Maybe one day when everything is better than it is with how it is now, they can get rid of Labor Day and just make more Christmas happen on that day.

There can still be sales and people can get their fancy new iPods they like to have so much.

Well when that happens people probably will sing Jingles Bells and read The Christmas Bridge to the kids before their time when they like to sleep.

Lots of people want to see this all go down in a way that is right now and one of those is @ebonwumon, who made this special excitement picture for me about the new book and that book is still a month away.

Good job for sure.

If you click it the picture will transformer into a bigger picture.

If you like to be scared of blogs the thing below can be a horror movie for sure.

Are these two guys even the same guy anymore. We don’t know because of how the shadow is on the right guy and that’s an example of a scary mystery for the audience to solve.

Another thing is how you think it wants to tell you “Merry Christmas Brian” but what if the letters that are missing is really a ‘p’ or a ‘b’ and the picture wants to say “Merry Chrisbmas”.

That is how the guy started writing The Ring 2 pretty much.

Okay I will be back in two booty weeks and that means August 10 and my writing will be back to normal. Also no Twitter fun until then is the truth, also.

Thank you for hanging in while I wrote my special Christmas book.

Sometimes when Father’s Day comes I like to help celebrate with all the fathers I know.

I don’t have children that I got told about yet so until those cool confrontations happen I make do with other baby-daddy guys.

Well yesterday was a really special one because I pretended I had brand-new amnesia all day and there were things like this that happened:

Me: Oh no I can’t remember who I am.

Dad: Why are you acting like that.

Me: It is so scary being a blank slate.

Dad: I am not playing this game with you.

Me: Have I always had these cool muscles.

Then I would touch daddy’s face like I was blind even though I was laughing through all of that and it went on for three hours of me wondering how my muscles got on my skeleton.

After awhile Spider-Man 3 came on and I could not keep up the act and had to admit about how that one did not get gold stars for me.

Also Toy Story 3 gave my tears so many places they could go, like one of those places was all over my face.

(Submitted without comment.)

BRAD RADBY’S FOREWORD
by Brad Radby

I think holidays are cool things to have happen at you.

Like I was born on July 4th, and fireworks always make me think, “Time to get out of the uterus!”

Okay let’s get real for you about the book. The story is a cool one and maybe you can find the Christmas meme Brian put in it so you can learn about yourself and how deep you can be.

That’s how we grow and save the poor people from those mosquitos the internet nerds are always complaining about. How come they can’t fix that one again?

LOL!

I hope you like the book when you do your reading with it.

Brad Radby
Augtember 46, 2023

Brad Radby is the two-time Academie Award winning director of Brad Radby’s The Exploders, among many other theatrical motion pictures. He is a survivor of the Super Airplane ride, and resides in Los Angeles with his wife Melinda.

I was over at Kickstarter Dot Com helping support my friend Mike’s project, and thought, “Man, I should have something on here and people can give me money to do it.”

After like 20 seconds, I came up with a good idea, and it’s called The Christmas Bridge.

Don’t get confused by my filmmaking skills – this isn’t a movie project, it’s an actual physical construct.

It’s a real bridge I want to build – a unique bridge, even.

It is imagined and conceived as follows:

1) It’s a bridge that stretches from Cleveland to Columbus, Ohio – this is scientifically proven to be the most boring 200 miles to drive on Earth, and it needs an injection of bridge.

2) It’s always Christmas Day on the Christmas Bridge, and it’s always snowing on it, even in the Summer. Pipes help this happen.

3) This is the Fantasy Island of bridges – if you go on it and make a wish, it’ll come true in a way that teaches you a lesson about learning.

4) Nic Cage is always on the Christmas Bridge, and he’s sledding back and forth, and nobody can figure out how he makes his sled keep going, and he never needs to sleep.

5) Metal is what it’s made of and there are never any tolls except for stocking stuffers, and the stocking stuffers are iPod Nanos.

6) When people get to the other side of the Bridge, they get their Nanos back, but it’s not their own Nano, it’s somebody else’s, but it only has viral videos on it. This is to make everyone want to come back for more of the Bridge experience.

I only need $91,000,000 to build the Christmas Bridge and keep it running for the first month.

The equations I made say it’ll make enough in that initial 30 days to sustain itself.

It’s really important that the Christmas Bridge stay free, because of the Christmas part of the bridge, which is the whole bridge.

This was submitted to Kickstarter this morning, so we’ll see if they approve it.

(This is the type of post I throw together in 5 minutes that makes me register christmasbridge.com, ends up as a whole book concept, and ultimately results in self-hate.)

