Hey so I don’t read anymore because of my paranoia I didn’t tell you about, but I wanted to expose you to two books – one I have actual light involvement with, and the other I am el friends with the author.

First on tap is Rob Gokee’s In the Belly of the Fail Whale: How Twitter Changed My Life in One Year. (Here’s a link to buy at it on Amazon.)

While the title might be a bit long, it also saves me from having to tell you what the book is actually about.

Rob was also cool enough to ask me to write the foreword – you may remember he was the one who actually pushed/shoved me to get on Twitter.

An excerpt from what what I put inside:

“Sigh,” I said to myself out loud, admiring my new haircut.

Anyway, if you’re into Twitter or into Rob or into books or into whatever, maybe go pick this up. I’ve read it – it’s worth taking a look, and also has my name on the cover, as noted above.

The other book is by Dr. Natasha Valdez, who was an Associate Producer on WSM? with her life-pal (nay, husband) Charles Solomon, Jr.

I’ve known both for years and have spent time enough to know that her new book A Little Bit Kinky: A Couples’ Guide to Rediscovering the Thrill of Sex (Amazon link) will likely do exactly what it says it’s supposed to.

Now, I don’t do that sex stuff anymore because of my paranoia about catching bronchitis, but when I read this I was like, “Wow, maybe bronchitis will be worth it, cause like this rediscovery does sound pretty thrilling.”

For example, there’s one chapter that I can’t talk about here on my PG/PG-13 blog website, and that’s a chapter that will help me for sure if I ever want to get bronchitis.

In conclusion and furthermore, while I can’t say either of the titles of these books are quite as descriptive and exact as my own Prelude to a Super Airplane – which tells you exactly what it’s about – I can tell you that these are both worth reading, should you have the urge to do reading at something.

So this is book number two: Brad Radby’s Brad Radby: The Complete Filmography (1999-2023).

In the spring of 1998, an unknown director named Brad Radby quietly directed his first movie.

Titled The Exploders, it starred Bruce Willis, Will Smith, and Keanu Reeves…and it went unseen for 15 years.

When it was finally released in May of 2013 as Brad Radby’s The Exploders, the film industry was changed forever.

In the years between, Mr. Radby directed thirty-six other movies, before his alleged death aboard the famed Super Airplane in December of 2012.

Inside these pages, in his own words, Mr. Radby walks you through each of these films, giving valuable insights into the stories, and the stories behind the stories.

Brad loves Mustangs.

Brad Radby’s work has touched us all in some way, and he’s finally returned to tell us how he did it.

A few quick facts, although I’m not going heavy into this until the paperback version is available, which should be Monday or so. (The Kindle version is up and running now, for those of you who have one, or like to read on an iPhone/iTouch.)

1) This is a Prelude to a Super Airplane tie-in, but stands completely on its own. BRBR is extremely accessible to anyone, and if you love movies and/or pop culture of the 90s and ’00s, you’ll love this book.

2) If you’ve read PTSA, then you can stop complaining that it left things hanging. PTSA took place in 2012 – Brad Radby’s Brad Radby takes place in 2023, about a month after the ending of Flight of a Super Airplane, which is a book I will never write.

3) Also for PTSA readers – yes, you’re going to read Brad’s full synopsis and production notes for such works as Brad Radby’s Secret Father, Brad Radby’s The Dating Pill, Spacemappers, and all the rest that were mentioned in there, including what exactly happened when Brad took on the Andreanna Marsupial series.

The best thing is that this book is 100% completely free – you can download a pdf or the full html right now, or you can read it in blog format over there, for those of you who find excessive amounts of Brian Spaeth in one sitting a bit too much.

The blog portion will be rolled out piece-by-piece, and nine such pieces are up right now – I’ll be going through each entry starting next week, and you’ll get what’s essentially a commentary track right here. (Don’t worry, this won’t dominate the site – it’ll be an addendum to each post.)

So why am I giving away an entire book for free? I’ll try and explain that sometime, as well.

Anyway, go over to BRAD RADBY DOT COM and muck around – it’s all really simply set-up and nice and such and such, although I am messing with the format on the blog still.

(Follow me on Twitter here.)
(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here.)

(BOSers – I think you’re fooling yourself if you think Marblebury is gonna be good for the Celts.

