After we went back and forth about that for awhile, I was like, “Okay, the gchat can happen. Sounds fun.”

Check out how much [...]]]> I was being on gchat and getting ready to do some cool guy stuff, and then this other guy was like, “hey I want to do a gchat with you.”

After we went back and forth about that for awhile, I was like, “Okay, the gchat can happen. Sounds fun.”

Check out how much of a gchat it became.

Guy: MR TURTLE! I know i have harrassed you more than anyone else. Is there ANYWAY you can use that radio voice of your right this instant for the call?

me: I mean I could but it wouldn’t get recorded
me: I’m in a hot tub store

Guy: FIne, I really dont care
Guy: Mareill XXX XXX XXXX

me: is that Mare – ee – ell

Guy: she dones know herself hahaha
Guy: its a combination but that souds good rnoguh
Guy: enough
Guy: Sorry, im still do bent from last night
Guy: So*

me: that’s fine
me: although now this chat will probably be on my blog hahaa

Guy: HA! That too is fine. Can you correct the spelling mistakes? (Knowing full well this too will be posted)

me: yais

Guy: Do it. Now.
Guy: Can i wear a cape in your blog?

Even though there are two new kinds of turtlecalls having their big debut tomorrow, turtlecalls-on-demand is not one of them.

You need to be bent from last night for that, and then you have to put on a cape and gchat me in my face so much.

After that I drove home, took a nap, got up, lifted weights, made some turtlecalls, ate a chicken sandwich lol, and then got [...]]]> Hey I was at a TV watching parlor soda party yesterday when once of those “hey I’ve seen this commercial 500 times but never actually watched it” commercials came on.

After that I drove home, took a nap, got up, lifted weights, made some turtlecalls, ate a chicken sandwich lol, and then got on gchat with a girl.

me: ATIVIAAAAA

girl: LOL…the allergy medication?

me: yeah just heard the commercial
me: That’s one of those commercials I’ve seen 800 time but never watched

girl: i think there’s a bee in it
girl: or no…that’s nazen-ex

me: there’s a bee in the medicine?
me: wtf

girl: the commercial
girl: get with the program zilly

me: like the Honey nut Cheerios bee lol
me: he’s doing some work on the side

girl: *silly
girl: yes

How good is her grammar. Should I make a marriage happen or what.

I keep telling the girls I’m being friends with two things:

1) Girls is plural because of how there are more than one of you.

2) There’s a 100% chance [...]]]> (Do you ever play Ghost Hunters by yourself and if you do, do you put your hand up like that for some reason. lol)

I keep telling the girls I’m being friends with two things:

1) Girls is plural because of how there are more than one of you.

2) There’s a 100% chance our private texts/emails will wind up on my blog.

This is because of how honest I can be and also because sometimes I don’t know what to write about.

Jemini, I like you best.

So that girl from last week who doesn’t think I’m a romance hero filed a complaint about me not being a romance hero, and also about me reprinting that on my dot com.

I decided taking her out and showing her how much romance I can create from thin air was the way to make that be different.

Has there ever been anything more romantic than that time we were in a cheap motel at 2:45am, you were drinking a Monster Lo-Carb, and there were what sounded like meth-heads playing dodgeball in the next room.

Do you think that really happened.

Also whoever guesses the name of the dodgeball winner can have a free turtlecall. Just leave it in the comments.

Final stats for Spaeth Day are tomorrow, and you can still go buy the $2.99 books to GET THAT BIKE.

Sedation was one thing that happened at the [...]]]> I was spending time being cool in the hospital yesterday getting my face screws tightened, so I don’t know how many jokes are out there.

Final stats for Spaeth Day are tomorrow, and you can still go buy the $2.99 books to GET THAT BIKE.

Sedation was one thing that happened at the hospital, and the way they did it was a cool combo of Xanax and Valium.

There was a bottle of each, and the nurse asked, “So what does a couple beers do to you? Like how many beers would it take you to be drunk?”

At first I was like, “So what kind of music do you listen to?” in my man voice, but then she explained she was just trying to gauge how many pills to give me so I was juuuuust short of unconscious.

