The plan would be to put them side-by-side in the same bathroom, only the glass on the second one would be upside down.

Right outside the bathroom, there’s a third one, where the glass [...]]]> I’ve decided I want that sink from the other day. Not only that, but I want two of them.

The plan would be to put them side-by-side in the same bathroom, only the glass on the second one would be upside down.

Right outside the bathroom, there’s a third one, where the glass is completely flat. Above the bathroom door is a sign that says CHOOSE WISELY in ye olde style lettering.

I suppose the goal is mass confusion for guests to the home, so they’ll never come back. This way I can always be meeting new people, instead of the same ones over and over.

There’s a new review of my book over at Self Publishing Review, and the following words are written – I’m pretty sure it’s great promo blurb material:

Prelude to a Super Airplane is the “Spinal Tap” of novels – something that is intentionally, ridiculously bad, but also intensely funny.

That’s called a very positive comparison.

The new book is done – just waiting for the proof copy. The Kindle version was uploaded yesterday, so maybe that’s available in a few days.

I’ll tell you all about it once everything is ready – I’m working on the website today, which is where you’ll be able to read the thing 100% completely free.

See, the way to make money as a writer is to not make any money at all – little known secret.

Speaking of newspapers, there was a column in a newspaper I happened to see yesterday wherein the woman wrote about how nice it was in the springtime.

In a time when investigative journalism is dying, and new gathering organizations like newspapers are bleeding to death, why is some chick being paid to say the flower buds look pretty?

She must be a real journalist based on where she works – why isn’t she out like getting real news? Something only her organization can provide to the world?

I keep meaning to tear apart a newspaper and widdle it down to the essentials. Maybe it’s time to go ahead with that.

Not only can he not play subordinate and never been a winner, but he hasn’t played at all in like forever, and this is gonna give him flashbacks to the Timberwolves years, when he [...]]]> (BOSers – I think you’re fooling yourself if you think Marblebury is gonna be good for the Celts.

Not only can he not play subordinate and never been a winner, but he hasn’t played at all in like forever, and this is gonna give him flashbacks to the Timberwolves years, when he couldn’t handle The Shadow of Garnett.

Suddenly everyone has forgotten he’s insane just because of some bus stop funnery.)

So here’s a list of everything I didn’t understand in that excellent Prelude to a Super Airplane review.

I’ve refrained from looking any of it up until I did this, so included in parentheses are what I currently think these things are/mean/etc.

Susan Sontag (Actress)
Jean-Luc Godard (Star Trek guy)
Neal Pollack (director)
erudite (“of listlessness”)
Swift, Flaubert, Joyce, Pynchon (a random family)
Diderot (a building in France, and it’s on a beach, where it seems out of place)
Jacques the Fatalist and His Master (book)
Martin Amis (poet)
London Fields (duh it’s a field in the LON lol)
George Saunders (Army general)
insufferable (annoying)
Tao Lin (Chinese Army general)
in media res (“excessive usage of the color blue”)
hiccoughs (snooty version of hiccups)
didactic (angular)
penchant (like a magic bracelet for girls)
Javier Marias (poet/director)
Tomorrow in the Battle Think on Me (poem about the Army)
ubiquitous (random)
elongated gerunds (like a super hero who can stretch his gerunds has these)
saccharine (tasty in a bad way)
magisterial (like a king in the Army)

I still really don’t feel like looking them up, but if you wanted to point out where I may be off-track, feel free.

(Follow me on Twitter here.)
(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here.)

It lives on its own site, it’s positive when it desperately wants to veer to the negative in places, and it has a whole host of words/references I don’t [...]]]> This linked review, in the end of days, will probably go down as the defining essay on my book, Prelude to a Super Airplane.

It lives on its own site, it’s positive when it desperately wants to veer to the negative in places, and it has a whole host of words/references I don’t understand.

More than anything, it gets the book on pretty much every level, even ones I didn’t know existed.

So I’ll leave you to read it yourself, but it pleased me to no end – it’s called Brian Spaeth: Destroyer of Literature.

I’m going ahead with my One-Person Marketing Plan, as well. I’ll be listing candidates, and you can choose who gets the seduction treatment. Jeff from Celticsblog is already begging me not to do it to him, so you can be sure he’s on the list.