Not only can he not play subordinate and never been a winner, but he hasn’t played at all in like forever, and this is gonna give him flashbacks to the Timberwolves years, when he couldn’t handle The Shadow of Garnett.

Suddenly everyone has forgotten he’s insane just because of some bus stop funnery.)

So here’s a list of everything I didn’t understand in that excellent Prelude to a Super Airplane review.

I’ve refrained from looking any of it up until I did this, so included in parentheses are what I currently think these things are/mean/etc.

Susan Sontag (Actress)
Jean-Luc Godard (Star Trek guy)
Neal Pollack (director)
erudite (“of listlessness”)
Swift, Flaubert, Joyce, Pynchon (a random family)
Diderot (a building in France, and it’s on a beach, where it seems out of place)
Jacques the Fatalist and His Master (book)
Martin Amis (poet)
London Fields (duh it’s a field in the LON lol)
George Saunders (Army general)
insufferable (annoying)
Tao Lin (Chinese Army general)
in media res (“excessive usage of the color blue”)
hiccoughs (snooty version of hiccups)
didactic (angular)
penchant (like a magic bracelet for girls)
Javier Marias (poet/director)
Tomorrow in the Battle Think on Me (poem about the Army)
ubiquitous (random)
elongated gerunds (like a super hero who can stretch his gerunds has these)
saccharine (tasty in a bad way)
magisterial (like a king in the Army)

I still really don’t feel like looking them up, but if you wanted to point out where I may be off-track, feel free.

(Follow me on Twitter here.)
(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here.)

(1-1 odds Kobe is secretly angry today.)

Before I get to another discovered version of me, go check out an interview I did over at All the Blog’s a Page, wherein I’m asked questions about writing books, movies, etc.

Now, lasterday my new Twitter friend Paula, quite out of nowhere, brought up her knowledge of a Brian Spaeth.

Did you grow up in Long Beach? I knew a Brian Spaeth that went to Poly.

LOL I haven’t seen him since High School.

I don’t think he’s on twitter. Such a different name to have so many ppl with it. Well, he was a popular guy even tho he got in a fight n

Got a piece of his NOSE bit off LOL

I don’t remember what I said back – I usually delete my sent DMs right away. I did let Paula know this wasn’t me, although I too have been in a fight that resulted in a damaged nose.

Anyway, she seems nice enough, despite the apparent hilarity she finds in someone getting their nose bitten off. A popular someone, no less.

Couple other quick links – there’s an interesting discussion about the new model of independent film, and how filmmakers are dealing with it over at Alejandro Adams’ website.

And who would’ve guessed that “www.lookathis.com” would go to some guy named Dave selling his boat?

(Well, this is the big one.

If one of these other Brian Spaeths were to become my nemesis, it would be this one, what with his book writering.

I call him out on it, because I like to establish myself as a sort of Alpha Dawg in this manner. You can buy his book, Clocks Stopped At A Strange and Savage Hour, via that link.

Note here our shared enjoyment of using the word “savage”.

The back cover instructs the reader to “read this book out loud”; that the words inside are that powerful.

Yes, I wish I had put that on the back of my book, but at least mine has a larger page count.)

1) You beat me in the “Brian Spaeth Book Writering Contest”. I have to admit, I was shocked, both by my participation in such a contest, and by the fact that I lost to another me. What was your strategy here?

Well, naturally I was saddened & appalled to discover that there was another Brian Spaeth. (I am saddened & appalled that there is even one!)

Now this whole situation raises profound questions about the fundamental nature of identity, but I have no idea what those questions might be, nor am I interested.

You ask me what my strategy was, and I reply that I never had a strategy in my life!
To be serious for a moment (but only for a moment!): Let me make one thing clear: My book was never written with the intention of being published.

The writing of my stories and “poems” were an act of self-preservation. In the year 2000 I had become poisoned by chemical fumes seeping into my apartment and I got very sick and was homeless for the next 4 or 5 years. I engaged in what is known as “couch-surfing” for many years. I developed an extreme chemical sensitivity and I used to hang out in public parks just to try and get a little fresh air and scribble in my journal just to keep from going totally insane. (I lost my job also).