Here’s where it got weird, because I couldn’t well explain the number of beers I could drink without sounding like a complete degenerate.

(For the record, I barely drink at all anymore.)

In the end, I created a distraction, swallowed all the pills from both bottles, and everything went fine.

The distraction was a magic trick where I made one of the other nurses ask a doctor if he’d seen Avatar yet, and then no matter what his answer was, she was supposed to kiss him on the cheek and make a rooster sound.

#magic

I guess I was confused, because @The_Real_LLC read it as the guy just couldn’t see the sky or something.

The one thing I know for sure is [...]]]> Okay so the other day I posted that stuff about how the dude couldn’t see the moon because of the workout supplement he was taking.

I guess I was confused, because @The_Real_LLC read it as the guy just couldn’t see the sky or something.

The one thing I know for sure is that this guy’s log of his experience is amazing.

Some more:

Vision side effect, I went to bed I couldn’t see a thing, the window blinds were open and there was light outside, but whatever spot I looked at it went dark but I could see from the side of my eye, for example if I looked at the widow directly there was nothing, but as soon as I rotated my eyeballs away from the window I could see it clearly.

my biceps are sore more than ever and I am loving it.

That last sentence is an LOL for sure, but I still don’t understand how this works.

i just got back driving over one hour at night, a little uncomfortable because all the incoming headlights looked yellow tinted and was confusing especially looking in the rear view mirror

Seriously – I thought in the other entry he couldn’t see when he was looking at something?

PS. I didn’t get enough sleep last night due to the energy drink, so I felt really tired today and somewhat lightheaded, but tomorrow is chest day and I’m ready to rip it up

Oh.

i went outside while the lights were off and tripped over a chair, it hurt like son of a b—h, even my son who was walking with me looked at me like (how in the hell you didn’t see that chair!)

Kids are so silly – don’t they know daddy is getting big and strong.

just wanted to report about my vision, the moon was so bright last night according to my wife, she said the whole room was lit, well i couldn’t see a thing, i couldn’t even see where the window was

This next one is also interesting, although not vision-related.

The new [redacted] tastes different, kind of like fiberglass glue, not that I tasted fiberglass glue, but it tastes like the smell of fiberglass

: /

Whatever – regardless of whether this stuff works, I need to understand how this vision side effect works. It seems there’s not just a problem with the moon, but also with seeing windows.

Should I try this stuff or not? I’m still waiting for Mommy to get in touch telling me not to – she may have stopped reading the blog again.

During that time, I tried probably every nutritional supplement possible, and even now continue to keep an eye on the newer stuff coming, some of which might be [...]]]> As you may or may not know, long ago I was a personal trainer, a brief gig that sprung mainly from my love for health and fitness.

During that time, I tried probably every nutritional supplement possible, and even now continue to keep an eye on the newer stuff coming, some of which might be deemed “borderline legal”.

It’s rooted in a longing I have to be offered a role where they’re like, “This pays a lot of money and it’s yours, but we need you to put on 20 pounds in two months.”

When that happens, I’ll call and apologize to my mom, then speed-race to the nearest steroid dealer I can track down with more excitement than anyone has ever done anything with.

Anyway, there’s an interesting product swirling around that surely will be banned sooner rather than later.

Perusing a message board where some people are trying it out, apparently there’s a small vision-based side effect that accompanies the ingestion of said product.

Here are some posts made by users.

Occasional blurred vision side [effects] are still something that will have to be taken in account till there is a sure fire way to either stop it or lower the chance of getting it.

Slight and occasional blurring. Annoying, but somewhat mild really.

I did have a blurred vision. It wasn’t much but I remember having to concentrate more to focus on things. I also had a vision sides during the day – yellow tint, color cycling and a definite blurring.

What.

i don’t think any of us experienced blurred vision, we only lost the ability to see farther at night; we could only see where the light was aiming at. also it took longer to adjust from light to dark places, and at night we couldn’t see the sky even with a full moon.

Oh.

God.

BUT DID IT MAKE YOU BIG AND STRONG.

Brad says he’s been getting all [...]]]> I was gonna make a big deal about like doing a big redesign on the site for 2010, but realized I like the thing how it is. All I did was move the links for my books up a notch and add a page about the Radby book.

