(If you don’t follow the NBA pretty closely, you probably need not bother with this post.
To make it relatable to all, I’d have to do a lot of explaining.)
I’ve been reading a lot about how offended everyone is about Cleveland being allowed to re-sign Z in what was clearly an unspoken understanding about the Jamison trade.
“Look, we have a chance to pick up Jamison for nothing if we pretend we don’t want you anymore and you take a 30-day vacation. Good? Good.”
It was likely never said outside the Danny Ferry Excitement Bunker, but everyone “got it”.
The great lengths the team has gone to removing Z’s image from the arena, and how Z’s agent is pretending to romance other teams – it’s all funny, at least to a Cleveland fan like myself.
What’s odd is how aghast people are about this now, when it’s been going on for years.
Now, we all know what the aghastedness is about: anything that helps Cleveland win the title brings LeBron one step closer to staying, which means the national media won’t have anything to write about.
Even my unbiased side doesn’t think he’s leaving anyway, and certainly not for the Knicks – historically, how many league MVPs have left one of the best teams in the NBA for one of the worst, and taken less money to do so?
If people would stop hoping for the sensational story and start looking at the facts, it might help. Don’t forget, he could’ve left three years ago if he’d wanted to.
In any case, the point of this post is that nobody is talking about this: what Cleveland is doing is an amazingly great example of something.
Here you’ve got a small-market team, in a city that’s shrinking and losing jobs, in a lousy economy…gaming the system.
Isn’t that what everyone complains that the Red Sox and Yankees and Knicks do? Just spend money rampantly and buy a winner? (Well, the Knicks don’t actually accomplish that, but you get the point.)
Yes, having LeBron is a variable that won’t fit in anyone else’s potential template, but the little team from Cleveland becoming the economic bully of the NBA is point that should be celebrated in some fashion, not criticized.
Talk all you want about the system being broken – I’d say the people running the teams (GMs/Owners) are simply bad at their jobs in many cases.
This is about more than just a few robbery trades – Gilbert has built a first class organization, and Danny Ferry has done a fantastic job.
Remember when he played hardball with Varajao, refusing to overpay for him? How many other GMs would’ve just ponied up $10M/year for six years without thinking about it?
Call it hometown pride, but that’s the good story nobody’s taking from this. Smart owner willing to spend, smart GM willing to make tough/smart deals, build yourself a winner.
Some Wyoming trivia/realizations based on this screengrab from an ESPN.com poll:
1) They don’t care much about the NBA.
2) If you’d asked me before looking at this where Wyoming was, I don’t think I could’ve pointed it out without using process of elimination.
3) I can’t name one city in Wyoming.
4) I’ve not known anyone who has lived in, visited, driven through, knew about, or thought about Wyoming.
5) Looking at this map – and I don’t know if I’m just outside my own head right now or what – it just doesn’t feel like Wyoming is a real state.
This isn’t meant as an assault on this fictional place or the two people who pretend to live there – these are real thoughts I had while waiting for this Stoudemire-to-Cavs trade to happen.
(I blatantly re-purposed this Photoshop job from my old website, sorry.)
I know it’s like the “blog thing to do” to bash ESPN’s Bill Simmons, and I don’t come here to do that today expressly.
Say what you will about him, but I’ve come to quite like his podcast – he has interesting guests and there’s an enthusiasm and casualness to it I like.
He’s also fairly aware he maybe needs to step back from the NBA trade machine a bit – he freely admits his craziest trade suggestions are indeed crazy at times.
However, on his show with JA Adande the other day, he was totally serious (it seemed) in his opinion that the best basketball situations for LeBron to go to are Chicago and the LA Clippers.
Not only that, but he completely discounted the Cavs as anything more than a remote possibility.
Now, while I’m a Cleveland fan to the end, I’m freely willing to admit LeBron may leave, and that he’ll certainly visit every single team in the NBA on his free agent tour this summer.
Looking purely at it from a basketball standpoint though…let’s look at the Cavs.