At some point I started transcribing some of my stuff into the computer and e-mailed one or two of the stories to a friend, who forwarded them to another friend who is an independent publisher. He took a chance on me—and lost!

A similar thing happened to me when I got too drunk the night before I moved to a new apartment. I had to lug all those boxes around hung-over. :(

2) Let’s trade books, and we’ll do reviews. Thoughts? We could be each others biggest fans. I specialize in poor writing, btw.

I hate to agree with you (me?), but I think this is a good idea. Anything to drum up a little publicity! (Not that I need it—I make a very comfortable living from the sales of my book).

Hey, I would like to do that parenthesized thing. That sounds enticing. I have purchased Brian’s book, btw – will review as soon as I read it.

3) I have noted you as “Brian Spaeth 3” in my online address book. I am “Brian Spaeth Prime” and the other one of us I found on Facebook is “Brian Spaeth Jr”. (I interviewed him here.)

What is your reaction to where this is all going, and how jealous will you be if I decide I like the second one of us more than you? He has a book he wants to write, as well. I don’t think he knew about the contest, so you must have pulled the same strategies on him that you did me.

These numbers of yours mean nothing to me. I scored a 16 (out of 100!) on the Math Regents exam in high school, and my math was so bad that for three days I thought it was a good score!

Listen: Instead of bickering amongst ourselves and “competing” with each other, I propose that all of the various Brian Spaeths (How many are there?) band together for our common good. Perhaps there’s some way we can capitalize on the confusion, and we can all take credit (Or blame!) for each others accomplishments (Are there any?).

I appeal to your criminal instincts. We live in a world that is run, for the most part, on scams! Now, I’ve never had what it takes to be a successful criminal. To be a good criminal, you have to be on the ball, sharp, motivated, entrepreneurial, and a keen judge of other people.

I, unfortunately, lack every single one of these qualities, and hence, I am a total failure, and yet, I am somehow proud of that fact (I come from a very proud people, even though they had nothing to be proud of!)

This man is complex, like me. Similar to all the Brian Spaeths I have encountered, his name is Brian Spaeth. I think an anthology book of some kind is the only answer.

(Lakers-Cavs talk will best be found on my Twitter feed – Cavs by 5.

This is somewhat of a companion piece to my screenplay writing post – I seem to get occasional emails on this since the book came out.

Few jokes, so pass on through if this doesn’t interest, although there’s some general discussion of internet marketing in what follows.)

Here on February 8, 2009, I’m five weeks into self-publishing.

This is everything I’ve learned, hypothesized, and rationalized.

I’ve broken this into four sections – Why, How, Marketing, and Results-to-date.

Keep in mind, all of the following applies to me and my book, Prelude to a Super Airplane. It may not apply to you and your book, even if your book is about the events leading to the creation of a 47-story airplane and its tumultuous affect on those individuals involved in same.

WHY SELF-PUBLISH?

I decided to self-publish for a few reasons:

1) It’s easy to do today with the print-on-demand services.

2) I’ve been through the torture of finding agents and producers in my screenwriting career, and there’s a reason it’s torturous. I’m not good at hurry-up-and-wait, especially when the results are largely unknown and likely lean toward “zero”.

I’m also not an aspiring author – I just happened to write a book. Of course I want people to read it, but I’m not banking on it for a career. I have no plans for another book.

3) Even if I could find a publisher, the book might not come out for a year or more, by which time I will have forgotten I wrote it.

4) Everything you read today says publishers are cutting their pr/marketing staffs, and authors are expected to do a ton of legwork and marketing themselves.

5) It’s 2009, and the ability to market yourself and your product is readily available. Many small-press publishers, which let’s face it, a first-time author like myself would probably end up at, are doing many of the same things I am right now.

This is not to say there aren’t negatives to this, and that there aren’t huge positives to finding an actual publisher. That said, having an official publisher’s name on the spine or getting into bookstores aren’t things I care about, and if I’m expected to do a ton of marketing myself, I might as well get the most benefit financially.

HOW TO SELF-PUBLISH

I used Createspace, which is owned by Amazon. This is how PTSA comes to be listed on Amazon. The books come out physically of great quality, it’s easy to use, and you can make a decent margin on it, all things considered.

(You make a higher margin if the book is sold through your own site, which is why I direct people to there. I have sold the majority of my copies via my own site so far.)

