I’ve decided I want that sink from the other day. Not only that, but I want two of them.
The plan would be to put them side-by-side in the same bathroom, only the glass on the second one would be upside down.
Right outside the bathroom, there’s a third one, where the glass is completely flat. Above the bathroom door is a sign that says CHOOSE WISELY in ye olde style lettering.
I suppose the goal is mass confusion for guests to the home, so they’ll never come back. This way I can always be meeting new people, instead of the same ones over and over.
There’s a new review of my book over at Self Publishing Review, and the following words are written – I’m pretty sure it’s great promo blurb material:
Prelude to a Super Airplane is the “Spinal Tap” of novels – something that is intentionally, ridiculously bad, but also intensely funny.
That’s called a very positive comparison.
The new book is done – just waiting for the proof copy. The Kindle version was uploaded yesterday, so maybe that’s available in a few days.
I’ll tell you all about it once everything is ready – I’m working on the website today, which is where you’ll be able to read the thing 100% completely free.
See, the way to make money as a writer is to not make any money at all – little known secret.
Speaking of newspapers, there was a column in a newspaper I happened to see yesterday wherein the woman wrote about how nice it was in the springtime.
In a time when investigative journalism is dying, and new gathering organizations like newspapers are bleeding to death, why is some chick being paid to say the flower buds look pretty?
She must be a real journalist based on where she works – why isn’t she out like getting real news? Something only her organization can provide to the world?
I keep meaning to tear apart a newspaper and widdle it down to the essentials. Maybe it’s time to go ahead with that.
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(BOSers – I think you’re fooling yourself if you think Marblebury is gonna be good for the Celts.
Not only can he not play subordinate and never been a winner, but he hasn’t played at all in like forever, and this is gonna give him flashbacks to the Timberwolves years, when he couldn’t handle The Shadow of Garnett.
Suddenly everyone has forgotten he’s insane just because of some bus stop funnery.)
So here’s a list of everything I didn’t understand in that excellent Prelude to a Super Airplane review.
I’ve refrained from looking any of it up until I did this, so included in parentheses are what I currently think these things are/mean/etc.
Susan Sontag (Actress)
Jean-Luc Godard (Star Trek guy)
Neal Pollack (director)
erudite (“of listlessness”)
Swift, Flaubert, Joyce, Pynchon (a random family)
Diderot (a building in France, and it’s on a beach, where it seems out of place)
Jacques the Fatalist and His Master (book)
Martin Amis (poet)
London Fields (duh it’s a field in the LON lol)
George Saunders (Army general)
insufferable (annoying)
Tao Lin (Chinese Army general)
in media res (“excessive usage of the color blue”)
hiccoughs (snooty version of hiccups)
didactic (angular)
penchant (like a magic bracelet for girls)
Javier Marias (poet/director)
Tomorrow in the Battle Think on Me (poem about the Army)
ubiquitous (random)
elongated gerunds (like a super hero who can stretch his gerunds has these)
saccharine (tasty in a bad way)
magisterial (like a king in the Army)
I still really don’t feel like looking them up, but if you wanted to point out where I may be off-track, feel free.
(Follow me on Twitter here.)
(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here.)
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This linked review, in the end of days, will probably go down as the defining essay on my book, Prelude to a Super Airplane.
It lives on its own site, it’s positive when it desperately wants to veer to the negative in places, and it has a whole host of words/references I don’t understand.
More than anything, it gets the book on pretty much every level, even ones I didn’t know existed.
So I’ll leave you to read it yourself, but it pleased me to no end – it’s called Brian Spaeth: Destroyer of Literature.
I’m going ahead with my One-Person Marketing Plan, as well. I’ll be listing candidates, and you can choose who gets the seduction treatment. Jeff from Celticsblog is already begging me not to do it to him, so you can be sure he’s on the list.
Few other notes:
1) The first Amazon review is up, so that’s cool, also.
2) I’m looking for other good comedy and/or sci-fi writers who are self-publishing. I have an interesting marketing sort of idea.
3) Delonte makes a massive difference for the Cavs, and this is not how I wanted to see the Lasers fall. I prefer the graceful decline to the “Iverson and Sheed pout on the end of the bench”.
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Tom asked the following in a comment-area?
What is more impressive: LEEbron James getting a triple-double w/ 50 or Kobe with 61 and 0 rebounds and -3 assists?
Since Tom hates Kobe, I must assume this is sarcasm. Clearly, the answer is LeBron’s game, but I’m sure this won’t stop Sportscenter from running 50 different segments comparing the two performances.
Lost was amazing; here’s another book review – from Adam over at Black Heart Gold Pants. He even provided an illustration, and this is something I highly encourage.