Few other notes:

1) The first Amazon review is up, so that’s cool, also.

2) I’m looking for other good comedy and/or sci-fi writers who are self-publishing. I have an interesting marketing sort of idea.

3) Delonte makes a massive difference for the Cavs, and this is not how I wanted to see the Lasers fall. I prefer the graceful decline to the “Iverson and Sheed pout on the end of the bench”.

This is but a preview – there was a whole series of these from Joseph and his chocolate fountain.)

Since the first time I ever went to like a “real party” with “college girls” and “alcohol” [...]]]> (So those pictures from the “take a picture of my book with food” contest are rolling in.

This is but a preview – there was a whole series of these from Joseph and his chocolate fountain.)

Since the first time I ever went to like a “real party” with “college girls” and “alcohol” was at Notre Dame, the following review holds a special place in my heart – it’s from NDEddieMac, who you may recognize as a commenter, and a lawyer in training.

I was but 15 when that “real party” happened, and it changed my life. I vividly remember taking notes on what was going on around me, and thinking how I could apply it to my own life.

Anyway:

Well Brian, I know I for one am looking forward to Flight of and Funeral for a Super Airplane!

If Becky is right then ok, I have the literary taste of a five year old boy, but whatever, enjoyable is enjoyable. Good stuff man.

I am curious though, did you map out the connections at first or just make some of them up as you go. If it is the former well played, if it is the latter so so so much better. One of the funniest jokes which I’m sure will be frequently overlooked is had to be the AM chapter you threw in to show the painfulness of Twilight. From MPTBP/BTAA and this I know that Twilight has to be the worst series of all time.

Great stuff, and since I’m already emailing you, when you said 15 of the WSM? screeners were spoken for the other day, did my email the other day make me one of those 15, or is there some hoops that must be jumped through. Thanks, and keep up the chicanery

Yes, Eddie did get a WSM? screener – I’d imagine most of you that did should be seeing them today, if you don’t already have it in possession.

You can follow Eddie on Twitter here, and he has a blog over here.

I love these reviews, so please do send your feedback, even if it’s negative – I really do appreciate it. Also, if anyone wanted to go leave their thoughts on Amazon…I wouldn’t be aghast or anything. [NOTE: insert smiley here? - perhaps a winky smiley? Come back to this later - u r handsome - B]

Oh, and I got engaged for like the fifth time on Twitter lasterday.

What is more impressive: LEEbron James getting a triple-double w/ 50 or Kobe with 61 and 0 rebounds and -3 assists?

Since Tom hates Kobe, I must assume this is sarcasm. Clearly, the answer is LeBron’s game, but I’m sure this won’t stop Sportscenter from running [...]]]> Tom asked the following in a comment-area?

What is more impressive: LEEbron James getting a triple-double w/ 50 or Kobe with 61 and 0 rebounds and -3 assists?

Since Tom hates Kobe, I must assume this is sarcasm. Clearly, the answer is LeBron’s game, but I’m sure this won’t stop Sportscenter from running 50 different segments comparing the two performances.

Lost was amazing; here’s another book review – from Adam over at Black Heart Gold Pants. He even provided an illustration, and this is something I highly encourage.

If you haven’t read Chapter 9 of Prelude to a Super Airplane, wherein I give my detailed description of the Super Airplane, that there was a link to it. Adam’s words:

I’ve always wanted to be a review whore. You know, the one who makes a living by sitting through the latest Martin Lawrence vehicle and says things that scarcely make sense, like “Outrageous!” But you said you wanted real opinions, so fine.

(I still kinda hope that if you take one snippet from this “review,” it would be, “‘Outrageous!’ – Adam J.” But moving on.)

Lord have mercy on anyone if they take anything about this book seriously. The romances are preposterous, you’re clearly using the book to try to get laid, and the ending wrecks the entire stylistic premise, should The Flight of the Super Airplane ever be written*. But if it’s not immediately obvious to the reader that they’re reading a self-referential farce (and a particularly clever one at that), then they probably have larger problems than whether or not the book in front of them is any good.

