I have no solid context for what follows, except that there’s an amazing amount of reverse irony in my return from a blog break being dominated by someone’s else’s words.

I still had to share this though, since [...]]]> (Click the photo to enlarge and see the greatest turtlecalls-based text collection from @WordofChris.)

I have no solid context for what follows, except that there’s an amazing amount of reverse irony in my return from a blog break being dominated by someone’s else’s words.

I still had to share this though, since there’s nothing I like to write about more than myself.

If someone else is willing to do it for me, that’s even better. Put on your buster shoes again.

lol i just did little science experiment with you as the topic

so i went to your blog because there is stuff there about you (maybe, anyway) but it’s not as helpful as it used to be because you aren’t doing it as much anymore

but you have helpful little tools on the side of it that can also show you revealing stuff, and one of them is categories

and so i figured that if you could caveman it up and craft the tool the least i could do was cavewoman it up and use it and guess what? you talk about girls on your blog way more than you talk about anything else lol. actually lolol.

check it out girls crushes the NBA and movies and airplanes and twitter and turtles and anything else you sometimes say you care about

Add one more to the ‘girls’ category.

Are you an emo caveman or not.

Hahaa The Last Emo Caveman would make a funny book title.

Shoot.

me: I miss blogging
me: I have had lessened time the past few weeks : /

Daniel: im sure youre ok
Daniel: [...]]]> Hey I haven’t made a blog post happen in like a week and that was a big topic on MSNBC last night and also in this gchat with @bohnlein.

me: I miss blogging
me: I have had lessened time the past few weeks : /

Daniel: im sure youre ok
Daniel: moonroids!

me: waiting for a star to fall! come into my arms! oh yeah! oh yeah baby yeah!

Daniel: I love that song

me: hahah I know me too
me: Wasn’t it in the credits to some movie
me: like the Money Pit or something

Daniel: wtf

me: cool this is my blog tomorrow

Yep that’s how much of a blog this blog is not right now. Hoping to find my place that is a grooved place next week.

It’s just all this turtle business and also owning this real turtle has made my free time take a vacation for the woods.

I’ll be going to the game tonight with Pete from Cleveland Frowns – I wrote like three different posts for his site about LeBron Returns, but none of them were focused enough to merit taking up [...]]]> I can’t actually tell you the three rules I have for LeBron, because they’re my secret life rules.

I’ll be going to the game tonight with Pete from Cleveland Frowns – I wrote like three different posts for his site about LeBron Returns, but none of them were focused enough to merit taking up internet space.

Anyway, last time I was in town, we also went to a game, and the ever-great @MayKat33 made us this:

This game should be fun, which something none of the holier-than-though columnists of America have bothered to touch on.

Hopefully there are more artistic representations of me attending games, and cool hats, and yelling, and etc.

I’ll be on Twitter for when the game is being a game and then probably when it’s done being a game. Also beforehand, while I’m driving.

I want to try it, so here it goes:

http://twitter.com/#!/brianspaeth/status/1366058963304450

Do you see it.

I think I only see the url [...]]]> So Twitter is supposed to have this new thing where you just put the url of the Tweet in and it’ll automatically bring up what’s supposed to be a screengrab or something.

I want to try it, so here it goes:

http://twitter.com/#!/brianspaeth/status/1366058963304450

Do you see it.

I think I only see the url nerd writing and not the picture of the Tweet. It said this, in case you’re confused:

I don’t want to take a picture with your horse no lol
17 hours ago via Twitter for Android

I thought that one would be so viral, but only a couple people said something, and one of those people was really insulted about their horse. The world works in strange days.

Let me know how college is going for you. brb

I was playing spy games at them and that was a fun read and there were 614 Diggs at it with a new fark website.

Here it [...]]]> If you don’t remember when it was yesterday and a couple business guys were sharing conversations about the big $10/hr deal then go look at that.

I was playing spy games at them and that was a fun read and there were 614 Diggs at it with a new fark website.

