Hey this is an old post and that means maybe a week ago I thought a lot of viral videos would happen to it if I made it.
Things that are nice and mean beer got in the way and so here we go.
Bell Biv Devoe! lol
Inside the car wash is where I was when the picture happened and maybe you know that because you were the one who was with me in my car and remember that car was in the car wash. Try to keep up I already said it.
Well the guy said something that was like, “hey buddy your car wash is over, so move it on out or those people back there waiting to make their car washes happen will get mad,” and I waved him off and then made the person with me wave him off and that’s a double wave-off.
The car wash went on for four hours and a car wash kiss happened too and she was awful pretty and that’s why that happened. Don’t worry her boyfriend doesn’t even know and he even was working at the car wash.
That’s why I waved him off it’s so he wouldn’t see.
3:46 is a new world record for how fast I wrote this and that means no typos.
If you don’t remember when it was yesterday and a couple business guys were sharing conversations about the big $10/hr deal then go look at that.
I was playing spy games at them and that was a fun read and there were 614 Diggs at it with a new fark website.
Here it comes again but at a different place and also it is just one guy and another guy and that guy is on the first guy’s phone and it’s a mobile phone.
They call those a “moving telly” in Europe and that’s a clue about this guy maybe.
clancey here chop a lingo the first one left my card in the uk
no i left my card in the uk thanks
rope a dope junction about that i left my card in the uk
trains mate
Okay so at this part I did an interruption meme and asked for some retalking and that happened after a look that was like “oh are you making dot coms aboot me conversation, laddy”.
So it kept going is the lesson and the talking was louder so my ears could get to it in a way that was better.
sorry rope a dope that’s yew kay not uck
After that part a major babe in a denim blue jeans dress came to the Starbucks and I made a move for the Spaghetti Warehouse Date and that happened.
I am at there right now and what a stud I am to be like this already.
Do you believe in miracles.
Well the truth is I’m in this Starbucks and that’s a place for buying coffee and snacks that are pretentious.
When I got there a weird customer at the counter was getting done telling the working girl that she should be a model and she did bulimia at that part of his creepy story.
Here comes the exciting part so get ready.
After I traded money for water and the water was in a bottle I sat down and did some eavesdropping on these guys and they are guys that are a couple tables down.
These are the parts that I heard and it was like this that I heard them.
hey mark how’s it going I just did a pirouette so we’re all set up
if you go to the reports tab we’re all set up
now go to quarterly tax preparation we’re all set up
go ahead to the biroway that should be set up get a screenshot of yourself so I can verify your information is correct mark
sure sure hourly rate booty what it’s ten an hour can you put that in real quick mark great tabs tabs tabs that’s the future mark i love you
Oh man this should be a whole dot com blog and that’s for sure maybe it can be called The Overheard Wrong On Purpose Businessmen Blog On the Real.
I like things that are popular and also pretty girls are another thing I like.
Do you like that same stuff if so keep reading here comes more blogs. lol
You know I love to make @Supercuts happen to me and whenever I do that special things happen like usually that thing is a cool dude haircut.
Another one that is an example for that is when London got the Olympics for 2012 and that’s the year after next still at this point.
Well yesterday I went and was like, “Hey how about one of those SuperCuts if you have time because I have money dollars and can pay for it with them”.
So the cutter is using her scissors on my head and then she starts to do her slick sales pitch to wash my hair and that’s a new one so I get my laughing all over my face and fall for her con job because of how her face was pretty and she threw a smile and also her voice.
That was some real talent because I thought she was on the other side of the room and was still chopping up my hair at the same time.
Big Ben, Parliment. lol
The hairwashing started happening to me and I was laughing again because of not knowing how to have my neck be and because I kept doing questions about whether she had found any dirt yet.
Also there was a head massage and the shampoo smelled like mint and I was saying how that flavor is called Christmas Breeze Waves or something.
When it was done being time to have a haircut she gave me a tip and that was a victory for sure and after the tip was in my pocket for awhile I bought a DVD download of Gotta Find Nemo with it.