If you haven’t read Chapter 9 of Prelude to a Super Airplane, wherein I give my detailed description of the Super Airplane, that there was a link to it. Adam’s words:
I’ve always wanted to be a review whore. You know, the one who makes a living by sitting through the latest Martin Lawrence vehicle and says things that scarcely make sense, like “Outrageous!” But you said you wanted real opinions, so fine.
[Like here is how to read the rest.]
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Okay, this one will be a bit surreal for those of you who have either already read my book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, and perhaps a little for those who went over and checked out Chapter 20 here on the site.
It was for me, since life really imitated art during this chat.
(I highly recommend you go read that link above – it won’t take long.)
Anyway, Michael J. Mikolay is both a real life person, and a character in the book – I chatted him up yesterday on Facebook (or Facesbook, in PTSAese) to allow him to recall his thoughts and feelings before, during and after reading Prelude to a Super Airplane.
The chat starts…now.
Michael: I agree.
Brian: And that Rob destroyed that tape is the worst thing that ever happened to me.
Brian: Okay let’s talk book – were you scared or excited when I told you I was making you a character in my book?
Michael: I was a bit scared to be honest.
[Like here is how to read the rest.]
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by Brian on January 30, 2009
in Blackberry,Brad Radby,Bruce Willis,Cleveland Cavaliers,Girls,LeBron James,NBA,PTSA Reviews,Super Airplane,Twilight
(PTSA is Prelude to a Super Airplane, my book. You can read all about it here, and then you should go and buy it.)
Occasionally I hop on Blackberry IM with Becky, who those of you who were on the last blog will remember is a cool enough girl to warrant the female lead in WSM? being named after her.
Becky also got a previewish copy of PTSA, and has read it. (You can also follow her on Twitter here.)
Keep in mind, Becky knows me really well at this point. We’ve met in person more than once, shared many conversations, and none of my trickery works on her.
Anyway, I’ve posted the entire chat, in order to allow the full context of all statements to be known. We discuss her thoughts on the book, some of the characters, whether I should most the chat to the internet, whether I should be in The Avengers movie, and the scary secret of what happens to me when I get scared.
This also took place during the second half of the Cavs game. As you’ll see, my prediction for the fourth quarter was accurate.
Becky: So
Becky: I finally finished reading that thing you wrote
Brian: What the book?
Becky: That
Becky: Yes
Brian: And…?
[Like here is how to read the rest.]
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Okay, this one is pretty cool for me, because:
1) I don’t know Teri at all – we weren’t even connected via Twitter until after this.
2) Teri like actually seems to know how to critique a work from a literary standpoint.
As to point one, I’ve had a small fear that you need to know my “voice” to totally get where I’m coming from sometimes, which I why I got this out to some people who don’t know me, have never read either blog, have never seen anything I’ve done, etc.
For point two – simple. I’ve never written a book before, so like obviously the quality was of interest to me from a “is this like a good book” POV.
I ejected some personal pleasantries and such at the beginning, because they are personal and pleasant.
Everything after the break is Teri, until such time as I note that it’s me again. I implore you – if you plan to buy and read this at some point, and you want to go in completely fresh, there are some things in here that could taint you.
Not spoilers per se, but tonal/structural things.
[Like here is how to read the rest.]
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Okay, let’s get a couple quick issues taken care of.
I know at least two of you tried to buy the dead-tree version of the book today and found yourselves unable. I know this because you emailed to tell me.
This is because I had to re-upload the files, in order to fix a crucial typo, which was discovered by the person who wrote the review you’re about to read.
There are a number of exciting typos in the book – this particular one was one of the non-intentional ones, and it was at an important part, so it couldn’t sit there.
In this section, Bruce Willis is watching The Exploders for the first time, not Brice Willis. This was a big moment in the narrative, and thus I didn’t want it tarnished. (Even though I could’ve passed it off as one of the intentional typos.)
These are the things that happen when you’re your own editor. Anyway, the dead tree version should be back up by the weekend. Those of you who have already bought it, you have the only known “1st editions” in existence. Good news is the eBook is still there for $7.99 and you can go get it right now.
Now, reviews. I sent the book out to 15 people I trusted a couple weeks ago, so that they could give me their objective opinions. It’s also out (as of this week) to several people I only know through Twitter, so those should be super-objective.
First up is Caitlin. I’ve known Caitlin since high school, but we only recently reconnected via Facebook. One thing I’ve always liked about Caitlin is she doesn’t mess around – I knew she’d give me her true and honest thoughts.
(I’m really interested in female opinions on this thing. I’m not even worried about guys. Guys will love it – it’s got a 47-story airplane, explosions, holograms, and 200 airplane waitresses in pigtails and cheerleader outfits. What do you mean you haven’t bought it yet?)
You can read Caitlin’s opinions after the break here.
[Like here is how to read the rest.]
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