I’d heard of Cyber Monday before, but never really paid any attention to what it was.

Am I glad it finally hit my radar this year or what.

Thanks to [...]]]> (I wrote two blog posts on Saturday, including one that got me #1 in Google for “can the Pawn Stars guy fly“.)

I’d heard of Cyber Monday before, but never really paid any attention to what it was.

Am I glad it finally hit my radar this year or what.

Thanks to the 4000 emails from any and every website I’ve ever been to, I’m now aware of the following deal from Costco, available only today, i.e. a celebration of technology, and microchips, and etc.

100% Pure Wagyu Beef, Prime Rib Roast, BMI Grade 8+
8 lb. Minimum Weight
Item # 620587
$299.99

Estimated delivery time is only 3-5 business days, so my beef should be here soon. Not only does it ship ready to cook, but according to Mr. Costco, I’ll be “proud to showcase this 100% Pure Wagyu Roast as the center of attention at your holiday dinner table!”

I love being proud of things.

For real, how majestic is that piece of meat. Look how it can stand up on its own – not like those lazy steaks.

Just imagine what kind of animal my new Pure Wagyu Beef used to be – it was definitely one of those horses that kings ride, or maybe a prince, or the prince’s best friend, who is also his secret crush.

The poor prince – he’s expected to marry a princess, and rule the lands for all of yorn time, but he desires only to lay with Veely, the peasant girl from the Mulbury Slums. The prince’s uppity friends at University nicknamed that area of the kingdom The Mulls, like their fathers before them.

How did Cyber Monday become so sullen. Do I even want this Eight Pounds of Pure Wagyu Beef anymore – it only brings back bad feelings.

Let me know if you want it, and I will refuse the UPS shipment, then put in a request to have it sent your way.

#deep

They were pacing up and down the pan aisle and like he was holding a pan, and she was like looking at it [...]]]> I tried really hard to take a picture of these two people in Target today, but they were making me have my laugh so hard that I couldn’t get close enough.

They were pacing up and down the pan aisle and like he was holding a pan, and she was like looking at it like she was trying to decide whether to have an abortion or not.

All I could think about was how they were at home and were all like, “Well, let’s go get the pan,” and whichever one didn’t say that responded by putting on a hat.

If it was the boy it was a baseball cap, and if it was the girl it was a horse-racing audience hat.

The best part about the whole sequence was when I fell on the floor and starting rolling around, like on the internet.

That was when the girl came over and asked what was so funny, and I told her the pan was on sale last week, and she clapped her hands all angry, like people do at the doctor’s office when they find out they have aids.

Well, she was like, “Oooh, you care about saving the mosquitos. [...]]]> I was in a T-Mobile last night being like, “Hey, how did my minutes plan get down to 500/month when it used to be unlimited, and now I owe you like $900 that I’d rather spend on mosquito nets for Egypt or whatever, right.”

Well, she was like, “Oooh, you care about saving the mosquitos. How did you get so deep, and look at your nice eyes.”

I paused and gave her a look like, “You know I’m gonna save every last one of those little guys, babe,” and then cracked my neck and like made may shoulders go up and down like my muscles were going crazy!

The problem was solved, because she hopped right on with the T-Mobile Command Center and was like, “Fix this guy’s situation,” and they did that, plus they backdated it to 2008.

That means she gave me all the money from the store because of how I’d been paying too much for three years now.

Try and make that happen with your iPhone at the Verizon store.

Who is an alpha dawg today.

I’m actually conducting a new experiment where I turn on the TV, listen to the first line of dialog I hear, and then write a [...]]]> You may think this is just something that a police guy said to me last night after the incident I had at the store, but that’s not it at all.

I’m actually conducting a new experiment where I turn on the TV, listen to the first line of dialog I hear, and then write a super short script about it.

I like that.

Wow.

Can you guess which TV show the line of dialog came from. Here is a hint – it wasn’t Dancing at Some Stars.

On sale in October and that book is The Christmas Bridge, but more about that later.)

Well maybe you saw that my friend Barnes & Noble, Inc. [...]]]> (So that’s the temp cover for the new book and it’s a book that I wrote and it has 200 pages for you to read at.

On sale in October and that book is The Christmas Bridge, but more about that later.)

Well maybe you saw that my friend Barnes & Noble, Inc. (BKS/NYSE, 15.03 -0.53‎ (-3.41%‎))‎ is having a sad time and also their enemy who is my friend Borders has a virus too and that virus is that they will be like Circuit City soon.

That means instead of goods and employees they will have dust in there and also maybe some extension cords the manager forgot because of being mad about not having his job happen to him anymore.

Hey, looking good today.

