(This seems like a book that is for me to read for sure even though it’s about how to make your farm have modern countertops or something.)

Yesterday I was listening to some Huey Lewis and the News again like my brother is always saying to with his “hey go listen to this right now or I’ll lock you out of the house again” voice that he liked to use when we were being kids.

One of the songs is the happy-go-lucky one about how love can be so powerful and a skateboarding cool guy.

It’s one of the ones that happened in a movie and that movie was Back to Some Future.

Since I was a smaller version of me I always thought it went like this:

Chain your heart,
To a little white girl,

Even when I was that little fella I was thinking “oh man I hope Huey’s grandpa doesn’t own slaves” because that seemed weird in a way that was bad.

Well, just like with my special cucumber/pickle connection, I only did a realization moment here in my adult experience that it’s like this:

Chain your heart,
To a little white dove,

Still that’s not making all my senses click but at least it rhymes in the song now and doesn’t need the Constitution to step in.

Don’t be a grouch.

Last year, for reasons of my own, I taught my nieces a new mantra for Easter.

It was a simple and joyful, “EASTER IN YOUR FACE!”

They were three at the time – in retrospect, perhaps it was immature of me to do this to (for?) them.

Being that they’re almost four, it’s time to tell them how adults celebrate Easter joy with a new phrase, “EASTER ALL NIGHT!”

It’s not so much a phrase as a party anthem.

Imagine the Black Eyed Peas taking these words and turning them into a song, and you’ll get what I’ll be going for.

Like Fergie sings the first part and then Waylon or Wilbie or whatever their names are sings the after-shout portion.

EASTER ALL NIGHT! (EGGS)
EASTER ALL NIGHT! (EGGS)
EASTER ALL NIGHT! (EGGS)
EASTER ALL NIGHT! (EGGS GOTTA GET EM)

Like all their songs, that’s all there is to it, and it goes on for ten minutes and sells a zillion copies.

I’m told that last year EASTER IN YOUR FACE! came out at completely inappropriate times, and this is why I’m the best uncle ever, and probably shouldn’t consider fatherhood anytime soon.

Also, I like hockey now.

(To your right – from the cover page of what I am writing at right now.)

A lot of people ask me the classic “what kind of music do you listen to” question when they’re trying to date me.

This is not info I disclose readily – it has to come out in an organic fashion.

For example, from the following, try and figure out if I listen to the 3 musicians named in the title of this post.

Brian: Hey soul sister is on again wtf
Brian: Who sings this I hate it so much

Girl: Train
Girl: Lolol

Brian: Its so girly lol
Brian: Like is Girly Rock a genre now

Girl: Oh mon brion lol

Brian: I blame the Goo Goo Dolls – they started this back in the 90s lol

Girl: Omg themmm

Brian: Hey Jealousy!

Girl: I love that song!!

Brian: when did that come out
Brian: I think it was like 94?

Girl: I don’t know brian I was like [redacted] then

Admittedly, there’s a lot more interesting stuff than musical taste happening in that exchange, such as relationship-based math.

Here’s another go at music.

Brian: Lolol that Pink song “I’m comin up” is on

Girl: Oh god lol

Brian: I haven’t heard this in a long time
Brian: It’s terrible lolol
Brian: Everybody’s dancin and they’re dancin for me!

Girl: Horrible

Brian: I’ll be your operator you can all anytime, I’ll be your connection to the party line!

Girl: We should remember what year it came out and then use that to compare our ages again

Brian: : /

Last one.

Brian: I was at this party one time and Coldplay came on and this dude LOVED them like in a really hipster/snobby way and I kept saying they were originally called Coldburst
Brian: He made me go read their Wikipedia page he was so pissed
Brian: And I was like “yeah they must’ve had it taken off so nobody would find out”

Girl: I don’t believe you

Brian: You weren’t even born yet when they were Coldburst lol

Seriously, Pink has been famous for almost a solid ten years now. I’m trying to think who she compares to historically – like how will she be remembered 20 years from now?

I don’t thunk her music has really transcended anything, but obviously they still play it now and then, and she’s been in the cultural zeitgeist for a good chunk of time.

What does zeitgeist even mean – I’m in over my head again. Did I just call Pink a Nazi?

Look at this eagle, it’s running running running,
Look at this eagle, it may be a hawk!
Look at this eagle, it’s running running running,
Look at this eagle, I wonder if he talk!

Talk eagle talk!
Talk about your running!
Talk eagle talk!
I wonder if he talk!

Do you think the eagle can talk and what do you think it would say if it could. Also, is it actually just a hawk that thinks it’s an eagle.