Last year, for reasons of my own, I taught my nieces a new mantra for Easter.

It was a simple and joyful, “EASTER IN YOUR FACE!”

They were three at the time – in retrospect, perhaps it was immature of me to do this to (for?) them.

Being that they’re almost four, it’s time to tell them how adults celebrate Easter joy with a new phrase, “EASTER ALL NIGHT!”

It’s not so much a phrase as a party anthem.

Imagine the Black Eyed Peas taking these words and turning them into a song, and you’ll get what I’ll be going for.

Like Fergie sings the first part and then Waylon or Wilbie or whatever their names are sings the after-shout portion.

EASTER ALL NIGHT! (EGGS)
EASTER ALL NIGHT! (EGGS)
EASTER ALL NIGHT! (EGGS)
EASTER ALL NIGHT! (EGGS GOTTA GET EM)

Like all their songs, that’s all there is to it, and it goes on for ten minutes and sells a zillion copies.

I’m told that last year EASTER IN YOUR FACE! came out at completely inappropriate times, and this is why I’m the best uncle ever, and probably shouldn’t consider fatherhood anytime soon.

Also, I like hockey now.

I was gonna make a big deal about like doing a big redesign on the site for 2010, but realized I like the thing how it is. All I did was move the links for my books up a notch and add a page about the Radby book.

Brad says he’s been getting all this email asking “wtf” about whether he’s a real person or a fake person or a cartoon person, so I felt a need to clarify things.

The big news for 2010 is that I’ve found myself kinda into the NBA again. The Cavaliers are quietly playing quite well after a bumpy start, and there just seems to be lots of interesting things going on.

I get intrigued by things like Tracy McGrady having his sadness again and Gilbert Arenas being unable to shake the Curse of the Mamba.

In any case…some IM action, in lieu of actual content.

Brian: Why are you awake
Girl: Lol…sorry.
Brian: : /
Girl: : /
Brian: Have you ever had the cereal Blue Crunchos
Girl: I have noto. Is it tasty
Brian: Yeah and even crunchier than it sounds
Girl: Oh wow
Brian: Yeah
Girl: Cool well I’m glad we talked about that brian
Brian: Me too
Girl: Bye
Brian: Can I put this on my blog it is making me laugh

Also I’ve eaten two full boxes of Cold-Eeze in the past 48 hours.

Who Shot Mamba? Chapter 6 sometime tonight – keep an eye on the FB Page.

Hey I will not be posting anything this week other than this – everything I’m doing this week is like super private and personal, and writing about any of it will make me have conflicts with how shy I am.

Here’s a little vid we threw together of Shadii doing the voice of Inflatable Ben in Who Shot Mamba? – this type of content is only available on the Facebook Page, so like go there or whatever.

If you’re going to be in the Atlantic Ocean for New Year’s Eve, please call my Google Voicemail number, and we can meet up and have a Spring Break Christmas.

Oh wow – that’s a great title for something. This is why I continue to blog – things like that just come out. Happy Holidays!

(Yes, I’m excited about the Google Phone. Rumored January release and supported by T-Mobile for once.

Also, Calvin Stadiums has been blogging over at Yardbarker for a couple weeks now, and look for some Who Shot Mamba? blooper reels on the Facebook Page this week.)

Some years back my mom started sending those “here’s what everyone is up to” letters with her Merry Christmas cards.

I immediately insisted on control over any part of the content that referenced me, so each December I submit my own section for her to include.

(My brother does this too – perhaps he can post the 2009 edition, as his are excellent.)

Alas, this is what I sent her over the weekend.

I’m still writing and acting and producing and trying to get new projects together.

I’ve never touched a guitar before. Also, I stopped using question marks this year for awhile. Isn’t that weird.

Oops! Lost my car keys again! LOL

Do you use gmail?

Your pal,
Brian Spaeth

P.S. My sole goal in writing this was to have my mother say something like, “I am not sending this!” and I guarantee she did exactly that after I emailed it to her.

Sent via my Blackberri Tornado II From T-Marbles
Movie – www.whoshotmamba.com
Twitter – www.twitter.com/brianspaeth
Facebook – www.facebook.com/brianspaeth
Website – www.brian23.com

P.P.S. Mom, make sure to include these links, cause like that’s part of the joke for this section of the letter.

P.P.P.S Also include all of these PS’s – including this one. These are also part of the joke.

P.P.P.P.S. Sorry for not taking your Merry Christmas Letter 2010 seriously. :(

I have to admit, I can’t see a day where I ever send Christmas cards or letters of any kind myself.

