Within a week she was addicted at a 3/day clip and obsessively sampling other brands.

What a catch I can be when I want to.

To: Brian Spaeth
Date: Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 9:29 AM
For the record, I also introduced the girl in the below email to Monster Lo-Carb Energy Drinks.

Within a week she was addicted at a 3/day clip and obsessively sampling other brands.

What a catch I can be when I want to.

To: Brian Spaeth
Date: Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 9:29 AM
Subject: FW: Jan 31st Deduction

this couldn’t be more your fault lol

—–Original Message—–
From: [redacted]
Sent: Monday, January 03, 2011 04:26 PM
To: [redacted]
Subject: Jan 31st Deduction

[redacted],

The attached scan will show why you’ll have a $105.30 deduction on January 31st for PDA usage/overages. This happened because you went over your texting allowance by 971 messages. With that in mind, I think you might want to increase your current text plan to minimize your overages going forward as shown on the attached. If you agree, please reply to this email authorizing the change in your monthly deduction.

I’m available for any questions or concerns you might have.

Maybe one question could be her just emailing back the picture I put in this post and being like, “Hey look how moody/deep/sensitive this guy is. Check it check it one two check it.”

That’s not even a question = more deductions. lol

I meant to do a grand tour of all the potential carriers this June, but in the end, the phone I wanted was the Nexus One.

A lot of people ask me the classic “what kind of music do you listen to” question when they’re trying to date me.

This is not info I disclose readily – it has to come out in an organic [...]]]> (To your right – from the cover page of what I am writing at right now.)

A lot of people ask me the classic “what kind of music do you listen to” question when they’re trying to date me.

This is not info I disclose readily – it has to come out in an organic fashion.

For example, from the following, try and figure out if I listen to the 3 musicians named in the title of this post.

Brian: Hey soul sister is on again wtf
Brian: Who sings this I hate it so much

Girl: Train
Girl: Lolol

Brian: Its so girly lol
Brian: Like is Girly Rock a genre now

Girl: Oh mon brion lol

Brian: I blame the Goo Goo Dolls – they started this back in the 90s lol

Girl: Omg themmm

Brian: Hey Jealousy!

Girl: I love that song!!

Brian: when did that come out
Brian: I think it was like 94?

Girl: I don’t know brian I was like [redacted] then

Admittedly, there’s a lot more interesting stuff than musical taste happening in that exchange, such as relationship-based math.

Here’s another go at music.

Brian: Lolol that Pink song “I’m comin up” is on

Girl: Oh god lol

Brian: I haven’t heard this in a long time
Brian: It’s terrible lolol
Brian: Everybody’s dancin and they’re dancin for me!

Girl: Horrible

Brian: I’ll be your operator you can all anytime, I’ll be your connection to the party line!

Girl: We should remember what year it came out and then use that to compare our ages again

Brian: : /

Last one.

Brian: I was at this party one time and Coldplay came on and this dude LOVED them like in a really hipster/snobby way and I kept saying they were originally called Coldburst
Brian: He made me go read their Wikipedia page he was so pissed
Brian: And I was like “yeah they must’ve had it taken off so nobody would find out”

Girl: I don’t believe you

Brian: You weren’t even born yet when they were Coldburst lol

Seriously, Pink has been famous for almost a solid ten years now. I’m trying to think who she compares to historically – like how will she be remembered 20 years from now?

I don’t thunk her music has really transcended anything, but obviously they still play it now and then, and she’s been in the cultural zeitgeist for a good chunk of time.

What does zeitgeist even mean – I’m in over my head again. Did I just call Pink a Nazi?

So I was on Blackberry Messenger with the [...]]]> To preface this, you need to know that I locked my keys in my car about a week ago, and the AAA guy that came to get them out was FURIOUS at my ineptness, especially when it turned out the keys weren’t even in the car.

So I was on Blackberry Messenger with the same person I was on with when it happened last time.

Brian: Gah damn it I left my lights on now my battery is dead

Girl: Omg brian
Girl: You have so many car troubles

Brian: I swear I call AAA once a week lol

Girl: LOL

Brian: it’s not the car it’s me – just always in a hurry

Girl: Omg if that same guy some again
Girl: Comes

Brian: Lololol oh god it’s even more cold today

Girl: Lol forever

Brian: I will buy him this romance novel from borders
Brian: IMG00608.jpg ( 77.03KB )

Girl: LOLOL

Brian: I’m just like “sorry man I know it’s cold I got this for you”

Girl: “This should keep you warm at least a little”

Brian: Lol
Brian: Oh man it is cold out

Girl: : (

Brian: My hands have frostbite and no longer work

Girl: R u wearing shorts again
Girl: Oh no lol

Brian: LOL
Brian: Like my car won’t start and also I tripped on the curb and fell down and can’t get up lol

Girl: LOLOL

Brian: Nobody will help me lol

Girl: Lmao
Girl: Omg

Brian: I’m loling for real right in the middle of the store lol

Girl: Lol lol lol

Brian: Oh god the car just started now what lolol
Brian: He will get here and I won’t be lol

Girl: LOL SHUT UP

Brian: I will leave the book on the ground with a sorry note

Girl: Omg I’m dying
Girl: LOL
Girl: Horrible

Brian: Oh man I am glad I can share this with you

Girl: Lol omg me too brian

Brian: going to the gym – time to get big and strong!

What happens to all my BBM pals when the Google Phone takes hold of my life January 5th? Do you think I can still find ways to have mobile instant messaging fun?

Also, Calvin Stadiums has been blogging over at Yardbarker for a couple weeks now, and look for some Who Shot Mamba? blooper reels on the Facebook Page this week.)

Some years back my mom started [...]]]> (Yes, I’m excited about the Google Phone. Rumored January release and supported by T-Mobile for once.

Also, Calvin Stadiums has been blogging over at Yardbarker for a couple weeks now, and look for some Who Shot Mamba? blooper reels on the Facebook Page this week.)

Some years back my mom started sending those “here’s what everyone is up to” letters with her Merry Christmas cards.

I immediately insisted on control over any part of the content that referenced me, so each December I submit my own section for her to include.

(My brother does this too – perhaps he can post the 2009 edition, as his are excellent.)

Alas, this is what I sent her over the weekend.

I’m still writing and acting and producing and trying to get new projects together.

I’ve never touched a guitar before. Also, I stopped using question marks this year for awhile. Isn’t that weird.

Oops! Lost my car keys again! LOL

Do you use gmail?

Your pal,
Brian Spaeth

P.S. My sole goal in writing this was to have my mother say something like, “I am not sending this!” and I guarantee she did exactly that after I emailed it to her.

Sent via my Blackberri Tornado II From T-Marbles
Movie – www.whoshotmamba.com
Twitter – www.twitter.com/brianspaeth
Facebook – www.facebook.com/brianspaeth
Website – www.brian23.com

P.P.S. Mom, make sure to include these links, cause like that’s part of the joke for this section of the letter.