Here it comes again but at a different place and also it is just one guy and another guy and that guy is on the first guy’s phone and it’s a mobile phone.

They call those a “moving telly” in Europe and that’s a clue about this guy maybe.

clancey here chop a lingo the first one left my card in the uk

no i left my card in the uk thanks

rope a dope junction about that i left my card in the uk

trains mate

Okay so at this part I did an interruption meme and asked for some retalking and that happened after a look that was like “oh are you making dot coms aboot me conversation, laddy”.

So it kept going is the lesson and the talking was louder so my ears could get to it in a way that was better.

sorry rope a dope that’s yew kay not uck

After that part a major babe in a denim blue jeans dress came to the Starbucks and I made a move for the Spaghetti Warehouse Date and that happened.

I am at there right now and what a stud I am to be like this already.

Do you believe in miracles.

I’ve been meaning to try this for awhile but only now got around to it.

That last sentence seemed awkward.

So did that one.

It’s kinda hard to write like this [...]]]> Okay, so this is my first post from the WordPress app on the Google Nexus One Excitement Phone, so bear with me.

I’ve been meaning to try this for awhile but only now got around to it.

That last sentence seemed awkward.

So did that one.

It’s kinda hard to write like this – everything feels like it should be Tweet-length from the phone, plus my hands hurt from playing Home Run Battle 3-D all night on this.

Cavs in 5 – that pic is a tease at the shoulder tattoo fix.

Nothing was really coming to mind, so I looked in the DRAFTS thing in WordPress to see what I had.

Here’s everything:

What Ever Happened To madpropstobakedpotatoes.com
What PTSA [...]]]> It was Sunday night, and I was trying to think about what I was gonna do my important blogging about in the morning.

Nothing was really coming to mind, so I looked in the DRAFTS thing in WordPress to see what I had.

Here’s everything:

What Ever Happened To madpropstobakedpotatoes.com
What PTSA Also Stands For
On Being Deceptively Muscular
I Watch Sober House Every Week Now
My Final Word on LeBron to the Knicks
TurtleCalls.com
Is LeBron Pregnant -
I Murdered Someone With My Car LOL
Good Guy Dictators
Bruce’s Yams Returns
The Monopoly Movie
The Leg Tattoo

None of those are striking me, although they’re all things I still want to touch on.

The last one reminds me I need to go get my shoulder tattoo maladjusted. Maybe I should do that this week, so it’s fresh for the fun summertime and the big election.

I wish I could tell you what I was working on right now so you could have some heart attacks.

Might be on another social media break soon. : /

This is what I asked everyone I saw yesterday at the store.

Even when I would see two people together, I’d ask one person, and then ask the person they were with the same thing.

One time, both people answered, and I looked at them in [...]]]> “Hey, what time is it where you are?”

This is what I asked everyone I saw yesterday at the store.

Even when I would see two people together, I’d ask one person, and then ask the person they were with the same thing.

One time, both people answered, and I looked at them in a confused manner, checked the time on my phone, and then removed the confusion from my face.

I showed them the phone, which was set to a different time zone than theirs.

It was a double paradox confusion – not only did it appear we were in different time zones, but there was still no reason for me to ask both of them.

When this all happened, I was seeing Clash of Some Titans, so I wasn’t even in a store at all, but a movie theater.

This is why the couple was confused, and I convinced them the time had changed during the movie, and they better get with some daylight savings.

I wrote this (including picture) in exactly 3:57, proving that anyone has time to keep their blog updated.

That’s actually a really good idea for a blog – like fourminuteblog.com or something. I hate my brain, ugh.

Brad says he’s been getting all [...]]]> I was gonna make a big deal about like doing a big redesign on the site for 2010, but realized I like the thing how it is. All I did was move the links for my books up a notch and add a page about the Radby book.

Brad says he’s been getting all this email asking “wtf” about whether he’s a real person or a fake person or a cartoon person, so I felt a need to clarify things.

The big news for 2010 is that I’ve found myself kinda into the NBA again. The Cavaliers are quietly playing quite well after a bumpy start, and there just seems to be lots of interesting things going on.

