watching face/off man is it good i like the part where nic cage is confused about where his face went
June 28, 1997

I explained that in the video below, but wanted to spell it out in a clear fashion, [...]]]> The All-New Facebook Timeline is important for documenting past events like this.

watching face/off man is it good i like the part where nic cage is confused about where his face went
June 28, 1997

I explained that in the video below, but wanted to spell it out in a clear fashion, i.e. I wanted some text to go with the video. #superfluous

Do you like Facebook Timeline on your Facebook. Also, how do you feel about Katherine McPhee.

I was cleaning them out this morning and came across the Bounce Page, and couldn’t conceive of why I’d clicked to show my support.

While I [...]]]> I’ve liked a lot of things on Facebook over the years, and tend to keep a tight watch on which brands, companies, people, etc I like and why.

I was cleaning them out this morning and came across the Bounce Page, and couldn’t conceive of why I’d clicked to show my support.

While I do use Bounce exclusively when drying clothes and for other purposes, but I’m not like into it or anything.

Then I went to their Page to see what was what.

That’s why.

What if my clothes smelled like cherries – could we still go on romance dates. Also, what other purposes do you think I use Bounce for.

I used to think that since I’d found a dead body and gotten a passport, I was a fully grown and functioning adult.

That said, several things I’ve done this year have forced me to reevaluate my criteria.

Listed in no particular order:

PAINTED A [...]]]> (Look at my new Facebook Timeline functionality.)

I used to think that since I’d found a dead body and gotten a passport, I was a fully grown and functioning adult.

That said, several things I’ve done this year have forced me to reevaluate my criteria.

Listed in no particular order:

PAINTED A WALL
This was an amazing experience, and I liked how the lady at Home Depot had to explain that you can’t just buy a can of paint in whatever color you want right off the shelf. I suppose if I’d looked at the shelves and the color options on all those little cards, I could’ve done the math and realized that.

BOUGHT A PLANT
It’s like in a pot, and it’s green and spiky. This Home Depot lady was amused at my wonderment over being able to have living plants inside. I honestly thought all indoor plants were fake.

HUNG A SHOWER CURTAIN
I did this yesterday – it’s always been done for me before. I did have to go back to Target, as I didn’t realize you had to buy the inside part separately. Afterward I stopped by Home Depot and told a saleslady about it.

DIDN’T GET ANYONE PREGNANT YET
The time and money you save by not having to move to another city on a whim is such an asset. I can’t recommend not getting people pregnant enough. #HomeDepot

OWNED A PET
This is actually a big deal for kids, so I’m not sure it counts. The creature is also a turtle, which is even more of a childlike animal.

How impressive is this on a scale of 1-8 and how masculine am I on a scale of 1-9.

mr jones and me, we both like, fairy tales, and we, stare at the women, we’re lookin at her, no no we’re lookin at me, we’ve got bob dylan [...]]]> I like this enough that I took it from a Facebook comment, redid it on Twitter, and now am giving it its own blog post.

mr jones and me, we both like, fairy tales, and we, stare at the women, we’re lookin at her, no no we’re lookin at me, we’ve got bob dylan pogs, we like fairy tales, oh no no, we’re lookin at me, mr jones yeah

Another thing – I started watching Buffy Is A Vampire Slayer on Netflix.

When does it start being widescreen, if it does start being widescreen. I’m not being a snob – I just want to know. thx

I was on a message board and people were talking about how CDs aren’t things that happen anymore, and I said this.

digital music era is [...]]]> (It’s my mom’s birthday, so I made this and did a Facebook for her with it, so it could go with all the other nice messages she gets.)

I was on a message board and people were talking about how CDs aren’t things that happen anymore, and I said this.

digital music era is for me – i love empty forgettable one-hit pop wonders and don’t want any physical media

that ke$ha slut is like tik tok doopy dop or whatever #goodstuff2010

What a way to contribute to an intellectual debate over music history.

Everyone was like, “Hey are you a music scholar or what,” and “Can you post an online viral video where you are holding your music history degree,” so I made a big admission.

I only took one music history class in college and only went to that class once, but I have never understood how/why albums are “concept albums” or stand together as one piece. If like you put out something called The Blue Album, every song better be about the color blue or blue objects, or I won’t understand what’s going on. lol

Also instead of that viral video about my education, I showed them this one I am in and did writing on about The Whore of Akron so much.

