mr jones and me, we both like, fairy tales, and we, stare at the women, we’re lookin at her, no no we’re lookin at me, we’ve got bob dylan [...]]]> I like this enough that I took it from a Facebook comment, redid it on Twitter, and now am giving it its own blog post.

mr jones and me, we both like, fairy tales, and we, stare at the women, we’re lookin at her, no no we’re lookin at me, we’ve got bob dylan pogs, we like fairy tales, oh no no, we’re lookin at me, mr jones yeah

Another thing – I started watching Buffy Is A Vampire Slayer on Netflix.

When does it start being widescreen, if it does start being widescreen. I’m not being a snob – I just want to know. thx

I was just in the car screaming Christmas carols and realized the lyrics are actually “gay apparel”.

Not sure how I never questioned what “apparo” was before.

This probably could’ve been a Tweet, but I feel like it needs to [...]]]> (This is how I look when I’m playing Get That Grinch by myself.)

I was just in the car screaming Christmas carols and realized the lyrics are actually “gay apparel”.

Not sure how I never questioned what “apparo” was before.

This probably could’ve been a Tweet, but I feel like it needs to be better documented.

It’s like the time I found out pickles are old cucumbers, or when I realized why it’s called a QWERTY keyboard.

I was on a message board and people were talking about how CDs aren’t things that happen anymore, and I said this.

digital music era is [...]]]> (It’s my mom’s birthday, so I made this and did a Facebook for her with it, so it could go with all the other nice messages she gets.)

I was on a message board and people were talking about how CDs aren’t things that happen anymore, and I said this.

digital music era is for me – i love empty forgettable one-hit pop wonders and don’t want any physical media

that ke$ha slut is like tik tok doopy dop or whatever #goodstuff2010

What a way to contribute to an intellectual debate over music history.

Everyone was like, “Hey are you a music scholar or what,” and “Can you post an online viral video where you are holding your music history degree,” so I made a big admission.

I only took one music history class in college and only went to that class once, but I have never understood how/why albums are “concept albums” or stand together as one piece. If like you put out something called The Blue Album, every song better be about the color blue or blue objects, or I won’t understand what’s going on. lol

Also instead of that viral video about my education, I showed them this one I am in and did writing on about The Whore of Akron so much.

It means all of your music lives in heaven, and you can get it from anywhere if you have your internet with you, and it’s a big mystery.

Just have good circuits in your car.

After I [...]]]> I got one of the invites to Google Music, and that’s like Music but for Google.

It means all of your music lives in heaven, and you can get it from anywhere if you have your internet with you, and it’s a big mystery.

Just have good circuits in your car.

After I installed a program on my main computer, the Google Music wizard found all the music in there, and put it on a slide that took it to Google.

It comes with free Kriss Kross.

Now you can get your Bon Jovi anywhere, even if you’re already at a Bon Jovi BBQ. That’s such a great franchise – they are all over now.

It has stereo sound – do you like how much I was dancing after it was set up.

That means it’s not my dot com blog.

Why would anyone go anywhere else.

Well, it was decided we would play a [...]]]> I was playing Virtual Conversation Game on Twitter with @cazjuice, and maybe you know that he also does writing on a dot com blog of his own creation.

That means it’s not my dot com blog.

Why would anyone go anywhere else.

Well, it was decided we would play a writing game where we pick a topic and then make a blog post about it happen in fifteen minutes or less. I used this blog topic generator and guess what came out.

Yep.

“Analog Recordings”.

That’s like if you have a cassette tape and you don’t know how to use an iPod or even a CD player. Maybe your great-grandpa is like that, and he likes when Bazooka Joe is going on about Slappy and Milton playing dominoes down in the park.

Other things your great-grandpa did was go to Studio 54, fight in the Korean War, eat rations, wear slacks, and have babies. That last one is obvious because you exist.

Dominoooo!!!!

That’s a line from that Ice Cube movie.

