(The following is an excerpt from my book, Prelude to a Super Airplane. It can be purchased by clicking on any of the roughly 400 banners adorning this site, or by clicking here. It’s also available on Amazon.

I’ve posted the first 20 chapters (roughly 55 pages of PTSA) on this site. Links to each of those are at the end of this post, or you can download all of them as a pdf by clicking here.

Forty-seven floors.

This airplane had forty-seven floors. Each one of these was a wonder of technology and function, and a singularly unique creative vision of the future of airplane design.

The first floor of the airplane was the airplane’s airplane baggage cargo hold. This was an unexciting place to be, except that inside this chamber was the best place to hear the airplane’s sixty-two pairs of airplane wheels doing their ascending and subsequent descending upon the take-off and landing of the airplane.

On the second floor of the airplane, above the first floor, which was the airplane baggage cargo hold, was a gas station. This was so that the airplane could refuel itself without stopping. The airplane ran on gasoline, because its creator was a man, and he believed that real men built things that needed crude oil to operate.

The third through fifth floors were the common airplane cabins. These three common airplane cabin floors were not unlike a traditional airplane’s, albeit much more luxurious and futuristic, in both appearance and function. There were both stairways and escalators between these floors, to allow for varied methods of traveling between them. Dual fire station-style action-poles were installed down the middle of the third through fifth floors, and this was simply an aesthetic design choice by the creator. Although not actually conducting electricity, these poles were labeled, “DANGER: HIGH VOLTAGE”.

The sixth floor of the forty-seven floor airplane was a retail and entertainment extravaganza complex, and included everything one could want or need on an airplane ride, including, but not limited to, a grocery store, a butcher shop, a hot and trendy dance club, a weightlifting gym, and a ye olde blacksmith’s shoppe.

There was parking for exactly three cars on this floor, and everything was connected by holographic hover-ramps. These ramps hovered at varying levels, anywhere from four to six feet over a giant aquarium, which had a retractable glass cover, and was filled with sharks.

Nobody knew what was on the seventh floor, because it was a secret, and had a large pad-locked door at the top of the rusted, industrial-style stairway leading up to it.

Above that were forty additional floors, each one a luxurious condominium, which exclusive and important people were permitted to lease for vast amounts of money.

There was an option to buy the condominium, but only after a three-year lease term was completed. The creator of the airplane was adamant that only those who were serious about living on the airplane be permitted to buy a condo on it, and this leasing agreement was his way of ensuring that.

There were also forty-one private, hologram-powered elevators on this airplane, each one a private conduit to the condos of the passengers who chose to live there. The forty-first elevator led to the observation deck on the roof of the airplane, which was huge, and dangerous, and exciting to be on.

The cockpit of the airplane was not unlike the bridge of a prominent science fiction television show and movie series. This was primarily because of the design aesthetics of the airplane, and not because it was necessary. Because of the many advanced systems and technologies that ran the airplane, only the airplane Captain, who would also be the airplane driver, needed be in this cockpit, or bridge, for the airplane to fly.

Before boarding the airplane with forty-seven floors, all airplane riders would, on the runway, be entertained with a reunion concert from the original members of Gunz N’ Rozes, who would play their classic hit, “Welcome to the Junglez”. This would happen before each and every airplane ride the airplane would take.

Accompanying the performance would be a dance number by the two hundred airplane employees, who were all beautiful girls with athletic bodies, and under the age of 25. Their uniforms were sultry, seductive cheerleader outfits, adorned with the logo of the company that owned the forty-seven story airplane. Half the employees would have their hair in ponytails, the other half pigtails.

Regardless of their ownership of a condominium, during take-off and landing, all airplane riders were required to reside in their non-assigned seats inside one of the common cabins, as was required by the safety standards of ARMTA, an important governing body of airplane riding.

Only Mac-based personal computers would be permitted aboard this airplane, and anyone found using a Windows-based machine would find it unable to boot. All airplane riders also had to sign agreements that upon boarding, they would only use the metric system, even when thinking to themselves.

Immediately before take-off, each airplane rider would receive a visit from their personal, jet powered airplane waitress, who would give them an autographed photo of their airplane Captain and driver, Bruce Willis. (He was to be the only male airplane employee on the airplane.)

In the photo, Bruce Willis was wearing his airplane driver uniform, and using a flame-thrower to light something on fire. You couldn’t tell what the something was, because the flamethrower was shooting so much fire. There was also a big sound effect that said, “THRAWSHWARRR!!!”

This enhanced the effect and imagery of how much stuff Bruce Willis was setting on fire.

Each airplane rider would get to spend time with their autographed airplane driver photograph until the airplane reached its cruising altitude, after which their jet-powered airplane waitress, who was wearing her sultry and seductive cheerleader uniform, would take it back. She would then seal it inside an airtight protective sleeve for the duration of the airplane ride.

What the airplane rider did with it when they got home was up to them, but nobody would be permitted to leave the airplane with a tarnished photo of the airplane driver, Bruce Willis.

Every day would be Christmas Day on the airplane with forty-seven floors, and riding on it also came with certain other raw, savage guarantees.

One was that it would be the most exciting, privilege-filled, important airplane ride one would ever take. Another was that nothing one could do in life would ever be as exciting or important as that airplane ride. A third was explicit – this airplane ride would be exciting. Finally, a lavish, seven-course Christmas Day dinner would be served on each and every airplane ride, regardless of length.