There’s a pervasive silliness to PTSA, one that permeates every aspect of the book. There’s the rampant misuse of the term “fingering,” the wholesale revision of aviation lingo, and the fact that the airplane is 47 stories tall. I’ve attached a visual aid, because the sheer ludicrity of what you were suggesting didn’t really hit me until my second time through the book. Here’s how silly the book is: There’s a typo on the cover and I still can’t tell if it’s intentional.

But all the same, it’s fun. The plot ties together quite tidily, the quick chapter breaks make it an easy read (no chance of getting bogged down), and it’s always enjoyable to see the world through a demented set of eyes. Which you’ve got.

Outrageous!

–Adam J

*And if it isn’t written, then this book is a damn waste; not only is there no climax, there’s no action, period. This book would be the equivalent of that [redacted for taste] flopping around in that porn interlude from the Super Bowl.

How is this not action? That’s an entire war scene! This was a great review – thanks to Adam for taking the time.

You can read the first 20 “quickly broken chapters” starting right here.

It was for me, since life really imitated art during this [...]]]> Okay, this one will be a bit surreal for those of you who have either already read my book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, and perhaps a little for those who went over and checked out Chapter 20 here on the site.

It was for me, since life really imitated art during this chat.

(I highly recommend you go read that link above – it won’t take long.)

Anyway, Michael J. Mikolay is both a real life person, and a character in the book – I chatted him up yesterday on Facebook (or Facesbook, in PTSAese) to allow him to recall his thoughts and feelings before, during and after reading Prelude to a Super Airplane.

The chat starts…now.

Michael: I agree.

Brian: And that Rob destroyed that tape is the worst thing that ever happened to me.
Brian: Okay let’s talk book – were you scared or excited when I told you I was making you a character in my book?

Michael: I was a bit scared to be honest.

Michael: Hey this is embarrassing but I need to continue this in about 30 minutes. Our Monday morning meeting is starting and I need to go.

Brian: wtf
Brian: lol no worries I will keep it open – this is just like in the book!

Michael: Sorry man. No joke. I lost track of time. I’ll keep this open as well. Sorry!
Michael: I’m back. Meeting over. Where were we. I think you asked me to explain why I was a bit apprehensive about being in your book.

Brian: Yes that was the question.

Michael: Well, since you and I hadn’t spoken in quite some time, I really didn’t know what to expect. I was curious how I would be portrayed and what the book was even about. I think I asked that in return for using my name I needed three things: To be portrayed fairly, I forget the 2nd item and the third was that I got a signed copy of the book. So far you made good on 1 & 2. ;);)

Oh, #2 was that I got to read a draft which I did.

Brian: Yes you wanted to make sure your wife and daughter wouldn’t be embarrassed, and considering what I was like the last time we knew each other, I can see where your concern might be lol

Michael: True, very true!

Brian: Little did you know I write like all kinds of family friendly stuff. And yeah I need to get you that signed one – forgot about that.

Michael: No worries. I did buy two copies that arrived last week. I was excited when they arrived. It was the highlight of my week when the UPS man arrived.

Brian: Okay, so now that you’ve read it, how did you feel first about the book overall?

Michael: I find that it is very hard to tell people what the book is about since it incorporates so many story lines. I liked it & it held my attention. What I am worried about is that upon reading your last blog entry, I find myself questioning if my intelligence is only that of a 5th grader. The women who reviewed your book said that 5th grade boys would love it. I find myself loving it so what does that equal?

Brian: I think she is misguided by her book snobbery. The target audience would be like 17-35 year old men although my dad liked it, but he was in it too. I think a lot of it would go right over the head of 5th graders but they would like the big airplane and Monstero I suppose.

Michael: Phew, I feel better about myself then. For a few moments I thought I’d soon find myself back in Hudson seeking a lunchtime football [game] with Principal Siegferth.
Michael: Can I ask you a question?

Brian: wtf?

Michael: It seems that all the other characters use the common first name, last name except I am referred throughout as Michael J. Mikolay. This is a three part question, 1) Why the formal use of my name and 2) Do you recall what the middle initial stands for & 3) if not, what did it stand for in your mind while you wrote the book?

Brian: 1) From just a basic sound standpoint, the J broke up the name appropriately. Michael Mikolay said too quickly can get jumbly. Also, it just fit the character, and would cause people to ask just what you are now. Discussion is good.