I get intrigued by things like Tracy McGrady having his sadness again and Gilbert Arenas being unable to shake the Curse of the Mamba.

In any case…some IM action, in lieu of actual content.

Brian: Why are you awake
Girl: Lol…sorry.
Brian: : /
Girl: : /
Brian: Have you ever had the cereal Blue Crunchos
Girl: I have noto. Is it tasty
Brian: Yeah and even crunchier than it sounds
Girl: Oh wow
Brian: Yeah
Girl: Cool well I’m glad we talked about that brian
Brian: Me too
Girl: Bye
Brian: Can I put this on my blog it is making me laugh

Also I’ve eaten two full boxes of Cold-Eeze in the past 48 hours.

Who Shot Mamba? Chapter 6 sometime tonight – keep an eye on the FB Page.

Calvin Stadiums is continually pitching himself as their new spokesperson.

I often get asked how or what to write a blog about, whether it be overall or for a particular post.

My advice is usually something like, “I dunno – just like [...]]]> Go over to Reese’s Facebook Page if you’re bored.

Calvin Stadiums is continually pitching himself as their new spokesperson.

I often get asked how or what to write a blog about, whether it be overall or for a particular post.

My advice is usually something like, “I dunno – just like write whatever comes into your head and then put it on the blog.”

For example:

‎​I don’t remember what it’s called but like he is in one prison and she is in a different one and like they try to fall out of love because of their long-distance prison romance but they keep sending each other letters about how they’s going to go get ice cream together one day but like the wardens find out and it turns out the warden has bone cancer so he needs to do a spine fluid thing on both of them or something. There’s a prison doctor who tells him how to do it but I don’t remember how it ends.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

See?

That’s a post.

Would you see this movie if it starred Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in 1991.

I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about how I write numbers.

This started late yesterday afternoon when I signed the document to your right, and took a good look at my interpretation [...]]]> (Over at Cavs: The Blog today giving my interpretation of the movie Lebron recently signed to star in, Fantasy Basketball Camp.)

I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about how I write numbers.

This started late yesterday afternoon when I signed the document to your right, and took a good look at my interpretation of “22″.

What is that all about.

I’ve always known that I can swing both ways on my twos, but at worst, I thought it was a swing that took place maybe month-by-month, if not year-by-year. Never, ever, ever have I seen myself do this in an execution of a “22″.

If you have time, I’d love to see your “22″ – can you please write a “22″ and then like scan it into your computer and make a poster of it, and put that poster for sale on Amazon. Let me know when it’s up and I’ll buy one.

Also, do you think this means I’m a bad person.

(Blog Tour stalled yesterday a bit – I wrote a Laker preview for Heels On Hardwood, but it goes up today. I’m]]>

(Blog Tour stalled yesterday a bit – I wrote a Laker preview for Heels On Hardwood, but it goes up today. I’m also at WFNY talking Cavaliers a bit.)

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about those Redbox DVD-rental vending machines, and what the inside of one looks like, and like how all the movies know how to come out, and like where they go when you put them back in, and pretty much the entire process of getting a DVD from a RedBox.

I mentioned this on Twitter – here was one thread of response.

JoannePistonFan @brianspaeth Is redbox that thing inside the grocery store?

brianspaeth @JoannePistonFan Yeah movies live inside there and you push the button to tell them to come out. Also you do that with money.

So like to solve this, I went ahead and tried to get Wolverine Begins at three different RedBoxes – all three were out of it.

The problem is, it took me a while to determine they didn’t have it. One, I just assumed part of the whole RedBox gag was that they always have everything.

Two, it never actually told me that it didn’t have Wolverine Begins – no “sold out” or anything – it just like takes it out of the menu options.

So like a stupid person, instead of waiting for maybe the next week, I just bought it for $20. This, a movie I really didn’t want to see.

Not only that, but I didn’t even go to Wal-Mart – it was at the grocery store check-out line, and if you’ve read me for any length of time, you know POP (Point Of Purchase) items are my personal money extraction drugs.