- Best record in the NBA
- Built-in chemistry/continuity
- Defensive-minded coach
- Brand-new practice facility
- Big expiring contracts
- One of the few teams that are profitable
- Owner willing to spend whatever it takes
You could go down the list with both Chicago and LAC, and they’re the opposite of what the Cavs have in many cases.
LeBron’s gonna go play for Mike Dunleavey on the most cursed, cheap, and poorly run organization in sports? I can’t even see how that’s a rational argument at all, basing it purely on basketball.
And Chicago? Does LeBron really want his legacy to be having every single thing ever written about him forever be even more of a comparison to Michael Jordan?
Even adding in marketing, he’s fine in Cleveland.
With the new McDonald’s deal, he’s got all the big sponsor segments except a car company.
Look, he’s conquered America, and this doesn’t even take into account that Cleveland is close to home, the Cavs can pay him the most money, and also have a minority owner from China, which is actually a bigger market than LA and NYC. (!!!)
In conclusion, I’m sure this has been written 50 times elsewhere already, but I didn’t even know Stephon Marbury was playing in China, so there you go.
(WSM? ends tonight – if you missed the first half of the big Sherman-Stadiums showdown…here. Aw, lookit Petey Skippen getting his chance to shine!)
If you haven’t yet watched Chapter 7 of Who Shot Mamba? you might want to do so – what follows will be filled with spoilers, because this segment is LOADED with revelations.
So Calvin Stadiums is the instigator of the shooting of Mamba, and continues to threaten people with guns.
If you haven’t quite put the pieces together, Calvin Stadiums is 90% based on Wizards star and gun enthusiast Gilbert Arenas…and this was written well over two years ago – long before he was suspended by the NBA for his firearm incident.
Calvin is so much a Gilbert avatar that a couple years back we were in discussions with Arenas’s people about him playing the character. We were told “yes” at one point and put the entire production on hold to wait…and wait…and wait.
Dylan Mooney came in and owned the role in a way that made for a better movie anyway, but we hold that Gil has The Curse of the Mamba hovering over him.
You laugh, but guess who was very close to playing Sherpa (from Chapter 1) and then decided against it?
Yep…Greg Oden.
In any case, while writing WSM?, just how much Gilbert was there inserted into Calvin? Here’s the breakdown of the basketball-based aspects of the character:
GILBERT ARENAS
- Obvious play on the name
- Uniform number
- Agent Zero/Henchmen Zero
- Aloof and Quirky
- Obsessed with Orange Roundie
- Unique father-son relationship
- Big Tiger as symbol of sorts
- Washington, DC
- Gunplay (unintentional)
MICHAEL JORDAN
- Greatest ever
- Gambling problem
- Competitive arrogance
- Petey Skippen sidekick
KOBE BRYANT
- the complete lack of self-awareness the younger Kobe had
The biggest Calvin-Gilbert-gun similarity of all is something I can’t talk about until the movie is over, but it was what struck me most heavily when the Arenas/gun stuff started, because it was something I had decided on years ago.
Keep watching – and there’s much more about the transition from Arenas-to-Stadiums right here.
I was gonna make a big deal about like doing a big redesign on the site for 2010, but realized I like the thing how it is. All I did was move the links for my books up a notch and add a page about the Radby book.
Brad says he’s been getting all this email asking “wtf” about whether he’s a real person or a fake person or a cartoon person, so I felt a need to clarify things.
The big news for 2010 is that I’ve found myself kinda into the NBA again. The Cavaliers are quietly playing quite well after a bumpy start, and there just seems to be lots of interesting things going on.
I get intrigued by things like Tracy McGrady having his sadness again and Gilbert Arenas being unable to shake the Curse of the Mamba.
In any case…some IM action, in lieu of actual content.
Brian: Why are you awake
Girl: Lol…sorry.
