Hey so I was busy waking up this morning and sometimes I make my Android friend do that to me and my Android friend is my mobile telephone.

That’s a telly to you Englands.

Well it makes a sound and then I am going, “Oh man what is that noise I am so startled,” and start knocking over lamps and especially that one lamp I hate that one because of the shade on it always being dusty.

When I find my little friend I hit the button and slide him across the floor so I can get a little more rest and that’s maybe like eight more minutes that I want.

Yep I did that today except at the end of the slide that the phone did the screen lit up like a Ghostbusters trap and made a Ghostbusters noise and caught a ghost for me and that was a Herbert Hoover ghost and he invented the vacuum cleaner.

History is good for you don’t be afraid.

“What a great app and that would be a great app even if it didn’t really catch ghosts,” is what I thought and now I am sharing.

They should make that app but only for phones that can slide like my buddy does.

Oh and if you were wondering yep Hugh Jackman is taking the whole fall to make his veins pop again so those veins can be there for him in Here Comes That Guy Wolverine Again.

If they called it that I would buy the download and the DVD and the Blue-ray and I would do that the first day they were out and also I would see it in the theater just so I could ask for tickets to Here Comes That Guy Wolverine Again when everyone else is just being meek with their, “One for Wolverine, please. I am lonely.”

Why is that belt in the picture. lol

During my time away from the net at large the past few weeks, I did a few things.

One of those was to learn how to type proper English again. I also quit energy drinks for good, wrote an entire screenplay, and finished formatting my next book.

People say Twitter, et al can be a distraction.

Another thing I did was leave hundreds of Google reviews for various places I’ve been, and a lot more for places I’ve never been at all.

I did one for this high school and it was like a real drug addiction from there.

Great lockers‎‎
By Brian – Aug 5, 2010
For real you can fit a lot in them like books, and kites, and food, and etc.‎
Was this review helpful? Yes – No – Flag as inappropriate

You’ll note some of the other reviews also have things about kites. Maybe you can go leave some kite-based reviews there if you have some time.

The faculty must love kites.

I have more reviews – that should be good for about two years worth of blog content, right?

Missing my silly-talk blog already, and best wishes, your friend,

Brian

I was having a type at my qwerty keyboard after Allef’s Android Vignette App photoshoot that he was having and my typing was for an email to tell Allef thanks for coming to the photoshoot.

He is a famous guy who likes to get thank you notes in his inbox maybe is where I was coming from.

Then this happened and I told about it inside that Twitter website.

lol I was just perfectly one key to the right in typing my name all the way through and it came out Ntosm.
half a minute ago via TweetDeck

Okay well the post was going to end early because that’s all it was that was supposed to be in the post, but here is some excitement news instead.

Maybe you can imagine Buzz Lightyear is telling you the news and that will make it even more fun?

If you haven’t read the first book I wrote well I need you to go and get it for free on your Kindle or Kindle application and as long as you have a computer or phone you can get it in like two seconds just go do that here and you’ll learn how, and the way is that I’ll send you an Amazon Gift Perk Email.

Thanks I don’t ask favors at you much so boogie down productions. lol

Here comes some technology for you to have fun learning about and also some art.

I like to take cool pictures that are neat with my Android phone and inside the phone there’s the Vignette App and it lives in the phone and makes your pictures have different ways they can become pictures.

One of the ways is a setting that is called “Action Movie” which for sure is the one for me and this is how it works. First I did a button push to make this picture have its birthday.

It seemed pretty good but then I put the dial on the Action Movie setting and it transformered the picture a little, and then even more it gobotted the picture and then here’s what I got.

This guy isn’t getting his cap sunburned either – keep those glasses on!

Also here is one with the Romance setting.

The 23 is for Michael Jordan and how he is a real-deal alpha dawg with courage about how to make his legacy appear.

Some Android night vision?

And this is where our business pal stuff happens and you know that too because we run that ship in a way that is tight.

Well enough is enough because our texts were celebrating These United States of America and its birthday it was having and I even turned off the way I type now for that to happen.

Me: America

KB: 411

Me: Whenever I’m leaving to go do something will you look at me and say “go get ‘em hero”

KB: Are you asking me to marry you

Me: Yes like next week plz

KB: But I’m not brunette…what will your fans think

Me: We can dye your hair or I can have a press conference explaining my position or both

KB: Can we do the latter?

Me: Sure and will you be backstage with me and say “go get ‘em hero” before I walk out for the press conference

KB Obvs

Me: Can I put this on my blog

KB: No

Also that last part was a part where in real life she was like “Yeah sure lol” but I wanted to make some drama happen like if I made a confrontational blog post for you.

