It all started with this post back in April.

You can see right there in the parenthetical postlude how I knew instantly that something was about to happen.

Alas, here we are five months later or whatever and the book is released.

So here are the things I would say to the me that is [...]]]>

I think this guy is actually 15.

So here are the things I would say to the me that is 17 and these are in an order that is not particular for you.

Oh also I grouped them in a way that is how I think the conversation might go.

- Keep working and your muscles will happen to you.

- I guess one day you will have a time machine and do this too.
- Don’t make any paradoxes happen, like come to see you tomorrow and not that the same time I’m here right now.

- Sell PCBM at 1.90 cause the next day it’s going to have one of those bad days and go to .00019 and stay there forever.
- Just stay away from penny stocks in general maybe?

- Hey can I cut you on your arm and then like we will see if a scar appears on my arm in real-time.

- Look what I did to our shoulder with a tattoo. lol

- You should invent Twitter and get money dollars for doing it.
- Also you need to make up Lost and Gossiping Girls because people love those shows.

- That time you break your face – don’t do that one. Also that’s a spoiler so I can’t tell you when that happens.

- One day Bill Walton will play your daddy in a movie.
- Oops spoiler space – sorry about that one, Lil’ Bri.
- Can I call you Lil’ Bri.
- Hey Lil’ Bri we should go see Mom and Dad right now and give them heart attacks. lol

- Where is our girlfriend and is it weird if I go on an excitement date with her tonight.

Those are all the ones I can think of right now but maybe I will do another part to the list later.

Would you say anything to a 17 year-old me and if you did would it be exactly what I did except maybe a little different because he’d be all like “who are you lady”. lol

It’s a cool one for sure called Lost Tag and here is how you play at it.

Instead of being “It” you get to be “Jacob” and you have [...]]]> I was having Lost fun on Twitter with @JoannePistonFan and @ahhhhlee when a new game decided to come and live inside my head.

It’s a cool one for sure called Lost Tag and here is how you play at it.

Instead of being “It” you get to be “Jacob” and you have to chase everyone with a water bottle.

You still try to do a tag on someone but not like a hit or slap – you need to touch them on their shoulder in a way that is gentle.

When that happens everyone has to stop and look at you and the new Jacob and pretend to have tears happening while the new Jacob drinks some water and you use your sensitive look on them.

Once they take a sip you tell them “Now you’re like me” in your destiny voice and the game starts again only the new person is Jacob.

Also while you’re doing this the new Jacob has to be acting like maybe it is going to be too heavy of a life burden or they lose two points.

At the end whoever has the most of their points left gets to be Desmond. There are ten rounds.

Don’t think I won’t play this next time there is beer or Fresca For Men inside me and other Lost fans around.

I loved it like crazy, but don’t know how much I have to say about it. I thought it was amazing.

Once again, they managed to do something that nobody predicted yet still “fit” perfectly. This is my favorite image [...]]]> So a few people have asked when I’m gonna write something about the Lost finale.

I loved it like crazy, but don’t know how much I have to say about it. I thought it was amazing.

Once again, they managed to do something that nobody predicted yet still “fit” perfectly. This is my favorite image from the episode.

Anyway, a lot of you who have read me for years know I’m not a fan of “easy” toilet humor and excessive swearing for the sake of doing it.

It’s not that I don’t think these things can be funny, it’s just that swearing for the sake of swearing doesn’t work for me.

I was having a broadband real-time dot com chat with @kristinbrennan yesterday that addressed this further.

me: Hey Kristin

Kristin: hi b
Kristin: why are you calling me that lol

me: lol I wanted to to see what would happen

Kristin: haha no one calls me that
Kristin: except you, right now
Kristin: even my mom calls me kb

Kristin’s new status message – deathblog :( 4:13 PM

me: What does deathblog mean

Kristin: i feel like crap
Kristin: i think its allergies but im not a doctor so i have no idea what my neckup’s problem is
Kristin: but im like sore throat, clogged head headache that no matter what i take wont go away
Kristin: its just not fun

me: How long have you been like this

Kristin: the headaches have been all week
Kristin: so i took a clartin like a normal person thinking it would help
Kristin: and excredrin didnt help. i think i stuffed too many pills into me at once :(

me: Sometimes they get stuck and won’t work cause there are so many
me: And you are so little

Kristin: is that true or are you being silly
Kristin: i’m super little :(

me: No it’s not true

Kristin: oh i hate you lol
Kristin: i actually believe you for a second

me: But KB it sounds like you probably have f***ing AIDS

Kristin: LOL!!!!

me: Can I put this on my blog

Not much more needs to be said other than figuring out what KB’s “neckup” is.

You may remember we run a company together – at the next board meeting I will bring this up.