I was thinking about having a good cry the other day, and then because my actoring is a bit rusty, decided to wait, and not do that thing.

Instead, I made this list of actual pieces of commercial media and entertainment that have made me produce tears, be they sadness tears or happiness tears.

BOOKS:
Catcher in the Rye (Like when he catches the rye finally. I think it’s a metaphor -)
Of Mice and Men (When Lenny does his dying.)

MOVIES:
Armageddon (When BW’s friend who has the kid runs up to the kid when they get back to Earf.)
The Grapes of Wrath (The end.)
Wall-E – A couple times.
The Incredibles – When Dash finally lets loose in the jungle.
Team America – I literally was crying with laughing the first time “AMERICA – F–K YEAH!” played.
The Iron Giant – Twice.
Big Fish – the end.
Field of Dream – duh.

TV SHOWS:
Lost (End of last season – I was just overwhelmed in general at the end.)

MUSIC:
N/A

SPORTS:
Cavs (Too many to list – last time was when they finally got to the Finals – Game 6 vs Pistons in 07.)
Browns (First game back in Cleveland in 1999.)
Indians (When they got to the 95 World Series.)

BLOGS:
Both Teams Played Hard (Just now.)

I’m sure there are more – but this is all I can think of right now. I’m sure some music must have made me cry, but I dunno. What commercial fare has made you shed tears the most, and why do you think it did that.

(Go join the WSM? Facebook Page – it’ll be the only place to see the first teaser…on Sept 1.)

(If you wanted to let the Orange Roundie invade your personal Twitter space in support of WSM?, this is now entirely possible.

Check out @mfeige (who is pending due to Twitter hackage) and @NDEddieMac.)

There are many things that have been consuming my time this week – including putting together the @Brandi88 entries finally, and doing this interview with Canadian–person MCM.

More than anything, however, I’ve been scraping my hands against coarse objects trying to figure out where Beyonce’s career will stand in 2015. Ongoing icon of sorts like Diana Ross. Fallen idol like Whitney Houston. Constant reinvention like Madonna.

These are all possibilities, and with the rapid advances in gene therapy, it’s possible she could just be exactly like Beyonce in 2009, who just by chance, is exactly like Beyonce from 2006 and 2003.

What can’t be denied is that Beyonce has left a mark in music history because of Bootylicious, and whenever my girlfriend sings me a lullaby, this is the song I ask her to choose, along with all of the following:

1) Da Doo Ron Ron, The Crystals
2) Wild, Wild West, Will Smith
3) Welcome to the Terrordome, Public Enemy
4) Baby I Need Your Loving, The Four Tops
5) Big Empty, Stone Temple Pilots
6) Monday, Monday, Mama and the Papas
7) Sk8ter Boi, Avril Lavigne

I let her choose the order, but I threaten a permanent break-up if she doesn’t lullaby me each and every song in full.

What songs would you want to have lullabied at you if you were dating my girlfriend. Where do you think Beyonce’s career will be in 2019.

(Follow me on Twitter here, and befriend Calvin Stadiums on Facebook here.)

So here’s a fun thing that is for having fun and making jokes.

As you know from the post last week, I was struggling with how to navigate and use MySpace for the Who Shot Mamba? movie.

@CTK1 had explained to me all kinds of ways it could be used, and it was super helpful. The only thing that was missing was the creative angle.

I couldn’t just put up a page for the movie, because one, I didn’t know what to do with such a page that isn’t already being done elsewhere.

Two, I find it nearly impossible to make connections on MySpace in the same genuine manner one can elsewhere. There had to be some kind of unique entertainment value/experience that only MySpace could provide.

Anyway, like at 3am a couple nights back, I get this email from @DJCoe. He did the (kick butt) musical score and much of the sound editing for WSM?, so he knows the material as well as anyone.

I was gonna post the email here, but now I can’t find it. Anyway, the gist of it was, “If you think MySpace is so retarded, why don’t you just get retarded on there.”

Brilliant idea. As such, here’s the profile for one of the Roundie Henchmen.

I’m liking it so far, probably for all the wrong reasons – I don’t think this is what the MySpace Commander had in mind. If I basically “open-sourced” this to about 10-15 people, would that be of interest? We could see who can add the most retarded content and then the having-fun is happening.

Let me know what you think, and if you have any pictures/videos you want me to add, put a link in the comments. (Just keep it PG-13 – thanks!)

(Follow me on Twitter here.)

In celebration of me and @ColleenBurns having impending BFFness – you know you can feel it – here’s the until-now unrevealed to the public soundtrack to Prelude to a Super Airplane.