I bet you’re happy me and @cazjuice played this game – look how much more you know abut your heritage now. Your great-grandpa also loved that one Prince song about Corvettes, and he listened to it on a vinyl record.

That’s even more than before, and before was a lot because of how I can write romantic short films.

Here is a nice message from someone who got a [...]]]> Another great side effect of calling people and pretending to be a turtle so much is that everyone wants to kiss me now.

That’s even more than before, and before was a lot because of how I can write romantic short films.

Here is a nice message from someone who got a turtlecall and now it is on the internet.

If I blow away in a tornado tonight please retire my turtle call number and bummer we never made out. Also make sure [redacted] looks after my cats.

The best part is that I tracked down [redacted] and told her to let those cats go free and become wild cats.

Then they will be free to roam, and not have to eat cat food, and playing in the rain, and etc.

If you can guess which turtlecall booty sent me this you can win a hug. That is like 90% of the way to a kiss.

No going to brunch though – that is for weirdos.

I have two parking tickets and a speeding ticket I have to pay. lol

After I hit the right button on my iPod, the music I wanted started to play, and you may remember that I posted a sample workout playlist once before.

Next, my iPod started playing songs, and they were too loud, and [...]]]> I was doing my important weightlifting yesterday and had headphones on.

After I hit the right button on my iPod, the music I wanted started to play, and you may remember that I posted a sample workout playlist once before.

Next, my iPod started playing songs, and they were too loud, and I went “ow-ow-ow-ow-ow” and fell down and grasped at my ears, like I had more than one personality inside me, and they were all grappling for control.

!

A bunch of people came to help me get the headphones off, and one of them was all sweaty and dripping sweat on me, and I was like, “no no no you’ll wreck my headphones don’t get them wet,” and she was like, “hey you have nice shoulders”.

I was like, “I know, aren’t they great. You have nice ones also and they are so tan, but they’re all sweaty, why do you go so hard on the treadmill,” and she started to cry about how I wasn’t into her maximum effort.

The truth is I was into it, and wrote her a little note about it, which I had one of the gym employees give to her in the locker room.

Later we went on a date and had pizza, and we were both like, “we better get back to the gym and work this off,” so we did.

We liked each other so much we tried to use the same treadmill at once – what a disaster.

Neither of us wore headphones.

That wasn’t a question – I am just telling you that you remember.

Okay.

Now do you remember the Don Cheadle Theme Song and how @ebonwumon did a remix that caught on fire.

Of course you do, and that [...]]]> You remember last week when I wrote that really sensitive protest song.

That wasn’t a question – I am just telling you that you remember.

Okay.

Now do you remember the Don Cheadle Theme Song and how @ebonwumon did a remix that caught on fire.

Of course you do, and that means all of those events had a baby.

I wonder if I keep writing songs if he will keep singing them. I hope so because of how they are making the world better for me so much.

Hey, what’s up – all my books are listed right here on Amazon – only $2.99.)

Everyone is putting red avatars [...]]]> (I re-did all my ebook covers, because most/any/some text that isn’t huge just gets lost on Amazon, plus all the title/author info is always listed right next to the graphic anyway.

Hey, what’s up – all my books are listed right here on Amazon – only $2.99.)

Everyone is putting red avatars in their Twitter to support either Wisconsin or Libya or The King’s Speech.

Who can remember all the revolutions anymore.

Anyway, I’m doing my part, and that’s writing a nice song for people to sing together, and chaining themselves to trees, and etc.

Get on your buster shoes,
Let’s go down to the square,
Nobody can stop our collective will,
Making things different takes hearts and signs.

We gotta stay together,
Our enthusiasm will work,
Everyone make a sign,
And we can change into democracy.

Get out your guitar and go at it.

What do the Libyans chain themselves to – like camels or something. lol

Can you count how many different ways this post is misinformed.

Nobody else is going to find this all that funny but I was thinking about 4 Non Blondes the other day because their songs were all about childhood, and problems, and etc.

Anyway, I started wondering how they got [...]]]> (Me and @DennyMayo had this pictured conversation last Wednesday, which should give it better context.)