It doesn’t go anything like I remember – I guess they did some improv actoring on the TV show set.

KATE

1) Watch last night’s episode.

2) Read my post How Lost Ends.

3) Read my other post How Lost Ends Some More.

Spoilers for all that from here on.

So there’s not much more I have to add – I really just [...]]]> Before reading this, you may want to:

1) Watch last night’s episode.

2) Read my post How Lost Ends.

3) Read my other post How Lost Ends Some More.

Spoilers for all that from here on.

So there’s not much more I have to add – I really just want to point out how all the other stuff I wrote is still valid and why it’s even more hardcore about how valid it is.

I think we got a key piece of support lasterday and it also made me remember something from a few seasons back that may have a crucial tie-in.

Sideways Locke explained what happened with his father and the airplane ride crash, and it’s a classic deal with the devil, just like the other Sideways people have.

This one was interesting, because by all accounts, Locke seemed (externally) to have it better off in the Sideways world.

Smokey says:

“I’ll give you a healthy relationship with your father, John.”

It’s what Locke always wanted. He got it in the Sideways world…with a price that haunts him arguably more than when his father was a con man. There’s no closure, and massive amounts of guilt.

Now…the question becomes when was this deal made?

In Season 4, Locke was in Jacob’s cabin, which we know now was inhabited by Smokey, in this case appearing as Christian Shephard.

This is also the first time we saw Dark Claire.

That’s where it might have happened. We don’t know everything that was said in there – remember the show cut to outside with Ben and Hurley.

While it doesn’t seem Locke was “infected” ala Claire and Sayid, he was carrying out Smokey’s orders. Whether intentionally or not, he may have made his deal right there.

Also, just a side note – I hold that Jin and Sun’s child did not live through the shooting in the Sideways world – Jin just couldn’t bear to tell Sun.

This would be another perfect deal with the devil – you can be together, but it’ll cost you the life of your child.

In the main timeline, they’re dead but the child lives. (I’ve confirmed with my Mommy that this is the better scenario for a parent.)

Question of course is still how it all ties together, but I really, really believe the Sideways is Smokey’s world now.

Unfortunately, it invalidates my Kate Has A Wig In Her Bag guess.

Anyway, I had a feeling about the Sideways world last week but never wrote about [...]]]> If you haven’t read my previous How Lost Ends post, this fits snugly in with that hypothesis, so looking at that might be a good thing.

Unfortunately, it invalidates my Kate Has A Wig In Her Bag guess.

Anyway, I had a feeling about the Sideways world last week but never wrote about it because I couldn’t really pin down what I was trying to say.

This week’s episode with Desmond hit it, and I now think what I was trying to formulate is correct.

Just to verify, I said this on March 31st.

Oh oh oh oh oh I think I know what the sideways world is all about in #Lost. I’m gonna have to write at this.
8:13 PM Mar 31st via UberTwitter

Spoilers for last night’s ep, as well as speculation spoilers, obviously.

Two things stuck out to me with this episode, and they were both things that Charlie said.

He being dead in the real timeline, he has some extra insights. Going back to the season premiere, remember he flat-out said he wasn’t supposed to be alive.

1) In the bar scene, he talked to Desmond about having a choice.

(You know I am a big proponent of choosing your choice.)

2) Later at the hospital, he noted that “none of this matters”. Pretty on-the-nose, but it’s been 9 eps or whatever – it was time to give us something substantial.

In any case, my theory…which relies heavily on my other theory being right:

The Sideways world are Smokey’s (the “devil” figure’s) temptations.

Look at what the candidates have over here – they’re classic deals with the devil:

1) Jack has the father-son connection he always craved, only it’s with a son that he doesn’t really know, and he’s (literally) lost his own father.

2) Nadia is alive for Sayid, only she’s not with him, and to be with her would be to betray his own brother.

3) Sun and Jin are together, but it looks like it will cost them the life of their child.

4) Sawyer is a good and respected man, but is chasing an endless list of men named Anthony Cooper. He’ll never get closure to his life’s greatest torment.

5) Locke has accepted the hand he was dealt, and while on the surface he appears content, I think we’ve seen enough of Locke over the years to know this is not what he really wants at his core.

He’s about the fight and the battle – he needs that inside. It’s who he is.***

6) Hurley we’ll see about next week, but there’s surely a similar catch to his seemingly charmed life.

The Sideways world is infested with and made of evil. It’s the place where Smokey is free.

So…they have to resist these temptations – or rather one of the candidates has to – or the world is doomed to it.

Whichever candidate has the strength to choose to reject it becomes “the new Jacob”. A bunch of the rest of the 815ers – now understanding just how important the island is to the world – become the “new Others”.