There are other print-on-demand companies. The other big one is Lulu, but my book came out priced at $25 through there, so I nixed it. They do hardcovers and such, which Createspace doesn’t, so if you want to go that route, you may need to use Lulu.

All-in-all, I can’t complain about Createspace, and you can order copies of your own book at cost, if you want to get a bunch of them and sell them in back alleys to airplane addicts.

Another note – it took me a long time to figure out how to format this thing in Adobe InDesign, and I’m also fortunate to be handy in Photoshop for my cover art. There are companies that will do all of this for you, such as Booksurge, but that’s also going to cut into your margins.

For me, it was worth it to figure it out myself, and I also get mad when I can’t figure something out. (See: binary.)

HOW TO MARKET

1) Marketing is awareness. I try to make people aware of the site here, get them hooked on what I do day-to-day, and then casually seduce them into buying the book at some point.

(I know some of you will argue that it hasn’t exactly been casual, but I try to make things like the reviews interesting, ie the chats and such.)

Anyway, that’s my thing – if you like my blog, you’ll like my book. So you build a blog audience. That, unfortunately, is an entirely different companion post, but there are plenty of resources out there.

(I’m writing my “how to build a successful blog” post next weekend, and it includes stuff like reaching out to other bloggers to give them coverage, ie the interviews I’ve done with sports blogs.)

2) Excerpts. My book is pretentiously split into a “Part 1″ and “Part 2″, and I was actually going to put the entire first part (basically half the book) online for free.

A traditional retailer, let’s call him MY DAD, scared me off of this tactic, but I realize now I should’ve gone with my instincts. His argument was that I was opening the door for people to not like it.

My counter was that if they read the first half and liked it, they’re hooked, and are more likely to buy it than if they just thought it sounded interesting, because now they’ve read half and they want to finish it.

I also said that if they don’t like it, I wouldn’t want them buying it, anyway. Maybe I’m just like super nice, but I’d like to have someone be happy they spent money on my product.

Anyway, the whole point is that in 2009, transparency and such is really important in marketing. Intelligent people don’t fall for, nor do they appreciate, marketing trickery. (And clearly only intelligent people would want to read about a 47-story airplane.)

“Hey, here’s my book – I hope you like it and want to read the rest.”

I’m pretty confident in PTSA’s ability to be well-liked by its target audience (15-40 year old males), that I’ll put it out there in this manner. (I know only 55 pages are up right now – I’m doing it as a three-pronged attack.)

NOTE: If your book sucks, you’re in trouble on this approach.

3) Reviews. I have reviews on this site only so far, save for Roundie Henchman Ben Cox, who has reviewed it before he read it. I have 5 or 6 legit media/pop culture or book reviewing sites that have agreed to review so far, but that of course will take time. Books aren’t movies, even though mine is an easy read.

Best way to do this is to ask for a review and offer a free copy to do so with. Try making friends with them on Twitter/Facebook/etc, or by commenting on their blog/site first.

Yes, this is blatant schmoozing, but that’s part of business and marketing, and if there’s a mutual interest in what you both do, everyone wins, i.e. I’m not going to a hardcore science journal review site or a blog that does romance novel reviews and seeing if they want to review my book.

4) Stalkers. If you have any, they’re guaranteed to buy your book. I’m 2/2 on this count.

5) Media coverage. There are other things being done out there, such as blog book tours, offering yourself for podcasts, media/blog stories, or radio interviews, but I’m not really high on that at the moment.

I’m kinda jammed with a bunch of other stuff I’m doing, a lot of times you run into dead ends on that front, and I also don’t need to sell 10,000 books today.

I’m fine with a slow build, and I’m also in the position that I’ve got WSM? coming up, which should kinda gonna give me a nice boost in awareness of my work.

Overall, the point here is you can do almost anything, but I’m not of the opinion the hard sell is the way to go these days. You’re not going to sell 1000 books in week one. Probably not in your first six months, unless you’ve got some other stuff going on, or your book happens to have some kind of news-worthy element that gets you a ton of coverage.

I’d say give yourself a web presence, make that presence of value through offering chicken recipes, and then you’ll have people aware of, and supporting, your work. At some point they are likely to buy your book.

