I’ve been working on this script for something that’s being put together, and I’m a little back and forth on the writing style – I do think my time in novel-land messed with me just a bit.
Anyway, here’s a small piece.
Chelsea follows Jazz to the back – she’s all giddy as she passes Colleen, who notices Timothy being all fidgety and nervous. She sits next to him and gives him a napkin.
COLLEEN
Here.
TIMOTHY
We’ll get out of this, right? He can do this?
He takes the napkin all thankfully, but he’s terrified – NOT EVEN THE NAPKIN IS HELPING.
COLLEEN
(hesitant)
I’ve seen Jazz do some...
(beat)
I was at the Jefferson Incident. The Memorial.
TIMOTHY
I know that, Miss Burns.
He unfolds the napkin and starts tearing it up.
TIMOTHY (CONT’D)
I know a lot of things I shouldn’t.
Anyway, the part I’m questioning is the action line that ends with the big “NOT EVEN THE NAPKIN IS HELPING”. Especially the end, but the whole line is in question.
Debating with myself:
1) It does nothing to help from a production angle – it’s really a bunch superfluous words, and there are more compact ways of getting the point across that the napkin isn’t making him more at ease.
Example: He takes the napkin – it brings no comfort.
2) On the other hand, this isn’t a shooting script, and the way it’s written all over-dramatic to the point of stupid helps put across the ridiculous-played-straight tone of the material.
It needs to be played like this napkin should be a Xanax or something, and this is a way to do that without having to be all “even though it’s a napkin, he takes it from her like it should be relaxing him”.
At the same time, I do know that some readers will need their hand held like that, though. (And that’s fine – they’re not predisposed to like this, if I had to guess.)
3) A lot of the script is written in this style, and it reads FUNNY. So tell a coherent a-b-c story along with that, and you’re in good shape – a good story that made you laugh is a successful comedy screenplay.
I dunno – my thoughts – would love yours.
NOTE: For you Prelude to a Super Airplane fans, Timothy is someone you will know, at least indirectly. (It’s not Colonel T, and this story takes place in 2001.)
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So my sister did some photoshoot for a friend last week, and I just got my eyes on the pictures.
If you have no idea what a Two Gun Girl might be, go watch this Two Gun Guy thing.
Anyway, most of this week has been spent brooding and being happy about how sad and happy I am. Also, lots of self-important writing.
Over at AOL Fanhouse, I wrote up my problems with LeBron James, and did a podcast with Brett Pollakoff, wherein I talked about LeBron’s Dancing Crisis, Bill Simmons’ basketball book, and of course some Who Shot Mamba? plugging.
At Yahoo!’s Ball Don’t Lie, there’s a small essay about the logistics and fun of shooting at Bill Walton’s house. Couple cool behind-the-scenes pics – I think in that one I’m trying to explain what an Orange Roundie is.
LOL!
What.
At CT Kingston’s blog – otherwise known as @CTK1, I did maybe my favorite Photoshop work I’ve ever done for part of her mega-super-2009-roundup-post.
Thanks also to @DennyMayo, @mfeige, @cjrider, and @thegnc for joining me in that Matt Bullard-based Houston Rockets chat, helping to bring Calvin Stadiums, Petey Skippen, Sherpa, Peter Ovaire, Brad Radby, Russell Slanteer, Monstero, and others to vivid life.
Keep in mind we are twins, but I’ma go ahead and say it – do you want to date my sister?
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I was doing a reformat on the Kindle version of Prelude to a Super Airplane over the weekend, and totally forgot there’s an amalgamated Twilight + Harry Potter series of novels that are part of the 19th subplot.
Anyway, Chapter 30 of PTSA was actually an excerpt from one of the books.
I thought this an apt time to post it here – if you’ve never read the Twilight books, sadly this is exactly what they’re written like. Everything after this sentence is lifted directly from my book.
30
(I know this has nothing to do with airplanes, but I wanted to put it here, because I’m hoping if I put like a blurb on the cover, I can sell more copies of the book.
This is an excerpt from “Andreanna Marsupial and the New Moon’s Glow”, the fourth book in the Andreanna Marsupial saga. All material is copyright of the author, Stephenie Piperbraum, or however you say that correctly.)