This will really come to a head when Smokey finally tries to tempt Jack to get on the plane with him and leave the island.

It’ll coordinate in some way with whatever is happening in Sideways land with Desmond’s efforts, which will probably also climax at Jack.

I’m not sure how or why Widmore knows so much and the scientific ties are tougher to pin down.

As to the latter – I mentioned in my other post that I think it could be as simple as “this is how our 21st century minds interpret and manifest such spiritual things without our brains popping”.

(One must admit that covers nearly every scientific anomaly on the island, which would be tidy.)

Back in the Egyptian days this manifestation played out through explanations related to the Egyptian gods, which is what their brains could understand.

Instead of “strange magnetic forces we’re running testing on” it was “the hands of our mighty god of this and that”.

Thus explains the statue, temples, etc. For many among us the gods of today are science, and there are now Dharma “ruins” all over the island, as well.

If we see Jacob go through his process of becoming the island’s keeper we may get better insight into this.

That’s all I got.

***As to Locke, it’ll be interesting to see if/when Desmond gets to Sideways Locke, and if there’s a “connection” between him and Smokey.

Since Smokey knew what Locke was thinking as he died, there could be. He may have taken on more than just Locke’s physical form.

This is pieced together from various conversations I’ve had on Google Buzz and small private message board I frequent.

For the record, I don’t look at any spoilers, including upcoming episode titles or anything else.

There are spoilers in what follows [...]]]> These are my current thoughts after watching the Richard episode of Lost.

This is pieced together from various conversations I’ve had on Google Buzz and small private message board I frequent.

For the record, I don’t look at any spoilers, including upcoming episode titles or anything else.

There are spoilers in what follows for any episodes that have already aired, and also what I guess you would call “speculative spoilers”.

This may be a little jumbled also, but it all ties together.

1) The show is obviously dealing with various spiritual and pseudo-religious concepts.

It’s not going to prescribe to any particular one – it can’t take the stance of “Christianity is the right one” without alienating huge number of people.

Lost takes the idea that all religions and even philosophies are based around certain core concepts of “good vs evil”, and different cultures interpret this in different ways.

Smokey called it “hell” because Richard is Catholic – that’s the one Richard prescribed to and what he would conceptually accept.

That doesn’t even mean a place consistent with what we would traditionally think of as “hell” exists. Just that ultimate evil does. Many religions need a place for that evil to live, thus the creation of hell.

If you really want to stretch this out farther, both Smokey and Jacob may only be manifesting themselves as people because that’s what they’re dealing with in terms of the survivors of Flight 815 and other humans.

If the Lost universe believes in alien life, this same struggle is probably taking place on “Planet Ant Monsters” with a race of intelligent Ant-Monsters, and Smokey and Jacob look like intelligent Ant-Monsters over there.

2) We really know quite a bit at this point.

Just because nobody smacks us in the face with long-form exposition doesn’t mean we’re not learning things.

Like take Jacob stopping Richard from killing him on the beach, compared to how he totally just let Ben stab him to death, which always seemed a bit odd.

Why the difference?

Well, when Richard first got there in the 1860s, one could assume there were still a bunch of candidates left on that wheel in his lighthouse. Jacob still had work to do.

When Ben came for him, there were only six left, and they were all on the island. Jacob knew his job was nearly done and it was time for him to step aside so that one of the candidates could take over his job.

There’s enough there to infer that that’s basically how it works.

When someone from our 815 buddies steps up to become the new Jacob, we’ll learn how a candidate becomes the new keeper of the island and what that means and entails to a deeper extent.

Who was Jacob before he was “island keeper Jacob”?

I don’t think it matters – he was some guy who was a candidate once, went through trials and tribulations just like Jack, et al are now, and stepped up when he realized it was his destiny to be the personification of “good” against Smokey’s “evil”.

3) If you look at various religious allegories and stories – and my primary (and admittedly remedial) knowledge is of the Bible – most times the “god” figure is vague in message, putting the person through many trials to test their faith and will.

The “devil” figure is straight-forward and promises them whatever they want, but there’s always a catch.

This is exactly how Jacob and Smokey operate.

4) When it all ends, I think we’ll see Jack looking into his version of the mirror (maybe it will be an iPhone!) and writing out the names of the next round of candidates.

Smokey will remain trapped in Locke’s form, just as he was trapped in that other guy’s form from the last time this climaxed.

The two may converse on the beach, as well.

5) What’s it all mean?

At the absolute baseline, it’s the world’s spiritual battle between good and evil, and as I said in my first point, that relates and correlates to the base ideas of how most religions work.

Anything more than that gums this show up, like how Midichlorians gummed up the Force in Star Wars.