Nobody else is going to find this all that funny but I was thinking about 4 Non Blondes the other day because their songs were all about childhood, and problems, and etc.

Anyway, I started wondering how they got their name, and Wikipedia provides the most oddly over-detailed description. I felt a need to post it because it made me laugh.

The band picked the name after an incident in a San Francisco park where the band members were having pizza and talking about Gremlins 2.

A family was walking by and their little boy wanted to grab some left over pizza to feed the birds. His name was Michael and he had on a blue shirt with jeans from the Gap, as well as a San Diego Padres baseball cap.

He was told by his parents, “No, don’t touch that, that’s dirty from all the birds and people around here,” and they proceeded to give the band members a dirty look as they kept walking along on the sidewalk doing a silly dance.

The family was supposedly very blonde, so they decided to call themselves 4 Non Blondes.

For real, why is that story so detailed. One of the seven people who were there must have written the entry. I’m not even sure this is funny. My blog is off-kilter today.

Another good band name would be Wickerpedia.

Like people would come to the shows and throw baskets and cheap porch sets at the stage. lol

Friend of girl finds out from his dad that his real dad is some other guy his mom had an affair with 30 years ago.

She was looking for ideas of what to tell him, whether for general comfort or how to talk to his [...]]]> Short version of what spurred this chat.

Friend of girl finds out from his dad that his real dad is some other guy his mom had an affair with 30 years ago.

She was looking for ideas of what to tell him, whether for general comfort or how to talk to his mom about this.

me: does the mom know he knows

girl: not yet
girl: the parents are divorced
girl: so she doesnt know that his dad told him this weekend

me: he should leave cryptic notes around the house so she’s all scared and creeped out

girl: got it thanks brian

me: like one in the microwave on a can of soup that says “I KNOW”

girl: thats not even cryptic

me: and one in the washing machine that says “OOPS”
me: or put the soup in the washing machine and the note just says “SOUP OOPS”
me: lolol
me: she’s like “what does the soup know?!”
me: and then she like looks at herself in the mirror while she eats it
me: lolol i’m dying over here
me: can I put this on my blog lolol

girl: i hate you sometimes
girl: ttyl

Hey, here’s something fun – for some reason I listened to Angel of Harlem by U2 on repeat for my entire workout yesterday.

That was like 45 minutes straight. Have you ever done that.

First things first, put on your Pink music about how you’re comin’ up and your Kei$ha song about tick tock clocks and that way you [...]]]> A lot of times people want to know about how my jokes get here and that’s why you’re about to get a lesson and the lesson is about that.

First things first, put on your Pink music about how you’re comin’ up and your Kei$ha song about tick tock clocks and that way you feel festive no matter when your birthday is.

Make whichever one you like more be the louder one.

Okay time to break it down. Here is today’s example joke for you.

Is Itchy Shoulder a real disease or is this pharmacist being a clever jerk again
about 1 hour ago via Twitter for Android

There is some quick hahaha there about the silly Itchy Shoulder disease and that is the easy part.

Go ahead and try one.

Good job Andy on yours!

The frosting is the casual implication the joke does about how I do all of these things though:

1) go to the medicine pharmacies to get free medical advice
2) do that thing in the middle of the night
3) have a repeat advice session from a pharmacy captain who I know has done a trick on me before
4) show begrudging respect at the captain with my admission statement that their tricks are clever
5) admit all of this in a way that is not embarrassed

See how there is something for everyone and that means layers of joke.

Okay crank your fun tunes and get to work. Don’t use Muse again Linda that’s why nobody thinks you’re funny!

Yesterday I was listening to some Huey Lewis and the News again like my brother is always saying to with his “hey go listen to this right now [...]]]> (This seems like a book that is for me to read for sure even though it’s about how to make your farm have modern countertops or something.)

Yesterday I was listening to some Huey Lewis and the News again like my brother is always saying to with his “hey go listen to this right now or I’ll lock you out of the house again” voice that he liked to use when we were being kids.