CHAPTER 143 – THE END OF ACT 1
I wasn’t sure. I didn’t know if I should or not. The television was sitting there in front of me, and I’d been looking at it for several hours, debating whether to turn it on or not. My father, Lugustus, had bought the television many years ago – it was old now, but when he bought it, it was new.
[Like here is how to read the rest.]
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At the start of the movie, Brad is finishing the new cover for his book, which he did because he has his exciting ADD and wanted to make people confused.
The inside of the book was still the same, and like that was so the paparazzi would not go crazy?
Brad used inDesign.
So like then Brad looked at the 14,000 different formats he would need to re-create to make the eBook version of his excitement book widely available, and like that made him do his vomiting, and he cursed society again.
But Brad saw that now the Kindle software was available for PCs, and so that was a good thing that he liked to have happen, even though Kindle formatting robs him of all the exciting fonts that he likes so much, and that it was a somewhat archaic device the day it was released.
Brad right then like at that moment made a decision that until the Apple Tablet arrived and fixed society, he was only going to keep it simple and have his book only available in three ways: Paperback, PDF, and Kindle.
He also decided this would include any related books that he appeared in as a character, like Prelude to a Super Airplane.
(Brad also knew that he thought it was funny how the publisher was like, “Hey, do you know that you state this Brian Spaeth person is the author, but the cover misspells his name, and doesn’t even list him as the actual author?”
Brad was just like “LOL!! Hit that publish button BRO.”)
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I spent about an hour and a half yesterday watching the marathon of the two original V miniseries on SyFy while I worked.
When I was done with that, I stopped pretending to get work done, and instead embraced my wild nostalgia for the subsequent 8.5 hours.
After that, I went and read the recaps of the single season of the regular TV series.
It wasn’t until I reached this synopsis of the last episode that I realized what a profound effect this franchise had on my work, particularly the type of writing I’ve been doing for about the past year.
When Diana learns that Mike and Philip have agreed to a friendly fencing exhibition, she orders James to make sure the swords are deadly — instead of unarmed exhibition weapons, Mike and Philip will use swords charged with nuclear disintegrators.
Now, if that doesn’t sound like it’s right out of my Brad Radby book or my Saved By the Bell Begins, I don’t know what does.
After reading that, I couldn’t help it, and started watching the episodes on thewb.com – particularly because of the way Marc Singer’s Mike Donovan embraces the action jump, the action run, the action ladder-climb, the action casual walk, and the action going-out-to-dinner.
Those of you who have seen 2WO G2N G2Y – which is nobody – would be as shocked as I am to see I’m basically doing Mike Donovan in that role.
You can watch some choice Donovan clips right here.
Oh, and if you’ve read my Prelude to a Super Airplane book, you know that the V screengrab at the start of the post was also good for a mild heart attack.
What is your favorite kind of action thing to do and when was the last time you did it.
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I’m actually really wiped out from this surgery and probably overdid it yesterday, so I’ma take it easy today. My brain is kinda dead…no jokes or thoughts are happening. I also have to go back to the doctor for inspection.
I was gonna write up my idea for a water-park style playland that’s made of dirt, but I just don’t have it in me. For now, enjoy this picture from Reid Gershbein, aka @thraveboy – he made the film “Here. My Explosion…” that I looked at back here.
That’s the happiest picture on Earf!
While I’m resting, can you tell me the happiest picture you’ve ever take in your life? If you’re more of a miserable sort, how about the saddest picture you’ve ever taken?
Link to either if you can – I’ll send my favorite a free copy of Prelude to a Super Airplane – I just got a shipment, so I’m sitting on a bunch.
(You can follow Inflatable Ben from WSM? right here on Twitter – I think he’ll be out hunting booty babes in his own smooth fashion.)
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Former contributor to my old website (which has finally been restored/overhauled into its final “death” format) Jordi Scrubbings emailed with some troubling questions regarding elements of my first book, Prelude to a Super Airplane.
I’m reading your book. 2 questions:
1) The VP was 108 years old in 2012. That would mean he was born after January the year AFTER the first airplane flight. Do you explain why he is not 109 years old? Or do you not think of old airplanes?