Another key point is that the producers have been adamant that the show itself is about this particular set of characters, not about the island.

If we’re talking about the world’s eternal struggle between good and evil – and Jacob’s description of what Smokey is says we’re talking about exactly that – I don’t think we’re going to see that struggle end on this show.

That’s too big and abstract of a concept to have it end as “Jack and friends stopped evil in the universe for all time”.

6) My only questions are:

a) What is the Sideways world and how does it tie in?

b) Technology like the donkey wheel and the magnetic forces on the island – what’s that all about?

(In theory, that could be summed up in spiritual mumbo-jumbo related to how their minds can interpret being on the island or something – much like they “see” Jacob and Smokey as people.

To account for the mystical aspects, the island gives them “magnetic pockets” and other science-based rationalizations?)

7) One last note – the statue got taken out by a huge TIDAL WAVE, not the Blackrock. Unless you think the Blackrock popped a wheelie out of the water or something.

But about that statue…if this is a ages-old conflict that plays out forever between good and evil, all the Egyptian stuff (including the statue) may just be the mark they left on the island from their time, much like Dharmaville and the Dharma stations are what “our people” have left there.

What would that stuff look like to a newbie in 3010? Ancient and mysterious ruins from a long-dead culture.

(On April 6, I wrote a Part 2 to this post after the Desmond episode that explains how the Sideways world fits into this theory.)

I took to IM with this anonymous “Girl” in order to lay out my theory.

Since this is just an educated guess that uses my charm and intelligence to happen, it’s technically not [...]]]> If you haven’t noticed, I’m a Lost enthusiast, and based on this week’s episode, I’m now positive of how it ends.

I took to IM with this anonymous “Girl” in order to lay out my theory.

Since this is just an educated guess that uses my charm and intelligence to happen, it’s technically not spoilers.

Brian: I loved when claire was trying to kill kate and sayid was just watching like “hmmm that is interesting” lol

Girl: Omg claires wig kills me everytime

Brian: It’s like they just set it on her head
Brian: And like also kate’s wig

Girl: Is it a wig?

Brian: Yeah she keeps it in her backpack
Brian: We never see it I just think it’s there

Girl: LOL
Girl: Lol omg

Brian: That’s how the show ends

Girl: We finally see the wig

Brian: She puts on a blond wig and swims away
Brian: Hurley is like “who’s that” and charlie’s ghost is like “dunno mate some blond lass”

Girl: Lol does charlie pop up from the water or is he on land

Brian: He’s sitting on Jacob’s shoulders – it’s the twist

Girl: Oh ok

Brian: I know you hate when I do this but this is very much going on my blog lol

Girl: Uuughhh lol

I asked her afterward to hop on the phone – I needed to confirm that the last thing she said there is indeed pronounced, “Ooooog-hehhhhh”.

It is.

I’m pretty sure my current run of Dick Vitale Fatheads are gone, but keep sending the ideas – I may get more, who knows.

At times, this includes actual amusing things, and that’s like an exciting thing to have happen.

It’s usually at Borders, where I pretend to write and instead mess around on various hot and exclusive instant messaging platforms [...]]]> You’re aware that I can go pretty much anywhere and find things to amuse myself with.

At times, this includes actual amusing things, and that’s like an exciting thing to have happen.

It’s usually at Borders, where I pretend to write and instead mess around on various hot and exclusive instant messaging platforms of some note.

Brian: This dude in Borders is laughing at something on his laptop and this woman reading “Civil War Times” is looking at him dismissively lolol

Girl: Omg lol

Brian: It’s not like there’s hot new civil war news lolol
Brian: The South – Fighting Mad! (And what it means for you!) pg 25

Girl: Unsure which side you are on? Take our quiz on page 46!

Brian: General Lee – He’s Just Like Us!

Girl: Is she wearing arm warmers
Girl: Like leg warmers but for your arms

Brian: Nah it’s a pink sweater with some kind of sweater vest
Brian: I want to start a magazine about people who read that magazine
Brian: Like we could profile her

Girl: Dude you should just start a magazine about people in borders
Girl: And sell is exclusively at borders and like people who read it and find that they are featured in it can bring it up to the counter and prove it’s them and they get like a prize or something

Brian: Lol
Brian: You know I am putting this on my blog thx

Girl: I hate when you do this trick ttyl

Once the lady left I went and picked up the magazine – there was only one copy on the shelves.

Perhaps the most interesting thing was a sizable “Note From the Editor” right at the front that warned readers there was a scam going around wherein people would call them and warn that their subscriptions were up, and that they needed their credit card numbers right away.

Says something about their target demo, which is primarily premature and naive historical enthusiasts. Not sure how you measure that.