You rinse and repeat that enough times, and momentum and publicity will begin to generate itself. Here are some other sites I’ve found to educate myself on book marketing, and they all have links to other useful sites:

Nothing Binding
Author Marketing Experts
Chris Hamilton’s Publishing News
Nathan Bransford – Literary Agent

Those are great starts in terms of getting educated. Don’t fool yourself – this is a lot of work, and like I said about screenwriting, not a get rich quick scheme.

RESULTS

This is, of course, the number one question I’ve gotten: how many books have you sold? The answer is not as many as I’d like, but not as few as it could be.

Really, it’s been fine, and the most important thing is the feedback has been terrific. Like I said above, this isn’t necessarily a RIGHT NOW thing for me, so I’m happy to know people are enjoying the book. The fact that it’s a good read for people will do as much (eventually) as other actions.

One thing I’ve gotten a lot of is, “I’m planning to buy it at some point.” Book-reading is not an immediate, “Ooh…I’ll get to this right away” type deal, like a movie, unless you’re Harry Potter or Twilight. I’d guess even hardcore readers have a backlog of 10 books they need to get to.

That’s about all I know so far.

I’m five weeks in, and I’d guess the “three months in” post would look totally different. If you’re thinking about self-publishing, the first thing you have to do is finish your book, so I’d get started on that right away.

(Since PRELUDE TO A SUPER AIRPLANE is my first and (possibly) only book, I’ve decided to interview some writers, find out more about doing authoring, and see if they’d consider considering me as one of their peers.

The first such author is Christie Craig, who writes novels described as “sexy, suspenseful, and seriously funny”.

This is her website here. Her next book is called GOTCHA, and comes out in June.)

1) It looks by the epilogue of your last book, DIVORCED, DESPERATE AND DATING, that at least some of the story takes place on Christmas. My book does, too – except there are explosions, and a lot of hologram-powered technology.

Is it possible our two books take place in the same world?

Brian, actually, only the epilogue takes place on Christmas, but concerning the possibility of our books taking place in the same world, well…anything is possible. I don’t think I have any hologram-powered technology in my book, but I have a dishwasher.  I’ve seen a dishwasher explode with bubbles.  Believe me, it wasn’t pretty—bubbles everywhere. 

And I had a microwave in my book.  And just a couple months ago, my son put a whole egg in my microwave.  That was a pretty big explosion.  You should try that…or not.   Oh, oh, and in my last book, Divorced, Desperate and Delicious I had talking appliances and a singing fish.  So hey…anything…anything is possible.

2) You put out more books last year than I have in my whole life. Do you set specific “I’m writing x number of books this year” goals, or do you only write them when you feel the need? You may also be under contract, but I know nothing about the publishing business.

I write every day, so I guess you could say I feel the need every day. I love my job. I mean, people pay me to make up stuff. But yes, I am under contract. However, when I sold to Dorchester, I sold three books that were all completed. Then I sold three more and one of those was completed, and another was partially completed. I had been writing full time on my novels since 2000 and had a good stash of finished projects. I was very, very fortunate to find a publishing house that liked my writing voice and was willing to take chance on my quirky stories. I wrote for years, on blind faith, that some day I would sell and my novels would see the light of day and all my time “put in” would “pay off.”

3) Do you believe in boy ghosts and girl ghosts, or do you think ghosts are mostly asexual?

Brian, this question is insulting. Not to me. Not to you. Not to any gender or non-gender. But to the ghost. I mean think about it. Can’t you just hear the poor male ghosts screaming out, “I am a man. There’s no asexual to it! Please! Just because I died, I didn’t lose my “boys” in the transition! Death is bad, but it isn’t that bad!” You know how some men are about their boys. The other reason I believe that ghost maintain all their parts and identity, is because of all the romance novels with ghost heroes. I’ve read about some very masculine ghosts and they sure as heck were not asexual.

Thanks Christie. I will assume, since she didn’t explicitly say otherwise, that Christie considers me her authoring peer, and also great writer.

(The following is an excerpt from my book, Prelude to a Super Airplane. It can be purchased by clicking on any of the roughly 400 banners adorning this site, or by clicking here. It’s also available on Amazon.

