(This is my current phone b/g – I am all in on CLE basketball.
Also, this post was edited, cause it was even worse before, if you can believe that.)
So I’ve been on a few airplane rides over the past week, and on the longest of them, I spent time sitting with a girl who spilled whiskey on my leg.
She was a lot of fun, I asked if I could call her Sara, and we became best friends for 4+ hours.
We told our cool stories about our lives, and analyzed the personae of everyone around us in the most stereotypical manner possible.
After a bunch of time doing that, it was the part of the airplane ride where Sara spilled the whiskey on my leg.
I screamed, “OH NO THERE’S WHISKEY ON MY LEG!” over and over until the airplane waiter came back and asked what was wrong.
I repeated, “Oh no…there’s whiskey on my leg…” except quiet and sad this time, so Sara could see the different kind of inflections I could make my voice do.
So upon return from my big-time Twitter/Facebook/whatever hiatus, the question becomes, “what now?”
To answer this question, I need to make a bullet-point list, and then put the bullets in little digital disguises that make them look like numbers.
For example, take these bullet-points:
*
*
*
Once I’ve finished getting their espionage clothes on them, they’ll look more like this:
1)
2)
3)
You see?
As the alleged numbers explain the positives and negatives behind why I should and/or should not be an avidly aggressive Tweeter, nobody will even know that they’re really bullet-points, and that’s how the logic starts to come into place?
Anyway, in the two weeks I was gone, I wrote a complete screenplay, two full movie treatments, did good on the other thing I do, and got in six fewer I’m-Tweeting-while-driving based car wrecks.
Take that for what you will, and please let me know where to buy little hats for those bullets, because that will look so cool on them when they’re doing their spy work.
Some Wyoming trivia/realizations based on this screengrab from an ESPN.com poll:
1) They don’t care much about the NBA.
2) If you’d asked me before looking at this where Wyoming was, I don’t think I could’ve pointed it out without using process of elimination.
3) I can’t name one city in Wyoming.
4) I’ve not known anyone who has lived in, visited, driven through, knew about, or thought about Wyoming.
5) Looking at this map – and I don’t know if I’m just outside my own head right now or what – it just doesn’t feel like Wyoming is a real state.
This isn’t meant as an assault on this fictional place or the two people who pretend to live there – these are real thoughts I had while waiting for this Stoudemire-to-Cavs trade to happen.
(I blatantly re-purposed this Photoshop job from my old website, sorry.)
I know it’s like the “blog thing to do” to bash ESPN’s Bill Simmons, and I don’t come here to do that today expressly.
Say what you will about him, but I’ve come to quite like his podcast – he has interesting guests and there’s an enthusiasm and casualness to it I like.
He’s also fairly aware he maybe needs to step back from the NBA trade machine a bit – he freely admits his craziest trade suggestions are indeed crazy at times.
However, on his show with JA Adande the other day, he was totally serious (it seemed) in his opinion that the best basketball situations for LeBron to go to are Chicago and the LA Clippers.
Not only that, but he completely discounted the Cavs as anything more than a remote possibility.
Now, while I’m a Cleveland fan to the end, I’m freely willing to admit LeBron may leave, and that he’ll certainly visit every single team in the NBA on his free agent tour this summer.
Looking purely at it from a basketball standpoint though…let’s look at the Cavs.
- Best record in the NBA
- Built-in chemistry/continuity
- Defensive-minded coach
- Brand-new practice facility
- Big expiring contracts
- One of the few teams that are profitable
- Owner willing to spend whatever it takes
You could go down the list with both Chicago and LAC, and they’re the opposite of what the Cavs have in many cases.
LeBron’s gonna go play for Mike Dunleavey on the most cursed, cheap, and poorly run organization in sports? I can’t even see how that’s a rational argument at all, basing it purely on basketball.
And Chicago? Does LeBron really want his legacy to be having every single thing ever written about him forever be even more of a comparison to Michael Jordan?
Even adding in marketing, he’s fine in Cleveland.
With the new McDonald’s deal, he’s got all the big sponsor segments except a car company.
Look, he’s conquered America, and this doesn’t even take into account that Cleveland is close to home, the Cavs can pay him the most money, and also have a minority owner from China, which is actually a bigger market than LA and NYC. (!!!)
In conclusion, I’m sure this has been written 50 times elsewhere already, but I didn’t even know Stephon Marbury was playing in China, so there you go.
(WSM? ends tonight – if you missed the first half of the big Sherman-Stadiums showdown…here. Aw, lookit Petey Skippen getting his chance to shine!)
I was gonna make a big deal about like doing a big redesign on the site for 2010, but realized I like the thing how it is. All I did was move the links for my books up a notch and add a page about the Radby book.