In the back of the mag was a political cartoon that I’d guess 14 people on Earth would understand – luckily I was one, and I laughed so hard, and then I had something to bond with the laptop guy about.

FULL CIRCLE MONDAY IS WHERE I’M COMING FROM.

While you wait for Lost to start tonight, here’s the conclusion to WSM? – my Rocky Balboa moment to be sure.

At the start of the movie, Falcon Heene is a little boy and it says “OCTOBER 2001″ in exciting writing on the movie screen, and the audience is all high-fiving and doing cool fist-pumps together about the creative liberties they’re [...]]]> Umm…if you missed the Colorado Balloon Crisis…I don’t know what to tell you.

At the start of the movie, Falcon Heene is a little boy and it says “OCTOBER 2001″ in exciting writing on the movie screen, and the audience is all high-fiving and doing cool fist-pumps together about the creative liberties they’re already seeing happen.

Well, Falcon is hanging out with his family at a secret government place with Falcon’s dad, who is Bruce Willis, and Bruce is testing his important new excitement balloon for his government boss, and that boss is a Senator, and he is Keanu.

Bruce thought it would be a nice activity to have the whole family test the balloon together, and so Falcon goes in the balloon so they can do that, and the balloon crashes into a lake, and the lake starts on fire, and that’s because the lake was filled with gasoline.

Everyone but Falcon and Bruce dies, and Keanu waves his finger like “no-no-no”, and that means no more balloon experiments for Bruce, and also Falcon does some crying about his dead Mommy.

So then like it says “OCTOBER 2009″ and Falcon is graduating from high school, and now he is Shia LeBeouf, and he is always bitter at the world, and especially at Bruce.

This is because Bruce went on Wife Swapper and swapped some money to get Falcon a new Mommy, and that Mommy is Eva Mendez. After Falcon’s graduation party, Bruce and Falcon are cleaning up, and they yell at each other about who is a man now and who is not, and that’s the meme.

The yelling stops when they hear important cars drive through the front of the house, and they go to the living room to see who would do that, and the important cars are Keanu’s, and that’s because Keanu is the President now.

Eva wears booty shorts.

Keanu’s men grab Bruce and Falcon and Eva and take them to a secret lab to work on a new balloon that can save everyone, and Falcon is wondering what everyone needs to be saved from. Keanu won’t say, and then he gives Falcon some kettle corn and sends him to watch Dancing With Some Stars, and that’s another way to make Falcon feel like he is not a man.

Well Falcon sneaks around and finds out the plan, and he is like, “No-no-no-no-no-no-no!” because Keanu is making Bruce build a new balloon just like his old one, and Keanu will use that to crash the balloon into Lake Denver, which Keanu’s men are filling up with gasoline.

Falcon uses a Google Wave trick to make everyone think they’re in virtual reality, and when they are confused he steals the balloon and launches it, and he is in it when it does the launching.

Keanu is mad now, because Falcon also called the paparazzi, and they are making the online internet go crazy about this wild balloon kid.

Keanu puts guns in Bruce’s face, and so Bruce calls Falcon and tries to tell him how to drive the balloon, but Falcon is all like, “Oh now you think you’re a good dad, well let me tell you a thing or two about your booty wife.”

Then Keanu brings up a viral video on Falcon’s screen, and it’s of Keanu’s men pouring soda all over Eva, and also teasing her with chainsaws and calling her names that are not nice.

Keanu says that if Falcon doesn’t crash into Lake Denver, that they will keep doing that, and also they will start doing it to Bruce, and then Keanu will cancel Lost when there are only two episodes left to go.

Falcon swallows real hard and that’s like time for a montage, and now the internet is really loving on Falcon hard, and the montage goes on for an hour.

When it’s over, Falcon is like, “No-no-no-no-no-no!!” because he is about to crash, and he asks Keanu to explain why he wants to kill Lake Denver so bad, and that’s because Falcon wants to at least have solid reasoning behind his exciting balloon death.

Keanu says he hates lakes, and that’s when everything starts to go crazy on the computer screens, and the balloon crashes into Lake Denver, and that’s in 3-D.

The paparazzi is so excited to have a dead kid to talk about finally, and like there’s a man running out there so he can be the guy to pull out the body, but he falls down, and the internet likes that one a lot.

Everyone takes their shovels and pops the balloon, but all that’s in there is some kettle corn. They are all like “wtf” at not getting to be famous heroes on TV, and the paparazzi shows everyone that on their touchscreens.

Back at the secret lab, Keanu isn’t sure what’s happening, and we know this because he is screaming that he isn’t sure what’s happening.

That’s when Falcon jumps down from the attic, and it turns out Balloon-Falcon was just virtual reality. Real-Falcon says he was doing a trick so Keanu would admit his evil plan, and maybe people won’t vote for him again.