I hope you review Dolphin Tale – looking forward to it-

Okay, so that is part one. Part two is my response, and that is next, [...]]]> I do not have an excitement video for this week because of my leg, so let’s get to the Facebook exchange message I got from a real babe.

I hope you review Dolphin Tale – looking forward to it-

Okay, so that is part one. Part two is my response, and that is next, so keep having your read.

Remember to put on your bi-focals if your eyes have a headache.

is that the dolphin-with-no-tail movie

i might but that genre is so played – what else can be done with it

That is really a true thing about that genre, but I saw Dolphin Tale anyway, and it is my new favorite Dennis Quaid movie, even though they put Harry’s Connick Jr. in the Dennis Quaid role.

The best part is when Red comes back from being on his prison boat and is like, “Hey, did you guys notice that dolphin has no tail,” and the kids all start having vomit moments.

Then he tells them about how he took all of Shoop’s money dollars and used it to invest in dolphin prosthetics, and that the jig is up.

They put the fake fin on, and then Flips swims to the edge and uses one of those computer programs to say “Flips say thank you” and the little boy gives back the pocket watch he stole from Dennis Quaid, because he learned his lesson.

It is a great movie – families will love it. Also it has an iPhone app.

Did you see it yet.

Thanks to a person filling in the secret form on the secret website, I got a reminder, and their virtual check payment for 99 money dollars should be on the way.

Time to print more certificates.

The page is loaded with pictures of the turtlecalls logo and Don Cheadle.

When you refresh the page, you get a different combo, so what you do is try and guess what will come up

Do that with a red [...]]]> A nice thing about the turtlecalls Facebook Page is playing Cheadle Roulette.

The page is loaded with pictures of the turtlecalls logo and Don Cheadle.

When you refresh the page, you get a different combo, so what you do is try and guess what will come up

Do that with a red Sharpie. Like you write on your wall, “Cheadle turtle turtle Cheadle turtle” and then hit refresh.

If that’s what comes up, you put a dollar in a jar. Once you get to ten dollars, you put the dollars back in your pocket and start over.

This is fun at parties and the girls go wild for it. They will end up kissing you on the cheek for sure.

Another fun activity is when there are YouTube comments like this one on “#26 dean in connecticut”.

This seems like a funny idea, but this call didn’t really sell that he was a turtle. Turtles don’t have leather sofas and eat hamburgers, so Dean got the impression that it was some random guy named Turtle.

Oh.

Because if the turtle said he was sitting on a rock in his tank, then people would really believe they were talking to a turtle on the phone.

How did I not think of that.

I was like a “no, no, no, no, no” and she was like a “yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah”.

It’s not that I don’t want picture-based representations of my younger self [...]]]> I had a huge fight with my sister yesterday because she wanted to put all these childhood pictures she’d scanned in onto Facebook.

I was like a “no, no, no, no, no” and she was like a “yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah”.

It’s not that I don’t want picture-based representations of my younger self online, it’s just that I bet they will make Tron vs Avatar in like 2031.

Tron will be like “You’re not my dad!” and Avatar will be like, “Get out of the house! No more free rides!”

A little after that is when they fight, and the twist is that he is his dad.

How funny would Avatar look with a beard. lol

What if I pitched that movie to someone who doesn’t have the rights to either property, and they were like, “If only I had the rights! Nab’it!”

Happy New Year.

It’s easy, and here is an example with everyone’s favorite Kiana Greene Spaeth.

Remember, she used to just be Kiana Greene, until all that great stuff happened.

Lynn Holton Oh oh Christmas [...]]]> Ever since it became obvious about how cool I can be, people are asking how I manage to do that.

It’s easy, and here is an example with everyone’s favorite Kiana Greene Spaeth.

Remember, she used to just be Kiana Greene, until all that great stuff happened.