Brad says he’s been getting all this email asking “wtf” about whether he’s a real person or a fake person or a cartoon person, so I felt a need to clarify things.
The big news for 2010 is that I’ve found myself kinda into the NBA again. The Cavaliers are quietly playing quite well after a bumpy start, and there just seems to be lots of interesting things going on.
I get intrigued by things like Tracy McGrady having his sadness again and Gilbert Arenas being unable to shake the Curse of the Mamba.
In any case…some IM action, in lieu of actual content.
Brian: Why are you awake
Girl: Lol…sorry.
Brian: : /
Girl: : /
Brian: Have you ever had the cereal Blue Crunchos
Girl: I have noto. Is it tasty
Brian: Yeah and even crunchier than it sounds
Girl: Oh wow
Brian: Yeah
Girl: Cool well I’m glad we talked about that brian
Brian: Me too
Girl: Bye
Brian: Can I put this on my blog it is making me laugh
Also I’ve eaten two full boxes of Cold-Eeze in the past 48 hours.
Some years back my mom started sending those “here’s what everyone is up to” letters with her Merry Christmas cards.
I immediately insisted on control over any part of the content that referenced me, so each December I submit my own section for her to include.
(My brother does this too – perhaps he can post the 2009 edition, as his are excellent.)
Alas, this is what I sent her over the weekend.
I’m still writing and acting and producing and trying to get new projects together.
I’ve never touched a guitar before. Also, I stopped using question marks this year for awhile. Isn’t that weird.
Oops! Lost my car keys again! LOL
Do you use gmail?
Your pal,
Brian Spaeth
P.S. My sole goal in writing this was to have my mother say something like, “I am not sending this!” and I guarantee she did exactly that after I emailed it to her.
Sent via my Blackberri Tornado II From T-Marbles
Movie – www.whoshotmamba.com
Twitter – www.twitter.com/brianspaeth
Facebook – www.facebook.com/brianspaeth
Website – www.brian23.com
P.P.S. Mom, make sure to include these links, cause like that’s part of the joke for this section of the letter.
P.P.P.S Also include all of these PS’s – including this one. These are also part of the joke.
P.P.P.P.S. Sorry for not taking your Merry Christmas Letter 2010 seriously. :(
I have to admit, I can’t see a day where I ever send Christmas cards or letters of any kind myself.
Like I get them from friends of mine who are married already, and I’m always thinking, “Why did you send me this and why is it signed The Jones Family? I don’t know what one of those is – why don’t you just email or call me? Yeah, I know I don’t answer my phone ever, but why did you get married?”
Do you or your family send these type of Christmas letters? Do you send Christmas cards? Do you believe in Merry Christmas Trees and why.
Here’s my big problem with the 2009-10 NBA season – why didn’t LeBron’s people get on Sports Illustrated about how they picked an image that made him look kinda wimpy for their cover issue.
I bought both these mags, but haven’t cracked either one – probably won’t. That’s okay – it’s the thought that counts, plus it’s Cavs over Lakers in the Finals, provided Shaq can stay healthy and Delonte West isn’t locked up somewhere.
I feel so confident in this prediction that I’ll even admit I accidentally typed “Lakers over Cavs” in the previous sentence before I caught myself.
Also, not to bring up old wounds, but can we finally all agree that Joe Dumars isn’t that great of a GM. @iamboney confirmed that the big-money Detroit free agents are coming off the bench.
Anyone could’ve told Joe – and many people did – that those guys are perfect 4th scoring options on a good team.
Now to the important stuff, and in conclusion – here’s some IM action from lasterday. “Girl” is totally her real name, as well.
Brian: Ilu
Girl: Ok omg. Ilu2. Byeee
Brian: Lol
Girl: Don’t laugh at meee
Brian: : /
Girl: Ughhh
Girl: A-hole
Brian: Thx ttyl
Girl: I threw up lol
Brian: Lol can I put part of this on my blog if I don’t say it’s you lolol
NBA NBA NBA NBA NBA
How ready are you on a scale of 1-10. Also, what are your most profound, personal, and/or private NBA predictions.
I was thinking about having a good cry the other day, and then because my actoring is a bit rusty, decided to wait, and not do that thing.
Instead, I made this list of actual pieces of commercial media and entertainment that have made me produce tears, be they sadness tears or happiness tears.
BOOKS:
Catcher in the Rye (Like when he catches the rye finally. I think it’s a metaphor -)
Of Mice and Men (When Lenny does his dying.)
MOVIES:
Armageddon (When BW’s friend who has the kid runs up to the kid when they get back to Earf.)