They have a fistfight, and Falcon wins the fight, and Bruce admits he’s a man, and gives him beer and a passport. Also, Bruce gets diabetes at this part, so they go to the hospital, and Eva meets them there.

Falcon starts throwing up for the paparazzi, and so he touches Eva’s booty and him and Bruce like wink at each other for their cool way they figured out to be on TV, and that’s the twist, but nobody cares because for sure Falcon will have more adventures.

Instead, I made this list of actual pieces of commercial media and entertainment that have made me produce tears, be they sadness tears or happiness tears.

***This is 100% spoiler free, in case you haven’t seen lasterday’s Season Five finale yet.***

One of the many reasons I love Lost is [...]]]> (I apologize for no jokes and no content this week, but I’m not in a position to do any of those things for you. I’m barely even Twitter-based until Monday.)

***This is 100% spoiler free, in case you haven’t seen lasterday’s Season Five finale yet.***

One of the many reasons I love Lost is because you could hand that concept to another set of creators – even with a lot of the pieces in place – and it would be a completely different show.

It’s creative-bankruptcy-proof.

Take the base idea – a group of strangers crash land and are stranded on a mysterious island – and it still doesn’t really tell you what the show is about.

What’s interesting is this goes against every rule of Hollywood, ie you could hand the high concept to almost any Adam Sandler concept to ten writer/director teams, and while the quality/jokes/characters will vary, you’ll probably get more or less the same movie. (That’s not a criticism, by the way.)

If you’ve read me for a long time and lived through one of my tantrums, you know this is something I strive to emulate – I rarely fear telling people my ideas, because I don’t think most people would know what to do with a “dead snake/magic basketball movie” or an “epic, pretentious, and stupid 47-story airplane reading book“.

The other thing I love is that the shows creators have absolutely no fear of turning the entire thing on its ear every season. If you watched the season finale lasterday, you know it’ll all be different next year again.

And just like the Season Five ender, there will be many theories and predictions, none of them will be right, and yet whatever they do will seem to fit right into the mythology.

Go Cavaliers and WORD UP.

(Follow me on Twitter here.)
(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here.)

Lasterday’s episode didn’t have like massive revelations, just a lot of cool payoffs/set-ups, with some nice moments. (Every part of the Chang/Miles/Hurley sequence was great.) Really well done. I usually have some speculation on where things could go, but I’ve [...]]]> If you’re looking for me today, I’ll be watching Lost 800 times in a row.

Lasterday’s episode didn’t have like massive revelations, just a lot of cool payoffs/set-ups, with some nice moments. (Every part of the Chang/Miles/Hurley sequence was great.) Really well done. I usually have some speculation on where things could go, but I’ve got nothing here.

Here’s another quiz someone sent in from Prelude to a Super Airplane.

If you want to reveal yourself, that’s up to you – you should be embarrassed by your answer to #5, though.

As to the sadness-inducing Wendy’s commercial, I’m bouncing around on this, because it’d be so much funnier to actually make a parody of it, rather than just write it out.

I dunno – maybe I’ll do a script and see what it would take to do it. You know how I tend to think of small things, and then they become these massive projects, so I’m hesitant to delve in too hard.

Let’s just say part of it would be like the guy staring out the window, tapping his foot on the ground, and clenching his jaw while the pregnant girlfriend showed him all the baby clothes she bought. During this sequence, he can’t even bear to open the chicken sandwich.

Later he goes to a certain type of adult establishment by himself and makes it rain with chicken sandwiches while he does some self-loathing.

What kind of scenes would your chicken sandwich commercial have?

I had some LeBron commentary here, but…there’s a reason I don’t blog about sports heavily anymore. Let’s just say that I think like Mark Cuban does on these guys.

I will say that [...]]]> (I like this kid, cause he’s like, “Here comes the next move – you’re about to feel tricked, little girl!”)

I had some LeBron commentary here, but…there’s a reason I don’t blog about sports heavily anymore. Let’s just say that I think like Mark Cuban does on these guys.

I will say that I 100% loved how the Cavs were playing up through about late December, but since then I’ve been really disconnected from this team, especially on days that Lost is on.

Now, let’s talk about something important. I saw in the store that they changed the logo to Connect 4.

This likely happened 12 years ago, and I couldn’t tell you what the old one looked like without cheating, so here’s an ancient online version where you can play against a computer.

I take great joy in knowing there’s a computer somewhere sitting at a computer playing against me, and it’s mad because I keep beating it.

(Follow me on Twitter here.)
(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here.)

My friend Ben Cox interviewed someone who did steroids once, and all baseball players who say it’s useless lie.