Those of you who have read the book know when in the narrative you’re told to play this ominous, doomsy, track. The rest of you have sad faces.

The three composers are:

Daniel J. Coe – he did the score to WSM?, and saved that movie in more ways than one. Like, seven ways.

Rob Gokee – I’ve known Rob for like three years now. He got me on Twitter, so in some ways he saved my life. (Rob on Twitter.)

Kevin Samuels – Kevin is my lost brother from another life. This is the guy I lived with back in September, when I was subletting in that Armenian building. We share the exact same taste in everything, to an uncanny degree. (Kevin on Twitter.)

I have interviews with all these guys also, which one day I’ll post – I swear. I implore you to listen to this all the way through – Kevin’s track is maybe the most doom-laden of all.

Just to empty the closet out, here are all of Eastham Way’s poems.

(This is by far one of the funniest songs in some time. There’s a KG shout-out that’ll be widely overlooked, as well.)

Did I do something noteworthy yesterday?

There were an unnatural number of people who found their way here by searching for my name.

I also will be really happy if this becomes the place to find out the story of Dr. Frankenstein’s fear of his own monster, because that’s like literature.

I really can’t comment on the Cavs-Pacers game much. They just need to get to the All-Star break and regroup/refocus.

My old favorite Cavs message board seems to think our inside presence is suddenly weak, but I would contend the lack of offensive rebounding lately is because we’ve become almost exclusively a jump-shooting team.

This started when Z went down, and hasn’t changed since he came back. Look at them on offense sometimes – you’ll often have five guys on the perimeter.

I had no idea LeBron had 43 points lasterday btw. I would’ve pegged him at 24, with a viewing of Madagascar 2 mixed in during the second quarter.

If you use WordPress, then you’re used to the upper left corner area having a link to some random blog.

Yesterday there was a link to a post about this whole Rihanna-Chris Brown thing, alleging that the entire fist-fight was over her giving him herpes.

As I like to do sometimes, I left my thoughts.

Brian said,
February 10, 2009 at 7:44 pm

Beyonce is mad now because of Bootylicious not being as popular as it used to be.

Chris Brown likes that song but he doesn’t tell anyone, and especially now because of hitting people.

Bootylicious isn’t even on the charts wtf?

I can’t find the site now – this whole post is blown. The point was, sometimes when everyone is saying one thing, and you say the opposite, it’s funny.

In this case, everyone was saying that Chris Brown doesn’t like Bootylicious, and I was saying that he does, and that’s when a bigger debate started.

Also, someone please block the Girlicious YouTube homepage on my computer.

(If you want to know about the picture above and the fantastic music video I’ve found, just skip to the bottom.)

My sports reading has been pulled way back in recent years, and now I’m going to need to cease popping in at my longtime favorite Cavaliers message board.

I just can’t read stuff like this anymore.

To those who do not believe in a conspiracy to disrespect LeBron and the Cavs unless and until he signs with NY, I have a bridge in Brooklyn that you may be interested in.

All this is fodder and ammunition for class action lawsuit(s) alleging collusion and RICO. How many times has the NBA taken away a triple double? How many teams with the (soon to be) best record have only one all star rep? Even after a player goes down to injury?

Besides the use of bridge cliches, there are multiple people there who believe that LeBron’s triple double was taken away last week for primarily two reasons:

1) As a juvenile retaliation for Dan Gilbert’s negative statement about Mo Williams not making the All-Star team.
2) So that LeBron will get upset and have sadness about being a Cavalier, driving him to sign with the Knicks.

The first point I wouldn’t even know how to address, and as to the second – if the NBA were fixed and there were all kinds of weird conspiracies to get LeBron to the Knicks:

1) They would’ve fixed the draft in 2003, and you know, just put him on the Knicks
2) They would possibly use a better tactic than “make him sad”. Perhaps a reworking of the collective bargaining agreement, which would allow NY to sign him for equal dollars.

One other thing to note: he didn’t actually get the triple double. And I’m not saying he won’t go to the Knicks – just that he’ll probably have a better reason than, “My career rebounding statistics are off by one, and they were mean to Mo. :( “.

Look, Cleveland fans – things like this are why people think we’re idiots. Stop playing victim, stop alleging RICO over a mis-categorized rebound, and maybe worry about wins and losses.

A farmer is being sued by some illegal immigrants who are mad that said farmer wouldn’t let them trespass while sneaking into the country.

At one point, it said, Mr. Barnett’s dog barked at several of the women and he yelled at them in Spanish, “My dog is hungry and he’s hungry for buttocks.”

I don’t know how this lawsuit can happen, but speaking of buttocks, I refuse to apologize for or hide the following any longer.