Brian: : /
Girl: : /
Brian: Have you ever had the cereal Blue Crunchos
Girl: I have noto. Is it tasty
Brian: Yeah and even crunchier than it sounds
Girl: Oh wow
Brian: Yeah
Girl: Cool well I’m glad we talked about that brian
Brian: Me too
Girl: Bye
Brian: Can I put this on my blog it is making me laugh
Also I’ve eaten two full boxes of Cold-Eeze in the past 48 hours.
Some years back my mom started sending those “here’s what everyone is up to” letters with her Merry Christmas cards.
I immediately insisted on control over any part of the content that referenced me, so each December I submit my own section for her to include.
(My brother does this too – perhaps he can post the 2009 edition, as his are excellent.)
Alas, this is what I sent her over the weekend.
I’m still writing and acting and producing and trying to get new projects together.
I’ve never touched a guitar before. Also, I stopped using question marks this year for awhile. Isn’t that weird.
Oops! Lost my car keys again! LOL
Do you use gmail?
Your pal,
Brian Spaeth
P.S. My sole goal in writing this was to have my mother say something like, “I am not sending this!” and I guarantee she did exactly that after I emailed it to her.
Sent via my Blackberri Tornado II From T-Marbles
Movie – www.whoshotmamba.com
Twitter – www.twitter.com/brianspaeth
Facebook – www.facebook.com/brianspaeth
Website – www.brian23.com
P.P.S. Mom, make sure to include these links, cause like that’s part of the joke for this section of the letter.
P.P.P.S Also include all of these PS’s – including this one. These are also part of the joke.
P.P.P.P.S. Sorry for not taking your Merry Christmas Letter 2010 seriously. :(
I have to admit, I can’t see a day where I ever send Christmas cards or letters of any kind myself.
Like I get them from friends of mine who are married already, and I’m always thinking, “Why did you send me this and why is it signed The Jones Family? I don’t know what one of those is – why don’t you just email or call me? Yeah, I know I don’t answer my phone ever, but why did you get married?”
Do you or your family send these type of Christmas letters? Do you send Christmas cards? Do you believe in Merry Christmas Trees and why.
That statement on the mag is a parody of times long past, so don’t get all ca-razee.)
Tomorrow’s Chapter 3 of Who Shot Mamba? sees the in-story debut of Calvin Stadiums, what one might call the film’s “unofficial adaptation of Gilbert Arenas”.
If you’ve read Prelude to a Who Shot Mamba?, you know that we actually pursued Gilbert to play Calvin, which ultimately didn’t happen.
I’ve felt this was for the better – Dylan Mooney is amazing as Calvin, and it really makes the character much more the property of the film.
Now, before settling on Calvin, some other fictionalized versions of past and present players were considered.
Mock artwork and domain names were even registered for many of the following, just in case.
Jeffery Michaels
Henry Ruffers (See his DUNK cover by clicking here.)
Kody O’Bryan
LeFrank Jones
TJ Potato
Nick Dirkowski
Lance Marker
Mason Lipp
Can you guess who they are? Feel free to offer up some of your own, as well.
Here’s my big problem with the 2009-10 NBA season – why didn’t LeBron’s people get on Sports Illustrated about how they picked an image that made him look kinda wimpy for their cover issue.
I bought both these mags, but haven’t cracked either one – probably won’t. That’s okay – it’s the thought that counts, plus it’s Cavs over Lakers in the Finals, provided Shaq can stay healthy and Delonte West isn’t locked up somewhere.
I feel so confident in this prediction that I’ll even admit I accidentally typed “Lakers over Cavs” in the previous sentence before I caught myself.
Also, not to bring up old wounds, but can we finally all agree that Joe Dumars isn’t that great of a GM. @iamboney confirmed that the big-money Detroit free agents are coming off the bench.
Anyone could’ve told Joe – and many people did – that those guys are perfect 4th scoring options on a good team.
Now to the important stuff, and in conclusion – here’s some IM action from lasterday. “Girl” is totally her real name, as well.