Here’s a Becky chat to fill some space.

The start is missing because we were [...]]]> Hey so Jeff at Celticsblog officially declared that all Celtics fans have to cease calling me a fraud.

My friend Ben Cox interviewed someone who did steroids once, and all baseball players who say it’s useless lie.

Here’s a Becky chat to fill some space.

The start is missing because we were talking Lost and it’s out of context and would just be weirder than the rest of it already is.

Becky: I don’t know if anyone else would appreciate it
Becky: We’re a sick sort

Brian: Yeah true
Brian: I just like jokes SO MUCH

Becky: Jokes are radical

Brian: You’re not insomniac are you?

Becky: I don’t sleep more than a few hours at a time
Becky: Been waking up to random tapping noise that I can’t place
Becky: It is driving me slowly insane

Brian: I didn’t know this
Brian: You are like the raven and his nevermore issue he had

Becky: Are you meaning the telltale heart?

Brian: The one where the bird is like tapping on his window going CAW! CAW!

Becky: If I knew what it was I would be okey with it
Becky: But I can’t figure it out
Becky: And it’s intermittent
Becky: Not in any set intervals
Becky: It might eventually cause me to kill myself I think lol

Brian: CAW! CAW!

Becky: No no
Becky: Lub-dub
Becky: Lub-dub
Becky: Like the beating heart
Becky: Is a better poe-nalogy for this
Becky: F’sho

Brian: Did you see that trailer for Ace Ventura Jr
Brian: Direct-to-DVD

Becky: Ugh
Becky: No
Becky: That sounds like an abortion of a film

Brian: Fat kid doing Jim Carrey impression – insulting

Becky: I’d rather sit awake a full night listening to random tapping than watch that

Brian: What was his catch phrase in those?

Becky: Alrighty then?

Brian: Yeah yeah the kid says that like it’s the big moment in the trailer

Becky: My sadness
Becky: I have it

Brian: Let me see your sadness

Becky: :(

Brian: Wow

Becky: Sad, right

Brian: There it is
Brian: Yep

Becky: I ain’t neva lie

Brian: I have a cardboard cutout of Jay-z in my room it scares the crap out of me every night

Becky: I have a lifesized Shaq at home
Becky: His head is above my door

Brian: Cardboard or real shaq

Becky: When I was away at school my sister needed her door open so she could see Shaq watching over her
Becky: Neither
Becky: Wall poster

Brian: I have a Richard Gere Fathead also

Well, the Cavs got blown out last night, and luckily I’ve been more or less disconnected from this team since they didn’t try in that Washington game like two months ago.

After 2006, I kinda have them on a thin rope or however that is supposed to be said.

At least Ben Wallace is only out for 4-6 weeks and not forever – maybe he and I can be interested again for the Playoffs.

Last thing – by my determination, there are 6 of you who haven’t bought my book yet. wtf is wrong with you people? Email me and I’ll give you a special code.

I want 100% sale rate of people on this site, so I can move on to other sites like in Risk.

What is more impressive: LEEbron James getting a triple-double w/ 50 or Kobe with 61 and 0 rebounds and -3 assists?

Since Tom hates Kobe, I must assume this is sarcasm. Clearly, the answer is LeBron’s game, but I’m sure this won’t stop Sportscenter from running [...]]]> Tom asked the following in a comment-area?

What is more impressive: LEEbron James getting a triple-double w/ 50 or Kobe with 61 and 0 rebounds and -3 assists?

Since Tom hates Kobe, I must assume this is sarcasm. Clearly, the answer is LeBron’s game, but I’m sure this won’t stop Sportscenter from running 50 different segments comparing the two performances.

Lost was amazing; here’s another book review – from Adam over at Black Heart Gold Pants. He even provided an illustration, and this is something I highly encourage.

If you haven’t read Chapter 9 of Prelude to a Super Airplane, wherein I give my detailed description of the Super Airplane, that there was a link to it. Adam’s words:

I’ve always wanted to be a review whore. You know, the one who makes a living by sitting through the latest Martin Lawrence vehicle and says things that scarcely make sense, like “Outrageous!” But you said you wanted real opinions, so fine.

(I still kinda hope that if you take one snippet from this “review,” it would be, “‘Outrageous!’ – Adam J.” But moving on.)

Lord have mercy on anyone if they take anything about this book seriously. The romances are preposterous, you’re clearly using the book to try to get laid, and the ending wrecks the entire stylistic premise, should The Flight of the Super Airplane ever be written*. But if it’s not immediately obvious to the reader that they’re reading a self-referential farce (and a particularly clever one at that), then they probably have larger problems than whether or not the book in front of them is any good.

