(So that’s the temp cover for the new book and it’s a book that I wrote and it has 200 pages for you to read at.
On sale in October and that book is The Christmas Bridge, but more about that later.)
Well maybe you saw that my friend Barnes & Noble, Inc. (BKS/NYSE, 15.03 -0.53 (-3.41%)) is having a sad time and also their enemy who is my friend Borders has a virus too and that virus is that they will be like Circuit City soon.
That means instead of goods and employees they will have dust in there and also maybe some extension cords the manager forgot because of being mad about not having his job happen to him anymore.
Hey, looking good today.
A good idea I had about those stores is maybe the governors can make the zoning laws go all DJ Trucker and it can be so people can live in those places.
Also empty malls are a neat place to make our apartments and condos be.
For real, someone with a degree tell me why it can’t happen and when you do your telling be nice not like that Blockbuster guy who got all mean yesterday when I was taking measurements of his main checkout to see if my stove would fit there so I could make macaroni at my housewarming party.
If you don’t remember when it was yesterday and a couple business guys were sharing conversations about the big $10/hr deal then go look at that.
I was playing spy games at them and that was a fun read and there were 614 Diggs at it with a new fark website.
Here it comes again but at a different place and also it is just one guy and another guy and that guy is on the first guy’s phone and it’s a mobile phone.
They call those a “moving telly” in Europe and that’s a clue about this guy maybe.
clancey here chop a lingo the first one left my card in the uk
no i left my card in the uk thanks
rope a dope junction about that i left my card in the uk
trains mate
Okay so at this part I did an interruption meme and asked for some retalking and that happened after a look that was like “oh are you making dot coms aboot me conversation, laddy”.
So it kept going is the lesson and the talking was louder so my ears could get to it in a way that was better.
sorry rope a dope that’s yew kay not uck
After that part a major babe in a denim blue jeans dress came to the Starbucks and I made a move for the Spaghetti Warehouse Date and that happened.
I am at there right now and what a stud I am to be like this already.
Well the truth is I’m in this Starbucks and that’s a place for buying coffee and snacks that are pretentious.
When I got there a weird customer at the counter was getting done telling the working girl that she should be a model and she did bulimia at that part of his creepy story.
Here comes the exciting part so get ready.
After I traded money for water and the water was in a bottle I sat down and did some eavesdropping on these guys and they are guys that are a couple tables down.
These are the parts that I heard and it was like this that I heard them.
hey mark how’s it going I just did a pirouette so we’re all set up
if you go to the reports tab we’re all set up
now go to quarterly tax preparation we’re all set up
go ahead to the biroway that should be set up get a screenshot of yourself so I can verify your information is correct mark
sure sure hourly rate booty what it’s ten an hour can you put that in real quick mark great tabs tabs tabs that’s the future mark i love you
Oh man this should be a whole dot com blog and that’s for sure maybe it can be called The Overheard Wrong On Purpose Businessmen Blog On the Real.
I like things that are popular and also pretty girls are another thing I like.
Do you like that same stuff if so keep reading here comes more blogs. lol
You’re aware that I can go pretty much anywhere and find things to amuse myself with.
At times, this includes actual amusing things, and that’s like an exciting thing to have happen.
It’s usually at Borders, where I pretend to write and instead mess around on various hot and exclusive instant messaging platforms of some note.
Brian: This dude in Borders is laughing at something on his laptop and this woman reading “Civil War Times” is looking at him dismissively lolol
Girl: Omg lol
Brian: It’s not like there’s hot new civil war news lolol
Brian: The South – Fighting Mad! (And what it means for you!) pg 25
Girl: Unsure which side you are on? Take our quiz on page 46!
Brian: General Lee – He’s Just Like Us!