Some Android night vision?
I was doing conversation texts with my business pal KB and you know her because she has
her Twitter fun right here and it’s a for real booty.
And this is where our business pal stuff happens and you know that too because we run that ship in a way that is tight.
Well enough is enough because our texts were celebrating These United States of America and its birthday it was having and I even turned off the way I type now for that to happen.
Me: America
KB: 411
Me: Whenever I’m leaving to go do something will you look at me and say “go get ‘em hero”
KB: Are you asking me to marry you
Me: Yes like next week plz
KB: But I’m not brunette…what will your fans think
Me: We can dye your hair or I can have a press conference explaining my position or both
KB: Can we do the latter?
Me: Sure and will you be backstage with me and say “go get ‘em hero” before I walk out for the press conference
KB Obvs
Me: Can I put this on my blog
KB: No
Also that last part was a part where in real life she was like “Yeah sure lol” but I wanted to make some drama happen like if I made a confrontational blog post for you.
Is that a breath of fresh air.
(Sometimes I do a text with @iamboney and it makes his battery become sleepy.)
Okay so I thought maybe it was time to tell the excitement story about the time I made a booty babe think I only knew about 500 words that I could say.
I was at a movie watching place and before the movie started the double date was ending. It might have been a just-friends date – I don’t remember.
The girl was sitting there and I told her about how sometimes I read interesting things to make my brain do hard work and there was one thing about how people who were average knew 17,000 words.
Then my sad face was on my face and that was because I said I only knew 500, and I knew that because I’d tried to list them all.
Well, that was when some skepticism was happening to her, so I started my list over on some paper I had in my pocket and did on-purpose stalling at around 30 words.
“Well, I’m out of words,” was what I said and put a look on my face that was like being dumbfounded.
“Four of those words aren’t on your list,” and she pointed out that I hadn’t listed four out of those five by saying that to me.
“Hey, did you know that grape popsicles are colder than the other ones?” That was me talking again.
“Those were a bunch more words, and no.”
This went on until the movie started and then some more after the movie was done being on the screen.
I never let go of my dumb guy game I was playing, because that’s pretty much how I am all the time anyway.
Also my girlfriend would’ve been in a mad place with her emotions if she had found out about my triple-word-score dumb guy blind movie date.
Now I’m a new man don’t worry.
(I sent this to a friend lasterday, and I thought it was so useful as a legal document template, I asked her if I could put it here, also.)
The following shall constitute the full and complete agreement between Brian Spaeth (MALE FRIEND) and [redacted] (FEMALE FRIEND).
On this date, April 13, 2010, both parties agree that they shall become BEST FRIENDS.
As such, the following EVENT shall be executed in full, naturally and without further explanation or reminders:
1) On a tri-monthly basis, MALE FRIEND and FEMALE FRIEND will engage in beer conversation for an extended period late into the night and accidentally KISS on purpose.
2) Upon conclusion of said KISS, MALE FRIEND will execute a dramatic EXHALE and back away at a moderate pace no more than four (4) feet with a “I am surprised but c’mon this was inevitable” look on his FACE.
3) Once MALE FRIEND has stopped his backward motion, FEMALE FRIEND will put her hand over her mouth and almost cry for a split second, then pick up her MOBILE PHONE and call [redacted] (BOYFRIEND).
4) No less than 20 seconds into the MOBILE PHONE CONVERSATION, FEMALE FRIEND will mention in an awkward yet casual fashion that MALE FRIEND has been in the hospital with BRONCHITIS for three (3) days.
5) During this CONVERSATION, MALE FRIEND will open a carton of MILK, take off his SHIRT, and go drink MILK in the middle of a RAINSTORM.
NOTE: If no RAINSTORM is happening, both parties agree to act as if there is a RAINSTORM.
6) At the conclusion of her CONVERSATION, FEMALE FRIEND will run into the RAINSTORM to find MALE FRIEND, but will only find the empty MILK carton crushed on the sidewalk, and also his wallet and a brand new LOLLYPOP.