There’s a pervasive silliness to PTSA, one that permeates every aspect of the book. There’s the rampant misuse of the term “fingering,” the wholesale revision of aviation lingo, and the fact that the airplane is 47 stories tall. I’ve attached a visual aid, because the sheer ludicrity of what you were suggesting didn’t really hit me until my second time through the book. Here’s how silly the book is: There’s a typo on the cover and I still can’t tell if it’s intentional.

But all the same, it’s fun. The plot ties together quite tidily, the quick chapter breaks make it an easy read (no chance of getting bogged down), and it’s always enjoyable to see the world through a demented set of eyes. Which you’ve got.

Outrageous!

–Adam J

*And if it isn’t written, then this book is a damn waste; not only is there no climax, there’s no action, period. This book would be the equivalent of that [redacted for taste] flopping around in that porn interlude from the Super Bowl.

How is this not action? That’s an entire war scene! This was a great review – thanks to Adam for taking the time.

You can read the first 20 “quickly broken chapters” starting right here.

Is it a big deal?

Not really – note that the DP wasn’t fired. (Although he was definitely in the wrong.)

This stuff happens all the time on sets, and then everyone gets back to work.

Most importantly, is the dance remix version amazing? Yes.

I’ll be watching [...]]]> Did Bale go overboard? Sure.

Is it a big deal?

Not really – note that the DP wasn’t fired. (Although he was definitely in the wrong.)

This stuff happens all the time on sets, and then everyone gets back to work.

Most importantly, is the dance remix version amazing? Yes.

I’ll be watching last week’s Lost all day, in preparation for tonight’s new one.

While I do that, I’ll bask in the happy glow of this Tweet from everyone’s favorite ZooLoo PR girl:

@brianspaeth you make me laugh.
about 14 hours ago from web

Go get some ZooLoo at their blog – it’s the happiest place on Earth among mysterious start-up blogs. Yesterday they wrote about cats on Facebook; today it’s sex offenders on Facebook.

Here’s that Bale remix – beware HARSH language. Also beware that this is like actually a pretty sweet song.

Hey, so one person contacted me concerned I was going to stop Twittering.

Another emailed to let me know my plan would never work, and if I didn’t like Twitter, I should just stop using it, instead of trying to ruin it for everyone.

Yet a third sent this:

Cousin Larry worked at [...]]]>

Hey, so one person contacted me concerned I was going to stop Twittering.

Another emailed to let me know my plan would never work, and if I didn’t like Twitter, I should just stop using it, instead of trying to ruin it for everyone.

Yet a third sent this:

Cousin Larry worked at a newspaper not an advertising agency. I can’t see why they would remake a sitcom as a bad action movie but good luck.

These are the things that happen when first-timers stumble over from Twitter, I suppose.

Looks like Z won’t be back tonight against ORL, but I’m convinced we can play D on anyone, and then LeBron’s the best guy on the floor at the end.

This Z injury has really been somewhat of a blessing, if you look at how much of an asset JJ Hickson is becoming. At first he was lost out there, then he just wasn’t making mistakes, and now he’s like good for energy, boards, and some scoring. Two years from now, he could be a monster.

Lost explodered my head lasterday, so I don’t know how much I’ll be around in terms of new posts today. I’ve got a big writing thing to get done asap, am secretly placing new posts into the archives, and need to rewatch Lost 7 times.

This was Rachel’s Texas – she’s the girl at the gym with the pretty smile.

She accused me of trying to make her feel stupid, but I think her open border there at the bottom is actually [...]]]> I’m not sure someone could beat this version of Texas unless they were intentionally doing it wrong.

This was Rachel’s Texas – she’s the girl at the gym with the pretty smile.

She accused me of trying to make her feel stupid, but I think her open border there at the bottom is actually some subtle social commentary about illegal immigration.

That’s not stupidity; that’s social commentary via art. That takes smarts.

And yes, this drawing is right-side up – she’s the first person I’ve seen put the right angle portion on the bottom like that.

Anyway, let’s talk about what a bad person I am. I watched the first quarter of Cavs-Blazers, and turned it off. Congrats on the win – I’m disloyal and a non-believer.

Truth be told, I was just too wired after watching Lost to concentrate on it. This is by far one of the greatest shows of all time, and the way it makes itself feel like a completely new program every single season is amazing.

I’m not going to get into it in this post – if you want to discuss in the popular new commenting system, go ahead. I’m just trying to wrap my brain around it all still.

I love this time-jumping thing – it’s a really clever (Becky!) way to show us the secrets of stuff like the pirate ship and the four-toed foot without taking a break from the narrative. And agitated Sawyer is the best Sawyer there is.

My one, solitary problem – I think the end of the show is way too obvious at this point.