P.P.P.S Also include all of these PS’s – including this one. These are also part of the joke.

P.P.P.P.S. Sorry for not taking your Merry Christmas Letter 2010 seriously. :(

I have to admit, I can’t see a day where I ever send Christmas cards or letters of any kind myself.

Like I get them from friends of mine who are married already, and I’m always thinking, “Why did you send me this and why is it signed The Jones Family? I don’t know what one of those is – why don’t you just email or call me? Yeah, I know I don’t answer my phone ever, but why did you get married?”

Do you or your family send these type of Christmas letters? Do you send Christmas cards? Do you believe in Merry Christmas Trees and why.

It’s probably the most unique use of an Inflatable Ben Wallace you’ll ever see, and also my songwriting debut. First hint of Bill Walton, as well.

In the meantime, [...]]]> Who Shot Mamba? Chapter 4 is up – you can watch it at the end of this post or through the link or wherever.

It’s probably the most unique use of an Inflatable Ben Wallace you’ll ever see, and also my songwriting debut. First hint of Bill Walton, as well.

In the meantime, I had this conversation in my ongoing quest to get new cellular devices…I swear my contract keeps extending itself.

When I asked in March, it was up this month. When I asked in September, it was up in March 2010. I asked last week…and this is what they told me. Every word of this is real.

Please wait while we find an agent to assist you…
You have been connected to _Ashley A.

_Ashley A: Hi Brian, welcome to T-Mobile live Chat. I’m _Ashley and I will be happy to assist you. Please give me a moment to review your question.

Brian Spaeth: Okey
Brian Spaeth: Hey Ashley are you a real person or a computer person

_Ashley A: I am real, Brian.
_Ashley A: I definitely understand how important it is to kee[ up with all contract end dates. I will be more then happy to look into this for you.
_Ashley A: While I look into this information for you, may I please ask why you are inquiring about your contract end date?
_Ashley A: Are you there?

Brian Spaeth: Yeah I here sorry

_Ashley A: Just making sure.

Brian Spaeth: To be honest I am kinda in love with the Droid because my friend Kristin has one and she is cool or whatever like on Sex and the City
Brian Spaeth: it’s from Verizon
Brian Spaeth: LOL!

_Ashley A: Oh. Do you like the phone or the Android software?

Brian Spaeth: Both

_Ashley A: We as well have Android phones. Have you seen them or do you have your eye on the Droid?

Brian Spaeth: I’ve seen them yeah – like Sniq or Shaq or whatever it is lol

_Ashley A: No. The T-Mobile G1, T-Mobile MyTouch, and the Motorola CLIQ and the Samsung Behold 2.
_Ashley A: Just something to think about.
_Ashley A: I do see here that your contract is to end on 6-13-2010.
_Ashley A: I would also like to let you know I reviewed your account for overages and to make sure your plan is working well for you and I see that everything looks great. I would like to let you know that we do have new rate plans and if you are interested you can view them at T-mobile.com.
_Ashley A: Are you still with me?

Brian Spaeth: Oops
Brian Spaeth: I was talking to my chiropractor in another chat lol
Brian Spaeth: I don’t even have a chiropractor
Brian Spaeth: LOL!!!! omg

_Ashley A: It’s ok.
_Ashley A: I’m still here.

Brian Spaeth: Oh good
Brian Spaeth: June – I thought it was March

_Ashley A: It’s showing June.

Brian Spaeth: Okay gotcha – so maybe I will go upgrade – which would you recommend?

_Ashley A: I love the MyTouch.
_Ashley A: That’s the one I would go with.

Brian Spaeth: I will go check it out – hey do people ever just get on here and have casual conversation with you
Brian Spaeth: lol

_Ashley A: Sometimes we get that believe it or not.

Brian Spaeth: No I believe it totally

_Ashley A: It’s funny sometimes and sometimes people just need someone to talk to.

Brian Spaeth: Do you get in trouble if it goes on for too long – like what if I started asking you about like how I need help with my chiropractor school homework
Brian Spaeth: I’m not even in that
Brian Spaeth: LOL!

_Ashley A: Not in trouble. It is just we have other customers to that need assistance so we try to stop it if it is to long.

Brian Spaeth: Right I hear you – okay Ashley this was fun and informative – btw do you like pro basketball

_Ashley A: You’re welcome! I am not a big Basketball fan. I love Football and Baseball.

Brian Spaeth: Okay you still may like this – I wrote and starred in this movie – it’s free on iTunes or at www.whoshotmamba.com – it’s got jokes and pro basketball players

_Ashley A: Ok. I will check it out, Brian.

Brian Spaeth: Okay I’ll let you go – thanks again!

_Ashley A: You’re welcome!
_Ashley A: Thank you for contacting T-Mobile Chat, and thanks for being part of our family.

1) My Mac is down for the count, which means I have a hot date with the Apple Store this afternoon. If they can’t immediately fix it, I’ll be like, “Oh man! C’mon, try again.”

2) This non-Mac-having is severely crippling, and pretty much couldn’t come at a worse [...]]]> So here is some information:

1) My Mac is down for the count, which means I have a hot date with the Apple Store this afternoon. If they can’t immediately fix it, I’ll be like, “Oh man! C’mon, try again.”

2) This non-Mac-having is severely crippling, and pretty much couldn’t come at a worse time, considering the WSM? site is supposed to open tomorrow, and the first teaser is out next Tuesday.

3) I like to talk about my computer problems in a public forum, so that other people will have sympathy, and then like they will tell all their friends about how strong I am in the face of the ultimate adversity.

3a) I bought a houseboat over the weekend, and now I live on it with my hot new wife, who I just met. She was the one selling the houseboat, and I was like, “Hey, do you come with the houseboat – ” and then she was like, “Yes,” and then I was like, “Man, that seems like a weird deal – do all of the houseboats at this water vehicle store come with hot girls to marry – ” and she was like, “Yes.”

4)If you look in the sidebar there, you’ll notice I’ve written a new (free) book, and also provided a backdoor into the the WSM? site.

5) If this first technology crisis wasn’t bad enough, I was in the local T-Mobile Action Center over the weekend, and found out I’m not actually a free agent until JUNE. (I thought it was November.)

What’s the worst adversity you’ve ever faced, and on a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being “toughest”) how tough were you in the face of the adversity from the first part of the sentence.

Also, do you think if they renamed them T-Mobile Action Centers, that more people would switch to T-Mobile, and why or why not.

(Don’t forget the WSM? Facebook Page – it’s the only place you’ll be able to access the first teaser next Tuesday.)

1) Everything is exactly the same except that the banner is now clickable, and the link color is blue-er-er. The social networking buttons are new at the bottom of the posts, as well. Oh – copyright footer is new and graphical.

orange5o 1 point

not sure you would want my feedback again!

but seriously, screener?

Your statement implies I fear criticism in some way, which is not true.

As to WSM? screeners, I talked to the Post Office on Tues, [...]]]> Re: the samples of my next book, from the comments section of the last post:

orange5o 1 point

not sure you would want my feedback again!

but seriously, screener?