2) I do not recall for sure, but I think it’s James. I think this was something you tried to hide like your secret piloting lessons.

3) I never once thought of what it might stand for while writing the book

Michael: Wow, excellent. The answer to number 2 is incorrect but perhaps your blog readers should take a guess and you could offer them a discount of some monetary value to buy your book should they get it right.
Michael: Are you thinking about airplanes right now?

Brian: YES. Were you?

Michael: It seems as if you disappeared over to Twitter and have grown bored with my conversation. Therefore, I have proven that I think about airplanes more.

Brian: Okay, so how do you feel about the Michael J Mikolay character in the PTSA? I was working on my site AirplaneTwitter so it counts.

Michael: Wow, I’ll have to follow that when we’re done. As for the character, I have enjoyed reading the involvement of Michael J. Mikolay in the pro-airplane movement. He seems to have been an innovator. I share his passion towards aviation and also have brothers named Chris and Justin as well as a Mother named Carol. We are similar in many ways.

Brian: Would you have taken the same stand in Congress that he did?

Michael: Yes.

Brian: Oh excellent.
Brian: I know it’s a big dumb book, but there are certain moments like that one that really resonated for me in a real world sense.

Michael: I agree. I think some should stand up and say [redacted - spoilers].
Michael: I like how Michael J. Mikolay made the Secret Service Agent feel in that part of the book…angsty. Excellent new word.

Brian: What do you think happens to Michael – clearly his story is not over. Oh, and I like how Peter Ovaire refers to Justin as a buffoon lol

Michael: Yes. I liked that too. As for Michael J. Mikolay’s story… If read correctly, isn’t there some finality to it? Unless of course there is a supernatural element that you may be referring to?

Brian: Well, if you assume that Russell is successful in what he’s about to do, there’s finality. But I don’t think that should be assumed.

Michael: Ah yes, good point. See, that is why I think I am still at a 5th grade level at heart. :(:( I need to grow up so I understand life!

Brian: Yeah for real. Okay well this was good – is this a book you would recommend your family read, for some deep insight into you?

Michael: Hmm… Excellent parting question. Probably. I’ll have to ask my Mother Carol who received the book recently. No matter if it says anything about the “real” Michael J. Mikolay or not, it still is an intriguing read from cover to cover.

Brian: Excellent – one of the deleted scenes that didn’t make the book is Chris getting tortured by terrorists btw. It was totally random and meaningless, but I really enjoyed writing it.

Michael: Wow. I didn’t know that. I hope it was therapeutic. I feel that somehow this is allowing you to get some type of aggression out against the Mikolay name. I really hope that we didn’t affect your life in a negative way. If so, we apologize.

Brian: No you guys were in my top 5 Hudson families for sure.

(You can follow Michael J. Mikolay on Twitter here.)
(You can follow me on Twitter here.)
(You can read the first 20 Chapters of Prelude to a Super Airplane online starting here.)
(You can buy Prelude to a Super Airplane here or on Amazon.)

Occasionally I hop on Blackberry IM with Becky, who those of you who were on the last blog will remember is a cool enough girl to warrant the female [...]]]> (PTSA is Prelude to a Super Airplane, my book. You can read all about it here, and then you should go and buy it.)

Occasionally I hop on Blackberry IM with Becky, who those of you who were on the last blog will remember is a cool enough girl to warrant the female lead in WSM? being named after her.

Becky also got a previewish copy of PTSA, and has read it. (You can also follow her on Twitter here.)

Keep in mind, Becky knows me really well at this point. We’ve met in person more than once, shared many conversations, and none of my trickery works on her.

Anyway, I’ve posted the entire chat, in order to allow the full context of all statements to be known. We discuss her thoughts on the book, some of the characters, whether I should most the chat to the internet, whether I should be in The Avengers movie, and the scary secret of what happens to me when I get scared.

This also took place during the second half of the Cavs game. As you’ll see, my prediction for the fourth quarter was accurate.

Becky: So
Becky: I finally finished reading that thing you wrote

Brian: What the book?

Becky: That
Becky: Yes

Brian: And…?