Also, this all happened like two months ago, before Wolverine Begins was out on DVD. Do you think RedBox likes it when I refer to their business as a “gag”. wtf

09/15 Chris Illuminati’s Great Moments In Christory: 9 Games For Kids Who Aren’t Yours

09/16 I Have HDD: An Analysis of Your Inspiration (This is like a serious post, so be careful.)

09/17 Jordi Scrubbings’ The Serious Tip: How to Interact With Girls [...]]]> Quick links of the past three days guest posts:

09/15 Chris Illuminati’s Great Moments In Christory: 9 Games For Kids Who Aren’t Yours

09/16 I Have HDD: An Analysis of Your Inspiration (This is like a serious post, so be careful.)

09/17 Jordi Scrubbings’ The Serious Tip: How to Interact With Girls on Twitter

Today I’m over at Half Broke Hotel talking about the time I saw Star Trek in IMAX, and how that time was this week.

This has been a lot of writing – lucky there’s only three and a half more months to go on this blog tour.

Other things of note, and then I promise to get back to the cutting-edge irreverence you crave on Monday.

Dylan Mooney is on Facebook. What happens when he starts to talking to Calvin Stadiums.

Phil Jackson sticking that T-mobile phone in my face is starting to freak me out for some reason. It was fine initially, but now it’s like all weird.

Thanks to all the people who claimed to be mesmerized by the second WSM? teaser:

MCM, 1889ca
Susan Cooper, Buzz Edition
Will Leitch, New York Magazine
Natalie Sitto, Need4Sheed
Jennifer Keene, Who Is Just Like A Cool Chick
JE Skeets, Yahoo! Sports
Amber Osbourne, Destructo Deviations
Henry Abbot, ESPN
Nate Jones, AOL & Jones on the NBA
Jack Kogod, KSK and Deadspin (AKA Unsilent Majority)

A lot of people asked me why these were the chosen ones, and like the answer is “because”. There are also new behind the scenes production photos on the Facebook Page, so like go there and now I will go to sleep.

Guest-posting at Chris Illuminati’s site, revealing the top 9 games to play with toddlers.

The second Who Shot Mamba? teaser is up and running on the Facebook Page, and that’s the only place you’ll see it until next week.)

I almost wrote something kinda deep and self-analytical today, but [...]]]> (Two quick links:

The second Who Shot Mamba? teaser is up and running on the Facebook Page, and that’s the only place you’ll see it until next week.)

I almost wrote something kinda deep and self-analytical today, but after a night of having dreams about being accused of terrorism and not being allowed to graduate high school, I decided it can wait.

It’s a valid topic, but I want to think about it more. Plus, Bjorn from Half Broke Hotel hit me up on Facebook with this.

Last night, I really had a dream with Bill Walton in it and I asked him what it was like to work with you. He said he was never sure that you knew what you were talking about, but thinks he liked it. Then the roof of the old house we were standing on collapsed and other stuff started happening.

Can someone analyze this, and also what does it mean that I’m kinda jealous I wasn’t on the roof, also -

You may remember some time back when I had something called Vegetable Trivia Game – it was an intricate system [...]]]> (Today I’ve done my hardcore guest-posting over at Both Teams Played Hard, owned and operated by one Jared Wade, or @BothTeamPlayed on Twitter. The topic is the logo of the Philadelphia Seventy-Sixers.)

You may remember some time back when I had something called Vegetable Trivia Game – it was an intricate system by which I was ranking every movie I’d ever seen, from best to worst.

Since I last touched VTG in December, this website called FlickChart launched, and they’ve developed some kind of like nerd stuff that lets the internet figure all this out for you.

It serves up two movies, you pick the one you like better, and it like pops it into some kind of online internet computer, and then like the internet puts it on your list, and after that’s finished, you can look at the list.