Your statement implies I fear criticism in some way, which is not true.

As to WSM? screeners, I talked to the Post Office on Tues, and they said they were waiting for my fax requesting the contents of my PO Box shipped to me. I told them nobody told me I needed to send such a fax, and it has since been sent.

That said, someone told me they just got theirs yesterday, which means I shipped 20 of these things on the same day, in the exact same fashion, from the same location and:

- Some of them were delivered.
- Some of them got kicked back to me for insufficient postage.
- Some of them got delivered three weeks later.

And the Post Office complains they’re underfunded. I’d say do a better job delivering simple items with the funding you have, then we can discuss more funding.

Okay, so this afternoon I go off the grid for a week – no blog, no Twitter, no internet.

I will have email, because I can’t totally disconnect, and I’ll have my phone with me, so it’s hard to not have email without undoing all the settings on the Curve, which I don’t feel like doing.

Be back as soon as everything is hooked up again, which should be about a week.

I’ll be using this time to make my way back to redactedland, and also to find new jokes, and also to make a true and concentrated effort to reconnect mentally with the Cavaliers, because really I should be more excited than I have been about sports since 1995, but I just haven’t been able.

PTSA should be available in Kindle (and thus, iPhone) this afternoon. I’m not at all pleased that the format only allows one font, but such is life. It’s uploaded – don’t know how long it takes to “go live”.

I’ve fixed all the unintentional typos in the print edition, and there were more than I thought, but nothing disastrous.

That means that yes, the typo on the cover is on purpose. Be well – please give me a bunch of volatile comments to read when I get back.

I have to do some vague transitionary thing that will remain vague in case my stalkers are watching/reading, and also because I’m out [...]]]> So looks all of youse – it looks like I’ll be going off the grid for a bit – probably will post tomorrow morning and then I’m off for a week.

I have to do some vague transitionary thing that will remain vague in case my stalkers are watching/reading, and also because I’m out of jokes.

Between writing two books, a screenplay, and being on Twitter since December, I’m out of fingertips and jokes.

I’m pretty sure I’m out of words altogether, which is why I end up posting Becky chats.

Herein we continue the quest to give Devin Harris a nickname, Becky deals with the tumultuous world of the Philadelphia Airplane Station, I enjoy Dancing with the Stars and its Communist females, and we discuss potential Lost endings.

Becky: Meta time
Becky: There’s a rapper named Devin the Dude
Becky: And The Dude is also one of the greatest movie characters of all time
Becky: “The dude” could also describe “the man” as slang
Becky: Hence
Becky: The Dude
Becky: Ehv

Brian: I dunno The Dude is like sacred ground for some people
Brian: I don’t think you can give that to Devin Harris

Becky: Why not
Becky: He’s larger than life!
Becky: He makes miracle shots!
Becky: his name rhymes with heaven!
Becky: Devin sent

Brian: See now there might be an interesting thread
Brian: How about Angel lol

Becky: I would prob stop short of sacrilege
Becky: I can’t pull it off bc I am jew

Brian: I’m athiest I can do whatever I want
Brian: But I understand the name needs to appeal to those who believe in Santa, et al
Brian: How about Santa?
Brian: What about Bunny

Becky: I’m going with the dude
Becky: That’s what I’ma call him
Becky: The rapper makes it so the lebowski fans can’t get too pissy
Becky: And lebowski makes it so the rap fans can’t get too pissy
Becky: Plus it will be fun to yell “THE DUUUUDE!!!”

Brian: That won’t go meta

Becky: Well then *I* won’t go meta

Brian: You have to go meta

Becky: Fiiiiine
Becky: The Meme
Becky: Under protest tho!

Brian: No we can keep coming up with them and then put it to some kind of vote

Becky: A devin harris nickname poll

Brian: I like Bunny personally – still from LeBowski but an untapped resource

Becky: I am NOT emasculating my Devin
Becky: No sirree

Brian: But he is kinda like little like a kid

Becky: No
Becky: I am putting my foot down!

Brian: What about Puck

Becky: Nothing effeminate!
Becky: Like from the real world?

Brian: No like the midget superhero who was really tough

Becky: Actually he bears a striking resemblance to Chris Anderson
Becky: it has always bothered me that I couldn’t figure out who birdman looked like
Becky: Now I realize it was puck all along

Brian: Did you fix the airplane station yet

Becky: No is still broke :(

Brian: Uh-oh
Brian: How do you fix it?!

Becky: I don’t know :(
Becky: I guess be in it a lot
Becky: But I don’t wanna do that

Brian: Are you in it right now or in the hotel
Brian: Or was this a day trip

Becky: In the hotel
Becky: I just went to the gym and showered
Becky: Both sans berry, myyy bad
Brian: Whatchoo doing tonight are you going to motown philly

Becky: Sure am!

Brian: Dancing with the stars starts in 3 minutes

Becky: You <3 softcore porn

Brian: One of these couples is a couple in real life nobody wants to see that
Brian: They put that chick who got screwed over on the Bachelor I approve of her too

Becky: Yah I read up in Us Weekly or People or something my mom or roommate brought home that I would never purchase myself but secretly enjoy when someone else has it

Brian: Yes of course
Brian: The two replacement chicks and the two communist chicks are great

Becky: Ummm ok
Becky: Whatever you say
Becky: I’m not watching so I guess I have to defer to you
Becky: Again

Brian: We are like Jack and Kate
Brian: I am crazy and insecure and you let me think I’m the alpha dawg anyway
Brian: LT is up

Becky: So who is my Sawyer then

Brian: God I love this communist chick

Becky: You love russkis
Becky: I think I’m like 1/3 russki
Becky: So I bet you 1/3 love me

Brian: Yes it is true
Brian: Did you find a shirtless man

Becky: No, you are supposed to find him for me
Becky: Evry time I go looking for one, I find trouble instead!

Brian: Is iggy in town

Becky: Andre?

Brian: Yeah maybe he would take his shirt off for you

Becky: Those guys can all get wayyy hotter chicks than me

Brian: Now you are being like Kate!

Becky: Nuh uh not even!

Brian: I am not Sawyer at all :(

Becky: It is ok, kate and jack will end up together in the end

Brian: I think Jack will be with his family and Kate will learn she can be strong and alone at the same time

Becky: No
Becky: They’ll end up together
Becky: It is their destiny
Becky: !

Brian: Nu-uh
Brian: Why do you think so?