Lynn Holton Oh oh Christmas is coming! Lol
7 hours ago · Like

Kiana Greene Spaeth i think we might actually be related.
23 minutes ago · Like

Brian Spaeth do you like to sing like that too
20 minutes ago · Like

Kiana Greene Spaeth yes. more than anyone ever wants me to.
18 minutes ago · Like

Brian Spaeth that’s cool – are you singing right now
15 minutes ago · Like

Kiana Greene Spaeth of course! i’m sure you can hear the disapproving screams of my family members from wherever you are located at this very moment.
13 minutes ago · Like

Brian Spaeth i am at your neighbor’s house having a fun pizza and juice party
10 minutes ago · Like

Kiana Greene Spaeth oh cool! come bring me some please.
6 minutes ago · Like

Brian Spaeth okay i will knock on the door and when you open it i will be there with the pizza slices. we are out of juice over here though because of everyone being thirsty after our pizza

it was funny because at one point i paused Got To Find Nemo and told everyone, “hey slow down on that juice you quickies, we’re going to regret that later when we are still thirsty from all this pizza.”

well you know how this family is when they are thirsty. GULP GULP

finally all this stuff i wrote caught up to right now and that’s where we’re at, so i will be over with the pizza and a nice note of apology about the juice not being there
3 minutes ago · Like

Kiana Greene Spaeth okay thanks. i will pause my nemo movie to come answer the door.
2 minutes ago · Like

I just realized we were both watching one of the Nemo movies. I wonder which one she was watching.

Go buy some Turtlecalls in time for Christmas.

I broke my social embargo last week by returning to Twitter and Facebook, where I went ahead and did what I’d spent the first ten days of my break planning and strategizing.

It was all about perfecting this Facebook post:

It’s [...]]]> Well, I’m back from not being here on my website blog.

I broke my social embargo last week by returning to Twitter and Facebook, where I went ahead and did what I’d spent the first ten days of my break planning and strategizing.

It was all about perfecting this Facebook post:

It’s right in the link if you want to see and interact with it live.

Other things I did: wrote another (short) book – it’ll be out later this month, and only on the Kindle platform. (Which you don’t need a Kindle for – see the upper left sidebar.)

I also went to Cleveland, came back, and am back in Cleveland again. (No, not for LeBron’s return – it’s a happy coincidence. And yes, I’ll be writing up my thoughts on the Heat later this week…!)

Coming back to a blog lifestyle is hard, but I’ll be fine by Wednesday because of how special I can be sometimes.

Plus, I have to go to the hospital and have my screws tightened and such.

Haha I bet you think I’m doing a joke.

Anyway, in addition to all the Spaeth-related fun on Facebook yesterday, I also spent [...]]]> I’m pretty wiped out from the Spaeth Day Festival – I’ll have a more full recap tomorrow.

Plus, I have to go to the hospital and have my screws tightened and such.

Haha I bet you think I’m doing a joke.

Anyway, in addition to all the Spaeth-related fun on Facebook yesterday, I also spent way too much time on the TurtleShack Page.

We still gotta get those bikes for Kiana – so don’t forget to pick up one or more of my books for only $2.99 – thanks again.

You can read it at the website for The Christmas Bridge.

In sharp contrast, Kiana’s brother Ben had a chat with me on Facebook.

Click the pic or just [...]]]> As a special extensional facet of Spaeth Day, none other than @ChristmasTimmy hopped on Google for a chat with Kiana Greene Spaeth.

You can read it at the website for The Christmas Bridge.

In sharp contrast, Kiana’s brother Ben had a chat with me on Facebook.

Click the pic or just read it below.

Ben Greene I would like to inform you that my sister (Kiana [Greene] Spaeth) is always constantly talking about you on the homefront.

True, I expect girls of the teenage age to be fawning over some famous person, but there’s a few problems.

1. She is not a teenager.
2. You’re not Justin Bieber.

I’m sure you can see why I’m confused. If you can, I hope you will inform her that you are not Justin Bieber or a Jonas Brother, or Edward Cullen, or whoever the teenage women worship nowadays, so she’ll let me eat dinner in relative peace and quiet.

Yours Truly~ Ben Greene Spaeth.
9 minutes ago · Comment · Like · See Wall-to-Wall

Brian Spaeth Can I put this on my dot com blog.
4 minutes ago · Like

How did he make that squiggly thing. Is that a Farmville thing.

Also, it’s so good to have that reinforced that Kiana’s not a teenager, because of the internet, and going to jail, and etc.

Now go buy any or all of these for only $2.99 – WE STILL GOTTA GET THOSE BIKES!

