I’m sitting on a bunch.

(You can follow Inflatable Ben from WSM? right here on Twitter – I think he’ll be out hunting booty babes in his own smooth fashion.)

Former contributor to my old website (which has finally been restored/overhauled into its final “death” format) Jordi Scrubbings emailed with some troubling questions regarding elements of my first book, Prelude to a Super Airplane.

I’m reading your book. 2 questions:

1) The VP was 108 years old in 2012. That would mean he was born after January the year AFTER the first airplane flight. Do you explain why he is not 109 years old? Or do you not think of old airplanes?

2) Where is the best place to read the final 100 pages? I was thinking in an airplane terminal sitting next to a 25 yr old brunette female model singer person. Any other recommendations?

I’ma tackle the second question first, because it’s easier – you need internet access to fully experience the final 100 pages, because therein is when you’re instructed to turn on the soundtrack. Without the musical backing, a certain sequence won’t be nearly as tumultuous as it needs to be.

That said, reading PTSA inside an actual airplane station is a huge positive – there’s nothing like the viral, tempest-laden joy one absorbs seeing the various airplane riders about to take their respective airplane rides.

That, or maybe read it in the locker room at the gym.

As to the first question, this is just a massive mistake, and perhaps somewhere in the future I can write Prelude to a Ye Olde Tyme Airplane, wherein I can clean up continuity, while also telling the Wright Brothers story through my own olde tyme eyes. I’m disappointed I didn’t think to connect Stanley Naiboir’s birth with the first airplane ride, considering how much tying together of other stuff there is.

Sorry if you were looking for more shirtless discussion today, but one simply can’t unload that type of emotional internal-external conflict two days in a row. In any case – I love hearing feedback on the book, especially the kind like this, wherein it seems like the person is actually reading it.

Here is Jordi’s website and Jordi’s Twitter.

Oh, and I asked this yesterday but nobody answered – DO YOU USE GMAIL???

(In the picture below, @alexiskn shows the first and second best uses for my book – as a placeholder for real books, and as the Tobey Maguire to her Joan Allen home.** You can see that it’s already infected that sad-face copy of Lord of the Flies.)

I was on IMDB looking up information on Robert Downey Jr, and came across 2006′s The Shaggy Dog. From the message board:

I saw this movie about six months ago on a field trip. The only reason that I chose this movie was that I only had four options. There was this girl from my group that was laughing every five minutes. Clearly she has no taste. Anyway, did Tim Allen have to be naked? I mean, what is so wrong with a dog with clothes on?

Someone follows up by pointing out that dogs don’t wear clothes. It turns into a heated discussion about who’s more stupid, and the scientific logic of a human turning into a dog in real life, and whether said dog would wear clothes or not.

This all brings me back to late 2004 or so, a time wherein I didn’t have a blog at all, and occasionally did background work in TV and movies.

You see, I spent about two weeks on The Shaggy Dog, and if you listen really closely, you might hear myself and some girl (as “Courtroom Gallery Members”) screaming, “OH F–K!!! WE’RE ALL GONNA GET AIDS!!! AAAHHHH!!!!!” when we were supposed to be “confused and a little surprised” regarding Tim Allen barking in the middle of court.

I’m not actually onscreen there as more than a shoulder, but I did make it in during the restaurant scene, when Kristin Davis is stood up by her naked dog husband. I’m the guy in the v-neck sweater fake-eating salmon. The twist is that I real-ate five plates of that stuff, and that’s because I was hungry.

I’m sure I have a ton of stories like this, but I’ve largely blocked out the +/-6 months I spent doing background actoring – it’s an awful way to spend time, although highly educational with regard to how sets work.

You can also meet lots of girls, and learn the delicate art of not committing suicide after spending a day around little kids who have better careers than you.

I’ll be at the doctor this afternoon, and will do my best to Tweet the entire thing, as mentioned the other day. First person to correctly guess what the appointment is for wins their own colorful and lifesaving copy of PTSA.