Becky: Just seems that’s where it’s heading

Brian: Yeah I think that’s why they won’t do it

Becky: I think there is too much there for them to NOT do it

Brian: Yeah there definitely needs a payoff but I feel like it’s too obv or clean for Lost

Becky: Just the fact they haven’t filled in the “what happens with them and aaron when they first get home” blanks
Becky: Leads me to believe the fill-in on that will eventually lead them back together
Becky: At least as a story arc
Becky: Plus the fact there are only like 30ish eps left
Becky: Everything from now on has to tie into everything else
Becky: In all honesty I’d bet one of em gets killed off
Becky: But if not
Becky: Paydirt

Brian: I want to say Jack dies and becomes Jacob but that seems obv too
Brian: Only like 24 eps left
Brian: 16 next year and 7 or 8 this year I think

Becky: Oh my damn
Becky: (This is my jam)

Brian: I think this seasons cliffhanger is going to take everything we think we know and gut it

Becky: Or gunt it even
Becky: Which is wayyy worse

Brian: True dat
Brian: What are you doing now

Becky: Finishing the pitcher of sangria

Brian: Then what will happen to you

Becky: I wish I knew$

Brian: Ominous!

And that was it – I’m pretty sure she’s dead.

Hey – if anyone wants to read the current draft of the second book, shoot me an email and I’ll send it to you. Would love some feedback.

It does tie in to Prelude to a Super Airplane, but it definitely stands on its own, as well. It’s also a quick 100-page read.

(Follow me on Twitter here.)
(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here.)

Apparently I am still, in the minds of some, among the NBA’s elite internet blogging figures. I’m right next to SKEETS and SHAQ and a DEFAULT AVATAR, with TAS MELAS and CARTOON ABBOT rounding [...]]]> Hey so as of yesterday, these were the people that a new Twitter follower of mine (@miestersean) was following.

Apparently I am still, in the minds of some, among the NBA’s elite internet blogging figures. I’m right next to SKEETS and SHAQ and a DEFAULT AVATAR, with TAS MELAS and CARTOON ABBOT rounding out the top six.

So me and Becky have been kicking around the whole Devin Harris thing and she’s really against this Nacho nickname, even though it’s already meta.

I suggested Nell, because she’s too busy putting Easter in her face to suggest anything.

Becky: wtf is a nell

Brian: Its nothing
Brian: That’s why it’s cool like Boobie

Becky: No
Becky: Bc ppl would think of nell carter
Becky: And that is vince’s name too

Brian: Then come up with something better because I want to go meta soon

Becky: Isn’t nacho already a go

Brian: I don’t know it’s pretty meta
Brian: But maybe we can still stop it if you have something even more meta

Becky: …You have no idea what that means, do you

Brian: It’s like a meme

Becky: You don’t know what that means either, eh

Brian: It’s from Facebook

Also, I kinda sorta wrote another book, so if you’d like me to dedicate it to you, please tell me why I should and maybe I will.

It’ll be out within two weeks, has my name nowhere inside or out, and is also completely free. In short, it’s possible I’ve completely lost my mind this time, but that doesn’t mean I won’t still do something rational for it, like dedicate the thing to a stranger.

In closing, on this Monday, I have a dream…a dream that one day…somehow, someway…nobody will care what I think about basketball.

(Follow me on Twitter here.)
(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here.)

I’ve been finishing something furiously while doing other things concurrently, and thus even my Twitter has been pretty empty this week.

I just have no more words, let alone jokes.

So like hopefully this weekend is a no-words weekend, and I can find some [...]]]> As you’ll read below, I’m seriously like out of words.

I’ve been finishing something furiously while doing other things concurrently, and thus even my Twitter has been pretty empty this week.

I just have no more words, let alone jokes.

So like hopefully this weekend is a no-words weekend, and I can find some new words and jokes.

Below, read all kinds of stuff, like how Dwight Howard could’ve successfully used the Superman thing if he really insisted on being that lame, my top three desired Dancing With the Stars contestants, why things are weird in BlackberryLand, a shocking development in YAYsports! history, and how Devin Harris’s new nickname is already like meta all over the internet.

Brian: Yikes someone wants to buy the yaysports domain

Becky: What!!!
Becky: Who
Becky: Why
Becky: How!

Brian: I dunno someone emailed me and asked if they could buy it
Brian: I told them to make an offer but it’s just for the domain not the content

Becky: Why wouldn’t they just go for yaysports.net
Becky: Or some such biz

Brian: Maybe someone wants to start a sports blog and they think it has value

Becky: How odd
Becky: Don’t sell for less than $500,000!
Becky: Could you put all your archives elsewhere
Becky: I still need those posts!

Brian: Yeah I was going to move them over to [redacted] at some point anyway.
Brian: Wanted to organize all the archives better and get the WSM stuff all in good shape for historicals

Becky: Mamba time
Becky: True it’s the origin story
Becky: Yayy

Brian: Yesssss
Brian: That first orange roundie pic still makes me laugh

[ed. note: As you can see in the link, the picture isn't even there, but even then I noted to myself I had created something with legs. This is why those archives are important historicals, and why they need to be cleaned up. I have the pic on my hard drive, but it didn't survive the server move.]

Becky: The initial mamba jokes were hilarious

Brian: Yes cause Kobe was so vulnerable back then

Becky: He was such an enigma
Becky: To explain it all with a silly cartoon snake was so fitting and awesome

Brian: And the blog world was still somewhat sparse too

Becky: I don’t really remember

Brian: Do you still keep any of your blawgs

Becky: Nopers
Becky: I considered it
Becky: Starting up again
Becky: But then twitter happened

Brian: Ahhh are you friends with Twitter

Becky: I really only needed to blog to have a platform to bitch about all the insufferable morons I deal with on a day-to-day basis
Becky: I can do it just as easily on twitter
Becky: Without having anything of substance to say

Brian: I wrote the post this morning like ended up trimming like 3/4 of it away because it all seemed uneccessary
Brian: I am joked out baby

Becky: You’re just too darn funny
Becky: That must be el problemo

Brian: Between PTSA and [redacted] I am tapped out of jokes

Becky: And los tweetos

Brian: Yais
Brian: Even that I am Tweeted out – no month words
Brian: Dammit MO
Brian: Mo words

Becky: Month Williams

Brian: That is his name in BlackberryLand
Brian: Holly Madison going on Dancing With the Stars is the best thing to happen to me ever I think

Becky: Cuz she’s hot?
Becky: When does it start
Becky: I actually have to watch this season

Brian: Yes next to Posh Spice there could be no better choice
Brian: Why do you have to watch

Becky: 8:11:05 PM
Becky: Wtf
Becky: LT
Becky: That’s my man
Becky: “LT” inserts the current time, eh
Becky: Good to know

Brian: BlackberryLand is ca-razee!
Brian: LT
Brian: Hmm it did not do it for me

Becky: Space bar after
Becky: Bc I was typing “LT baby”

Brian: Yike it didded it!
Brian: Why would someone need that chat function

Becky: I don’t think anyone would
Becky: Really

Brian: YT will tell you what time it was yesterday

Becky: TT is tomorrow’s I guess

Brian: That doesn’t work on mine

Becky: Tooo bad

Brian: Audrina from the Hills would be my other Dancing pick – probably after Posh Spice

Becky: Ew
Becky: Rilly?