Thanks so much to everyone who became a Spaeth today – it’s been fun and you can all come to Christmas Day if you want.

Today’s the big day – Spaeth Day on Facebook.

If you have no idea what that means, maybe read an intro to Kiana Greene Spaeth and the Spaeth Day 2010 Announcement once you’re through here.

Again, this [...]]]> (Click that pic to make it bigger and see real live newborn Spaeths interacting.)

Today’s the big day – Spaeth Day on Facebook.

If you have no idea what that means, maybe read an intro to Kiana Greene Spaeth and the Spaeth Day 2010 Announcement once you’re through here.

Again, this is not about me – it’s about buying an exercise bike for Kiana.

Here’s the deal – all profits from the sale of my ebooks this WEEK go toward this purchase.

Each book is only 2.99, and at 2.06 of profit per book, we can do this by moving a simple +/-700 copies. Buy one or all – it’s up to you.

You do not need a Kindle device – just download one of the free Kindle apps for the computer or your phone. (Links to these are in the upper left sidebar or here on Amazon.)

To learn more about the books themselves, hit up the tabs beneath the main banner. There are excerpts, and website links, and etc.

With their short chapters, these stories read great digitally – even on a phone. There’s no loser in this deal.

Most of all, WE GOTTA GET THAT BIKE!

The Amazon links:

Your simple button-pushing purchase can put Kiana on an exercise bike pronto.

WE GOTTA GET THOSE BIKES!

Here’s another link to the Facebook event, where people are having fun being Spaeths together like a cool family can be.

To help promote this, you can join in and change your middle or last name to Spaeth. Over 51 people have done so by my count, and all of them got promotions or won the lottery within 3 hours of doing so.

Another good thing is you’ll live longer, and that’s proven by this chart.

Thank you so much – please share on Facebook and Twitter and make this happen for the iconic girl that is Kiana Greene Spaeth.

A lot of people ask me how I got to be so big time. lol

No [...]]]> (Hey check out the fun you can have with your 170 new friends over on Spaeth Day, which is tomorrow on Facebook – click the pic to make it bigger, and read the words, and etc.)

A lot of people ask me how I got to be so big time. lol

No for real – sometimes people are like, “what’s the first thing you ever wrote?”

I usually don’t like to show it to anyone, since the truth is it was the pilot for House.

In a case of irony or karma or whichever one that is, once the producers stole it and sold the show to Fox, they cast an older version of me as House himself. Here’s the entire spec script.

That was the whole show – as I conceived it, they were these 1-minute shows with 29 minutes of commercials.

There’s how I got my first agent.

Go to Spaeth Day – we gotta get those bikes for Kiana!

The sensation of the girl who changed her name to Kiana Greene Spaeth (and her exercise bike) wrought the following, starting with @lynn_ster:

@brianspaeth Let’s [...]]]> (I know this seems self-serving on the surface, but it was not my idea – just playing the cards that are thrown my way by wonderful people.)

The sensation of the girl who changed her name to Kiana Greene Spaeth (and her exercise bike) wrought the following, starting with @lynn_ster:

@brianspaeth Let’s start Spaeth day on facebook.
about 7 hours ago via twidroid

Followed by myself and @joshuastecker:

I’m in for $10, too. RT: @brianspaeth: I will back this with $10 of funding. RT @lynn_ster: @brianspaeth Let’s start Spaeth day on facebook.
about 7 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone

And finally @Nathaniel_g went ahead (with this Tweet) and made an actual Event on Facebook.

Here’s what’s going to happen, in the only selfless thing I’ve ever done in my life:

1) On October 19 (or before), change your last name on Facebook, Twitter, or both to “Spaeth”. You can switch this out or add it as an additional surname, like Kiana the Heroic.

2) As Nathaniel has stated in his mission statement, status up (or Tweet) that this is being done because “Spaeth is just better” with a link to the Event or whatever – I don’t know how that works yet.

3) Buy one (or more) of my ebooks for $2.99 and ALL PROFITS GO TO THE PURCHASE OF A LIFECYCLE FOR KIANA GREENE SPAETH. (Profit on each ebook is $2.06.)