Like I get them from friends of mine who are married already, and I’m always thinking, “Why did you send me this and why is it signed The Jones Family? I don’t know what one of those is – why don’t you just email or call me? Yeah, I know I don’t answer my phone ever, but why did you get married?”

Do you or your family send these type of Christmas letters? Do you send Christmas cards? Do you believe in Merry Christmas Trees and why.

(This was in a Google Search for “dirt mine”. Would love to know what’s happening.)

Normally I’m not into this sentimental type of thing unless I’m listening to Dido, but this one’s for charity, and I was hanging out by myself listening to Dido last night.

Thus, my tears arrived and I began to feel emotion for the people being helped by this Tweetsgiving movement.

Thanks to @jeannevb and @CTK1 for bringing this at me.

Anyway, here are 397 things I’m thankful for. In no particular order…

- lamps
- @NDEddieMac
- Dustin Pearlman
- cold air fusion (speculative)
- My special book-selling technique that only I know
- LeBron’s 2007 season
- Google Documents
- That I can type “LOL!” and get away with it as performance art irony
- Brad Radby
- My outstanding Athens, Ohio arrest warrant
- Rebecca Blum
- Dancing With the Booty Stars
- @iamboney
- Twitter
- Atlas Shrugged
- The guy at Borders who used the phrase “long-haired alcoholic”, because I don’t know what that means but it’s now in my phrasical lexicon.
- When I see that something I made up entered someone else’s phrasical lexicon.
- phrasical lexicons
- Jasmine James
- @alexiskn
- That you’re realizing that you will indeed read all 397 at this point

- the new Apple touch-mouse thingie
- big brand logo redesigns
- The Twilight Saga – LOL!
- @icat99
- my new girlfriend
- Vanessa Hudgens
- Back to the Future
- My complete lack of cultural sophistication
- Wearing a nice suit to Walmart, taking a picture of myself, and sending it to that People of Walmart site to see if they would be like, “Hey, we think you maybe misunderstand what our site is all about?”
- @mfeige
- Dido
- @AliWilson
- question marks
- Those Bic small tip markers I like so much
- reverse non-fusion
- Dominic Pace
- @mercutioh
- The road system of Dallas, Texas
- Dan Coe
- Google Voice

Speaking of, I activated this and set it to transcribe all my voicemail into emails. This way I never actually have to check my voicemail, which is great, because I never actually check my voicemail.

I called myself and tested how the transcriptions software works. Here’s what I said:

Hey test message test message blah blah blah Cleveland Cavaliers LeBron James. Bye.

This is what was sent to me as an email.

Hey test message test message block block block Cleveland Cavaliers Brown tickets. Bye.

What’s cool though, is like in that email it has a button to call the person back, and if you push it, your phone rings, and then dials the person automatically.

Wow, I had no idea it would be so hard to think of 397 things. Plus, I’ve started to wonder if Twitter pals would be mad if somehow I forgot to put them on the list.

I thus have to quit doing it – I want to be a feeling helper, not a feeling hurter. :(

Just know if I’ve ever talked to, at, about, or with you – you’ve got my thanks and stuff. Go donate to that cause, though – it’s like to help buy grass for a school in the South American Desert or something.

Any questions on what I’ve put forth? What are you thankful for that is tangently related to whatever is going on in that picture of a Dirt Mine?

I’m not normally into charity. On most days, I fall into both the “get a job” and “I don’t even know where your country is – not my problem” camps.

Dido, your words are like drinking 5-Hour Energy two times in a row while holding one’s breath.

(I’m gathering together all the @Brandi88 Coloring Contest entries and forming a gallery.

I already know who won, so it’s exciting to know I’ll be giving away $30 soon.)

You may be looking for a “what did you do while you were away from the net” post today, but I don’t feel like an a-b-c description of the events is particularly useful, and let’s face it – it’s all about being useful.

I want to skip right to the results of my excursion, and they are as follows:

1) Duck – This is the typical one you think of when going on about the water-based birds. Lays eggs, says quack, walks in front of your car, lives at the zoo.

2) Goose – This is a duck who can fly.

3) Swan – This is a duck-goose amalgam crossbreed hybrid.

That’s basically it, and it hasn’t escaped me that I could’ve Googled it at any point in time since they made up Google. I hope this teaches you a bit about self-discovery.

Next is the buffalo/moose/antelope thing – again, I’m just letting the answers arrive from within.

I did finish a mini-book I’d been working on, related to WSM?, and then started another book not related at all to WSM?.

What’s the most exciting or important or significant thing you did last week. Have you ever eaten swan.

(Go be pals with the iconic and singular Calvin Stadiums on Facebook – challenge him to 1-on-1.)