Is that a breath of fresh air.

Well, you probably remember how my Uncle Bill Spaeth is always being forgetful with doing things in life because I write about that like every other post.

He did it again with these money guys who want to smelt aluminum and he’s dropping the ball on getting them their permission slips.

These business presidents bought that factory and every day he doesn’t let them smelt old cars it’s messed up for sure.

The June 9 letter was addressed to the City Council, Mayor Bob Burr, City Manager Brian Dissette and Zoning Administrator Bill Spaeth.

Spaeth is on vacation and was not available to comment on whether the smelting operation would be an allowed use under current zoning.

Way to go chief, this is like the time you didn’t mail my application to go on Here Comes the Bachelor in time to get to meet all those babes and go in hot tubs.

Now I’ll be alone forever and those smelting people are with me on how that one happened.

You have to let them smelt the aluminum or it’s messed up just like my life and how I’m not a famous TV stud.

Stop playing golfing.

My friend Google Voice gives me his odd transcripts from voicemails and they’re voicemails that sometimes don’t tell me what phone number they’re from.

Here is another one from probably the same place – I hope this isn’t someone trying to give money at me.

I like how this next one makes her voice sound like I did a call at her.

Okay, so this is my first post from the WordPress app on the Google Nexus One Excitement Phone, so bear with me.

I’ve been meaning to try this for awhile but only now got around to it.

That last sentence seemed awkward.

So did that one.

It’s kinda hard to write like this – everything feels like it should be Tweet-length from the phone, plus my hands hurt from playing Home Run Battle 3-D all night on this.

Cavs in 5 – that pic is a tease at the shoulder tattoo fix.

Those of you who have read me for sometime know my many angsts and confusions over when and where my cell phone contract with T-Mobile would run out.

I meant to do a grand tour of all the potential carriers this June, but in the end, the phone I wanted was the Nexus One.

When T-Mobile finally made me eligible for a reasonable upgrade to it last week, I couldn’t resist.

Verizon, you could’ve had me, had you only been more timely and excited about me being with you.

I’m sitting here watching my new Nexus One charge before I fire it up for the first time, and I decided to take one last pic with my Blackberry.

The picture is of the Nexus One, and it’s the picture that’s inside this internet blog post.

Sometimes there are days when you need a Fresca?

Hey I will not be posting anything this week other than this – everything I’m doing this week is like super private and personal, and writing about any of it will make me have conflicts with how shy I am.

Here’s a little vid we threw together of Shadii doing the voice of Inflatable Ben in Who Shot Mamba? – this type of content is only available on the Facebook Page, so like go there or whatever.

If you’re going to be in the Atlantic Ocean for New Year’s Eve, please call my Google Voicemail number, and we can meet up and have a Spring Break Christmas.

Oh wow – that’s a great title for something. This is why I continue to blog – things like that just come out. Happy Holidays!

Okay, so due to the disorienting success of the Google Voice transcription experiment the other day, I’ve had several people ask how they can join in the fun.

As such, I set up this Google Voice number that goes directly to Google Voicemail, where you can sing, or say stupid things, or wish people a Merry Christmas Day and a Happy New Year’s Eve Day or whatever.

I will then post it here on my online broadband blog, and send you a free present.

The real question here is why would I go to the trouble to make like this nice graphic to display this number, when I have much better things to be doing at 4am?

By the way, if you’re looking for my thoughts on Avatar, I quite simply agree with everything Calvin Stadiums said about it in his blog post yesterday.

Also – I’ve got three Voice invites. If you need one, let me know.

Saturday morning I wasn’t doing much, so I asked a few people on Twitter to call me – I wanted to do some more Google Voice voicemail transcription experiments.

Here are a couple of slightly contrasting results. Here is the first transcription:

Ohh my god, I’m about to the client like the Brian phone them on the movie. I wanna I’m so excited. I can hardly stand it. 08. Cause I can I get a call coming in. It’s Tom Cruise gotta go bye.

That was obtained from this:

Not bad really. And the second…

Yeah went. And I’m gonna Anna, karan Ann and we are an animal, and it’s mom, but it and and and and let you know. And it for an man.

Here’s what was actually said:

In a word…LOL.

If you want to call and play this game with me, let me know and I’ll get you my number. And ladies, if you want me to identify you, let me know – I wasn’t sure how proud or horrified you were by this.

To preface this, you need to know that I locked my keys in my car about a week ago, and the AAA guy that came to get them out was FURIOUS at my ineptness, especially when it turned out the keys weren’t even in the car.