These things cost $1400. Think about that – if we sell a simple +/-700 books, Kiana can have a brand new Lifecycle. Not only that, but I’ll buy her as many Lifecycles as we can get. I will not make one nickel off of this. If somehow this nets $40,000, I sincerely vow that I will have 28 Lifecycles shipped to this girl’s house.

Let’s make this happen – here’s the link to the Event again.

Change thy name and invite everyone you know – a girl needs a lifetime supply of exercise bikes, and you can help make that happen.

That’s pretty much it.

I reached out to Kiana to ask her about this, but she was like, “Hey! I am pretty busy right now, so I’ll get back to you [...]]]> A lot of people ask me what my drive or purpose is in writing or creating or whatever it is I do.

That’s pretty much it.

I reached out to Kiana to ask her about this, but she was like, “Hey! I am pretty busy right now, so I’ll get back to you in early November. Thanks for getting in touch! Please subscribe to my email newsletter.”

Since I can’t wait until November, I imagined what our instant gchat messaging conversation might have gone like.

Brian: Hey what is up.

Kiana: Hi!
Kiana: I am on an exercise bike

Brian: that’s cool
Brian: wait – whaaaaaaaat?

Kiana: it’s for exercising
Kiana: it simulates riding a bike but stays in one place

Brian: are you doing a joke

Kiana: No!
Kiana: :P
Kiana: j/k

Brian: do you have stoplights where you live lol

Kiana: One sec – I am switching exercise bikes.
Kiana: k back

Brian: Are the bijies Lifefitness brand
Brian: *bikes
Brian: I lookes it up on Google
Brian: *looked

Kiana Spaeth: Yes.

Brian: are those good ones
Brian: I like their logo

Kiana: I like the Precor logo more, plus Lifefitness has a cheap internal motor. These bikes run great for the first 18 months and then wear out

Brian: are you ready for some fooootballlll lol

Kiana: lol

Brian: lol

Kiana: lol

Brian: Okay talk to you after your exercise is done

Kiana: Goodbye

You can see why people are so charmed by me and my work, and thus why name changes like this are inevitable. (It’s happened before.)

Kiana wins a prize, and the prize is my last name. I can’t thank her enough.

Go over to The Christmas Bridge site for more pictorial evidence of this Kiana Spaeth phenomenon.

Do you want to change your last name to Spaeth at all. If so, maybe I can teach you the Spaeth Family Song.

At certain other times, I may have also run something known as @jerryricetwo.

The much-beloved JR2 was suspended because they thought I was [...]]]> I think it’s well known, due to a certain association with the movie Who Shot Mamba?, that I run the accounts for @InflatableBen and @OrangeRoundie.

At certain other times, I may have also run something known as @jerryricetwo.

The much-beloved JR2 was suspended because they thought I was trying to impersonate the famous football stud, Jerry Rice.

Clearly not true, per the “two” and the “NOT DAT FOOTBALL STUD!! CAN’T CATCH!!!” in his bio.

Every now and then it’s revealed to someone that I may have other accounts, as well. For example, I got this DM yesterday.

Alright, fess up…how many Twitter accounts DO you have?!! lol.

If honesty is going to happen, I just counted and there are somewhere between 4 and 19,478 in all right now. (Facebook presences and additional blogs aren’t included in that range.)

I’m not listing them and they’re not all “mine”, anyway.

Anyone who’s read my work – made/unmade movies, books, things I haven’t let anyone read yet – can find a number of them.

Starting accounts ahead of time for projects that look promising is smart if you’re a content creator – get out front of it a bit. It’s not like I’m manning these things all day – just quietly building them in case what they’re a part of comes to fruition.

I could write more about this, but note that I started Orange Roundie and Inflatable Ben like 6-8 months before the movie came out, and they never, ever talked about the movie until it was actually out there.

There’s actual value in their existence beyond the project they’re associated with, and that’s important.

Other ones I run (or oversee) are clients’ business/personal accounts, and not for me to reveal. I manage it all via Tweetdeck and Seesmic desktop.

LOL!

smh

I also have a script to finish that requires some underwater research – eliminating all distractions and not getting electrocuted is essential.

Anyway, I’m getting asked a lot, so this is pretty much everything I’ve learned about marketing a primarily web-distributed show since Who Shot Mamba? started running.

Calvin Stadiums has had this exact conversation verbatim over 7,000 times in the past 2 weeks.