Brian: Yeah but she would be great on that show
Brian: It’s not just about like typical hotness

Becky: Well I’ve never watched it
Becky: So I’ll defer to you on it

Brian: You should do a liveblog

Becky: Of the dancies?

Brian: Yeah

Brian: You can be like 8:17 step step step turn twist dip step dip step step lift ta-daaaaa!

Becky: No then my shameful secret that I cannot dance would be revealed!

Brian: That show is like family friendly softcore porn
Brian: Wait until you see

Becky: Pshhhh
Becky: Hardcore or bust
Becky: No pun intended!

Brian: No it’s great there are like these Communist chicks and they’re like slinking around all LT
Brian: In their little outfits

Becky: Wait
Becky: I missed it
Becky: What are we using LT for
Becky: And if you want softcore porn, why not like…watch softcore porn?

Brian: Because like I don’t know
Brian: And LT is like for everything like when the Soprnaos want you to forget things

Becky: No
Becky: Thou shalt not besmirch his LTness
Becky: Any more than that hack Tomlinson has already done anyway

Brian: Him and Dwight Howard should have a party where they be lame together
Brian: Like you don’t see Katy Perry call herslef The Material Girl right
Brian: I feel like if I just typed that I’m gay but it was the first analogy that I could figure out
Brian: I told you I’m short on words

Becky: No, that was a good one
Becky: Or like if John Cena started calling himseld “Hollywood”
Becky: …
Becky: Yeah the Madonna one was better

Brian: If he had been smart he wouldve done Superboy and teamed up with Shaq on some kind of campaign where kids like it

Becky: Well like
Becky: Something else
Becky: You’re not gonna “boy” yourself
Becky: But Flash really worked for Wade

Brian: I wouldve been endeared by the respect to Shaq
Brian: And it wouldve been about earning the name and the eventual handing down like the Man is a title
Brian: And then one day Dwight would hand it to LeBron Jr
Brian: Or another boy

Becky: Eh
Becky: Would have preferred something originalish

Brian: Yeah me too but if he insisted on a large superhero…
Brian: I thought he shouldve tapped his religious fervor and be The Messiah
Brian: Or something totally random and plant it with a blogger so it seems organic and then when they ask what it means you’re like “think about it” which inspires discussion

Becky: Yeh but then he knocked up that cheerbabe
Becky: Like sasha did w/the machine

Brian: Yeah because god wanted him to
Brian: We should be NBA image consultants I swear to the Messiah
Brian: Give us any mid-level player and decent funding we could have everyone talking about them in two months time

Becky: All you need is one little thing to run with
Becky: And it can be completely fabricated

Brian: Yeah exactly – I had one guy actually that was perfect but it fell apart. I have thought of this before you know.

Becky: What guy

Brian: [redacted]
Brian: Perfect because he’s good but low profile so you can totally do anything with the personality

Becky: I want devin or brook to tweet so I can tell them how much I loooooove them

Brian: Do you want to do kissing with them

Becky: No
Becky: More like high fiving
Becky: And general innocuous cavorting

Brian: What’s that like hanging out and being all YEAH WE ARE FRIENDS!!

Becky: Yup!

Brian: They would like that especially Devin I think
Brian: Oooh he would be a good one to get some marketing hands on huh

Becky: Yeh they’ve been having probs coming up with a super terrific nickname for him
Becky: I think the blur is cool
Becky: But barbosa is the brazilian blur so it’s not really good enough

Brian: Nah it should be Nacho
Brian: It’s perfect lol

Becky: That was my nickname!
Becky: For like a year

Brian: Well now you have to give it to Devin :(
Brian: I’m Tweeting this right now lol
Brian: When I post the chat tomorrow people will go look to see if I Tweeted it and that’s when it gets meta
Brian: Why was it your nickname?

Becky: Because I love nachos
Becky: Duh

Brian: Oh

Becky: I don’t like it for him

Brian: Is that why they call Devin that too

Becky: It is stupid

Brian: Too late it’s already gone meta

Becky: oh man
Becky: This was your first attempt and you blew it!

Brian: All I have to do is get to @the_real_shaq and then it’s meta

Becky: Oh man
Becky: Good luck with that

Brian: Under followers his number says ALL

Becky: He is the king o’ twitter, after all

Brian: Say something funny

Becky: Cooooooties
Becky: I’m much funnier when I’m on the no z’s

Brian: Oh yeah did you get all straightened out

Becky: I’m feeling alright
Becky: Still tired
Becky: My stupid quotient is heightened

Brian: I don’t know that means

Becky: I’m a tard face
Becky: Moomba

Brian: wtf

Becky: I’m all hooped up on easter candies
Becky: Hopped
Becky: Mr. Hooper’s store!
Becky: I just remembered it

Brian: Are you putting Easter in your face

Becky: Quite literally, yes
Becky: I still want my passover song, guy

Brian: Passover In Your Face!

Becky: Passover All Up In Yo Grill

Brian: Gonna put that Passover in your face, it’s Passover in your face!

T-minus like a couple weeks until this blog is just Brian and Becky’s Thoughts About Things.

(Follow me on Twitter here. Follow Becky here.)
(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here.)

Yes, I use iCal and have lists on my Blackberry, but for smaller tasks, there’s something I really enjoy about crossing things off with a Sharpie. I blame Mom.)

I’m really sorry about being so here-and-there about how hardcore [...]]]> (For lack of anything better, this is a picture of my iPod and to-do list.

Yes, I use iCal and have lists on my Blackberry, but for smaller tasks, there’s something I really enjoy about crossing things off with a Sharpie. I blame Mom.)

I’m really sorry about being so here-and-there about how hardcore I am about the Cavs, but I’m still not completely over that season LeBron didn’t try all the time.

He still has so many moments/spans when he just stands there, and it makes me vexy.

Regardless, they’ve managed a couple tough wins on the road, and the Joe Smith thing has me happy for some reason.

Anyway, Trey over at The Blowtorch had his Who Shot Mamba? DVD screening experience, so you can go read about that.

Becky: Jonas Bros 3D must have been sold out last night
Becky: You can see it in lebron’s face

Brian: Ha but Mo was like YO I GOTS THE BOOTLEG DVD
Brian: And that’s when LBJ had the dunk and was like HELL YEAH LETS DO THIS

Becky: But he kept checking the clock so he would not miss last showtime

Brian: Yeah and DWade wanted to see Doubt, so that’s why he was sad cause it was clear he lost the movie bet

She ditched me after this – perhaps she is a nun now?

If you haven’t gotten yours, I’m still waiting for the contents of my LA PO Box. I just know the day I get back to LA, it’s gonna get here. This bit of WSM?-type of curse/absurdity is all but assured.

I’ll be around here and Twitter today – writing heavily.

(Follow me on Twitter here.)
(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here.)

So like, you know how my old site died of Blog Suicide?

This one will probably go in violent fashion by Blog Murder, and the murderer will be Twitter.