**Reading it is actually the tenth best utilization of the book.

(Follow me on Twitter here.)
(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here – it’s available in paperback, or iPhone/Kindle for only 1.99.)

So I’m done with this team for Game 5 – if it goes to six, I’ll tune back in.

As you know, I’m a huge baby, and have no tolerance for a team that doesn’t play to its potential. My (I assume) final word for the season on the Cavaliers:

1) LeBron posting up inside has a 100% success rate. That’s not an exaggeration.

2) When they’re driving and moving on offense, there’s little problem scoring, and it has a nice residual affect of throwing ORL off their offensive rhythm by making them concentrate on other things. (Not that they’re not a good defensive team, but you’re really helping them when you just stand around the perimeter holding the ball.)

3) For some reason, at really inopportune times and for no apparent reason, 1 and 2 just stop happening for awhile. Stan Van Gundy, when asked what ORL was doing differently on national TV, said “nothing”.

4) This is an ongoing thing, but why is the last minute of every quarter some kind of “LeBron goes one-on-one while everyone stands around” zone? If you’ve been scoring running “A” for eleven minutes, what is it about minute number twelve that makes you run “B”?

5) More than anything, they lost lasterday because they kept making stupid mistakes. Just dumb little things like not hustling for a loose ball (Z in the 4th), or Boobie making that idiotic foul on that old fisherman guy, or especially how they screwed up using the clock in the last minute of regulation. There’s no excuse for not calling a time-out there and making sure everyone has their heads on straight.

This is the antitheses of how they played all season – this was a team that has had a total of one turnover in a game before, and while they played hard this series, I don’t think I saw that rabid defense even once – the one where they’re all up in your face before you can even get the shot off.

This looks like one of those infamous 5-game sweeps, and I have no idea how it happened – how does a 66-win team get swept by this Orlando group? I mean, they’re really good and everything, but they start Rafer Alston and a rookie in the backcourt. Dwight is great and will fix all the problems in his game eventually, but right now, you can drop a double on him the instant he gets the ball, and you’ve got a good shot at a turnover.

I think this one deserves a name.

(Follow me on Twitter here.)
(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here – it’s available in paperback, or iPhone/Kindle for only 1.99.)

Here’s another quiz that came in from a Prelude to a Super Airplane reader:

Sigh…#5 was a yes or no question. Good job otherwise, although as a female in 2009, you can buy things for yourself.

I must throw big complimentary hand-waves here also, for the clear (and requested) mutilation of your copy of the book. You Kindle/iPhone people are missing out on the joys of destroying something so precious with your own two hands.

(If you have no idea what’s going on, go check out the quiz, as it’s part of Chapter 2, which is excerpted in full, right here on the online internet website.)

Okay, let’s get right down to it. I’ve gotten more “why haven’t you posted about LeBron’s shot” emails than I ever got about any single subject over at YAYsports!, and the readership here is like 1/100th of what it was back then.

The fact is, I didn’t post about their Game 1 loss, and so felt it only fair to not post about the Game 2 win, lest I be labeled something I don’t want to be, like a sports writer. Here are answers to all the general Cavs-Magic issues I’ve had thrown at me:

1) My reaction to the shot was eerily similar to my reaction to Jordan’s shot 20 years ago, which is actually one of my earliest vivid memories. Stunned silence. It was a total non-reaction, as I’d already gone into “Cleveland sports fan” mode, ie I’d thrown in the towel and allowed the emptiness to creep into my soul.

I’d actually popped off texts to @alexiskn and @ColleenBurns asking them in advance not to trash talk me, because of my broken heart and low self-esteem.

(Here’s my story of the moment when I first truly understood being a Cleveland fan, if you’ve never read it before.)

2) Yeah, I was wrong about that sweep. Now you can stop sending the hilarious emails where you remind me I called for a sweep.

3) If you’re blaming this on the refs…doesn’t really work. There have been too many calls for sure, but it hasn’t been one-sided, and if there were ever a year the league and 20 different companies are obviously pulling for two certain teams, it’s this one. The conspiracy would go the other way.

