Cleveland Browns

(I’m determined to finish this awful piece of garbage book before the movie comes out. I’ve been reading it for like 8 weeks now, and last night made it to page 240.

She knows the guy is a vampire finally, and she’s spent like the last 70 pages thinking about it.

In order to try and get into a Twilight-reading mindset, I’ve decided to write this post as if I was Twilight author Stephanie Meyer. I invite you to share my pain.)

CHAPTER 1,438 – THE END OF ACT 1

I wasn’t sure. I didn’t know if I should or not. The television was sitting there in front of me, and I’d been looking at it for several hours, debating whether to turn it on or not. My father, Jeff, had bought the televison many years ago – it was old now, but when he bought it, it was new.

Jeff liked to buy things. I call him Jeff because that’s his name, and I like to use names. When I was living in Ohio, everyone called each other names. Their real names. That was before I moved here, where I had to watch Jeff buy things. The day Jeff bought the television, it was raining, which is when water falls from the sky. Some people call it precipitation, but I call it rain, because it takes less time to say, and because I’m an outsider. That means I’m not like everyone else, and it’s only moreso here, because I moved here from somewhere else. Sometimes that means I don’t fit in with the people in this place, which is a different place from the place I came from before. I wish I was tan.

The rain on the day the television was purchased was a heavy rain, which means that in terms of water, there was more of it coming down than if it were lighter. The heaviness of the rain made me a little sad, because I don’t have as many friends as I did in the other place I lived. The rain here was heavy.

“Hey, let’s go buy a new TV,” Jeff said to me. “It’s raining, and the old TV doesn’t look good in the rain.”

The old TV was a seven inch hand-held from Casio. We had it propped up in the corner on an old cereal bowl. The bowl had a chip in it. I’d put the chip in that bowl when I moved here – I’d been trying to eat some cereal, and because I was so new and had no friends, I dropped the bowl. This is where the chip came from.

The chip was one quarter inch by one eighth inch. I knew the exact measurement because I’d used a ruler to measure the chip. The chip I made because I had no friends. I never did eat that cereal that day – instead, I took the bowl, and used it to prop up the old Casio handheld TV. This way Jeff, who’s my dad who I call by his first name, wouldn’t have to hold the TV in his hands anymore. I couldn’t believe how big the chip in this bowl was, and when I measured it, I knew everything would be different. Thank god I had that ruler.

The ruler was blue. It wasn’t a light blue, and it certainly wasn’t a dark blue. This meant the blue fell somewhere in the middle, although it wasn’t quite royal blue. Maybe it was plain blue. Plain. There’s a word to describe my life in this new place. P-L-A-I-N. Plain. What a word. Five letters, and not one of them the same. I had no friends here – I couldn’t believe it.

I took the plain blue ruler and picked up the bowl. The bowl with the chip. The chip that reminded me my heart was empty. The actual chip itself was little. I kicked it under the refrigerator, which was pale yellow in color, and had two doors. One for things we wanted to just be cold, and one for things we wanted to freeze. That part of the pale yellow refrigerator was called the freezer. It made sense to me. Nothing else did. I was so confused in this new place. This new place that was so new to me, because I’d never lived here before.

Jeff would hate the chip in the bowl, which is why I had to hide it under the pale yellow refrigerator. The kick I used to kick the chip was just soft enough to get the chip underneath. If I kicked it too hard, it might hit the wall and bounce back out. If I kicked it too soft, it wouldn’t make it under at all, which would mean I’d have to kick it again. I didn’t want to do this, because I was so tired from not having any friends, because I’m an outsider in this new place. Everyone looked at me weird. Like I was weird. Jeff wouldn’t understand. He was just my dad, and not my mom, and I called him by his first name.

[Like here is how to read the rest.]

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