So I was on Blackberry Messenger with the same person I was on with when it happened last time.

Brian: Gah damn it I left my lights on now my battery is dead

Girl: Omg brian
Girl: You have so many car troubles

Brian: I swear I call AAA once a week lol

Girl: LOL

Brian: it’s not the car it’s me – just always in a hurry

Girl: Omg if that same guy some again
Girl: Comes

Brian: Lololol oh god it’s even more cold today

Girl: Lol forever

Brian: I will buy him this romance novel from borders
Brian: IMG00608.jpg ( 77.03KB )

Girl: LOLOL

Brian: I’m just like “sorry man I know it’s cold I got this for you”

Girl: “This should keep you warm at least a little”

Brian: Lol
Brian: Oh man it is cold out

Girl: : (

Brian: My hands have frostbite and no longer work

Girl: R u wearing shorts again
Girl: Oh no lol

Brian: LOL
Brian: Like my car won’t start and also I tripped on the curb and fell down and can’t get up lol

Girl: LOLOL

Brian: Nobody will help me lol

Girl: Lmao
Girl: Omg

Brian: I’m loling for real right in the middle of the store lol

Girl: Lol lol lol

Brian: Oh god the car just started now what lolol
Brian: He will get here and I won’t be lol

Girl: LOL SHUT UP

Brian: I will leave the book on the ground with a sorry note

Girl: Omg I’m dying
Girl: LOL
Girl: Horrible

Brian: Oh man I am glad I can share this with you

Girl: Lol omg me too brian

Brian: going to the gym – time to get big and strong!

What happens to all my BBM pals when the Google Phone takes hold of my life January 5th? Do you think I can still find ways to have mobile instant messaging fun?

(Yes, I’m excited about the Google Phone. Rumored January release and supported by T-Mobile for once.

Also, Calvin Stadiums has been blogging over at Yardbarker for a couple weeks now, and look for some Who Shot Mamba? blooper reels on the Facebook Page this week.)

Some years back my mom started sending those “here’s what everyone is up to” letters with her Merry Christmas cards.

I immediately insisted on control over any part of the content that referenced me, so each December I submit my own section for her to include.

(My brother does this too – perhaps he can post the 2009 edition, as his are excellent.)

Alas, this is what I sent her over the weekend.

I’m still writing and acting and producing and trying to get new projects together.

I’ve never touched a guitar before. Also, I stopped using question marks this year for awhile. Isn’t that weird.

Oops! Lost my car keys again! LOL

Do you use gmail?

Your pal,
Brian Spaeth

P.S. My sole goal in writing this was to have my mother say something like, “I am not sending this!” and I guarantee she did exactly that after I emailed it to her.

Sent via my Blackberri Tornado II From T-Marbles
Movie – www.whoshotmamba.com
Twitter – www.twitter.com/brianspaeth
Facebook – www.facebook.com/brianspaeth
Website – www.brian23.com

P.P.S. Mom, make sure to include these links, cause like that’s part of the joke for this section of the letter.

P.P.P.S Also include all of these PS’s – including this one. These are also part of the joke.

P.P.P.P.S. Sorry for not taking your Merry Christmas Letter 2010 seriously. :(

I have to admit, I can’t see a day where I ever send Christmas cards or letters of any kind myself.

Like I get them from friends of mine who are married already, and I’m always thinking, “Why did you send me this and why is it signed The Jones Family? I don’t know what one of those is – why don’t you just email or call me? Yeah, I know I don’t answer my phone ever, but why did you get married?”

Do you or your family send these type of Christmas letters? Do you send Christmas cards? Do you believe in Merry Christmas Trees and why.

So I’m bouncing around dialog with @dustinpearlman and @DJCoe for the Who Shot Mamba? iPhone app, and thanks to Google Voice’s expert voicemail transcription skills, this was some input Dustin left for me.

Alright, so the only this is what I have the wigs your stupid have a little chat. Maybe around everything’s gonna be fine. That’s just stupid have a little chat making around, I’m gonna be fine and I have for then playing tennis.

Slow Dance and 30, and nobody answers on Ben’s. I have a moment hi instead. I don’t have surrounding now, but the I left my Downing fry wanted to do laundry for talent. I think that’s better. I have I’d like to. Hey inflatable to send this from Becky, Thank you for for Mary.

The, but who shot him we shout. Momma you’re not a real there and taste like gross and from Mom, but what to do the fiscal year and not to say what’s his name in the movie. I think that was and then clients. I’m also said that and the phone old which I had done a little bit of last night for a while. Anyway word later.