How this group called “Girlicious” and their music videos got by me before, I don’t know, but I love them.

I’m not even going to post one here, because I’m 90% sure it qualifies as soft-core pornography. Here’s a link to their YouTube page.

I recommend starting with “Like Me”. I’d say it’s my favorite video since, and in the same family as, Christina Aguilara’s Dirrty.

IF you’re wondering what you’re about to watch, I’ve come up with some alternative names for this group: Team Underwear, We Are Young and Taking Our Clothes Off, Doing It With the Air Girls, Woo-Woo! Look At Us!, and Slutzillas.

(The following is an excerpt from my book, Prelude to a Super Airplane. It can be purchased by clicking on any of the roughly 400 banners adorning this site, or by clicking here. It’s also available on Amazon.

I’ve posted the first 20 chapters (roughly 55 pages of PTSA) on this site. Links to each of those are at the end of this post, or you can download all of them as a pdf by clicking here.

“What do you mean you’ve never voted?”

Despite being seemingly irresistible to everyone I’ve ever met, I’ve never been able to sustain a long-term, lasting relationship.⁴ It usually came back to that question – the one Jennifer just asked me.

Her phrasing was weird, but they all seemed to do it – the “What do you mean…?” portion.

I’ve tried to think of a thousand million different ways to say it, so they understand better, but always come back to thinking that “I’ve never voted” was about as clear and concise as I could be. What exactly does she think I meant?

“Well. I think this will be our first fight.”

Jennifer had come to visit me from The New York City. After the four hours we spent on that airplane ride together, there was no way we wouldn’t see each other again. Magic is magic, and we’d hit magic on that airplane ride.

Four hours of like, amazing conversation, mixed in with the occasional perfect silence, and even some non-awkward, accidental handholding when I dropped my Entertaining Weekly magazine.

We’d read that issue together, and it was the first time I’d ever done simultaneous, out-loud magazine reading. I’d always felt it a bit taboo, and man…it is. Sultry and seductive doesn’t do it justice.

It didn’t hurt that the cover story was about the Andreanna Marsupial book series – turns out we’re both huge fans.

I tried to play coy when she told me Handsomar Horsebuck was her favorite character. She, in turn, played coy during the Boppin’ Dopplepops article, as some sort of retaliatory flirtation technique.

Anyway, I had name-dropped my brother’s government so I could meet Jennifer at the airplane gate, and the magic picked up right where we’d left off.

We went to airplane baggage claim, got her airplane bag and this awesome pink guitar she’d brought, and…I don’t know – it was indescribable. This was the woman I would marry, hands down, no doubt, 100%.

I carried her to my car, symbolic of her being my future bride, and we left the airplane station.

That’s when everything went bad. Worse than that – it was a disaster. We couldn’t look at each other without it being awkward, and anytime we tried to start a conversation, there was no common ground. If she said the sky was blue, I said it was not blue, and vice versa.

The voting thing was the last straw for her. And for me. We were out of straws. Both of us. Together.

Jennifer stayed for one night, changed her flight, and left. It was by mutual decision – Jennifer and me just didn’t work.

Our love was simply two moments in time – one on an airplane ride, and the second during an airplane station pick-up. That was all it would ever be.

4 – I did have one very serious, sustained, long-term, lasting relationship, but since the girl it was with utterly destroyed my heart, and any chance of having a second sustained, long-term, lasting relationship, I try not to think about it.

Brad Radby’s Foreward, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 31

(The following is an excerpt from my book, Prelude to a Super Airplane. It can be purchased by clicking on any of the roughly 400 banners adorning this site, or by clicking here. It’s also available on Amazon.

I’ve posted the first 20 chapters (roughly 55 pages of PTSA) on this site. Links to each of those are at the end of this post, or you can download all of them as a pdf by clicking here.

Jennifer Cormier was born into fitness model royalty.

Her father was the famous fitness model, Julian Cormier, and her mother was the even more famous fitness model, Jennifer Cormier, Sr. That her parents shared a last name was pure coincidence, but caused there to be no shortage of jabber in the fitness model gossip newspapers when they married.

Jennifer’s younger brother, Julian Jr., was also a fitness model. He was practically a clone of their father, and the jabber in the online internet fitness model gossip blogs was that he actually was a clone of their father. The distribution conduit had changed, but Jennifer’s parents always laughed that the industry hadn’t: fitness models loved their gossip.

Current jabber also focused on Jennifer, because rumors were rampant that Jennifer Cormier was working outside the fitness modeling industry under the alias of Jewel Dopplepop, the lead singer of the children’s pop/rock trio, The Boppin’ Dopplepops.