Becky: I still like the story
Becky: the ego was a little out of control to the point it passed cute over to irritating
Becky: :)
Becky: And the writing made me want to take a power drill to my forehead
Becky: But
Becky: I think if you tone down the sexy stuff it would make a phenomenal tweener book
Becky: Ala sideways stories from wayside school
Becky: With explosions!
Becky: But overall I like the way the storylines twisted around and tied into each other
Becky: My boones farm review stands

Brian: Will you possibly write these thoughts up in email form?
Brian: Thank you for reading it

Becky: Yes of course
Becky: I hope I was not overly harsh :)
Becky: Can I just copy/paste from here and email

Brian: Yeah sure
Brian: No not harsh – both your criticisms are things I’m aware of
Brian: It’s not like some shocker that they won’t appeal to everyone

Becky: Yeah the difficulty I have with the writing style might be bc I’ve been reading since I was 3 and I’m kind of a book snot

Brian: My biggest concern is always “did the story keep you engaged”

Becky: I tried to put that aside
Becky: And failed

Brian: Yeah this book is not for book snot
Brian: Lol

Becky: I think 5th grade boys would really get a kick out of it though
Becky: And I mean that with all sincerity

Brian: Yeah I wrote it for the people who would like Brad Radby’s movies

Becky: You intend to make what…a brad radby documentary?

Brian: What for the movie version

Becky: I mean you clearly have some further intent with it

Brian: yeah I’m writing Brad Radby’s filmography right now

Becky: And a doozy it shall be

Brian: It’s allegedly written in 2025 so it’s 13 years after the Super Airplane ride
Brian: So it has many hints and clues as to [redacted]
Brian: Are you watching zee game

Becky: Flipping back and forth

Brian: Between what

Becky: The game and some other stuff

Brian: Vague!
Brian: Grey’s Anatomy

Becky: No
Becky: Not that

Brian: Office

Becky: Not yet!

Brian: Hulk

Becky: I wish :(
Becky: Well ed norton wish
Becky: Eric bana not wish

Brian: Eric Bana Hulk is so bad
Brian: I didn’t even understand the end

Becky: Worst comic book movie ever
Becky: And I say that having seen 2 of the 3 punisher flicks

Brian: We should have an entire blog that’s just our nightly chats – I’ll bet people would read that
Brian: It’s so random and easy and they would feel like they are our friends

Becky: I think you tried that once
Becky: People hated it!

Brian: Did they?
Brian: Can I try it tomorrow with this?

Becky: Yes

Brian: Okay so say something funny

Becky: Are you going to censor me if I use salty language
Becky: But I’m not funny

Brian: I will like **** it out
Brian: Like f**k

Becky: How will you *** out something like…
Becky: Ummm
Becky: Cuntbucket

Brian: Cuntb****t
Brian: Oh wait that is not right

Becky: Hee!
Becky: That was a good joke!

Brian: Jokes!
Brian: Boney will comment re: his special insight into our relationship

Becky: Wait this prob shouldn’t go in your blog but I was curious
Becky: If stephanie sanborn is reading your book parts about stephanie piperbraum
Becky: To whom there is no relation

Brian: Stephenie Piperbraum is clearly a Stephenie Meyer avatar

Becky: O RLY
Becky: I thought I had insight
Becky: I do not
Becky: -2 pts for me
Becky: Who’s stephanie meyer

Brian: No Stephanie Sanborn hold no secret love for me believe me lol
Brian: Twilight author

Becky: Your wishful thinking!
Becky: It was a fair leap of logic for me
Becky: I feel
Becky: Since I think all the chicks in the book are chicks you have banged or want to bang or want to bang you in real life, yes?

Brian: Hmm I do hold a special place for Mindy Slanteer but she isn’t based on anyone

Becky: Really?

Brian: Jennifer is based on someone real as is our relationship
Brian: In the book

Becky: You just like 17 yr-olds in general
Becky: Oh yes what did happen with “jennifer”
Becky: I feel the real life story must be entertaining

Brian: I’m doing an interview with her for the site it’s pretty interesting
Brian: That’s why I dedicated the thing to her
Brian: See I have a heart haha
Brian: And I don’t like all 17 year old girls, just hot ones

Becky: Yes but what happened!
Becky: Did true love prevail?