One of the songs is the happy-go-lucky one about how love can be so powerful and a skateboarding cool guy.

It’s one of the ones that happened in a movie and that movie was Back to Some Future.

Since I was a smaller version of me I always thought it went like this:

Chain your heart,
To a little white girl,

Even when I was that little fella I was thinking “oh man I hope Huey’s grandpa doesn’t own slaves” because that seemed weird in a way that was bad.

Well, just like with my special cucumber/pickle connection, I only did a realization moment here in my adult experience that it’s like this:

Chain your heart,
To a little white dove,

Still that’s not making all my senses click but at least it rhymes in the song now and doesn’t need the Constitution to step in.

Don’t be a grouch.

It was a simple and joyful, “EASTER IN YOUR FACE!”

They were three at the time – in retrospect, perhaps it was immature of me to do this to (for?) them.

Being that they’re almost four, it’s time to [...]]]> Last year, for reasons of my own, I taught my nieces a new mantra for Easter.

It was a simple and joyful, “EASTER IN YOUR FACE!”

They were three at the time – in retrospect, perhaps it was immature of me to do this to (for?) them.

Being that they’re almost four, it’s time to tell them how adults celebrate Easter joy with a new phrase, “EASTER ALL NIGHT!”

It’s not so much a phrase as a party anthem.

Imagine the Black Eyed Peas taking these words and turning them into a song, and you’ll get what I’ll be going for.

Like Fergie sings the first part and then Waylon or Wilbie or whatever their names are sings the after-shout portion.

EASTER ALL NIGHT! (EGGS)
EASTER ALL NIGHT! (EGGS)
EASTER ALL NIGHT! (EGGS)
EASTER ALL NIGHT! (EGGS GOTTA GET EM)

Like all their songs, that’s all there is to it, and it goes on for ten minutes and sells a zillion copies.

I’m told that last year EASTER IN YOUR FACE! came out at completely inappropriate times, and this is why I’m the best uncle ever, and probably shouldn’t consider fatherhood anytime soon.

Also, I like hockey now.

A lot of people ask me the classic “what kind of music do you listen to” question when they’re trying to date me.

This is not info I disclose readily – it has to come out in an organic [...]]]> (To your right – from the cover page of what I am writing at right now.)

A lot of people ask me the classic “what kind of music do you listen to” question when they’re trying to date me.

This is not info I disclose readily – it has to come out in an organic fashion.

For example, from the following, try and figure out if I listen to the 3 musicians named in the title of this post.

Brian: Hey soul sister is on again wtf
Brian: Who sings this I hate it so much

Girl: Train
Girl: Lolol

Brian: Its so girly lol
Brian: Like is Girly Rock a genre now

Girl: Oh mon brion lol

Brian: I blame the Goo Goo Dolls – they started this back in the 90s lol

Girl: Omg themmm

Brian: Hey Jealousy!

Girl: I love that song!!

Brian: when did that come out
Brian: I think it was like 94?

Girl: I don’t know brian I was like [redacted] then

Admittedly, there’s a lot more interesting stuff than musical taste happening in that exchange, such as relationship-based math.

Here’s another go at music.

Brian: Lolol that Pink song “I’m comin up” is on

Girl: Oh god lol

Brian: I haven’t heard this in a long time
Brian: It’s terrible lolol
Brian: Everybody’s dancin and they’re dancin for me!

Girl: Horrible

Brian: I’ll be your operator you can all anytime, I’ll be your connection to the party line!

Girl: We should remember what year it came out and then use that to compare our ages again

Brian: : /

Last one.

Brian: I was at this party one time and Coldplay came on and this dude LOVED them like in a really hipster/snobby way and I kept saying they were originally called Coldburst
Brian: He made me go read their Wikipedia page he was so pissed
Brian: And I was like “yeah they must’ve had it taken off so nobody would find out”

Girl: I don’t believe you

Brian: You weren’t even born yet when they were Coldburst lol

Seriously, Pink has been famous for almost a solid ten years now. I’m trying to think who she compares to historically – like how will she be remembered 20 years from now?