The Boppin’ Dopplepops were the biggest thing to hit children’s entertainment in at least nine months, and tonight, in a sold-out arena in her hometown of The New York City, Jennifer Cormier, aka Jewel Dopplepop, was thinking about the mess of lies her life had become.

That she was able to do this while singing the Boppin’ Dopplepops’ biggest hit, “Doople Dopple Down to the Zoo,” was nothing short of a miracle. Of course, Jennifer had sung this song, by her rough estimation, somewhere just north of seven hundred times this month alone.

It wasn’t just the heat from the fitness model gossip blogs that was distracting Jennifer Cormier tonight, though. She was becoming used to the gossip blogs running their side-by-side photos, meticulously comparing the toned, athletic, and eerily similar bodies of Jennifer Cormier and Jewel Dopplepop.

Why, just before going on stage with the Boppin’ Dopplepops’ opening number, “Who Popped the Dopplepops? (The Happy Song)”, a young reporter by the name of Eastham Way had drilled her with more pointed questions regarding the controversy than she’d ever encountered.

Eastham Way, she learned, was working freelance for one of the bigger online internet fitness model gossip blogs, and Jennifer Cormier knew her combination of an all-too-calm “no comment” and a paranoid “where’d you hear that, don’t say that out loud” responses would ignite a fresh week of speculation and jabber.

Of course, Jennifer Cormier was able to compartmentalize the thoughts of her dual lives, because in this moment, all she could think about was the irresistible young actor/writer with whom she’d fallen deeply in love on a recent airplane ride.

Jennifer Cormier sensed that he, like herself, was singularly unique, and that he, also like she, was struggling to come to terms with his power and status as a superior human being.

After all, Jennifer Cormier, who as Jewel Dopplepop was one of the most famous people in the world among 2-7 year old children, was also a fitness model of some note.

Who was she to have a clouded mind regarding her true worth and value to the world? Wasn’t she a force of nature? Isn’t this what Johnny Joe Dopplepop, the lead guitarist of the Boppin’ Dopplepops, told her all the time?

Knowing of this controversy, confusion, and self-torment would disgust Jennifer Cormier’s poor mother and father and (allegedly) cloned brother, were they to find out these things.

What a silly girl she was – with her secret airplane love affair with a Hollywood actor/writer, and her dual life as children’s pop/rock star Jewel Dopplepop!

Oh! But what the jabber in the fitness model gossip blogs would be if they could verify their suspicions with viable evidence of some kind!

Brad Radby’s Foreward, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 31

UPDATE: If you haven’t hopped on my Twitter feed yet, go do it. We start playing Vegetable Trivia Game tomorrow, and you’ll want to be there.

Thanks to my friend Michael J. Mikolay for sending this my way:

Listened to at the gym this morning:

Welcome to the Terrordome – Public Enemy
Welcome to the Terrordome – Public Enemy
Welcome to the Terrordome – Public Enemy
Welcome to the Terrordome – Public Enemy
Welcome to the Terrordome – Public Enemy
Welcome to the Terrordome – Public Enemy
Welcome to the Terrordome – Public Enemy
Welcome to the Terrordome – Public Enemy
Welcome to the Terrordome – Public Enemy
Welcome to the Terrordome – Public Enemy

(This pic is from The Surrogates, which is “Bruce Willis + sci-fi”. I automatically see that without any other info.)

For some reason I’ve gotten 13 emails today asking me what I listen to when I work out.

Rather than answer all 13 of these, I thought I’d just reprint a few of them, and then answer the question outright.

Here’s the first one:

Hey Brian,
You seem like a real tough man. What kind of music do you listen to when you lift weights?

Here’s another:

Hi Brian,
What sort of music do you listen to when you do your important weight lifting? I want to be a tough man like you.

A third:

Hello Brian,
You as a tough man, music, weight lifting. Please connect these three items for me.

Well, this is certainly the query of the day.

In order, here’s everything I’ve listened to over the past 4 days at the gym.

Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Welcome to the Terrordome – Public Enemy
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Seven Nation Army – The White Stripes
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Queen of Hearts – Juice Newton
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Gonna Fly Now (Theme From Rocky) – Bill Conti
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
The Jim Rome Show (Tuesday 12/16 – Hour 2 (3 minutes only))
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Ditty – Paperboy
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Sock It To Me Baby – Mitch Ryder & The Detroit Wheels
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
The Imperial March – John Williams
Suicide Blonde – INXS
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
The Old Apartment – Bare Naked Ladies
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Welcome to the Terrordome – Public Enemy
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Seven Nation Army – The White Stripes
Batdance – Prince
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Bring the Noize – Public Enemy & Anthrax
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Bring the Noize – Public Enemy & Anthrax
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Batdance – Prince
Batdance – Prince
Batdance – Prince
Batdance – Prince
Mama Said Knock You Out – LL Cool J
Batdance – Prince
Batdance – Prince
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Steal My Sunshine – Len
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Batdance – Prince
Be Bop Baby – Ricky Nelson
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Mama Said Knock You Out – LL Cool J
Possum Kingdom – The Toadies
Mama Said Knock You Out – LL Cool J
Mama Said Knock You Out – LL Cool J
Mama Said Knock You Out – LL Cool J
Mama Said Knock You Out – LL Cool J
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Batdance – Prince
Higher Love – Steve Winwood
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Batdance – Prince
Batdance – Prince
Batdance – Prince
Higher Love – Steve Winwood
The Greatest Man That Ever Lived – Weezer
The Greatest Man That Ever Lived – Weezer
The Greatest Man That Ever Lived – Weezer
The Greatest Man That Ever Lived – Weezer
The Greatest Man That Ever Lived – Weezer
The Greatest Man That Ever Lived – Weezer
The Greatest Man That Ever Lived – Weezer
Batdance – Prince
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Hold Me Now – The Thompson Twins
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Eye of the Tiger – Survivor
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N’ Roses

That’s how you get big and strong; read: yoked. Eat lots of chicken, also.

Take me out to the basketball court, yeah,
Take me out to the basketball court,
Buy me some stuff and some other things,
I don’t care about anything else!

So it’s root for all of the basketballing,
If the ball pops or explodes that’s a shame,
Cause everyone, loves basketball!
At the old! Arena! Building!

Take me out to the basketball court, yeah,
Take me out to the basketball court,
Everyone’s watching them run around,
Different teams wear different colors!

Take me out to the basketball court, yeah,
Take me out to the basketball court,
Dribble, dribble, shoot is the way to play,
Get the rebound, let’s all sing along!

So it’s root for all of the basketballing,
If the ball pops or explodes that’s a shame,
Cause every!
One!
Loves basketball!
At the old!
Arena!
Building!

(I watched but slept through the entire Cavaliers win last night, but they looked great.

Either way, the big winner in the DET-DEN deal is CLE, provided they’re able to see a wide open window when it’s right in front of them.)

There’s nothing important going on today except for the two candidates’ respective groups deciding the quickest and most efficient manner with which to protest the voting results.

I can only assume this is what will happen – it’s how the country works now.

Concern isn’t something gnawing at me, though. At least not over the election.

No, I’m much more angsty about the reaction to my airplane song from the other day. It was written specifically for someone, and this was her response.

I looooved my song. I wasn’t sure about it at first; it seemed a little plane. Get it? “plane?”

Nah, it was very sweet and just reaffirms our rockstar connection. When u [smudged out/unreadable]? I need some [unreadable]!

Clearly, this girl knows I’m meant to be a rockstar, as opposed to the 14 other professions I’m currently pursuing.

The big problem, though? She must’ve spilled some dirt all over her computer before sending this, because there are crucial pieces of dialog missing here.

What is it she needs? What if she needs anti-poison pills? What if she’s suicidal and needs poison pills? What if she just needs some hugs?

I welcome your analysis, but I have to tell you, a girl who just haphazardly spills soil all over her computer, then sends it to me?

I don’t know if that works long term. Soil is for growing vegetables, not for hiding the true intent of your love-letterish emails.

This is a song I wrote for a special someone. I hadn’t thought about airplanes in so long, and after spending time with her, I really wanted to think about them again.

This just spilled right out of my heart…directly. I only have the music in my head, but it’d be like an 80s Bon Jovi power ballad:

AIRPLANE IN THE SKY
BY BRIAN

Airplane in the sky,
There you go,
I don’t know where you’re goin’,
But you’re in the sky.

Your wings keep you up there,
That’s so nice,
The stewardess,
Gives out drinks with ice,
Everybody’s happy,
All up in there,
They hope you don’t crash,
And I know you won’t!

Chorus:
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY!
OH, I DON’T KNOW WHY!
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY (EYE-EYE)!
I WISH I WAS ON YOU!
SITTIN’ IN YOUR NICE LEATHER SEATS (So plush…)

The clouds are no object to your mighty jets,
The jets are engines and they run on gas,
It’s not like car gas, oh no-no,
It’s like jets for planes,
And that’s so damn different!