A good idea I had about those stores is maybe the governors can make the zoning laws go all DJ Trucker and it can be so people can live in those places.

Also empty malls are a neat place to make our apartments and condos be.

For real, someone with a degree tell me why it can’t happen and when you do your telling be nice not like that Blockbuster guy who got all mean yesterday when I was taking measurements of his main checkout to see if my stove would fit there so I could make macaroni at my housewarming party.

How do those mall perfume stores stay open. lol

I was playing spy games at them and that was a fun read and there were 614 Diggs at it with a new fark website.

Here it [...]]]> If you don’t remember when it was yesterday and a couple business guys were sharing conversations about the big $10/hr deal then go look at that.

I was playing spy games at them and that was a fun read and there were 614 Diggs at it with a new fark website.

Here it comes again but at a different place and also it is just one guy and another guy and that guy is on the first guy’s phone and it’s a mobile phone.

They call those a “moving telly” in Europe and that’s a clue about this guy maybe.

clancey here chop a lingo the first one left my card in the uk

no i left my card in the uk thanks

rope a dope junction about that i left my card in the uk

trains mate

Okay so at this part I did an interruption meme and asked for some retalking and that happened after a look that was like “oh are you making dot coms aboot me conversation, laddy”.

So it kept going is the lesson and the talking was louder so my ears could get to it in a way that was better.

sorry rope a dope that’s yew kay not uck

After that part a major babe in a denim blue jeans dress came to the Starbucks and I made a move for the Spaghetti Warehouse Date and that happened.

I am at there right now and what a stud I am to be like this already.

Do you believe in miracles.

When I got there a weird customer at the counter was getting done telling the working girl that she should be a model and she did bulimia at that part of his creepy [...]]]> Well the truth is I’m in this Starbucks and that’s a place for buying coffee and snacks that are pretentious.

When I got there a weird customer at the counter was getting done telling the working girl that she should be a model and she did bulimia at that part of his creepy story.

Here comes the exciting part so get ready.

After I traded money for water and the water was in a bottle I sat down and did some eavesdropping on these guys and they are guys that are a couple tables down.

These are the parts that I heard and it was like this that I heard them.

hey mark how’s it going I just did a pirouette so we’re all set up

if you go to the reports tab we’re all set up

now go to quarterly tax preparation we’re all set up

go ahead to the biroway that should be set up get a screenshot of yourself so I can verify your information is correct mark

sure sure hourly rate booty what it’s ten an hour can you put that in real quick mark great tabs tabs tabs that’s the future mark i love you

Oh man this should be a whole dot com blog and that’s for sure maybe it can be called The Overheard Wrong On Purpose Businessmen Blog On the Real.

I like things that are popular and also pretty girls are another thing I like.

Do you like that same stuff if so keep reading here comes more blogs. lol

At times, this includes actual amusing things, and that’s like an exciting thing to have happen.

It’s usually at Borders, where I pretend to write and instead mess around on various hot and exclusive instant messaging platforms [...]]]> You’re aware that I can go pretty much anywhere and find things to amuse myself with.

At times, this includes actual amusing things, and that’s like an exciting thing to have happen.

It’s usually at Borders, where I pretend to write and instead mess around on various hot and exclusive instant messaging platforms of some note.

Brian: This dude in Borders is laughing at something on his laptop and this woman reading “Civil War Times” is looking at him dismissively lolol

Girl: Omg lol

Brian: It’s not like there’s hot new civil war news lolol
Brian: The South – Fighting Mad! (And what it means for you!) pg 25

Girl: Unsure which side you are on? Take our quiz on page 46!

Brian: General Lee – He’s Just Like Us!

Girl: Is she wearing arm warmers
Girl: Like leg warmers but for your arms

Brian: Nah it’s a pink sweater with some kind of sweater vest
Brian: I want to start a magazine about people who read that magazine
Brian: Like we could profile her

Girl: Dude you should just start a magazine about people in borders
Girl: And sell is exclusively at borders and like people who read it and find that they are featured in it can bring it up to the counter and prove it’s them and they get like a prize or something

Brian: Lol
Brian: You know I am putting this on my blog thx

Girl: I hate when you do this trick ttyl

Once the lady left I went and picked up the magazine – there was only one copy on the shelves.

Perhaps the most interesting thing was a sizable “Note From the Editor” right at the front that warned readers there was a scam going around wherein people would call them and warn that their subscriptions were up, and that they needed their credit card numbers right away.

Says something about their target demo, which is primarily premature and naive historical enthusiasts. Not sure how you measure that.

In the back of the mag was a political cartoon that I’d guess 14 people on Earth would understand – luckily I was one, and I laughed so hard, and then I had something to bond with the laptop guy about.