Yo, I’m totally on internet burnout, plus I need a haircut.

You should see my hair right now, and how much of it there is in relation to other people. I’m going to spend the next six days figuring out how to do something on that front, and will be back Monday.

In the meantime, this is one of the funniest Tweets I’ve received in quite some time, whether fabricated inebriation or real.

@alairson22 @brianspaeth i’m drunk and thinking of your hot blogs. write about the NBA again. i see normal pictures of chris bosh and cry. I love you

So, @alairson22, there’s your present. Allay your tears – save them for another day.

As to the burnout – this is Twitter, Facebook, blog, everything. Will still have email running on the Curve.

Do you ever get this way, and what’s the longest it’s ever taken you to get a haircut, start to finish.

(Don’t forget to do coloring on @Brandi88 while I’m gone, and like do that, and have it done, and the winner is you.)

Okay, look.

Word everywhere is the Cavs have a deal in place to get Amare (Amar’e) Stoudemire, but it’s being held until after the All-Star Game, since it’s in PHX and all.

It’s Wally, Hickson, and a 1st round pick.

Let’s get this straight – I LOVE Hickson. I think he’s going to be a really, really good PF – maybe even an All-Star.

But…if you can add a 26-year old PF who’s an All-Star right now, you have to do it, especially when you consider we’d likely get back Wally after PHX releases him.

I’m going assume Amare’s lack of defense, like Mo Williams’, is due to the system he’s played in. He certainly has the athletic ability.

In other NBA news, go read this post from Alana G. Short version – some reporter took a satire site’s article about the NBA imposing a “tattoo limit” and ran with it as real.

This woman doesn’t check her facts at all, so I thought I would email her in clear daylight, and tell her I have more fake info for her.

Niki,

Sorry about the bashing you’ve taken over the tattoo story. Here’s something that just may twist things back your way – the original article – the one that was satire?

Completely based in truth at its baseline level. I have a friend who works at the NBA, and this idea was floated there, but they thought it would be deemed racist, especially because of the statements already made by Mike Miller about his tattoos, and all the controversy that went down with that.

I can tell you more, but would need to talk first. I don’t want this stuff in email. Thanks,

Brian

Let’s see if she gets back to me for the hot scoop – I gave her my full name and this web address, so as long as she checks out either, she’ll see this post, wherein I explain I’m trying to fool her.

By the way – if you’re not familiar, Mike Miller is white, with no tattoos and a mane of flowing, womanly hair.

He wears a headband.

Oh, and now there are people hating on Alana for calling this reporter out. Alana’s one of my not-so-secret internet girlfriends, so like Happy Valentine’s Day to her.

The Who Shot Mamba? DVDs went out this morning. In honor of Happy Presidents Day on Monday, I may not post all weekend.

Bob (aka Tom) reminded me of how we used to bombard our fraternity president with declarations of “Happy Happy Presidents Day” pretty much until his nose started to bleed, back in the day.

Estimated time until the WSM? director emails me for picking an out-of-focus screen-grab he doesn’t like…13 minutes. Sorry – I wanted some vague League of Roundie Henchmen action:

Also, Happy Happy President’s Day to the secret war hero of olde, Peter Ovaire. I’ll be Twittering during All-Star stuff, I’d guess – especially HORSE, which I’m obligated to watch. Need to see if it’s really as bad as I imagine it can be.

I’m finding a big part of doing successful poeting is to just let it flow, and then never ever look at it again until it’s up here on the site.

That one is really good – I actually set out to write about Thanksgiving, and maybe I did, after all.

I’m not even sure where I’m supposed to link to, but my TwitterFusion has reached its apex.

Just go read AlanaG’s latest for our exclusive chat we had in private, which is now posted in public, twice, or something.

In the meantime, here are the latest search results for BTAA:

Just for kicks, a look at what’s continually driving people to YAYsports! still.

Please don’t get mad, but I may do some re-branding here.

Part of me really, really, really wants a banner image. The other part likes having what looks like a simple and non-interesting site.

There was some debate in the Christmas Household yesterday over whether the Lakers or Celtics were the preferred victors in the Christmas Day Basketball Game.

Reason being, it’d be really fun if the Cavs were the ones to break their winning streak on January 9 in CLE.

Logic ruled out in the end – we’re looking at a team that will probably go no worse than 67-15. You’ve gotta gain in the standings anywhere you can, because there simply won’t be much room to make up games, period.

And so, the Cavs are now 1.5 back, after a scary, Christmas Cookie fueled win over the Wizards. I think LeBron spent most of the day watching Shrek 3.

I thought the pre-game thing was lame – do it with real chalk next time, please.