These guarantees were engraved on solid gold, four-foot tall hologram plaque-bots, one of which was on each of the airplane’s forty-seven floors. The 47 solid gold hologram plaque-bots controlled the vast majority of the airplane’s functions with their advanced, holographic artificial intelligence and their sultry, feminine robotic voices.

One last thing that made this airplane unique was its reinforced hull, internal gravity system, and external laser cannons. In times of peril for the planet Earth, these attributes allowed the forty-seven-story airplane to travel into outer space for up to six hours at a time.

Yes, this was an airplane built by a man. For men. And women. It was built for everyone, and it had forty-seven floors and was exciting and important to ride on.

It was about to change everything, and its creator named it The Super Airplane.

Brad Radby’s Foreward, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 31

My brother is a huge Star Trek fan, so I’m sure he hates this picture of the new Enterprise (from next summer’s re-boot movie) on some kind of general principle.

To me, it looks like the same Enterprise, but cooler and modernerer.

I’m a big fan of the director, so I’ll be seeing this. I also saw Beverly Hills Chihuahua, so that statement might not be worth much.

I read maybe the stupidest thing ever in this article about the increase in gun purchases, from the Chicago Tribune.

“Why are white people buying assault weapons?” said Ben Agger, a sociology professor at the University of Texas at Arlington who wrote a book about the Virginia Tech slayings. “I almost hate to say it, but there is a deep-seated fear of the armed black man, because Obama now commands the military and other instruments of the justice system. They are afraid Obama will exact retribution for the very deep-seated legacy of slavery.”

I don’t know, maybe my read of the man is off, but I can’t see him putting down an executive order for the military to start shooting white people.

The last thing I want to do is get into a huge gun control debate, but the Second Amendment is a consistently misread decree, ie it’s the product of a different era, and is no longer relevant.

Google Talk now has video for the Mac, which is where you can see other people when you talk to them.

This isn’t as exciting as my song about airplanes, but worth mentioning.

Sorry this is kind of scattered, but I’ve been trying to get up the 2GG site, as you’re getting close to a teaser trailer going live.

I’m in a branding disaster on this thing – I really want it to be 2WO G2N G2Y (and have that domain), but let’s run a scenario:

You’re in the street, and someone tackles you, and they’re like, “GO WATCH TWO GUN GUY ON THE ONLINE INTERNET!”

You don’t go home and search for “2WO G2N G2Y”, you go search for “TWO GUN GUY”, right? (Or “TO GUYN GIE” if you’re a non-speller.)

I dunno – I think it’s all work itself out. By the way, if you want to work on the marketing for this, I’m paying $5 per person you tackle/scream.

NOTE: Guess whose blog is the #1 Google result for “LeBron James yoked”?

(Took the tour of Texas Stadium yesterday – it was really weird.

Everyone was throwing passes, tackling each other, kicking field goals, making sweet love to the star at the 50-yard line, etc. One dude like had worn a helmet and everything.)

Yikes – the NBA starts tonight, and I haven’t even had time to decide if I’m into it or not.

You longtime followers know this used to be my absolute, #1 favorite day of the year. Not so much anymore, but I’m not so much negative on the league as I was last season.

Things I’m taking note of, as of today…in no particular order:

1) Knicks – I’m guessing Game #14 is the one Isiah shows up at. They would never invite him, but he can afford to buy some tickets, can’t he?

2) Bobcats – I’m guessing Game #14 is the one Larry Brown asks for trades at. They would never invite Isiah, but he can afford to buy some car washes, can’t he?

3) Cavaliers – I’m guessing Game #14 is the one LeBron upsets me at. They would never celebrate Isiah, but he can afford to eat some eyeglasses, can’t he?

4) Mavericks – I’m guessing Game #14 is the one Jason Kidds breaks down at. They would never show a movie to Isiah, but he can afford to subscribe to library baseball cards, can’t he?

5) Greg Oden – I’m guessing Game #14 is the one he likes the most. They would never swim in the pool, but fish can afford to lie in the grass and then go to the restaurant, can’t they?

6) League Pass – I’m guessing Game #2 is the one I realize it won’t work on a Mac at.

I’d also say I’m moderately interested to note how quickly the Nuggets completely implode. It’s gonna happen, isn’t it?

The OKC Thunder will be horrible (as deserved for eternity), but unless Clay Bennett is out there a-gettin’ pegged with balls at halftime, there’s no reason to pay attention.

I have zero interest in the Celtics, nor the Lakers. They’re both gonna be fine, and probably there in the end. The BOS personalities are stable, as are the LA ones, save Lamar Odom.

Depressed doesn’t equal interesting, though. If he were angst-ridden, we might see some good stuff.

I just was Googling “The Crepes Are in the Oven” – I needed to find the old post to send to someone, and wanted to see where it landed in Google.

(The old post was jacked up in the server move, so I’ve put the key portions up on my Flickr page. French version is here. English is here.)

The search engine decided what I really wanted was “The Grapes Are in the Oven“, which makes even less sense than the crepes version of the phrase.

I mean, if you were going to pick one of two things to put in an oven, which would it be – crepes or grapes?

It’d be crepes, right?

NOTE: I’d really like to have one of these now, so if these rumors are true, I’ll be doing that whole “tackle UPS guy” like the ladies did back in the Beanie Baby Raids of the late 1990s. Which reminds me, I need to tell that story sometime.

NOTE 2: Based on the squealing and swearing I just heard from the bathroom, I’m fairly certain my roommate just tried to take a cold shower. He was talking about it, and watched Fight Club last night and everything.