It’s fun and addictive and easy, although the one drawback is that it takes awhile for what you might call your “true rankings” to emerge. Here are my current rankings, and I’ll lay out a comparison of the two systems below:

Vegetable Trivia Game/FlickChart

1) Back to the Future/Die Hard
2) Die Hard/Jurassic Park
3) Fight Club/True Lies
4) The Dark Knight/Unbreakable
5) The Empire Strikes Back/Goodfellas
6) Rocky/Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
7) The Matrix/Speed
8) Star Wars/The Big Lebowski
9) Superman: The Movie/Rocky
10) Terminator 2: Judgment Day/There Will Be Blood

They have ways to filter – like you can choose to just pair up your top 20/50/100 for awhile, but until like specifically “Back to the Future vs Die Hard” comes up, my real #1 won’t be there, and Goodfellas at #5 is like really weird – I don’t know if that’s even top 30 for me.

It seems like every other match-up begins with “Starship Troopers vs – ” lately.

Have you used FlickChart. Also, what’s the most scared you’ve ever been in your life, and do you wish I had been there at all -

(Don’t forget the 1st WSM? teaser-trailer is live and happening at the Facebook Page, and also like there in this sidebar, but it’s admittedly low-res.)
Trailer

As the proprietors have told me, it’s all but abandoned, which means it’s the perfect for getting [...]]]> It’s been a long, hard battle, and many of you old-school readers have won – I have begun my blog tour in support of WSM?, and that means I wrote about the NBA over at The Association.

As the proprietors have told me, it’s all but abandoned, which means it’s the perfect for getting re-established mentally with this post about using Allen Iverson Empathy to pick up girls.

An excerpt:

is because

If you’ve got a blog – sports or not – and want some guest-post action, my plan is to go somewhere different every single day for the rest of the calendar year. Weekends excluded.

I’d be honored if you’d host me for a day and maybe let me plug my movie at the end of the post, and through the rest of the post, and via any Photoshop work I may include in the post.

Just let me know – right now, the schedule is booked about two weeks out, so it’s really exciting and tumultuous, because of all the basketball writing I have get to do. If you have a blog that’s not about basketball, please yell it at me.

Oh, and the first teaser for Who Shot Mamba? went up this morning right here at the Facebook Page. Check it out and let me know what you think. (Everyone can see it – Facebook member or not.)

I’m pretty excited, because I think this is the first time in the history of this movie something happened when I said it would.

LOL!!

What.

Do you think corn is a food for boys or a food for girls. Also, what other foods belong to one sex or the other.

(Also, big big precious to @dustinpearlman and @DJCoe for the work they did on this teaser. Dustin (who directed WSM?) edited it, and Dan (who scored the film) did the music.

Thanks also to @BrettEP for letting me infect The Association with my words.)

Brian: :/
Brian: I think I’m gonna write a privacy policy thing for my site
Brian: I [...]]]> Yo I was in chat with @kristinbrennan doing some work for our company, and this is one of the things that came out of my button-thing with the letters and numerals on it.

Brian: :/
Brian: I think I’m gonna write a privacy policy thing for my site
Brian: I always see those things and I’ve never actually clicked on one

Kristin: yeah whats that entail?

Brian: I don’t know – I want to write one based only on what I think it is

Kristin: i was gonna say thats what you should do!

Brian: I’m putting this portion of the chat into the post btw

PRIVACY POLICY:

Any given post might just be me brainstorming. Don’t ask what I mean unless I ask you to ask. Sometimes my public blog posts are just private thoughts for me, and I don’t want anyone to see them.

Like my middle name is for me. That’s an example.

Even though I’m on Twitter a lot, sometimes I’m in Atlanta, but you’d never know that, because it’s private.

Sometimes I like to be by myself, and that’s privacy, too.

If we get married, I don’t want to share a bathroom ever, and if we can only afford a place with one of those, then I’ll get a hotel room, and then like that’ll be another bathroom for us.

My email address (mike@gmail.com) is private.

What’s your privacy policy, and what do you think I meant by this post.

(First WSM? teaser is Tuesday – only on the Facebook Page, so go join it.)