Brian: Wait for the interview – it needs full context

Becky: Meh
Becky: I have now lost interest in it as a topic
Becky: Moving on

Brian: None of the other girls are based on anyone btw except mom and sister

Becky: Too bad, you could have scored some p***y points out of the “hey baby, I wrote you into a book” line

Brian: I can say that anyway though

Becky: It’s worth a shot

Brian: Michael J. Mikolay is a real person

Becky: Who would win in a fight, Brian Spathe or a choo-choo train?

Brian: Who do you think?

Becky: Probably the choo-choo train

Brian: I want to play Edward Norton in the Avengers movie

Becky: Muscle tissue is definitely no match for speeding steel

Brian: True dat

Becky: Didn’t they already make an avengers movie

Brian: I mean the superhero Avengers
Brian: Hulk Iron Man Captain America and Thor

Becky: Ohhhhh
Becky: Soo
Becky: You would be
Becky: What

Brian: Edward Norton

Becky: David Banner?

Brian: no edward norton

Brian: I want him to play bruce banner and I want them to write edward norton in as a character and I’ll play him

Becky: The dude playing a dude disguised as another dude

Brian: I think that means its meta

Becky: Oh yeah bruce
Becky: Who’s david banner

Brian: They called him that in the tv show
Brian: Bruce was deemed too gay in the 70s or something

Becky: Bc of the monty python sketch
Becky: I bet

Brian: I don’t know that reference

Becky: That’s right

Becky: You hate python

Brian: I don’t hate it it just doesn’t like scream at me
Brian: I did hate Hostiry of the world
Brian: Or meaning of life

Becky: History of the world is mel brooks I think

Brian: Whichever one had them pirating buildings or something

Becky: Meaning of life was different from the rest of their stuff I didn’t much like it myself
Becky: It was too eric idle
Becky: His stuff is so bizarre

Brian: Cavs shooting jumpers gey

Becky: Yeah they blew that lead f’sho!
Becky: Have you seen Brazil?

Brian: No
Brian: Is it like Armageddon
Brian: I liked that movie

Becky: Ummmmm
Becky: Not exactly?

Brian: Would you see Brad Radby’s Peoplebees lol

Becky: Did you see MBV3D yet!?
Brian: Wha is that

Becky: Peoplebees is not my style yo
Becky: Not my style
Becky: My Bloody Valentine
Becky: In 3D!!!

Brian: No I don’t like horror
Brian: Esp blood and gore
Brian: Was it good

Becky: It was in 3D!
Becky: There was a full 5-min scene of some strumpet running around fully nude
Becky: Screaming and jiggling in all her 3D glory

Brian: I don’t like to be scared

Becky: It wasn’t scary!

Becky: It wasn’t really funny enough though
Becky: It was very clearly just “hey let’s cut a bunch of scenes together that are really graphic and therefore would POP in 3D”

Brian: Candyman made me afraid of everything for like 6 years
Brian: And everyone said that was funny too

Becky: Yeah but what year was that movie

Brian: I don’t remember I blacked out for a year afterward

Becky: You were prob like 15
Becky: I think you should watch dead silence like I told you to last spring
Becky: If that one scares you instead of givin you lolz
Becky: Then we know where we’re at
Becky: Dude see the unborn
Becky: The whole theater had lotsa lolz
Becky: And you can bring a girl
Becky: And even if you get scared, you can hold her hand real tight

Brian: No way that looks like a blackout movie for sure

Becky: And she won’t think you’re a p***y, she’ll think you are faking to hold her hand
Becky: Noooo it was hi-larious!

Brian: Can’t I hold her hand at Mall Cop

Becky: You can try
Becky: But most likely will be too busy slapping your knees!
Becky: I hear it is a real knee-slapper, you see

Brian: HAR

Becky: Jerk

Brian: Oh that is not going in the blog post

Becky: What
Becky: Me calling you a jerk?

Brian: Let’s pretend to kiss over chat

Becky: Are we still doing that?

Brian: Yes

Becky: I think this conversation went off the rails about 30 min ago

Brian: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Brian: That’s me giving you a kiss over chat

Becky: Was there tongue?