4) As you can expect, I blame most of this on LeBron. Forget his stats – I haven’t seen Angry LeBron yet, and he needs to realize and accept that they need him to go play inside. I know he hates it, but with no post presence, they’re finished. And wow – when Dwight Howard is in foul trouble, take it to him every single time.

5) Related to that, the two big leads were built by starting off the game going to Z. This gets him going, and also opens everything up. I said all year they wouldn’t win in the Playoffs playing outside-in against a good team, and that’s exactly what they’ve been doing.

I really have no true predictions for tonight, but I’m mentally prepared for them to lose in some horrific fashion.

Yo – Prelude to a Super Airplane is on sale for 1.59 on Kindle/iPhone – so go get it if you haven’t. Paperback is 11.99. This will remain at the lower prices between now and when WSM? comes out.

Brad Radby’s Brad Radby is 4.99 paperback, and Kindle/iPhone is a scant .99.

(This will probably always remain like this, since it’s like completely for free over at the website, anyway – I recommend reading about Will Smith’s only Radby film, Brad Radby’s A Place at the Table.)

If any of you who have already read either or both of these wanted to leave a note/review over on Amazon, it’d be awesome and I really, super appreciate it to the tune of 47-stories. I don’t ask for much and hate being a huckster or any sort.

I can’t promise you anything other than a thank you note with a small, personally autographed gold bar valued at over $40,000 inside.

So like yeah – I know a lot of you have read this already, so I apologize for this useless post. Let me give you this, then: CAVS IN FOUR.

Valkyrie is out on DVD this week, and this is a piece of the web advertising:

I don’t understand how this clears marketing – it looks like some kind of Caveman-Jason Priestly-Tom Cruise amalgam, doesn’t it?

Finally, there’s nothing sadder than when this person starts following you on Twitter, and then it turns out she’s just a spam account.

If you’re looking for me today, I’ll be watching Lost 800 times in a row.

Lasterday’s episode didn’t have like massive revelations, just a lot of cool payoffs/set-ups, with some nice moments. (Every part of the Chang/Miles/Hurley sequence was great.) Really well done. I usually have some speculation on where things could go, but I’ve got nothing here.

Here’s another quiz someone sent in from Prelude to a Super Airplane.

If you want to reveal yourself, that’s up to you – you should be embarrassed by your answer to #5, though.

As to the sadness-inducing Wendy’s commercial, I’m bouncing around on this, because it’d be so much funnier to actually make a parody of it, rather than just write it out.

I dunno – maybe I’ll do a script and see what it would take to do it. You know how I tend to think of small things, and then they become these massive projects, so I’m hesitant to delve in too hard.

Let’s just say part of it would be like the guy staring out the window, tapping his foot on the ground, and clenching his jaw while the pregnant girlfriend showed him all the baby clothes she bought. During this sequence, he can’t even bear to open the chicken sandwich.

Later he goes to a certain type of adult establishment by himself and makes it rain with chicken sandwiches while he does some self-loathing.

What kind of scenes would your chicken sandwich commercial have?

I talked to my Mom yesterday, and she told me she doesn’t really read my blog anymore.

This was, as best I could tell, the first time she’s ever been critical of me in a situation that didn’t involve the police.

As such, everything I do from now on will be to entice my mommy to read-it-up again.

(Truth is, I could tell my best stories if I was assured she would never come back. For example, it’s only been relayed in hushed tones among a select few, but “The Toothbrush Story of Charleston, SC – Summer 2008″ is the possibly greatest single act of inspiration I’ve ever committed to reality.)

Anyway, like my sister, Mom will watch any show on TLC/Bravo/VH1 in the area of things like “Go Get That Dress!” or “Top 10 Pop Culture Friends of Last Tuesday”. She loves lists – these are my favorite places:

1) Shaq’s House – Shaq’s house is 47-stories tall, is the best place on Earth, and is pretty much just like the Super Airplane as described here, but without the wings. (It does have the wheels, but they’re purely decorative and non-functional.) The best thing about Shaq’s house is the the front door is always open, and Shaq is there.