(***Cool extended guitar/saxophone riff-off back and forth***)

I see your picture in a magazine,
But Airplanes Weekly just isn’t the same,
Cause all you airplanes,
You’re not just like us,
And seein’ you in person,
Not in 2-D,
I wanna take you in my arms,
But you’re a huge airplane!

Chorus:
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY!
OH, I DON’T KNOW WHY!
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY (EYE-EYE)!
I WISH I WAS ON YOU!
SITTIN’ IN YOUR NICE LEATHER SEATS (So plush…)

AIRPLANE IN THE SKY!
OH, I DON’T KNOW WHY!
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY (EYE-EYE)!
I WISH A LOT OF THINGS!
BE MY AIRPLANE! BE MY AIRPLANE!!

(***Cool extended keyboard/guitar riff-off back and forth***)

Now, baby, now we’re gettin’ close,
To the first quarter of this song bein’ done,
Long way to go,
Just like your wings are long (and beautiful),
It’s gonna get intense,
Just like my gaze,
I’ll sit in your first class,
Or even the back,
As long as we’re together,
And you’re going over 400 miles per hour!

Chorus:
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY!
OH, I DON’T KNOW WHY!
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY (EYE-EYE)!
I WISH I WAS ON YOU!
SITTIN’ IN YOUR NICE LEATHER SEATS (So plush…)

I wanna tell you somethin’,
I never told no one,
I don’t know if ‘no one’ is two words or one,
If it’s one, then it’s pronounced “noon”,
So that’s kinda bad,
Unless it’s in writing,
See why everything’s better up in the sky!

(***Cool extended keyboard/saxophone riff-off back and forth***)

I think what you can see what this is building toward,
Three days together,
Each one represented by an instrument,
The keyboard is Friday,
The saxophone Saturday,
The guitar is Sunday,
And they’re going to war!

Chorus:
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY!
OH, I DON’T KNOW WHY!
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY (EYE-EYE)!
I WISH I WAS ON YOU!
SITTIN’ IN YOUR NICE LEATHER SEATS (So plush…)

AIRPLANE IN THE SKY!
OH, I DON’T KNOW WHY!
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY (EYE-EYE)!
I WISH A LOT OF THINGS!
BE MY AIRPLANE! BE MY AIRPLANE!!

Here it comes girl,
Here it comes girl,
It’s gonna get crazy,
Don’t know what’s gonna happen!

(***Mega-cool extended 3-way keyboard/saxophone/guitar triple riff-off back and forth and a third way***)

Chorus:
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY!
OH, I DON’T KNOW WHY!
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY (EYE-EYE)!
I WISH I WAS ON YOU!
SITTIN’ IN YOUR NICE LEATHER SEATS (So plush…)

AIRPLANE IN THE SKY!
OH, I DON’T KNOW WHY!
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY (EYE-EYE)!
I WISH A LOT OF THINGS!
BE MY AIRPLANE! BE MY AIRPLANE!!

Repeat Chorus 17 times (With explosion sounds and additional 3-way riffing until someone wins the riff contest; also the singer has to sing the last line over and over until he loses his voice (no matter how long it takes), and that’s when the song ends.):

AIRPLANE IN THE SKY!
OH, I DON’T KNOW WHY!
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY (EYE-EYE)!
I WISH A LOT OF THINGS!
BE MY AIRPLANE! BE MY AIRPLANE!!
BE MY AIRPLANE! BE MY AIRPLANE!!
BE MY AIRPLANE! BE MY AIRPLANE!!
BE MY AIRPLANE! BE MY AIRPLANE!!
BE MY AIRPLANE! BE MY AIRPLANE!!
BE MY AIRPLANE! BE MY AIRPLANE!!

Now that the economy is all fixed, we can worry about something I learned today – pumpkins are vegetables. This freaks me out for some reason.

I guess because you’d never actually eat a pumpkin, except for pumpkin pie, which isn’t even real pumpkins, and pumpkin seeds, which don’t count, because they aren’t even pumpkins yet.

Anyway, my love of this Texas region continues, because I will never tire of parking as you see here.

(That’s my car on the the right…ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE STREET. LEGALLY.

And for those of you wondering, I drive an SUV only because I hate the environment. Before stopping there, I actually drove right through an entire forest – I killed at least 30 young trees.)

Much as I love that, once again hardcore religious radio has tweaked me just right.

I heard the most hardcore of hardcore yesterday morning the form of something called The Word Unleashed.

They’re going to slaughter you with the Bible. I mean, it’s gonna get unleashed on you.

Anyway, this guy went on for about 30 minutes on why women, because it says to in the Bible, must “submit to, obey, and worship” their husbands, no matter what.