Brian: GO NETTERS

Becky: ZOMG

Brian: Did everyone cheer

Becky: All 35 people that were [...]]]> (UPDATE: No, I am not ending this site. Don’t worry.)

So like, you know how my old site died of Blog Suicide?

This one will probably go in violent fashion by Blog Murder, and the murderer will be Twitter.

Brian: GO NETTERS

Becky: ZOMG

Brian: Did everyone cheer

Becky: All 35 people that were in the stands, and me!

Brian: What was the best cheer like someone going HE MADE THE BASKET WOOOO wooo
Brian: The second woo is shorter because he was shy

Becky: Yes that was the one

Brian: That guy always forget he’s shy because he’s so excited for the game

Becky: Such a sad existence

Brian: I think I will make this my blog post tomorrow and call it a day lol

Becky: But I never said anything funny

Brian: I’ll rewrite it
Brian: You’ll be hilarious and want to do kissing

Becky: Yes!
Becky: If you can edit me in a favorable light, so that the weather will not find it so darn easy to get over me, then we can do kissing

Brian: You hate clouds lol
Brian: You’re like “crap here comes the sniffles”

Becky: Yet I still feel slighted when they get over me
Becky: Like YOU SHOULD BE HUNG UP ON ME, CLOWDS
Becky: I AM A CATCH
Becky: Except for the cirrus clowds
Becky: Clouds

Brian: Okey go to sleep…feel better…that was a lullabye

Becky: Your singing voice is not very lilting
Becky: You got that one wrong
Becky: :(

Brian: Go to sleep…and feel better…go to slee-eep and feel beh-tter

Becky: Okey that was better
Becky: But you’ve got a long ways to go before you lilt me!
Becky: Gooodnight

Brian: Goodnight

Now, BTAA is not going anywhere – it’s just that I’m doing a lot of writing you aren’t seeing right now, and then on top of that, most of my best irreverent dramas are ending up on Twitter. I only have so many things to say with words.

So like there’s an RSS feed of my Twitter, so if you like that you can get that and do banking with it or whatever. “Times they are interesting yo,” as MC Drywall the Castlemaster once said.

Occasionally I hop on Blackberry IM with Becky, who those of you who were on the last blog will remember is a cool enough girl to warrant the female [...]]]> (PTSA is Prelude to a Super Airplane, my book. You can read all about it here, and then you should go and buy it.)

Occasionally I hop on Blackberry IM with Becky, who those of you who were on the last blog will remember is a cool enough girl to warrant the female lead in WSM? being named after her.

Becky also got a previewish copy of PTSA, and has read it. (You can also follow her on Twitter here.)

Keep in mind, Becky knows me really well at this point. We’ve met in person more than once, shared many conversations, and none of my trickery works on her.

Anyway, I’ve posted the entire chat, in order to allow the full context of all statements to be known. We discuss her thoughts on the book, some of the characters, whether I should most the chat to the internet, whether I should be in The Avengers movie, and the scary secret of what happens to me when I get scared.

This also took place during the second half of the Cavs game. As you’ll see, my prediction for the fourth quarter was accurate.

Becky: So
Becky: I finally finished reading that thing you wrote

Brian: What the book?

Becky: That
Becky: Yes

Brian: And…?

Becky: I still like the story
Becky: the ego was a little out of control to the point it passed cute over to irritating
Becky: :)
Becky: And the writing made me want to take a power drill to my forehead
Becky: But
Becky: I think if you tone down the sexy stuff it would make a phenomenal tweener book
Becky: Ala sideways stories from wayside school
Becky: With explosions!
Becky: But overall I like the way the storylines twisted around and tied into each other
Becky: My boones farm review stands

Brian: Will you possibly write these thoughts up in email form?
Brian: Thank you for reading it

Becky: Yes of course
Becky: I hope I was not overly harsh :)
Becky: Can I just copy/paste from here and email

Brian: Yeah sure
Brian: No not harsh – both your criticisms are things I’m aware of
Brian: It’s not like some shocker that they won’t appeal to everyone

Becky: Yeah the difficulty I have with the writing style might be bc I’ve been reading since I was 3 and I’m kind of a book snot

Brian: My biggest concern is always “did the story keep you engaged”

Becky: I tried to put that aside
Becky: And failed

Brian: Yeah this book is not for book snot
Brian: Lol

Becky: I think 5th grade boys would really get a kick out of it though
Becky: And I mean that with all sincerity

Brian: Yeah I wrote it for the people who would like Brad Radby’s movies

Becky: You intend to make what…a brad radby documentary?

Brian: What for the movie version

Becky: I mean you clearly have some further intent with it

Brian: yeah I’m writing Brad Radby’s filmography right now

Becky: And a doozy it shall be

Brian: It’s allegedly written in 2025 so it’s 13 years after the Super Airplane ride
Brian: So it has many hints and clues as to [redacted]
Brian: Are you watching zee game

Becky: Flipping back and forth

Brian: Between what

Becky: The game and some other stuff

Brian: Vague!
Brian: Grey’s Anatomy

Becky: No
Becky: Not that

Brian: Office

Becky: Not yet!

Brian: Hulk

Becky: I wish :(
Becky: Well ed norton wish
Becky: Eric bana not wish

Brian: Eric Bana Hulk is so bad
Brian: I didn’t even understand the end

Becky: Worst comic book movie ever
Becky: And I say that having seen 2 of the 3 punisher flicks

Brian: We should have an entire blog that’s just our nightly chats – I’ll bet people would read that
Brian: It’s so random and easy and they would feel like they are our friends

Becky: I think you tried that once
Becky: People hated it!

Brian: Did they?
Brian: Can I try it tomorrow with this?

Becky: Yes

Brian: Okay so say something funny

Becky: Are you going to censor me if I use salty language
Becky: But I’m not funny

Brian: I will like **** it out
Brian: Like f**k

Becky: How will you *** out something like…
Becky: Ummm
Becky: Cuntbucket

Brian: Cuntb****t
Brian: Oh wait that is not right

Becky: Hee!
Becky: That was a good joke!

Brian: Jokes!
Brian: Boney will comment re: his special insight into our relationship

Becky: Wait this prob shouldn’t go in your blog but I was curious
Becky: If stephanie sanborn is reading your book parts about stephanie piperbraum
Becky: To whom there is no relation

Brian: Stephenie Piperbraum is clearly a Stephenie Meyer avatar

Becky: O RLY
Becky: I thought I had insight
Becky: I do not
Becky: -2 pts for me
Becky: Who’s stephanie meyer

Brian: No Stephanie Sanborn hold no secret love for me believe me lol
Brian: Twilight author

Becky: Your wishful thinking!
Becky: It was a fair leap of logic for me
Becky: I feel
Becky: Since I think all the chicks in the book are chicks you have banged or want to bang or want to bang you in real life, yes?

Brian: Hmm I do hold a special place for Mindy Slanteer but she isn’t based on anyone

Becky: Really?