2) Best Buy – This is the happiest place on Earth, which is slightly different from the “best” designation Shaq’s house has. Given the choice between the two, I’d still pick Shaq’s house, because he has a to-scale Best Buy replica in the second sub-basement.

3) A Field – Wikipedia says:

A field refers generally to an area of land enclosed or otherwise and used for agricultural purposes such as cultivating crops, usage as a paddock or generally an enclosure of livestock, or land left to lie fallow or as arable land.

That sounds pretty accurate.

4) Another Field – This is pretty much the same as the previous field, but it’s just South of it. The lines of demarcation aren’t legal or defined by bank deeds, but rather moral in nature. And that’s a double-subtext.

5) The Woods – This is on the other side of the first field, and has trees and sometimes a moat or sewer pipe, or an arrangement of trees and bushes that can form a fort of sorts, provided you bring some plywood back to cover any gaping holes.

What are your five favorite places? The first 10 people to answer “No place is my favorite :( ” and give a valid reason win trophies.

(Before anything else, @alexiskn won the massive contest of being the coolest person on Thursday.)

Big thanks to @littlefoxy, an explosively charismatic independent filmmaker who helped me re-brand the blog.

This doesn’t mean Prelude to a Super Hammer Drill is coming soon – don’t fret. What it does mean is I had to look up “hammer drill” and make sure it was something I could comprehend.

From what I can tell, it’s like a drill that you have to swing down on some kind of nail/screw amalgam. Like the drill is spinning, and you’ve gotta bash it down onto the scrail at just the right moment, allowing the bit to align with the grooves.

It all seems kinda counter-productive, but if I were gonna go hang out at a construction site one day, I’d hope these are the kinds of activities I’d witness.

The director of WSM? emailed lasterday – he wants you all to know it was the refs’ fault the Celtics lost in triple OT to the Bulls lasterday. It wasn’t Paul Pierce’s fault for laying a weak foul on Noah, thus eliminating himself from the game and giving CHI a three-point-play, all at once.

Nobody understands how hard it is to be a Boston sports fan.

Finally, if you note this Tweet from @ColleenBurns and this witness-style Tweet from @jabberjim, you’ll know I’m really good at a lot of things.

It’s all far too complicated to go into here, but I owe @ColleenBurns a poem. Here’s what I put together, foreshadowing my trip to Orlando this summer.

Brian Spaeth’s Constant Sparkle Two

Silent night,
Holy night,
Constant sparkle,
Yeah that’s right.

Monday night,
Tuesday night,
Constant sparkle,
Summer flight.

Constant sparkle,
Here I come,
Tony Tone Toni,
Maybe go spend the weekend in Tampa.

Constant sparkle,
Like Chernobyl,
Sent via BlackBerry,
From T-Mobyl.

Last thing – @oopspow made up the AirTrain, just in case you see it in my work somewhere one day.

(Follow me on Twitter here.)
(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here.)

UPDATE SAT 4/18: If you’re looking for Cavs/Lasers predictions and thoughts and such, they’ll be on my Twitter feed. “Cavs in 4, with no less than 7 Sheed technicals” sums it up.

To follow up on the whole Texas thing quick – this map is my solution for fixing the entire financial crisis.

1) Sell Montana to China for cash.

2) Agree to let Texas secede, but Trademark the name “Texas” before they do so, while forcing them to agree to my alternative supplied here, then sell the name Texas back to them for cash.

3) This isn’t totally crucial with all the cash we’ll have after steps one and two, but if we can also find a way to move Alaska and Hawaii to those locations shown on the map, I can’t help but think we’ll be a stronger nation.

The big news yesterday was actually this high-speed choo-choo train system Barack Obama wants to build with his own two hands.

If I were smart, I’d go do a find/replace and write myself Prelude to a Super Choo-Choo Train – the media could be all like, “Ooh, he’s so precious with his mind predicting abilities regarding technology and transportation in the near future…ooooh…ooohh…oooh…oo. Look at his muscular arms.”