I was doing Twitter at my girlfriend @AliWilson, and this is what happened. Keep in mind, this is actually a few weeks old.

he was with [...]]]> (If you’re bored, feel free to check out the Facebook Page for my new company I run with @kristinbrennan, Vacation Apples Because of America, LLC.)

I was doing Twitter at my girlfriend @AliWilson, and this is what happened. Keep in mind, this is actually a few weeks old.

he was with Aniston and they were at my stand about to buy something idk. and then i started calling him CHANDLER BING and he got mad and said something totally chandler like and then went off and started sulking in the corner. blue shirt, khakis!

Even two weeks later and lacking any context, this makes perfect sense to me.

That’s what it means when you can form a deep connection with someone like an Ali Wilson.

In other news, you know I’m gearing up to release this Who Shot Mamba? movie on October 13.

Here’s my problem: I hate self-promo.

Like, I love to talk about myself, but I hate being like anything within 86 miles of a “huckster” – outdated term, but you get the idea. Obviously, it’s gotta be done. I believe in the movie we’ve made, so it’s not like I don’t feel justified in saying, “Go check this out to people.”

As I do in all promotional efforts, I try to give it actual entertainment value, and part of my personal push will be guest-posting…in the NBA/sports blogosphere. Yes, it’s happening.

Just check out how excited/horrified Rey-Rey over at The No Look Pass is:

Brian Spaeth September 2 at 1:26pm
I want to guest blog on your blog. Please advise.

Rey Moralde September 2 at 1:35pm
What did you have in mind, sir?

Brian Spaeth September 2 at 1:44pm
I don’t know – can’t I just have free reign lol.

Rey Moralde September 2 at 1:50pm
How about this? As LONG as there’s SOMETHING about the NBA. Just SOMETHING. Hell, you can even promote WSM? on the blog. We were thinking about having guest bloggers once a week, anyway. Ha ha.

Brian Spaeth September 2 at 12:29pm
lol can I use this in a blog post announcing my guest posting -

The best part is I didn’t even wait for his answer – I just did it.

The plan – and I can’t believe I’m saying this – is to hit up a different blog every single weekday between next Tuesday and the end of the WSM? run in January.

Am I wrong to be hating on self-promo, or what. Do you think I can write this much about sports again without going insane.

(One last favor…hook up my friend Brian by voting for this for him – all you have to do is sign in with your Facebook ID and then click “Put on Wishlist”. It would mean a lot if you can help out – thanks!)

He’s got a lot of stuff out there, and if you’re looking to self-publish books, he gets mad amounts of downloads, and tracks the stats (with analysis) [...]]]> (I want to hand a post off to someone I met via Twitter a few months ago, who to me is like a Canadian force of nature.

Guy’s got some new stuff coming out, and I thought you would find it cool. You know I’m a huge baby about my personal space, therefore you also know I’m like doing being serious here. Everything after the vid is the enigmatic “MCM”.)

Hi, I’m MCM and I’m insane. Above, you can see the trailer I made for my TV show, “RollBots” (airing on the CW4Kids in September) about spherical robots in a Hot Wheels world.

I’m also writing a mystery novel called “Fission Chips” where the audience decides what happens next. If you like being a bastard, you’ll like it. I cry myself to sleep every night because of what people suggest in the polls.

My newest book is “The Vector”, about a woman trying to survive a crumbling world dominated by bio-hackers and machete-wielding Chinese agents. You can read it for free on my site, with new chapters every Monday and Wednesday. There’s lots of blood in there.

Thanks to Brian for letting me post here today. I suppose I will now have to delete those incriminating photos of him with the toga, hedge clippers, and four geisha girls from Oregon. A deal’s a deal.

(MCM is also on Twitter. On a scale of one to ten, what you would use your personal RollBot for. Also, I’ve stopped using question marks for at least the next two months. How do you feel about this.)

I’m writing what you’ve asked me to write about. Here it begins.

From @NDEddieMac:
1) Skree?

Skree, if you’re not aware, is the sound that Chris Bosh used to make on my old website.