Girl: Is she wearing arm warmers
Girl: Like leg warmers but for your arms
Brian: Nah it’s a pink sweater with some kind of sweater vest
Brian: I want to start a magazine about people who read that magazine
Brian: Like we could profile her
Girl: Dude you should just start a magazine about people in borders
Girl: And sell is exclusively at borders and like people who read it and find that they are featured in it can bring it up to the counter and prove it’s them and they get like a prize or something
Brian: Lol
Brian: You know I am putting this on my blog thx
Girl: I hate when you do this trick ttyl
Once the lady left I went and picked up the magazine – there was only one copy on the shelves.
Perhaps the most interesting thing was a sizable “Note From the Editor” right at the front that warned readers there was a scam going around wherein people would call them and warn that their subscriptions were up, and that they needed their credit card numbers right away.
Says something about their target demo, which is primarily premature and naive historical enthusiasts. Not sure how you measure that.
In the back of the mag was a political cartoon that I’d guess 14 people on Earth would understand – luckily I was one, and I laughed so hard, and then I had something to bond with the laptop guy about.
FULL CIRCLE MONDAY IS WHERE I’M COMING FROM.
While you wait for Lost to start tonight, here’s the conclusion to WSM? – my Rocky Balboa moment to be sure.
To preface this, you need to know that I locked my keys in my car about a week ago, and the AAA guy that came to get them out was FURIOUS at my ineptness, especially when it turned out the keys weren’t even in the car.
So I was on Blackberry Messenger with the same person I was on with when it happened last time.
Brian: Gah damn it I left my lights on now my battery is dead
Girl: Omg brian
Girl: You have so many car troubles
Brian: I swear I call AAA once a week lol
Girl: LOL
Brian: it’s not the car it’s me – just always in a hurry
Girl: Omg if that same guy some again
Girl: Comes
Brian: Lololol oh god it’s even more cold today
Girl: Lol forever
Brian: I will buy him this romance novel from borders
Brian: IMG00608.jpg ( 77.03KB )
Girl: LOLOL
Brian: I’m just like “sorry man I know it’s cold I got this for you”
Girl: “This should keep you warm at least a little”
Brian: Lol
Brian: Oh man it is cold out
Girl: : (
Brian: My hands have frostbite and no longer work
Girl: R u wearing shorts again
Girl: Oh no lol
Brian: LOL
Brian: Like my car won’t start and also I tripped on the curb and fell down and can’t get up lol
Girl: LOLOL
Brian: Nobody will help me lol
Girl: Lmao
Girl: Omg
Brian: I’m loling for real right in the middle of the store lol
Girl: Lol lol lol
Brian: Oh god the car just started now what lolol
Brian: He will get here and I won’t be lol
Girl: LOL SHUT UP
Brian: I will leave the book on the ground with a sorry note
Girl: Omg I’m dying
Girl: LOL
Girl: Horrible
Brian: Oh man I am glad I can share this with you
Girl: Lol omg me too brian
Brian: going to the gym – time to get big and strong!
What happens to all my BBM pals when the Google Phone takes hold of my life January 5th? Do you think I can still find ways to have mobile instant messaging fun?
I spent a good four or five hours in a Borders on Saturday, reading my own book, Prelude to a Super Airplane.
(My ego isn’t that crazy – something I’m working on has a a few loose tie-ins, and I wanted to make sure my continuity wasn’t getting screwy.
That said, I’ve read it purely for pleasure something like 27 times.)
In any case, I didn’t get much reading actually done, since the two elderly ladies over my knee there spent lengthy amounts of time talking about the merits of Nick Cannon, whom one of them referred to as, “that colored fella from America’s Talent Show“.
As if that – and my need to IM everything I was hearing to a friend – wasn’t enough, at a tumultuous moment, the following seven people came in and sat at a nearby table.
- white female/21
- white male/52
- latino male/16
- white male/28
- white male/48
- latino female/58
- white female/35
This was an amazingly odd grouping of people, because they didn’t seem to know each other at all.
Book club? No books.
Parent-teacher thing? No – there was a lot of introductory conversation, and the mix wasn’t right.