That said, it’d be awesome if LeBron started throwing confetti in the air himself instead of the chalk from now on.

Moving on. My Christmas Smile is diminished, as I’ve expanded my form up to 205 pounds since coming home. For the record, during 2GG I was 179.

Vain person that I am, I’ll now be trimming away at this – all should be back where it’s supposed to be soon, ie Brian Re-yoked.

I feel like garbage, and I started off with a solid 40 minutes on the elliptical with my prize-winning gym buddy this morning.

Apparently my Christmas post caused some confusion, but that’s why it’s called a tease. Although it says January 6th on there, I’ll actually be revealing the full scoop on January 5th.

That’s what should confuse you.

Anyway, I again encourage you to go join my FB group Southwestern Airplane Rides Consumer Action Group and to start guessing.

Regarding FB, generally I only befriend people I’ve met in person. It’s not that I’m paranoid – it’s that I’m super paranoid. Please don’t take it personally.

“This poorly written book is the most epic, pretentious, and stupid combination of words ever put to page in the history of this mankind. It’s my definitive word on where our world stands, and of far more importance, my definitive word on me.”

“We need to be very careful, before something magical happens.”

Cloris Leachman starts the movie out by gathering her secret society of Christmas Oldies around the Pre-Christmas Fire.

They’re all trying to figure out how to stop the little girl from making something magical happen, because whenever magical things happen, the Christmas Oldies get confused.

That’s when Prancer speaks up, because he has a really good Christmas Idea.

“What if I put on my reindeer costume, and try to use my personality to trick the little girl into not liking her Christmas Season anymore?”

All the Christmas Oldies agree this is a good idea, but only if Prancer can do everything in front of a giant spotlight, on top of a hill, near the Ye Olde Woods.

So Prancer puts on his reindeer costume and goes to the girl’s house, where she’s putting up lights and garland on the roof. (Of the house.)

Prancer climbs up the Christmas Half-Step Ladder and joins her, all the while complaining about how the Christmas Madness has gotten him, and he’s sure that she’s going to catch it, because ghosts are real.

“Ghosts are real, Prancer? Really?”

“Yes, Trixie. Really.”

Back at headquarters, the Christmas Oldies are excited, because the plan is working.

They watch with their magnifying glasses as Prancer takes Trixie to the mall, where he pushes her into people, and then blames it on ghosts.

Just when Prancer is sure that he’s prevented all the magical from happening, and that his story is circling the drain, and that it can’t possibly live up to Christmas Child, someone emails Trixie the new Tropicana logo, which is on a blog devoted entirely to logos and branding.

Prancer knows that the existence of such a place is magical indeed.

PRESTO-CHANGO!

The Christmas Oldies can’t believe that Prancer let the magical happen, and moreso, they can’t believe how all the logos are changing from the Old Days.

They get sad, and become ghosts.

(This one goes out to Jordi at The Serious Tip, who requested it. Next month, I’ll move on to movies about January. If you know of any, please let me know.)

When Rob Lowe wakes up on Eve of Christmas Day Morning, he looks everywhere around the house, but he can’t find his Christmas Shoes.

Because his Christmas Shoes light up with happiness at midnight, bringing Christmas Joy to his family, Rob does the only thing he can – he goes to look for them.

His family is worried he won’t be able to find his Christmas Shoes, but Rob tells them if they hug each other hard enough, and stand in the snowstorm, that it’ll help him.

Rob doesn’t tell them the truth, though; he knows that without his Christmas Shoes, he’ll never get over his Christmas Angst.

He has on a scarf.

So Mom and Son go out into the snowstorm and hug, while Rob goes all around his happy Christmas Town, asking the pie chef and the house painter and the policeman to tell him their Christmas Stories, which he hopes will jar his memory of where he left his Christmas Shoes.

Even though their stories are each happier than the last, Rob still can’t find his Christmas Shoes.

That’s when the Christmas Moon erupts in happiness.

SHINE ON!

As Rob looks up at the Christmas Moon, he and his Christmas Friends From Town all look at it together, and sing the #1 Hit Song about the Christmas Shoes:

There they are,
On your feet,
They were there,
All along!

You had to find,
The special joy,
That only comes,
At Christmas!

Christmas Shoes,
We love you,
At this time,
Of Yule!

Everyone goes to Rob’s house and joins the Mother and Son in their hug, and under the Christmas Moon, the world record for biggest Christmas Hug is set.

Rob looks at his feet, and right before midnight, his Christmas Shoes appear. They light up, and the snow doesn’t even make them wet, because they’re filled with Christmas Happiness.