It may have some problems still, I dunno.

Dustin may just be crazy – I haven’t listened to the actual voicemail.

(Quick note – I’m trying out Google Docs for writing the WSM? guidebook, and I have to say I’m loving it so far. If you read about the new Google OS that’s coming to crush Windows, you know why I’m experimenting with the transfer over.)

As I well know from my old site, there comes a time in the life of any blog when the readership backlash begins.

That sweet, sweet moment – and sometimes it’s also sweet – when this kind of comment arrives.

Sometimes I wonder if I’ve outgrown this site. I don’t feel apart of the target audience (twitter) anymore. I feel as though 25 percent of the topics are things I am interested in and the rest is “blah”. I say this because I was pro-spaeth for the longest while now I feel indifferent. Nothing feels very organic, “follow me on twitter”, “buy my book”, etc. I don’t say this to inspire negativity, I say this out of concern. I’m not in the demographic anymore. I’m a boat without oars and the tide continued to a point where I now find myself adrift.

I’d suggest you subscribe to my Twitter feed – there’s like an RSS for it and everything. It’s where my hilarious comes out like oars on a boat – perhaps these are the oars you so desire? Sometimes I even talk about the NBA again, which is what you really crave, isn’t it?

Now…I did say awhile ago that I was really enjoying the direct interaction I get on Twitter, as opposed to the “I say something, and then you react” that I get here. Not that there isn’t a time for that or that I don’t appreciate it, but let’s face it, a lot of the garbage that happens in my brain doesn’t need a full post.

For example, this could’ve been summed up as, “I’ma write whatever I want unless you give me 10 (non-NBA) topics you want me to write about. Name them – those are my next ten posts. PG-13 only. smh”

For real – tell me exactly what you want me to write about and I’ll do it. If you’re still unhappy you have nobody to blame me, and then yourself after that, and maybe me again. That last one is just because of special effects, though.

(Before anything else, @alexiskn won the massive contest of being the coolest person on Thursday.)

Big thanks to @littlefoxy, an explosively charismatic independent filmmaker who helped me re-brand the blog.

This doesn’t mean Prelude to a Super Hammer Drill is coming soon – don’t fret. What it does mean is I had to look up “hammer drill” and make sure it was something I could comprehend.

From what I can tell, it’s like a drill that you have to swing down on some kind of nail/screw amalgam. Like the drill is spinning, and you’ve gotta bash it down onto the scrail at just the right moment, allowing the bit to align with the grooves.

It all seems kinda counter-productive, but if I were gonna go hang out at a construction site one day, I’d hope these are the kinds of activities I’d witness.

The director of WSM? emailed lasterday – he wants you all to know it was the refs’ fault the Celtics lost in triple OT to the Bulls lasterday. It wasn’t Paul Pierce’s fault for laying a weak foul on Noah, thus eliminating himself from the game and giving CHI a three-point-play, all at once.

Nobody understands how hard it is to be a Boston sports fan.

Finally, if you note this Tweet from @ColleenBurns and this witness-style Tweet from @jabberjim, you’ll know I’m really good at a lot of things.

It’s all far too complicated to go into here, but I owe @ColleenBurns a poem. Here’s what I put together, foreshadowing my trip to Orlando this summer.

Brian Spaeth’s Constant Sparkle Two

Silent night,
Holy night,
Constant sparkle,
Yeah that’s right.

Monday night,
Tuesday night,
Constant sparkle,
Summer flight.

Constant sparkle,
Here I come,
Tony Tone Toni,
Maybe go spend the weekend in Tampa.

Constant sparkle,
Like Chernobyl,
Sent via BlackBerry,
From T-Mobyl.

Last thing – @oopspow made up the AirTrain, just in case you see it in my work somewhere one day.

(Follow me on Twitter here.)
(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here.)

(This is by far one of the funniest songs in some time. There’s a KG shout-out that’ll be widely overlooked, as well.)

Did I do something noteworthy yesterday?

There were an unnatural number of people who found their way here by searching for my name.

I also will be really happy if this becomes the place to find out the story of Dr. Frankenstein’s fear of his own monster, because that’s like literature.

I really can’t comment on the Cavs-Pacers game much. They just need to get to the All-Star break and regroup/refocus.

My old favorite Cavs message board seems to think our inside presence is suddenly weak, but I would contend the lack of offensive rebounding lately is because we’ve become almost exclusively a jump-shooting team.

This started when Z went down, and hasn’t changed since he came back. Look at them on offense sometimes – you’ll often have five guys on the perimeter.