The Grapes of Wrath (The end.)
Wall-E – A couple times.
The Incredibles – When Dash finally lets loose in the jungle.
Team America – I literally was crying with laughing the first time “AMERICA – F–K YEAH!” played.
The Iron Giant – Twice.
Big Fish – the end.
Field of Dream – duh.
TV SHOWS:
Lost (End of last season – I was just overwhelmed in general at the end.)
MUSIC:
N/A
SPORTS:
Cavs (Too many to list – last time was when they finally got to the Finals – Game 6 vs Pistons in 07.)
Browns (First game back in Cleveland in 1999.)
Indians (When they got to the 95 World Series.)
I’m sure there are more – but this is all I can think of right now. I’m sure some music must have made me cry, but I dunno. What commercial fare has made you shed tears the most, and why do you think it did that.
(Go join the WSM? Facebook Page – it’ll be the only place to see the first teaser…on Sept 1.)
Say what you want about the Cavs – you gotta remember that after LeBron’s mailed-in 2007 season, I don’t live-and-die by professional basketball anymore.
Last night was somewhat circular, since it looked like a game right out of LeBron’s 2007 season. “wtf” sums up my thoughts.
Other than the new puppet commercial with the kid from downstairs, this is the best thing to happen all night, and I said it.
I just saw an NBA headline that said “Tracy McGrady has surgery on whole body”. about 9 hours ago from web
If one or all of you can manage to get Shaq’s nickname back for him, that’d be great. Dwight’s a good guy, but he’s young – I don’t think he understands what he’s done here.
I actually cringe when they play the theme during the game. This is becoming a major blemish on some otherwise impossibly rounded shoulders.
Final note on the season – @ColleenBurns won the contest, because she sent me pictures AND called me after the game.
That’s how you get that trophy!
@alexiskn came in second because she’s a cute girl, and @jabberjim was disqualified because he’s a dude. There are no prizes for anyone.
Word up – let’s hear it for Dwight and LeBron rooming together at big man’s camp this summer. I’m available for jump-hook consults.
(Follow me on Twitter here.) (Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here – it’s available in paperback, or iPhone/Kindle for only 1.99.)
Sigh…#5 was a yes or no question. Good job otherwise, although as a female in 2009, you can buy things for yourself.
I must throw big complimentary hand-waves here also, for the clear (and requested) mutilation of your copy of the book. You Kindle/iPhone people are missing out on the joys of destroying something so precious with your own two hands.
(If you have no idea what’s going on, go check out the quiz, as it’s part of Chapter 2, which is excerpted in full, right here on the online internet website.)
Okay, let’s get right down to it. I’ve gotten more “why haven’t you posted about LeBron’s shot” emails than I ever got about any single subject over at YAYsports!, and the readership here is like 1/100th of what it was back then.
The fact is, I didn’t post about their Game 1 loss, and so felt it only fair to not post about the Game 2 win, lest I be labeled something I don’t want to be, like a sports writer. Here are answers to all the general Cavs-Magic issues I’ve had thrown at me:
1) My reaction to the shot was eerily similar to my reaction to Jordan’s shot 20 years ago, which is actually one of my earliest vivid memories. Stunned silence. It was a total non-reaction, as I’d already gone into “Cleveland sports fan” mode, ie I’d thrown in the towel and allowed the emptiness to creep into my soul.
I’d actually popped off texts to @alexiskn and @ColleenBurns asking them in advance not to trash talk me, because of my broken heart and low self-esteem.
2) Yeah, I was wrong about that sweep. Now you can stop sending the hilarious emails where you remind me I called for a sweep.
3) If you’re blaming this on the refs…doesn’t really work. There have been too many calls for sure, but it hasn’t been one-sided, and if there were ever a year the league and 20 different companies are obviously pulling for two certain teams, it’s this one. The conspiracy would go the other way.
4) As you can expect, I blame most of this on LeBron. Forget his stats – I haven’t seen Angry LeBron yet, and he needs to realize and accept that they need him to go play inside. I know he hates it, but with no post presence, they’re finished. And wow – when Dwight Howard is in foul trouble, take it to him every single time.
5) Related to that, the two big leads were built by starting off the game going to Z. This gets him going, and also opens everything up. I said all year they wouldn’t win in the Playoffs playing outside-in against a good team, and that’s exactly what they’ve been doing.
I really have no true predictions for tonight, but I’m mentally prepared for them to lose in some horrific fashion.
(Follow me on Twitter here.) (Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here – it’s available in paperback, or iPhone/Kindle for only 1.99.)
(This is my current phone b/g – I am all in on CLE basketball.
(I fully support the picture to the right.)