2) Where is the best place to read the final 100 pages? I was thinking in an airplane terminal sitting next to a 25 yr old brunette female model singer person. Any other recommendations?
I’ma tackle the second question first, because it’s easier – you need internet access to fully experience the final 100 pages, because therein is when you’re instructed to turn on the soundtrack. Without the musical backing, a certain sequence won’t be nearly as tumultuous as it needs to be.
That said, reading PTSA inside an actual airplane station is a huge positive – there’s nothing like the viral, tempest-laden joy one absorbs seeing the various airplane riders about to take their respective airplane rides.
That, or maybe read it in the locker room at the gym.
As to the first question, this is just a massive mistake, and perhaps somewhere in the future I can write Prelude to a Ye Olde Tyme Airplane, wherein I can clean up continuity, while also telling the Wright Brothers story through my own olde tyme eyes. I’m disappointed I didn’t think to connect Stanley Naiboir’s birth with the first airplane ride, considering how much tying together of other stuff there is.
Sorry if you were looking for more shirtless discussion today, but one simply can’t unload that type of emotional internal-external conflict two days in a row. In any case – I love hearing feedback on the book, especially the kind like this, wherein it seems like the person is actually reading it.
Here is Jordi’s website and Jordi’s Twitter.
Oh, and I asked this yesterday but nobody answered – DO YOU USE GMAIL???
(Do a tempest and check out the first 55 pages of Prelude to a Super Airplane for free by clicking here. It’s also available in paperback, or on iPhone/Kindle for only 1.99.)
(Follow me on Twitter here.)
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(In the picture below, @alexiskn shows the first and second best uses for my book – as a placeholder for real books, and as the Tobey Maguire to her Joan Allen home.** You can see that it’s already infected that sad-face copy of Lord of the Flies.)
I was on IMDB looking up information on Robert Downey Jr, and came across 2006’s The Shaggy Dog. From the message board:
I saw this movie about six months ago on a field trip. The only reason that I chose this movie was that I only had four options. There was this girl from my group that was laughing every five minutes. Clearly she has no taste. Anyway, did Tim Allen have to be naked? I mean, what is so wrong with a dog with clothes on?
Someone follows up by pointing out that dogs don’t wear clothes. It turns into a heated discussion about who’s more stupid, and the scientific logic of a human turning into a dog in real life, and whether said dog would wear clothes or not.
This all brings me back to late 2004 or so, a time wherein I didn’t have a blog at all, and occasionally did background work in TV and movies.
You see, I spent about two weeks on The Shaggy Dog, and if you listen really closely, you might hear myself and some girl (as “Courtroom Gallery Members”) screaming, “OH F–K!!! WE’RE ALL GONNA GET AIDS!!! AAAHHHH!!!!!” when we were supposed to be “confused and a little surprised” regarding Tim Allen barking in the middle of court.
I’m not actually onscreen there as more than a shoulder, but I did make it in during the restaurant scene, when Kristin Davis is stood up by her naked dog husband. I’m the guy in the v-neck sweater fake-eating salmon. The twist is that I real-ate five plates of that stuff, and that’s because I was hungry.
I’m sure I have a ton of stories like this, but I’ve largely blocked out the +/-6 months I spent doing background actoring – it’s an awful way to spend time, although highly educational with regard to how sets work.
You can also meet lots of girls, and learn the delicate art of not committing suicide after spending a day around little kids who have better careers than you.
I’ll be at the doctor this afternoon, and will do my best to Tweet the entire thing, as mentioned the other day. First person to correctly guess what the appointment is for wins their own colorful and lifesaving copy of PTSA.
**Reading it is actually the tenth best utilization of the book.
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(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here – it’s available in paperback, or iPhone/Kindle for only 1.99.)
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So I’m done with this team for Game 5 – if it goes to six, I’ll tune back in.
As you know, I’m a huge baby, and have no tolerance for a team that doesn’t play to its potential. My (I assume) final word for the season on the Cavaliers:
1) LeBron posting up inside has a 100% success rate. That’s not an exaggeration.
2) When they’re driving and moving on offense, there’s little problem scoring, and it has a nice residual affect of throwing ORL off their offensive rhythm by making them concentrate on other things. (Not that they’re not a good defensive team, but you’re really helping them when you just stand around the perimeter holding the ball.)