Brian: No it was sweet and innocent

Becky: Oh ok
Becky: I guess that’s acceptable
Becky: Because *I* am sweet and innocent, you see

Brian: Yes I know – this is how I know you

Brian: LeBron shooting jumpers!

Becky: He loves doing it so much!

Brian: The game is so easy when he lets it be
Brian: They might get blown out in the 4th
Brian: Their defense is terrible tonight

Becky: Can I be honest?

Brian: Yah

Becky: I dislike the “G” campaigne

Brian: Yeah it’s weird
Brian: It’s feels like it’s trying too hard
Brian: And when those Japanese mask guys come out I have a quick blackout because of the scariness

Becky: The jabawockeez!

Brian: What are they – hip hoppers

Becky: Apparently they’re. International dance sensation!
Becky: They’re a
Becky: I meant

Brian: I want to see faces in my dance trios

Becky: They’re very michael myers
Becky: Or meyers
Becky: I can’t remember which spelling

Brian: Cavs are so dumb with their jumpshooting

Becky: But they really like it!
Becky: Ummmmm
Becky: I think LeBron just realized Confessions of a Shopaholic opens tomorrow

Brian: lol

Becky: Sorry bout your team, guy
Becky: Still way better than mine!

Brian: Thanks
Brian: I think Z is back tomorrow

1) I don’t know Teri at all – we weren’t even connected via Twitter until after this.

2) Teri like actually seems to know how to critique a work from a literary standpoint.

As to point one, I’ve had a small fear that you need [...]]]> Okay, this one is pretty cool for me, because:

1) I don’t know Teri at all – we weren’t even connected via Twitter until after this.

2) Teri like actually seems to know how to critique a work from a literary standpoint.

As to point one, I’ve had a small fear that you need to know my “voice” to totally get where I’m coming from sometimes, which I why I got this out to some people who don’t know me, have never read either blog, have never seen anything I’ve done, etc.

For point two – simple. I’ve never written a book before, so like obviously the quality was of interest to me from a “is this like a good book” POV.

I ejected some personal pleasantries and such at the beginning, because they are personal and pleasant.

Everything after the break is Teri, until such time as I note that it’s me again. I implore you – if you plan to buy and read this at some point, and you want to go in completely fresh, there are some things in here that could taint you.

Not spoilers per se, but tonal/structural things.

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Hi Brian,
I’ve finished your work, and please, accept my apology for the time it took to get back to you.

The good parts:

ORIGINAL CONCEPT: You don’t see many works these days that dare to be original conceptually. The back and forth between storyline/narrative is something I’ve seen done before, but rarely well. I think that while it may be confusing for some readers, it’s not for the ones who can actually think for themselves. Any poor feedback on this regard is going to come from parties in the second category. Well done.

HUMOR FACTOR: Smart there. A balance of dry, in your face, subtle & sarcastic is like finding a surprise mix of flavors in a good Merlot. Well done.

FOLLOW-THRU: Well done there as well. Story follows the concept without wandering. Sure there’s a number of unexpected twists and turns, but that’s the way its meant to be or face it, it’s too boring.

CONCERNS: The biggest thing that hit me than showed up repeatedly, was the sense that this was a combination of a novel & a screenplay. Screenplay perspective can appear somewhat butchered and detached to someone who doesn’t know the difference.

You can’t have a 1st person perspective; maintain a detached point of view. It’s almost in places, like we the readers, are being told how to view this scenario, how to follow it. This is incredibly helpful for directors, actors etc in a screenplay, but somewhat insulting to a reader.

Books this evocative, original, etc., need to leave a fair amount of space for doing those very things: being evocative of thought, being original in concept. The reader needs to be able to take away their own take of your work, allowed to follow the scene setup as the observer, and not be led heavily.

So I’d say with regard to editing, go more personal with the narrative, more descriptive with your main storyline, and for GOD’S sake take out the bits where you insult yourself. People will appreciate your book for what it is, smart ; original…evocative. But they will put it down every time if it’s self-deprecating in the first person.

Hell, we do that to ourselves enough as it is every day. They’re not going to want to read it in a book meant to invoke a positive relationship between the reader; the author. You can HATE a story, LOVE one etc…but the Author itself is not the target, the material is. You put a target on yourself for acerbic reaction in several places. You’ll lose your reader if you keep that in.