I had no idea LeBron had 43 points lasterday btw. I would’ve pegged him at 24, with a viewing of Madagascar 2 mixed in during the second quarter.

If you use WordPress, then you’re used to the upper left corner area having a link to some random blog.

Yesterday there was a link to a post about this whole Rihanna-Chris Brown thing, alleging that the entire fist-fight was over her giving him herpes.

As I like to do sometimes, I left my thoughts.

Brian said,
February 10, 2009 at 7:44 pm

Beyonce is mad now because of Bootylicious not being as popular as it used to be.

Chris Brown likes that song but he doesn’t tell anyone, and especially now because of hitting people.

Bootylicious isn’t even on the charts wtf?

I can’t find the site now – this whole post is blown. The point was, sometimes when everyone is saying one thing, and you say the opposite, it’s funny.

In this case, everyone was saying that Chris Brown doesn’t like Bootylicious, and I was saying that he does, and that’s when a bigger debate started.

Also, someone please block the Girlicious YouTube homepage on my computer.

(This site is already #7 in Google for Kellie Simpson.)

Okay, so I’ve really kinda struggled to put into words why I think HORSE at the All-Star Game is an awful idea.

I’ve equated it to watching people play video games, which is maybe the worst thing ever.

I had a friend in HS who would invite us over all the time to make us watch him play video games under the guise of, “Hey, I got some beer.”

We’d all get there and he’d have one 40oz, which he’d already drank. Then we’d watch him try to beat whatever version of Final Fantasy was current.

Anyway, Robert Carroll, who you can follow on Twitter here, and who OMG – use to write the YAYsports! NFL page, summed it up perfectly.

@brianspaeth I like the concept, but I get the feeling it’ll turn into the jump shot equivalent of Nate Robinson’s dunk contest.

Exactly what I couldn’t quite put into words.

This goes one of two ways:

1) Get deadly jump-shooters as the participants, who will take 4 hours to miss.
2) Get Nate Robinsons, who will turn it into watching the Globetrotters.

If I had to pick one, I’d much rather watch the first one – at least there would be some tension. The second one will just be dumb, but maybe this is for kids, and I shouldn’t worry about it. I guess it’s kinda like the Twilight books, ie I can’t comprehend how someone could be excited for this at all.

Also, they’ll be spelling GEICO, not HORSE. At least they could’ve had them spell something random like FRDIT, which would’ve been fun as far as listening to the announcers.

That, and have that truck there driving back and forth across the court during the match. That I would watch with great excitement.

“OOOHHH!!! Jamal Crawford was just about to try the double loopy-doopy backwards three-pointer, but the rear bumper of the truck took out his right leg! Guess he’s got F-R-D now! Wacka-wacka-wacka!”

So I’ve interviewed the me in Oklahoma, I’ve got the other me that wrote a book working on my questions, and now I’ve discovered perhaps the most interesting other me yet.

There’s a Brian Spaeth who has put a patent on something called a Shower Water Toy Construction System.

A shower water construction system for a child/user, which also functions as a showering system and utilizes a pre-existing bath/shower unit as a supporting structure.

The construction system comprises a main control valve to divert water from a pre-existing shower water pipe stem, a pressure regulator to limit water pressure to downstream components, child/user control and diverter valves to allow for turning the system off and on and allocating water flow between components, semi-rigid and flexible pipe, “Y” connectors and suction cups and brackets.

Other components, such as a hand-held sprayer, spraying bathtub mat and spraying shower curtain may also be integrated/connected into the system.

“Spraying bathtub mat” and “spraying shower curtain”?

Doesn’t this sound like something I made up? Did I do this? The company is even located in Cuyahoga Falls, OH, which is like 10 minutes from where I grew up.

What’s odd is that all of these other people with my name seem to have a component of my personality.

OKC Brian is on Facebook and has never golfed, Writer Brian does writering, and Shower Water Toy Construction System Brian appears to make up things that are ridiculous, yet he takes them serious enough to get a patent on them.

What am I saying? I don’t know, but FIOS has killed once again with the search game, as you can see. If any of those are yours, please claim them, so I can thank you.

Okay, so everything is running smooth with Prelude to a Super Airplane – I welcome your feedback. One person liked the eBook version enough to go ahead and buy a paperback one after reading it. I guess that’s good.

I think I’d like to give away like three free copies – the only caveat is you have to send me a picture of yourself pretending to make food of the book in some way.

Like putting it in the microwave, or inside a sandwich, or like in a frying pan. If you can look mischievous in the picture this would be best. Please email me to let me know what your picture will look like – my three favorites win the books.