Girls

(There’s no way the picture to your right can end well, yet I’m sure something entertaining will come out of it. She knows I think all of this, also. This is why that status update rarely happens.)

So this is the first in the 13-part series of “posts by request,” which resulted from GOt’s backlash against my content.

Whether the entire run is completed is unknown – as TVBrain pointed out, it’s simply not likely. Let’s start with Becky, my female-internet-BFF for all time.

5 questions for you, because you’d rather discuss yourself than anyone else:

Hahha this is so true. I don’t even know my girlfriend’s middle name yet, but I asked her to get mine tattooed on her forearm, under an anchor that also has my middle name on it.

1) To date, what has been your favorite memory of airplanes, or your favorite memory of thinking about airplanes, or your favorite memory of remembering thinking about airplanes?

You’re correct that my brain works in this way. I was just thinking about this one time I was on an airplane, and while I was on the airplane, I was thinking about another time I was on an airplane. Against all odds, each memory of remembering superimposes the residual memory. It’s like I’m playing telephone with myself.

2) All-Star 1-on-1 2009: who wins? You may not use LeBron James or any variation of him in your answer.

Calvin Stadiums, clearly. And Becky, why exactly haven’t you challenged him to a game in his How Badly Would Calvin Stadiums Beat You in 1-on-1? Facebook group?

Thanks for giving me that opening btw. How’d you know I’d need it when you emailed these 8 months ago…?

3) You’re allowed one cosmetic surgery for the rest of your life…until the end of time, even, and only one. One singular procedure, no “botox every 3 months once I turn 40.” What is your one chosen surgical enhancement?

Genetic Rehab and Haltation Synthesis.

This basically resets your genes to a given age of your choosing, and freezes them there. Pills and nanobots maintain it. This will actually come to pass – I believe within the next 25 years.

4) You hate dogs. Due to some zany sitcom-esque development, you have to partner up with a dog to solve mysteries and be best pals. What type of dog do you choose? What do you name him? How long until you learn to love him, learning a valuable lesson on canine loyalty and companionship? Or does this not happen unless he saves your life? Does your answer change if the dog talks

This is so funny, because I would choose these dogs:

For the record, I was alive in 1990, and this idea would’ve been just as ludicrous back then, wouldn’t it?

5) Why do you cut yourself?

Teen angst.

When Genetic Rehab and Haltation Synthesis is released to the public, what age will you physically rehab yourself to and why? Will you name your nanobot, or just refer to it by its serial number?

(Follow me on Twitter here.)

{ 18 comments }