Brian: Ilu
Girl: Ok omg. Ilu2. Byeee
Brian: Lol
Girl: Don’t laugh at meee
Brian: : /
Girl: Ughhh
Girl: A-hole
Brian: Thx ttyl
Girl: I threw up lol
Brian: Lol can I put part of this on my blog if I don’t say it’s you lolol
NBA NBA NBA NBA NBA
How ready are you on a scale of 1-10. Also, what are your most profound, personal, and/or private NBA predictions.
It’s been a long, hard battle, and many of you old-school readers have won – I have begun my blog tour in support of WSM?, and that means I wrote about the NBA over at The Association.
As the proprietors have told me, it’s all but abandoned, which means it’s the perfect for getting re-established mentally with this post about using Allen Iverson Empathy to pick up girls.
An excerpt:
is because
If you’ve got a blog – sports or not – and want some guest-post action, my plan is to go somewhere different every single day for the rest of the calendar year. Weekends excluded.
I’d be honored if you’d host me for a day and maybe let me plug my movie at the end of the post, and through the rest of the post, and via any Photoshop work I may include in the post.
Just let me know – right now, the schedule is booked about two weeks out, so it’s really exciting and tumultuous, because of all the basketball writing I have get to do. If you have a blog that’s not about basketball, please yell it at me.
I’m pretty excited, because I think this is the first time in the history of this movie something happened when I said it would.
LOL!!
What.
Do you think corn is a food for boys or a food for girls. Also, what other foods belong to one sex or the other.
(Also, big big precious to @dustinpearlman and @DJCoe for the work they did on this teaser. Dustin (who directed WSM?) edited it, and Dan (who scored the film) did the music.
Thanks also to @BrettEP for letting me infect The Association with my words.)
I was doing Twitter at my girlfriend @AliWilson, and this is what happened. Keep in mind, this is actually a few weeks old.
he was with Aniston and they were at my stand about to buy something idk. and then i started calling him CHANDLER BING and he got mad and said something totally chandler like and then went off and started sulking in the corner. blue shirt, khakis!
Even two weeks later and lacking any context, this makes perfect sense to me.
That’s what it means when you can form a deep connection with someone like an Ali Wilson.
In other news, you know I’m gearing up to release this Who Shot Mamba? movie on October 13.
Here’s my problem: I hate self-promo.
Like, I love to talk about myself, but I hate being like anything within 86 miles of a “huckster” – outdated term, but you get the idea. Obviously, it’s gotta be done. I believe in the movie we’ve made, so it’s not like I don’t feel justified in saying, “Go check this out to people.”
As I do in all promotional efforts, I try to give it actual entertainment value, and part of my personal push will be guest-posting…in the NBA/sports blogosphere. Yes, it’s happening.
Brian Spaeth September 2 at 1:26pm
I want to guest blog on your blog. Please advise.
Rey Moralde September 2 at 1:35pm
What did you have in mind, sir?
Brian Spaeth September 2 at 1:44pm
I don’t know – can’t I just have free reign lol.
Rey Moralde September 2 at 1:50pm
How about this? As LONG as there’s SOMETHING about the NBA. Just SOMETHING. Hell, you can even promote WSM? on the blog. We were thinking about having guest bloggers once a week, anyway. Ha ha.
Brian Spaeth September 2 at 12:29pm
lol can I use this in a blog post announcing my guest posting -
The best part is I didn’t even wait for his answer – I just did it.
The plan – and I can’t believe I’m saying this – is to hit up a different blog every single weekday between next Tuesday and the end of the WSM? run in January.
Am I wrong to be hating on self-promo, or what. Do you think I can write this much about sports again without going insane.
(One last favor…hook up my friend Brian by voting for this for him – all you have to do is sign in with your Facebook ID and then click “Put on Wishlist”. It would mean a lot if you can help out – thanks!)
(If you don’t follow the NBA pretty closely, you probably need not bother with this post. 
(Obviously these covers were done long before the Celtics won that NBA title thingy. 