Fast trains from the future are the way to go, especially if they make that bubble sound like a shuttle pod. Even if they don’t technically make that sound while running, I’d recommend putting in an external speaker system that broadcasts the sound.

It may sound dumb, but I’d be 75% more likely to ride these things if they did this.

Oprah is all about Twitter today – she’s making her first Tweet, after which she’ll hand the account over to a show intern, who will Tweet each day’s guests in a lawyer approved fashion.

Hopefully the show will cover the phenomenon of current and ex-basketball bloggers from Los Angeles interviewing girls from Orlando about the NBA.

The No-Look Pass did a lengthy piece with @alexiskn yesterday, and hit up @ColleenBurns today, who provides a link to a picture worth looking at for sure.

I have my piece with Colleen sitting here, but will probably save it for Monday, because I only ask her one thing about the NBA. Mainly I cover different scenarios in which we would watch Bad Boys II and hold hands.

(Follow me on Twitter here.)
(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here.)

In celebration of me and @ColleenBurns having impending BFFness – you know you can feel it – here’s the until-now unrevealed to the public soundtrack to Prelude to a Super Airplane.

Those of you who have read the book know when in the narrative you’re told to play this ominous, doomsy, track. The rest of you have sad faces.

The three composers are:

Daniel J. Coe – he did the score to WSM?, and saved that movie in more ways than one. Like, seven ways.

Rob Gokee – I’ve known Rob for like three years now. He got me on Twitter, so in some ways he saved my life. (Rob on Twitter.)

Kevin Samuels – Kevin is my lost brother from another life. This is the guy I lived with back in September, when I was subletting in that Armenian building. We share the exact same taste in everything, to an uncanny degree. (Kevin on Twitter.)

I have interviews with all these guys also, which one day I’ll post – I swear. I implore you to listen to this all the way through – Kevin’s track is maybe the most doom-laden of all.

Just to empty the closet out, here are all of Eastham Way’s poems.

Don’t get nervous, but I’ve now shared personal email conversation with @ColleenBurns, and while her email address isn’t “hereiam@gmail.com” like I’d hoped, it still fits into my mental picture of her.

The personal emailing we’re doing is so fun, I can only hope it continues for another week, or maybe even 10 days, or maybe even forever.

We’ve even given each other nicknames – I call her Colleen, and she calls me Shaq Jr.

Here’s something I didn’t know about her, and while I didn’t find it out in our personal emailing we did, I did see it on her Twitter feed lasterday.

about to take my benedryl for the night… u know what is coming, yes @alexiskn a # =) #iheartbenedryl

That last part may be a fun code of some kind, but this sure sounds like she takes a Benedryl every single night, and then calls this other person, @alexiskn, and they have big smiles on the phone together.

She hearts benedryl.

Name brand, or just like a generic Rite Aid brand? You wanna know it! I’m the one who shares personal email conversations, though – so only I have the means to find out.

Cavs look like they’re gonna nail this home record thing – I hope they slaughter Washington by 50 tonight.

Today’s Brad Radby epic is the first one that really has heavy continuity ties to Prelude to a Super Airplane, and that’s Andreanna Marsupial and the Case of the Seven Loves. I’d explain it further, but one doesn’t really need to know the details to understand the jokes.

This was maybe the first big hiccup in Brad’s career on a personal level, as he simply didn’t get along with the woman who wrote the book series the movie is based on. Also, Bon Jovi plays the bad guy.

Andreanna Marsupial, who is Natalie Portman, is 13 years old, and she just moved to a new town that’s really cloudy, and there are no sunshines. Her dad Lugustus Marsupial, who is Bruce Willis, is a detective, and he always has weird and magic cases to take on. Mom is dead, and she is Juliette Binoche, and that’s a flashback sadness that everyone has in their hearts at breakfast because the pancakes and juice aren’t there.

Anything you want to know about Colleen Burns, you let me know in the comments, and I’ll see if I can find out.

Personally, I’d like to produce a series of short films where she walks into places and does her signature entrance.

(Follow me on Twitter here.)
(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here.)