I don’t thunk her music has really transcended anything, but obviously they still play it now and then, and she’s been in the cultural zeitgeist for a good chunk of time.

What does zeitgeist even mean – I’m in over my head again. Did I just call Pink a Nazi?

Look at this eagle, it’s running running running,
Look at this eagle, it may be a hawk!
Look at this eagle, it’s running running running,
Look at this eagle, I wonder if he talk!

Talk eagle talk!
Say something good!
Talk eagle talk!
Do you drink blued!

Instead, I made this list of actual pieces of commercial media and entertainment that have made me produce tears, be they sadness tears or happiness tears.

Check out @mfeige (who is pending due to Twitter hackage) and @NDEddieMac.)

There are many things that have been consuming my time this week – including putting together the [...]]]> (If you wanted to let the Orange Roundie invade your personal Twitter space in support of WSM?, this is now entirely possible.

Check out @mfeige (who is pending due to Twitter hackage) and @NDEddieMac.)

There are many things that have been consuming my time this week – including putting together the @Brandi88 entries finally, and doing this interview with Canadian–person MCM.

More than anything, however, I’ve been scraping my hands against coarse objects trying to figure out where Beyonce’s career will stand in 2015. Ongoing icon of sorts like Diana Ross. Fallen idol like Whitney Houston. Constant reinvention like Madonna.

These are all possibilities, and with the rapid advances in gene therapy, it’s possible she could just be exactly like Beyonce in 2009, who just by chance, is exactly like Beyonce from 2006 and 2003.

What can’t be denied is that Beyonce has left a mark in music history because of Bootylicious, and whenever my girlfriend sings me a lullaby, this is the song I ask her to choose, along with all of the following:

1) Da Doo Ron Ron, The Crystals
2) Wild, Wild West, Will Smith
3) Welcome to the Terrordome, Public Enemy
4) Baby I Need Your Loving, The Four Tops
5) Big Empty, Stone Temple Pilots
6) Monday, Monday, Mama and the Papas
7) Sk8ter Boi, Avril Lavigne

I let her choose the order, but I threaten a permanent break-up if she doesn’t lullaby me each and every song in full.

What songs would you want to have lullabied at you if you were dating my girlfriend. Where do you think Beyonce’s career will be in 2019.

(Follow me on Twitter here, and befriend Calvin Stadiums on Facebook here.)

As you know from the post last week, I was struggling with how to navigate and use MySpace for the Who Shot Mamba? movie.

@CTK1 had explained to me all kinds of ways it could be used, and it was [...]]]> So here’s a fun thing that is for having fun and making jokes.

As you know from the post last week, I was struggling with how to navigate and use MySpace for the Who Shot Mamba? movie.

@CTK1 had explained to me all kinds of ways it could be used, and it was super helpful. The only thing that was missing was the creative angle.

I couldn’t just put up a page for the movie, because one, I didn’t know what to do with such a page that isn’t already being done elsewhere.

Two, I find it nearly impossible to make connections on MySpace in the same genuine manner one can elsewhere. There had to be some kind of unique entertainment value/experience that only MySpace could provide.

Anyway, like at 3am a couple nights back, I get this email from @DJCoe. He did the (kick butt) musical score and much of the sound editing for WSM?, so he knows the material as well as anyone.

I was gonna post the email here, but now I can’t find it. Anyway, the gist of it was, “If you think MySpace is so retarded, why don’t you just get retarded on there.”

Brilliant idea. As such, here’s the profile for one of the Roundie Henchmen.

I’m liking it so far, probably for all the wrong reasons – I don’t think this is what the MySpace Commander had in mind. If I basically “open-sourced” this to about 10-15 people, would that be of interest? We could see who can add the most retarded content and then the having-fun is happening.

Let me know what you think, and if you have any pictures/videos you want me to add, put a link in the comments. (Just keep it PG-13 – thanks!)

(Follow me on Twitter here.)