7) Neither party will speak of the EVENT until the next time the EVENT is due to occur, at which time the EVENT shall be repeated, but without referencing that a similar EVENT has happened before, AND NO TALKING ABOUT IT.
Both parties agree that the EVENT is done in the best interest of both parties, as well as all associated parties, including but not limited to BOYFRIEND and [redacted] (MOTHER).
Signed and Dated:
If you haven’t noticed, I’m a Lost enthusiast, and based on this week’s episode, I’m now positive of how it ends.
I took to IM with this anonymous “Girl” in order to lay out my theory.
Since this is just an educated guess that uses my charm and intelligence to happen, it’s technically not spoilers.
Brian: I loved when claire was trying to kill kate and sayid was just watching like “hmmm that is interesting” lol
Girl: Omg claires wig kills me everytime
Brian: It’s like they just set it on her head
Brian: And like also kate’s wig
Girl: Is it a wig?
Brian: Yeah she keeps it in her backpack
Brian: We never see it I just think it’s there
Girl: LOL
Girl: Lol omg
Brian: That’s how the show ends
Girl: We finally see the wig
Brian: She puts on a blond wig and swims away
Brian: Hurley is like “who’s that” and charlie’s ghost is like “dunno mate some blond lass”
Girl: Lol does charlie pop up from the water or is he on land
Brian: He’s sitting on Jacob’s shoulders – it’s the twist
Girl: Oh ok
Brian: I know you hate when I do this but this is very much going on my blog lol
Girl: Uuughhh lol
I asked her afterward to hop on the phone – I needed to confirm that the last thing she said there is indeed pronounced, “Ooooog-hehhhhh”.
It is.
I’m pretty sure my current run of Dick Vitale Fatheads are gone, but keep sending the ideas – I may get more, who knows.
(To your right – from the cover page of what I am writing at right now.)
A lot of people ask me the classic “what kind of music do you listen to” question when they’re trying to date me.
This is not info I disclose readily – it has to come out in an organic fashion.
For example, from the following, try and figure out if I listen to the 3 musicians named in the title of this post.
Brian: Hey soul sister is on again wtf
Brian: Who sings this I hate it so much
Girl: Train
Girl: Lolol
Brian: Its so girly lol
Brian: Like is Girly Rock a genre now
Girl: Oh mon brion lol
Brian: I blame the Goo Goo Dolls – they started this back in the 90s lol
Girl: Omg themmm
Brian: Hey Jealousy!
Girl: I love that song!!
Brian: when did that come out
Brian: I think it was like 94?
Girl: I don’t know brian I was like [redacted] then
Admittedly, there’s a lot more interesting stuff than musical taste happening in that exchange, such as relationship-based math.
Here’s another go at music.
Brian: Lolol that Pink song “I’m comin up” is on
Girl: Oh god lol
Brian: I haven’t heard this in a long time
Brian: It’s terrible lolol
Brian: Everybody’s dancin and they’re dancin for me!
Girl: Horrible
Brian: I’ll be your operator you can all anytime, I’ll be your connection to the party line!
Girl: We should remember what year it came out and then use that to compare our ages again
Brian: : /
Last one.
Brian: I was at this party one time and Coldplay came on and this dude LOVED them like in a really hipster/snobby way and I kept saying they were originally called Coldburst
Brian: He made me go read their Wikipedia page he was so pissed
Brian: And I was like “yeah they must’ve had it taken off so nobody would find out”
Girl: I don’t believe you
Brian: You weren’t even born yet when they were Coldburst lol
Seriously, Pink has been famous for almost a solid ten years now. I’m trying to think who she compares to historically – like how will she be remembered 20 years from now?
I don’t thunk her music has really transcended anything, but obviously they still play it now and then, and she’s been in the cultural zeitgeist for a good chunk of time.
What does zeitgeist even mean – I’m in over my head again. Did I just call Pink a Nazi?
(Thanks to @beavercheese for the pic and how it shows that you want that dictionary right there because of my vocabulary.)