Brad says he’s been getting all this email asking “wtf” about whether he’s a real person or a fake person or a cartoon person, so I felt a need to clarify things.

The big news for 2010 is that I’ve found myself kinda into the NBA again. The Cavaliers are quietly playing quite well after a bumpy start, and there just seems to be lots of interesting things going on.

I get intrigued by things like Tracy McGrady having his sadness again and Gilbert Arenas being unable to shake the Curse of the Mamba.

In any case…some IM action, in lieu of actual content.

Brian: Why are you awake
Girl: Lol…sorry.
Brian: : /
Girl: : /
Brian: Have you ever had the cereal Blue Crunchos
Girl: I have noto. Is it tasty
Brian: Yeah and even crunchier than it sounds
Girl: Oh wow
Brian: Yeah
Girl: Cool well I’m glad we talked about that brian
Brian: Me too
Girl: Bye
Brian: Can I put this on my blog it is making me laugh

Also I’ve eaten two full boxes of Cold-Eeze in the past 48 hours.

Who Shot Mamba? Chapter 6 sometime tonight – keep an eye on the FB Page.

I was gonna write up my idea for a water-park style playland that’s made of [...]]]> I’m actually really wiped out from this surgery and probably overdid it yesterday, so I’ma take it easy today. My brain is kinda dead…no jokes or thoughts are happening. I also have to go back to the doctor for inspection.

I was gonna write up my idea for a water-park style playland that’s made of dirt, but I just don’t have it in me. For now, enjoy this picture from Reid Gershbein, aka @thraveboy – he made the film “Here. My Explosion…” that I looked at back here.

That’s the happiest picture on Earf!

While I’m resting, can you tell me the happiest picture you’ve ever take in your life? If you’re more of a miserable sort, how about the saddest picture you’ve ever taken?

Link to either if you can – I’ll send my favorite a free copy of Prelude to a Super Airplane – I just got a shipment, so I’m sitting on a bunch.

(You can follow Inflatable Ben from WSM? right here on Twitter – I think he’ll be out hunting booty babes in his own smooth fashion.)

I just watched the A-Rod press conference, and I’m pretty sure ESPN reporters/anchors are dense, and A-Rod mis-planned his agenda a bit.

Some bullet-pointed thoughts:

1) “Bole” is clearly the Dominican slang for Primobolan. No doubt they [...]]]> (Happy Birthday, Michael Jordan – your gift is a horrible Tyson Chandler trade by the Hornets.)

I just watched the A-Rod press conference, and I’m pretty sure ESPN reporters/anchors are dense, and A-Rod mis-planned his agenda a bit.

Some bullet-pointed thoughts:

1) “Bole” is clearly the Dominican slang for Primobolan. No doubt they think this is like a secret street drug, however. Please someone help them clear this up.

1a) Primo is the American slang.

1b) I know these things because as you well know, I love everything steroids and HGH have to offer. They make you big and strong – that’s so cool. Plus, needles.

2) You don’t buy it “on the streets”. You can buy that over-the-counter in pharmacies down there, and it’s totally legal.

3) Ripped Fuel is an ephedra-based fat burner sold by Twin Labs, and it’s still produced, minus the ephedrine. You can still get the original if you’re clever.

3a) Ripped Fuel (the old version) works. I miss having it readily available.

4) A-Rod wants us to think he was the most naive 24-year old on Earth. Sorry – if he took it when he was 16, I’d buy the young and stupid stuff.

I simply can’t accept that someone who had been in pro baseball for six years was clueless as to what he was doing. Especially someone as obviously intelligent and savvy as Alex Rodriguez.

4a) Manny Ramirez could sell that – not A-Rod.

5) I did appreciate the fact that he sat up there and took questions, and wants to leave it behind him. He was pretty frank in many respects, and came off as very human. Go forth and do your baseballing.

Really, this entire post was for point #1, because somewhere there are any number of journalists pumping out 1000-word columns about how aghast and offended they are by the “illegal street steroid bole”, crafting awkward metaphors about Alex Rodriguez in the back alleys of the Dominican.