Fellow Nick Cannon enthusiasts? No mention of Nick Cannon.
It was really starting to bother me – there were no logical scenarios.
My IM companion said I should go sit down and apologize for being late, which I considered, along with simply asking them, “WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU HERE, YOU SOBs. ALSO DO YOU WANT TO BUY MY BOOK.”
You may think I wouldn’t do this – I assure you I would, minus the SOB-calling and book-selling.
I didn’t have to though, because the 16-year old boy was squeezing the 21-year old girl’s leg under the table. She smiled, and had braces – I reasoned she wasn’t 22 at all, but rather 15 or 16 herself.
Then a flurry of info came forth – 35-year old whitey has infertility issues. She said this with a conviction and volume that amazed the entire cafe section. 52-year old white male runs down his family’s health history.
Adoption and “staying in the baby’s life” are discussed.
28-year old whitey – now reasoned to be in his mid-30s – tries to discuss Madden 2010 with the boy. He’s full of wonderment about how, “All the real players are in the game now…wow, how neat.” Buddy, they had that 20 years ago when you were growing up – did you only play Metroid and Zelda.
In any case…these teens were pregnant, and having a nice meeting about giving the baby away.
At BORDERS.
By the way, if you go to that Borders, there’s now a signed copy of PTSA randomly placed in the Cooking section. Where would you have your baby-momma adoption meeting.
Well…today is the 30th anniversary of Home Depot and I think you know that means I want to talk about Home Depot and maybe go to Home Depot and when I get there I will say HAPPY BIRFDAY to everyone in the whole store and they will know how happy I am for them and even though they haven’t worked there since the start of Home Depot I will make them feel like they’re a real part of the team and that’s good for morale and even though I don’t work there or have anything to do with them other than the time I bought some lumber and a hammer and then had to go back and buy nails to complete the project I feel a great affection for the company because we used some of their ICONIC orange buckets as background props in the dead snake movie that starts running on 9/15 and also other orange stuff that we bought at the 99 cent store and man oh man there’s another thriving company selling everything for 99 cents but not as thriving as Home Depot because thirty years is a long time to be selling plants and hammers and lumber and drills and sinks and sod and whatever else they sell maybe light bulbs (sp?) but they only started selling those like ten years ago so the glass-light-givers will be shunned by me when I go in to do my big HAPPY BIRFDAY Home Depot parade that I’ll have and maybe I’ll try to drive my Japanese brand SUV right through the front door as a type of symbolism for Pearl Harbor.
I missed you guys after all the Saved By the Bell Begins action last week. Tell me about the last time you were in Home Depot. Or Lowe’s – that’s fine, also.
(So that’s the temp cover for the new book and it’s a book that I wrote and it has 200 pages for you to read at. 
Well…today is the 30th anniversary of Home Depot and I think you know that means I want to talk about Home Depot and maybe go to Home Depot and when I get there I will say HAPPY BIRFDAY to everyone in the whole store and they will know how happy I am for them and even though they haven’t worked there since the start of Home Depot I will make them feel like they’re a real part of the team and that’s good for morale and even though I don’t work there or have anything to do with them other than the time I bought some lumber and a hammer and then had to go back and buy nails to complete the project I feel a great affection for the company because we used some of their ICONIC orange buckets as background props in the dead snake movie that starts running on 9/15 and also other orange stuff that we bought at the 99 cent store and man oh man there’s another thriving company selling everything for 99 cents but not as thriving as Home Depot because thirty years is a long time to be selling plants and hammers and lumber and drills and sinks and sod and whatever else they sell maybe light bulbs (sp?) but they only started selling those like ten years ago so the glass-light-givers will be shunned by me when I go in to do my big HAPPY BIRFDAY Home Depot parade that I’ll have and maybe I’ll try to drive my Japanese brand SUV right through the front door as a type of symbolism for Pearl Harbor.