3) For some reason, at really inopportune times and for no apparent reason, 1 and 2 just stop happening for awhile. Stan Van Gundy, when asked what ORL was doing differently on national TV, said “nothing”.
4) This is an ongoing thing, but why is the last minute of every quarter some kind of “LeBron goes one-on-one while everyone stands around” zone? If you’ve been scoring running “A” for eleven minutes, what is it about minute number twelve that makes you run “B”?
5) More than anything, they lost lasterday because they kept making stupid mistakes. Just dumb little things like not hustling for a loose ball (Z in the 4th), or Boobie making that idiotic foul on that old fisherman guy, or especially how they screwed up using the clock in the last minute of regulation. There’s no excuse for not calling a time-out there and making sure everyone has their heads on straight.
This is the antitheses of how they played all season – this was a team that has had a total of one turnover in a game before, and while they played hard this series, I don’t think I saw that rabid defense even once – the one where they’re all up in your face before you can even get the shot off.
This looks like one of those infamous 5-game sweeps, and I have no idea how it happened – how does a 66-win team get swept by this Orlando group? I mean, they’re really good and everything, but they start Rafer Alston and a rookie in the backcourt. Dwight is great and will fix all the problems in his game eventually, but right now, you can drop a double on him the instant he gets the ball, and you’ve got a good shot at a turnover.
I think this one deserves a name.
(Follow me on Twitter here.)
(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here – it’s available in paperback, or iPhone/Kindle for only 1.99.)
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Here’s another quiz that came in from a Prelude to a Super Airplane reader:
Sigh…#5 was a yes or no question. Good job otherwise, although as a female in 2009, you can buy things for yourself.
I must throw big complimentary hand-waves here also, for the clear (and requested) mutilation of your copy of the book. You Kindle/iPhone people are missing out on the joys of destroying something so precious with your own two hands.
(If you have no idea what’s going on, go check out the quiz, as it’s part of Chapter 2, which is excerpted in full, right here on the online internet website.)
Okay, let’s get right down to it. I’ve gotten more “why haven’t you posted about LeBron’s shot” emails than I ever got about any single subject over at YAYsports!, and the readership here is like 1/100th of what it was back then.
The fact is, I didn’t post about their Game 1 loss, and so felt it only fair to not post about the Game 2 win, lest I be labeled something I don’t want to be, like a sports writer. Here are answers to all the general Cavs-Magic issues I’ve had thrown at me:
1) My reaction to the shot was eerily similar to my reaction to Jordan’s shot 20 years ago, which is actually one of my earliest vivid memories. Stunned silence. It was a total non-reaction, as I’d already gone into “Cleveland sports fan” mode, ie I’d thrown in the towel and allowed the emptiness to creep into my soul.
I’d actually popped off texts to @alexiskn and @ColleenBurns asking them in advance not to trash talk me, because of my broken heart and low self-esteem.
(Here’s my story of the moment when I first truly understood being a Cleveland fan, if you’ve never read it before.)
2) Yeah, I was wrong about that sweep. Now you can stop sending the hilarious emails where you remind me I called for a sweep.
3) If you’re blaming this on the refs…doesn’t really work. There have been too many calls for sure, but it hasn’t been one-sided, and if there were ever a year the league and 20 different companies are obviously pulling for two certain teams, it’s this one. The conspiracy would go the other way.
4) As you can expect, I blame most of this on LeBron. Forget his stats – I haven’t seen Angry LeBron yet, and he needs to realize and accept that they need him to go play inside. I know he hates it, but with no post presence, they’re finished. And wow – when Dwight Howard is in foul trouble, take it to him every single time.
5) Related to that, the two big leads were built by starting off the game going to Z. This gets him going, and also opens everything up. I said all year they wouldn’t win in the Playoffs playing outside-in against a good team, and that’s exactly what they’ve been doing.
I really have no true predictions for tonight, but I’m mentally prepared for them to lose in some horrific fashion.
(Follow me on Twitter here.)
(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here – it’s available in paperback, or iPhone/Kindle for only 1.99.)
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