Brian: Jennifer is based on someone real as is our relationship
Brian: In the book

Becky: You just like 17 yr-olds in general
Becky: Oh yes what did happen with “jennifer”
Becky: I feel the real life story must be entertaining

Brian: I’m doing an interview with her for the site it’s pretty interesting
Brian: That’s why I dedicated the thing to her
Brian: See I have a heart haha
Brian: And I don’t like all 17 year old girls, just hot ones

Becky: Yes but what happened!
Becky: Did true love prevail?

Brian: Wait for the interview – it needs full context

Becky: Meh
Becky: I have now lost interest in it as a topic
Becky: Moving on

Brian: None of the other girls are based on anyone btw except mom and sister

Becky: Too bad, you could have scored some p***y points out of the “hey baby, I wrote you into a book” line

Brian: I can say that anyway though

Becky: It’s worth a shot

Brian: Michael J. Mikolay is a real person

Becky: Who would win in a fight, Brian Spathe or a choo-choo train?

Brian: Who do you think?

Becky: Probably the choo-choo train

Brian: I want to play Edward Norton in the Avengers movie

Becky: Muscle tissue is definitely no match for speeding steel

Brian: True dat

Becky: Didn’t they already make an avengers movie

Brian: I mean the superhero Avengers
Brian: Hulk Iron Man Captain America and Thor

Becky: Ohhhhh
Becky: Soo
Becky: You would be
Becky: What

Brian: Edward Norton

Becky: David Banner?

Brian: no edward norton

Brian: I want him to play bruce banner and I want them to write edward norton in as a character and I’ll play him

Becky: The dude playing a dude disguised as another dude

Brian: I think that means its meta

Becky: Oh yeah bruce
Becky: Who’s david banner

Brian: They called him that in the tv show
Brian: Bruce was deemed too gay in the 70s or something

Becky: Bc of the monty python sketch
Becky: I bet

Brian: I don’t know that reference

Becky: That’s right

Becky: You hate python

Brian: I don’t hate it it just doesn’t like scream at me
Brian: I did hate Hostiry of the world
Brian: Or meaning of life

Becky: History of the world is mel brooks I think

Brian: Whichever one had them pirating buildings or something

Becky: Meaning of life was different from the rest of their stuff I didn’t much like it myself
Becky: It was too eric idle
Becky: His stuff is so bizarre

Brian: Cavs shooting jumpers gey

Becky: Yeah they blew that lead f’sho!
Becky: Have you seen Brazil?

Brian: No
Brian: Is it like Armageddon
Brian: I liked that movie

Becky: Ummmmm
Becky: Not exactly?

Brian: Would you see Brad Radby’s Peoplebees lol

Becky: Did you see MBV3D yet!?
Brian: Wha is that

Becky: Peoplebees is not my style yo
Becky: Not my style
Becky: My Bloody Valentine
Becky: In 3D!!!

Brian: No I don’t like horror
Brian: Esp blood and gore
Brian: Was it good

Becky: It was in 3D!
Becky: There was a full 5-min scene of some strumpet running around fully nude
Becky: Screaming and jiggling in all her 3D glory

Brian: I don’t like to be scared

Becky: It wasn’t scary!

Becky: It wasn’t really funny enough though
Becky: It was very clearly just “hey let’s cut a bunch of scenes together that are really graphic and therefore would POP in 3D”

Brian: Candyman made me afraid of everything for like 6 years
Brian: And everyone said that was funny too

Becky: Yeah but what year was that movie

Brian: I don’t remember I blacked out for a year afterward

Becky: You were prob like 15
Becky: I think you should watch dead silence like I told you to last spring
Becky: If that one scares you instead of givin you lolz
Becky: Then we know where we’re at
Becky: Dude see the unborn
Becky: The whole theater had lotsa lolz
Becky: And you can bring a girl
Becky: And even if you get scared, you can hold her hand real tight

Brian: No way that looks like a blackout movie for sure

Becky: And she won’t think you’re a p***y, she’ll think you are faking to hold her hand
Becky: Noooo it was hi-larious!

Brian: Can’t I hold her hand at Mall Cop

Becky: You can try
Becky: But most likely will be too busy slapping your knees!
Becky: I hear it is a real knee-slapper, you see

Brian: HAR

Becky: Jerk

Brian: Oh that is not going in the blog post

Becky: What
Becky: Me calling you a jerk?

Brian: Let’s pretend to kiss over chat

Becky: Are we still doing that?

Brian: Yes

Becky: I think this conversation went off the rails about 30 min ago

Brian: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Brian: That’s me giving you a kiss over chat

Becky: Was there tongue?

Brian: No it was sweet and innocent

Becky: Oh ok
Becky: I guess that’s acceptable
Becky: Because *I* am sweet and innocent, you see

Brian: Yes I know – this is how I know you

Brian: LeBron shooting jumpers!

Becky: He loves doing it so much!

Brian: The game is so easy when he lets it be
Brian: They might get blown out in the 4th
Brian: Their defense is terrible tonight

Becky: Can I be honest?

Brian: Yah

Becky: I dislike the “G” campaigne

Brian: Yeah it’s weird
Brian: It’s feels like it’s trying too hard
Brian: And when those Japanese mask guys come out I have a quick blackout because of the scariness

Becky: The jabawockeez!

Brian: What are they – hip hoppers

Becky: Apparently they’re. International dance sensation!
Becky: They’re a
Becky: I meant

Brian: I want to see faces in my dance trios

Becky: They’re very michael myers
Becky: Or meyers
Becky: I can’t remember which spelling

Brian: Cavs are so dumb with their jumpshooting

Becky: But they really like it!
Becky: Ummmmm
Becky: I think LeBron just realized Confessions of a Shopaholic opens tomorrow

Brian: lol

Becky: Sorry bout your team, guy
Becky: Still way better than mine!

Brian: Thanks
Brian: I think Z is back tomorrow

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but this November I have something happening that [...]]]> (Don’t forget – you can win a free copy of my book by telling me what’s happening in the picture through this link. “Funniest” will not necessarily win, either. Winner announced Friday, along with the best entries.)

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but this November I have something happening that I haven’t allowed myself in probably six or seven years: cell phone carrier free agency.

Unrestricted.

The only issue is whether I can hold out that long. As you know, I’ve been on a Blackberry Curve for like over a year now, albeit 3 different actual handsets. (I’m waiting for my current one to have some kind of freak burnout like the other two, although it seems to be behaving.)

Anyway, I really want to be able to shop myself, and the rapid-fire release of new smartphones is amazing and exciting and important to watch and keep an eye on. I’ve even become an RSS follower of Engadget Mobile recently.

Whatever happens, it’ll probably consume most of my mind this October, and I’ll be looking for input from everybody, including you. (This will probably be elsewhere – I’m five months in on this place. We know BTAA can’t last, right? I may reflect on this later this week.)

