Some of these are past their time – there were two separate attempts at Occupy Wall Street commentary – but several are what one could consider timeless.

For example, what you’re reading right now [...]]]> I went to fire up a new blog post this morning and noticed I have 43 entries in Draft form.

Some of these are past their time – there were two separate attempts at Occupy Wall Street commentary – but several are what one could consider timeless.

For example, what you’re reading right now had nothing but the picture and this blockquote:

If you plant it in the garden it will grow more fish. lol

I’m not sure what the quote is from, although it seems like something I’d say. The portion where I point out how funny I think the statement is would be a good clue to that, also.

I’m certain the HelpMe-Fish graphic was in reference the turtlecall with HelpMe-Cats.

The point I’m trying to make is that I had no idea I knew anything about this fish breeding process, and it seems like it could be a big money maker.

Harvesting homemade fish colonies in the back yard – I’ll need to buy a house first – is the kind of singularly unique business that could get me a reality show like Real Fish Growers of Beverly Hills.

In short, I’m gonna go do that, so goodbye forever.

(I also had this draft categorized under religion, so I must have had some kind of point about reincarnation or burial rituals to make?)

Here’s that call:

Okay, goodbye forever again.

The hardest part about this post was deciding whether the preceding text needed inclusion, or if mine was funnier without any context.

I realize the other text also lacks context – stop being a nag and [...]]]> I never thought one of my texts could top that one about leaves, but this happened today.

The hardest part about this post was deciding whether the preceding text needed inclusion, or if mine was funnier without any context.

I realize the other text also lacks context – stop being a nag and enjoy the holidays.

If I had all my texts still I’d have so many. lol

(Additional debate was had over the “lol” at the end of the previous sentence. I know you think I don’t put thought into this stuff, but I do.)

(I hope this doesn’t pull the curtain back too far.)

(There’s been much agony over all these parenthesized paragraphs. #moses)

@kerrimello do you want to riot together – I know where all the best water and ipods are
23 minutes ago via TweetDeck

That brought a thought to [...]]]> I was talking to @kerrimello on Twitter about the pending rapture this Saturday, and how we might best team up during the riots.

@kerrimello do you want to riot together – I know where all the best water and ipods are
23 minutes ago via TweetDeck

That brought a thought to mind – what will I actually grab when the rioting starts.

It won’t be water and ipods – I just mentioned those to entice Kerri’s recruitment. I have no idea where they keep those.

This is probably my list, in no particular order:

1) Envelopes When all of the computers get smited, we’ll need these to pay our cable bill.

2) A Pen Then I can keep my blog going on the back of those envelopes. I’ll just have to also note on there that after the cable clerk processes my bill, they should pass the envelope around the room, so everyone can read my insights into the bold new world we’re living in.

3) Scissors After we get captured by the mutates, we’ll need a way to get free from our bonds.

4) Allef Of course.

5) A Plate That way we have something to eat of off. Also, in the event the mutates tie us up with chains instead of rope, we can trade this for freedom.

What is on your list. Don’t just copy mine, because if everyone is trying to trade the mutates a plate, ours loses value. Figure out your own post-rapture commerce system.

I think I had more feedback on yesterday’s post via email, Twitter, and comments than I have on any single thing since the start of BTAA.

Having run a far more successfuller blog than this one, I can tell you one thing: if people start dictating what they want you to write, [...]]]>

I think I had more feedback on yesterday’s post via email, Twitter, and comments than I have on any single thing since the start of BTAA.

Having run a far more successfuller blog than this one, I can tell you one thing: if people start dictating what they want you to write, you’re doing okay:

Meh. Bring back some Skree! Por favor.

@jordi thinks things were better @yay!

This is surely what it was like for Jesus when he got out of that bathtub and was all excited to be back – people were just like, “Hey, do that one trick again that you used to do! We love that one!”

Jesus was all, “But I have all these new tricks – see, I started wearing socks. They’re blue socks.”

And they were like, “Boo!” and so Jesus was like, “The Cavalier is not walking through that door!”

If I have something to say about the NBA that affects me personally, isn’t being said anywhere else, or that I simply need to get out, I’ll say it. I promise.

Perhaps of more importance is that Texas wants to be independent again, according to its governor.

I’m sure there are many horrible reasons this shouldn’t happen, but I like chaos. Plus, this could start a whole trend – Mexico could be next, and they could be like, “…and we want to be an island, so unscrew the subterranean latches and let us go. Oy.”