He really said this – he said even if your husband is lazy, cruel, and makes horrible, irresponsible decisions, you must do this.

Or, y’know…well, he didn’t really have an answer. Just that the Bible says so.

If you’re ever having one of those “stupid days”, wherein you’re just not feeling that smart, I highly encourage you to go check out some of these broadcasts. Guaranteed to reaffirm your intelligence.

I had written a song about what I thought about airplanes this morning, but it wasn’t the best song I’d written to date, so I deleted it. It would’ve gone in this space.

(By the way, about the economy…it’s kinda like I said. Just say it’s okay and suddenly it is. That’s what happens when money isn’t backed by anything tangible anymore other than hard drives and 10011100111s.)

So VH-1 says “Fight the Power” is the best hip-hop song of all time.

I asked my musically informed roommate if this was true, and he said most definitely.

He also knew exactly the article I was talking about just from my question. It’s good to know we’re both avoiding working by internetting it up.

My point, though – I know “Fight the Power” is the more iconic and culturally important song, but I personally like “Welcome to the Terrordome” way, way, way better.

That part at the start where it’s like, “duh-nunt-duh-nunt, duh-nunt-duh-nunt, nunt-nunt-nuuuuuuuhhhh nairwwwo…!!!” is the best thing ever.

The other day I mentioned the new season of Heroes being awful, and in sharp contrast, I really like the season premiere of Smallville.

(Couple things – I’ve long been a Superman fan, so anything Superman will get me to at least watch. Note: That was actually just one thing.)

I was hooked on Smallville for several years, but it felt like they were just running in place with the “Lex finds out about Clark-Lex forgets about Clark somehow-Clark turns evil-Clark unturns evil” for a few seasons and I dropped off.

This year, it feels like they’ve done what I’ve always felt was an inevitable necessity, should the show run long enough: more or less reboot it as “Metropolis”.

And as much as I like Lex’s character, having him gone will force them to look for some new things to do.

That was really all geeky-sounding, in different genres of geek, even. Thus, I hope Stephon Marbury ends up on the Lakers or Celtics after he gets released – those likely have the most potential for strife, right?

I mean, he’s gonna bring chaos wherever he is, but you really need him to go viral on a winning team for it to pay off for the public.

The way things work these days, one day you’re not famous at all, and the next day you’re super-famous.

I realize it doesn’t really work this way – in reality there’s a fan-base built up of a core target audience, and then there’s a roll-out to the mainstream.

Whether it’s planned or not is up for debate, and probably varies on a case-by-case basis.

Anyway, over the past two years I’ve woken up on various days, suddenly aware of who Miley Cyrus, The Jonas Brothers, and Lil Wayne were.

I have no idea how I found out about them, why I knew who they were, or anything, but there they were, and I had a full base of knowledge. Like how all little kids know about Superman.

Small aside – while visiting family earlier in the year, as an experiment, I consciously set out to introduce my nieces to Spider-Man, the Hulk, Superman, and Batman. (They are twins – just over two years old each.)

I needed to verify for sure that humans aren’t born knowing about them, like we are with “breathing”.

Anyway, it worked – they didn’t know, now they do. I also introduced them to a bunch of other phrases they could greet their daddy with.

There was nothing quite like watching my brother walk into grandma’s house and having his two innocent daughters run up to him and shriek, “I WANT A BOYFRIEND!!”

I believe, “What…? No, no, no…” was his exact response.

Yeah, so what really spurred this thought was Lil’ Wayne. I don’t get why everyone says he’s like the best rapper ever, or why he’s talked about in hushed tones like he’s the Godfather or something.

It’s like back a few years ago when Kanye West had one album that had been out for one month, but MTV treated him like Elvis. (He has proven to have longevity, so good for him.)

One thing I will say for Lil’ Wayne, is the guy has a lot of tattoos.

He reminds me of Denver Nuggets guard JR Smith, who I’m convinced went to the tattoo parlor and asked the guy to just scribble all over his arm for seventeen straight hours.

Wow, that aside turned into the rest of the post, but being that my brother and his wife (it takes two people to make a third, I am told) have last night informed me they have another offspring on the way, I am too excited to stay on point!

By the way, I’ve requested I be referred to as just “Brian” as opposed to “Uncle Brian”. Is this unreasonable?

I just remember when I was like 16 or 18 or something-teen, I started to feel dumb still calling my uncles by name with the “Uncle” in front, and I want to save my nieces from having that uncertain moment when you drop it for the first time.

In fact, I distinctly remember the first time I did it, and my brother shooting me this look that was like, “Have you gone mad?! What are you doing!?!”