As of today, here are my lead candidates, and keep in mind this is based only on what can be called current, and rudimentary, knowledge. In order:

1) Blackberry Bold
2) iPhone
3) Blackberry Storm

This may surprise you, based on my major excitement over the release of the Storm. The truth is, I think I really like the “real” keyboards, which is why I’d really like to get my hands on in the Palm Pre once it’s active in nature – I’ve read nothing but goodness about it.

By the way, being that this is my free agency season, I’m using my phone a ton in order to increase my attractiveness to potential cell phone companies, and using it really efficiently. Don’t be surprised if you find me just hanging out in cell phone stores, casually talking on my phone, displaying my skills to the salespeople.

Moving on – for some reason it occurred to me this morning that I moved from spray to stick deodorant about 14 years ago. It was a swift and permanent decision, and I have no memory of why.

This bothers me – there had to be a logical reason, and it wouldn’t have been a peer pressure thing. I know that’s why most people switch – to avoid the constant teasing, and chants of “Spray deodorant! Spray deodorant!” from the other angsty teens.

I expect the Cavs to roll hardcore over the Kings tonight. After that I’ll probably watch Brad Radby’s Perfect Strangers Begins again and go to bed.

Are you following and having fun with me on Twitter yet?

Barack Obama was now the most famous man on the planet, and he was feeling deeply troubled by it.

Looking out over the City of Washington [...]]]> (This is not from my book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, but it’s kinda like it’s from my book, if my book were about Barack Obama.)

Barack Obama was now the most famous man on the planet, and he was feeling deeply troubled by it.

Looking out over the City of Washington DC, Barack couldn’t help but think that perhaps becoming President of These United States of America was a grave and terrible mistake.

Barack wasn’t even officially the President yet, and already he felt overwhelmed, what with spending an inordinate amount of time putting wreaths on things, and finding ways to say the same inspirational things over and over in different ways, and fighting mini-battles to retain possession of his Blackberri Tornado.

This last item troubled Barack Obama in no small way, and in this moment, Barack was fingering his frustration into said Blackberri.

Who he was fingering to was Barack’s greatest secret, and in reality, was the very reason he was now about to become President of These United States of America. The email that was fingered by Barack Obama went as follows:

from: Barry O
to: Airplane Brian
date: Mon, Jan 19, 2009 at 7:32 AM
subject: LAL-CLE wtf???

B – Now they’re telling me I can’t watch Lakers-Cavs tonight – I’ve got to go put some wreath on a grave or something. I thought I did this yesterday?! Any ideas? wtf???

B

PS – Almost done with your book – I like it but it’s hard to get done because they’re telling me I shouldn’t be seen reading something that’s this pretentious, epic, and stupid? wtf, right??

Who exactly “Airplane Brian” was, Barack Obama knew, would be the most difficult thing to conceal during his hoped-for eight years in office.

Truth be told, Airplane Brian was a young actor/writer who had, at one time, written Barack Obama’s favorite basketball blog. This, despite the young actor/writer’s fandom for a team that was not the same team that Barack Obama himself liked.

“Irony is a cruel adversary,” Barack said to himself, twice, and out loud, and then once backwards.

Regardless, some time back, Barack Obama had began a correspondence with the actor/writer via online internet email, for Barack felt that only this young man held the secret to Barack’s need to appeal to the youth of the country.

Airplane Brian had indeed proven invaluable, instructing Barack to use Twitter, and to profess his love for doing basketball playing, and to say things that people liked, and to not murder anyone and then talk about it afterward in public.

Barack planned, upon being inaugurated, to continue to implement Airplane Brian’s strategies, including, but not limited to, a daily, shirtless, Off-hours Weightlifting session on the front lawn of the White House.

And so now, in this moment, Barack Obama waited for a response from Airplane Brian, who was his secret advisor, and a young actor/writer, and more than anything, Airplane Brian was Barack’s greatest resource of advice and information about how to appeal to the youth.

Yes, Barack knew that Airplane Brian would find a way to ensure that he could watch Lakers-Cavs tonight, and for this reason, Barack Obama was not as deeply troubled as he was just moment ago. Furthermore, and etc.

The main goal is to never ask the same question twice. If you’d like to be interviewed, please shoot me an email, and I’ll send you 3-5 questions asap.

Please note if you want/need me to link to your website or whatever, and also if you’re afraid of ghosts.)

I can’t see doing a “walking down the street” or “typing something into Twitter” or “making out with a bunch of girls at once [...]]]> Okay, I’m doing Twitter, but I don’t know if I’ll keep up with it. Honestly, anything I have to say to the internet, I usually flesh out right here.

I can’t see doing a “walking down the street” or “typing something into Twitter” or “making out with a bunch of girls at once again”.

I got a haircut yesterday, and it eliminated almost all my black hair left from 2WO G2N G2Y.

I’m kinda torn, because I think I like my hair dark, and plus my sister arrived over the weekend, and she said it looks better dark. I trust her judgment in such matters.

The last thing I want to do is get into some thing whereby I have to do any sort of maintenance on hair, either long or short term.

I suppose the answer to this situation will present itself.

I think my favorite toy of all the nieces’ toys are their Duplo blocks.

A lot of people will tell you that stuff like this is true skill with Legos, but I’ve built like a bunch of these towers (as seen above), and they’re super cool.

The thing is, the person who did the Star Wars thing literally couldn’t achieve what I did with my construct, because he’d keep trying to make it too advanced.

I’m getting some of these blocks for myself as soon as I get back to LA.

Let’s break down the reasons he may have chosen to say this now.

1) He’s really, really loves toying with the [...]]]> You’ve read it by now – LeBron says he’ll bring apocalypse upon The New York City Knicks, as well as the media, by possibly signing an extension with the Cavs this summer.

Let’s break down the reasons he may have chosen to say this now.

1) He’s really, really loves toying with the media.
2) Someone asked him a leading question and this is taken out of context.
3) Giving the media LeBron James talking points in the build-up to the Christmas Day games.
4) Doing PD reporter Brian Windhorst a favor, further cementing him as the go-to LeBron scooper.
5) Legitimately wants to do this. Why? Further breaking down the outline:

a) Has realized that basketballwise, there’s no better franchise for him, unless a bunch of guys take less money to meet up in one place, which will never happen.
b) Concerned Summer 2010 will be too big a distraction next season, destroying the type of run and chemistry the Cavs are enjoying now.
c) Money. Remember, another reason he wanted to be a free agent in 2010 is because the collective bargaining agreement is opening back up. With the way the economy is projected to be for the next few years, it’s possible he could lose money under the new CBA. All signs say the owners are going to ask for major rollbacks.
d) Knowing LeBron is locked in will make it easier for Danny Ferry to go sign a few solid “vets looking for rings” in Summer 2009.

I really don’t know, but I suppose anything is possible. If he does this, I’ve completely misjudged his character, and/or let the media influence me too much. I’ll apologize if so.

Hopefully if it happens, Austin Carr will be present to say, “The L-TRAIN, signing the paper with a pen!”

On another subject altogether, I’ve had a Twitter account for a long time, but never used it. Am considering – thoughts?