Tomorrow or the next day I’ll be previewing the NBA Playoffs with @ColleenBurns. Then you won’t know what to think.

(Yes, I’m upset that the Cavs aren’t determined to get that home 40-1 record. You have a chance to go for history, you do it.)

I guess because you’d never actually eat a pumpkin, except for pumpkin pie, which isn’t even real pumpkins, and pumpkin seeds, which don’t count, because they aren’t [...]]]> Now that the economy is all fixed, we can worry about something I learned today – pumpkins are vegetables. This freaks me out for some reason.

I guess because you’d never actually eat a pumpkin, except for pumpkin pie, which isn’t even real pumpkins, and pumpkin seeds, which don’t count, because they aren’t even pumpkins yet.

Anyway, my love of this Texas region continues, because I will never tire of parking as you see here.

(That’s my car on the the right…ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE STREET. LEGALLY.

And for those of you wondering, I drive an SUV only because I hate the environment. Before stopping there, I actually drove right through an entire forest – I killed at least 30 young trees.)

Much as I love that, once again hardcore religious radio has tweaked me just right.

I heard the most hardcore of hardcore yesterday morning the form of something called The Word Unleashed.

They’re going to slaughter you with the Bible. I mean, it’s gonna get unleashed on you.

Anyway, this guy went on for about 30 minutes on why women, because it says to in the Bible, must “submit to, obey, and worship” their husbands, no matter what.

He really said this – he said even if your husband is lazy, cruel, and makes horrible, irresponsible decisions, you must do this.

Or, y’know…well, he didn’t really have an answer. Just that the Bible says so.

If you’re ever having one of those “stupid days”, wherein you’re just not feeling that smart, I highly encourage you to go check out some of these broadcasts. Guaranteed to reaffirm your intelligence.

I had written a song about what I thought about airplanes this morning, but it wasn’t the best song I’d written to date, so I deleted it. It would’ve gone in this space.

(By the way, about the economy…it’s kinda like I said. Just say it’s okay and suddenly it is. That’s what happens when money isn’t backed by anything tangible anymore other than hard drives and 10011100111s.)

You will, however, feel completely at home within 2 hours if you’re like me. I love it here.

Mom, don’t take offense to that – it’s not like HOME-home, of course. I’m just saying I’m comfortable; [...]]]> Contrary to what the post title implies, you will not develop a porn addiction simply by being in Dallas.

You will, however, feel completely at home within 2 hours if you’re like me. I love it here.

Mom, don’t take offense to that – it’s not like HOME-home, of course. I’m just saying I’m comfortable; moreso than at any time in the 5-6 years in Los Angeles.

That I’ll have to go back there makes me a little sad, but such is life.

Anyway, I’ll get into the specifics of Dallas after I get a couple more days in, and am assured this isn’t just a 1 day tease.

For now, I want to talk about this awesome thing I heard about on religious talk radio, which is all I could pick up for awhile after El Paso.

(Note to those who are heavily religious – I’m probably about to offend you. And if you haven’t guessed my religious affiliation by now, you aren’t an astute reader.)

Anyway – after the lady who had gotten an abortion came on and asked if there were any ways she could punish herself here on Earth before her eternal punishment in hell, there was a great commercial (sponsored by Catholic.com, no less) advertising a pamphlet called “12 Ways to Beat Pornography Addiction”.

Now, I may be a simple person, or perhaps I’m a little too much of an Objectivist, A=A, black/white person, but I have written a similar pamphlet that I’m giving away for free, right here in the next sentence:

Stop watching porn.

I have a similar program for all you smokers who are trying to beat your addiction:

Stop picking up cigarettes, putting them in your mouth, and lighting them on fire.

Having just finished my road trip, I’m re-addicted to energy drinks, which means I’m back on my program to kick those:

Drink 17 of them before noon, giving myself a level 3 heart attack, requiring medical attention but not an actual trip to the hospital. Bask in the memory of how delicious they were.

See? Life is so easy if you simply allow it to be.

And those religious talk shows are great stuff. I’m usually a Jim Rome guy for podcast/gym listening, but I may switch over to all-God, all-the-time.

My favorite part was the guy’s answer to where the concept of purgatory came from, and his answer was, “Well, that’s just simple logic and reason”.