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Okay, it’s me again.

If you’ll note the snapshot snippet of the back cover above, and certainly if you’ve read the book, I think it becomes clear concern #1 was done 100% on purpose, so some comment on this was not a surprise. Concern #2 was also done on purpose, and is actually pretty integral to the main character’s story arc, as well as one of the overall themes/jokes.

This makes me very happy, since while those things that didn’t quite work for her, it’s not like they’re issues I wasn’t aware of.

Thanks again to Teri, and any of you who have read Prelude to a Super Airplane, I am dying to hear your feedback/critique.

I know at least two of you tried to buy the dead-tree version of the book today and found yourselves unable. I know this because you emailed to tell me.

This is because I had to re-upload the files, in order to fix a [...]]]> Okay, let’s get a couple quick issues taken care of.

I know at least two of you tried to buy the dead-tree version of the book today and found yourselves unable. I know this because you emailed to tell me.

This is because I had to re-upload the files, in order to fix a crucial typo, which was discovered by the person who wrote the review you’re about to read.

There are a number of exciting typos in the book – this particular one was one of the non-intentional ones, and it was at an important part, so it couldn’t sit there.

In this section, Bruce Willis is watching The Exploders for the first time, not Brice Willis. This was a big moment in the narrative, and thus I didn’t want it tarnished. (Even though I could’ve passed it off as one of the intentional typos.)

These are the things that happen when you’re your own editor. Anyway, the dead tree version should be back up by the weekend. Those of you who have already bought it, you have the only known “1st editions” in existence. Good news is the eBook is still there for $7.99 and you can go get it right now.

Now, reviews. I sent the book out to 15 people I trusted a couple weeks ago, so that they could give me their objective opinions. It’s also out (as of this week) to several people I only know through Twitter, so those should be super-objective.

First up is Caitlin. I’ve known Caitlin since high school, but we only recently reconnected via Facebook. One thing I’ve always liked about Caitlin is she doesn’t mess around – I knew she’d give me her true and honest thoughts.

(I’m really interested in female opinions on this thing. I’m not even worried about guys. Guys will love it – it’s got a 47-story airplane, explosions, holograms, and 200 airplane waitresses in pigtails and cheerleader outfits. What do you mean you haven’t bought it yet?)

You can read Caitlin’s opinions after the break here.

I read the book on several of my flights over the last 2 weeks. I think I probably would have done a better job of keeping up with all the characters relationships had I done it in one or two sittings that were less broken up though. I really liked it! I actually laughed out loud many times while reading it. It was a riot!!

My father picked it up and skimmed through it and just read bits and pieces while I was home and he was laughing as well and asked me if I could send him a copy of it or else the link. I haven’t done so, and figured I should ask you first. He just loves to read, but would not share it with anyone else.

I am amazed that you were able to put this thing together at all, much less [redacted, as it's a plot point]! It’s crazy how all the characters tie together and how many subtle references to other things are being made all the time (it reminds me of the show Arrested Development in a way – they were always making reference to a million different things at once, but unless you were familiar with all the episodes and characters you wouldn’t catch half of the humor – which I loved)

I definitely want to go back and read it again – because I know alot of it was still lost on me the first time though. But it was tons of fun to read, so congrats!!

That being said – I noted a few random edits which you can take a look at or else tell me to go f*ck myself for making any suggestions in the first place. :) Nothing was about style or anything like that – just a few random things like where you called Bruce Willis “Brice Willis” once, etc. I have attached a spreadsheet with these items.

Also, you may want to run a FIND on the word “fiancee”. It is “fiancee” when referring to the girl, and it is “fiance” when referring to the boy – but I think you used the female version exclusively.

And one other thing that I noted a few instances of, but it may just be your style, is that you used “they” and “their” several times when you were actually only referring to one person. But I understand that maybe you didn’t want to specify whether the person was a “he or she”.

That’s it, and you should see my spreadsheet I sent back, explaining why I did all those things I did.

I highly encourage you to send your thoughts once you’ve tagged your copy. At some point an exclusive spoiler-filled section of this blog will be essential.

You see, your personal purchase of this novel is inevitable.