FULL CIRCLE MONDAY IS WHERE I’M COMING FROM.

While you wait for Lost to start tonight, here’s the conclusion to WSM? – my Rocky Balboa moment to be sure.

So I was on Blackberry Messenger with the [...]]]> To preface this, you need to know that I locked my keys in my car about a week ago, and the AAA guy that came to get them out was FURIOUS at my ineptness, especially when it turned out the keys weren’t even in the car.

So I was on Blackberry Messenger with the same person I was on with when it happened last time.

Brian: Gah damn it I left my lights on now my battery is dead

Girl: Omg brian
Girl: You have so many car troubles

Brian: I swear I call AAA once a week lol

Girl: LOL

Brian: it’s not the car it’s me – just always in a hurry

Girl: Omg if that same guy some again
Girl: Comes

Brian: Lololol oh god it’s even more cold today

Girl: Lol forever

Brian: I will buy him this romance novel from borders
Brian: IMG00608.jpg ( 77.03KB )

Girl: LOLOL

Brian: I’m just like “sorry man I know it’s cold I got this for you”

Girl: “This should keep you warm at least a little”

Brian: Lol
Brian: Oh man it is cold out

Girl: : (

Brian: My hands have frostbite and no longer work

Girl: R u wearing shorts again
Girl: Oh no lol

Brian: LOL
Brian: Like my car won’t start and also I tripped on the curb and fell down and can’t get up lol

Girl: LOLOL

Brian: Nobody will help me lol

Girl: Lmao
Girl: Omg

Brian: I’m loling for real right in the middle of the store lol

Girl: Lol lol lol

Brian: Oh god the car just started now what lolol
Brian: He will get here and I won’t be lol

Girl: LOL SHUT UP

Brian: I will leave the book on the ground with a sorry note

Girl: Omg I’m dying
Girl: LOL
Girl: Horrible

Brian: Oh man I am glad I can share this with you

Girl: Lol omg me too brian

Brian: going to the gym – time to get big and strong!

What happens to all my BBM pals when the Google Phone takes hold of my life January 5th? Do you think I can still find ways to have mobile instant messaging fun?

(My ego isn’t that crazy – something I’m working on has a a few loose tie-ins, and I wanted to make sure my continuity wasn’t getting screwy.

That said, I’ve read [...]]]> I spent a good four or five hours in a Borders on Saturday, reading my own book, Prelude to a Super Airplane.

(My ego isn’t that crazy – something I’m working on has a a few loose tie-ins, and I wanted to make sure my continuity wasn’t getting screwy.

That said, I’ve read it purely for pleasure something like 27 times.)

In any case, I didn’t get much reading actually done, since the two elderly ladies over my knee there spent lengthy amounts of time talking about the merits of Nick Cannon, whom one of them referred to as, “that colored fella from America’s Talent Show“.

As if that – and my need to IM everything I was hearing to a friend – wasn’t enough, at a tumultuous moment, the following seven people came in and sat at a nearby table.

- white female/21
- white male/52
- latino male/16
- white male/28
- white male/48
- latino female/58
- white female/35

This was an amazingly odd grouping of people, because they didn’t seem to know each other at all.

Book club? No books.
Parent-teacher thing? No – there was a lot of introductory conversation, and the mix wasn’t right.
Fellow Nick Cannon enthusiasts? No mention of Nick Cannon.

It was really starting to bother me – there were no logical scenarios.

My IM companion said I should go sit down and apologize for being late, which I considered, along with simply asking them, “WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU HERE, YOU SOBs. ALSO DO YOU WANT TO BUY MY BOOK.”

You may think I wouldn’t do this – I assure you I would, minus the SOB-calling and book-selling.

I didn’t have to though, because the 16-year old boy was squeezing the 21-year old girl’s leg under the table. She smiled, and had braces – I reasoned she wasn’t 22 at all, but rather 15 or 16 herself.

Then a flurry of info came forth – 35-year old whitey has infertility issues. She said this with a conviction and volume that amazed the entire cafe section. 52-year old white male runs down his family’s health history.

Adoption and “staying in the baby’s life” are discussed.

28-year old whitey – now reasoned to be in his mid-30s – tries to discuss Madden 2010 with the boy. He’s full of wonderment about how, “All the real players are in the game now…wow, how neat.” Buddy, they had that 20 years ago when you were growing up – did you only play Metroid and Zelda.

In any case…these teens were pregnant, and having a nice meeting about giving the baby away.

At BORDERS.

By the way, if you go to that Borders, there’s now a signed copy of PTSA randomly placed in the Cooking section. Where would you have your baby-momma adoption meeting.