I’ve posted the first 20 chapters (roughly 55 pages of PTSA) on this site. Links to each of those are at the end of this post, or you can download all of them as a pdf by clicking here.

Somehow Senator Joseph Piperbraum had never been in this particular airplane station goods shop before, despite his many important Senatoring travels.

That’s what made his purchase of items at the airplane station goods shop so exciting. It was exciting because it was new. His arms were bursting with a variety of items – some he needed, some not as much, and some he had no use for at all.

Senator Piperbraum brought his mother on this trip, and she noted that the prices here in this airplane station goods shop were higher than in other goods shops, such as the regular one, near her home in a suburb just outside of Akron, Ohio.

“Mother, please,” he had a way of chiding her that was both loving and warm. “I’m a United States Senator now.”

“Senators don’t worry about money?” she had this same loving and warm demeanor, and it was clear he had inherited it from she, as they were related.

“Senators don’t have their mothers telling them how to spend the money they have, be it a little or a lot.”

He winked at her. She winked back, and they both laughed. His mother had raised him alone, and thus Senator Piperbraum had a special bond with her. It was special because he didn’t have this bond with anyone else. Just with her, his mother. He was a Senator.

They winked at each other for forty-five minutes, alternating eyes each and every time.

An airplane station goods store employee noted this – first with amazement, then annoyance.

Senator Piperbraum had in his hands the airplane station goods store’s last copy of that week’s Entertaining Weekly, and several customers had asked for said periodical. There was a shortage of the issue nationwide, as the cover story was all about the fifteenth, and final, reading book in the Andreanna Marsupial series.

The airplane station goods store employee tapped the Senator on the shoulder.

The Senator turned his head to this uninvited guest to his world slowly, and with a squint in his eyes that conveyed anger and confusion, and an amazement to be in this situation. It was not unlike what Bruce Willis would have done in one of his many famous movies.

“Mister, you gonna buy that EW or what?”

The Senator’s mother began to speak, but her son was quick to hush her with an ever-so-slight wave of his hand. Being a Senator brought perks, such as this air of natural authority. Joseph Piperbraum liked to think he was singularly unique in this way, but of course, there were one hundred and five other Senators in These United States of America, as well.

“I’m a United States Senator. Show me your finest airplane neck stabilizing cushion, and I shall purchase it today.”

He hesitated, and it was effective.

“Without hesitation.”

Senator Joseph Piperbraum was enjoying this airplane station goods store indeed. He would be coming back to this place, and he would bring his mother with him, because they had a special bond, and he knew this bond would never be broken.

No matter what.

Brad Radby’s Foreward, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 31

(The following is an excerpt from my book, Prelude to a Super Airplane. It can be purchased by clicking on any of the roughly 400 banners adorning this site, or by clicking here. It’s also available on Amazon.

I’ve posted the first 20 chapters (roughly 55 pages of PTSA) on this site. Links to each of those are at the end of this post, or you can download all of them as a pdf by clicking here.

“What do you mean you’ve never voted?”

Despite being seemingly irresistible to everyone I’ve ever met, I’ve never been able to sustain a long-term, lasting relationship.⁴ It usually came back to that question – the one Jennifer just asked me.

Her phrasing was weird, but they all seemed to do it – the “What do you mean…?” portion.

I’ve tried to think of a thousand million different ways to say it, so they understand better, but always come back to thinking that “I’ve never voted” was about as clear and concise as I could be. What exactly does she think I meant?

“Well. I think this will be our first fight.”

Jennifer had come to visit me from The New York City. After the four hours we spent on that airplane ride together, there was no way we wouldn’t see each other again. Magic is magic, and we’d hit magic on that airplane ride.

Four hours of like, amazing conversation, mixed in with the occasional perfect silence, and even some non-awkward, accidental handholding when I dropped my Entertaining Weekly magazine.

We’d read that issue together, and it was the first time I’d ever done simultaneous, out-loud magazine reading. I’d always felt it a bit taboo, and man…it is. Sultry and seductive doesn’t do it justice.

It didn’t hurt that the cover story was about the Andreanna Marsupial book series – turns out we’re both huge fans.

I tried to play coy when she told me Handsomar Horsebuck was her favorite character. She, in turn, played coy during the Boppin’ Dopplepops article, as some sort of retaliatory flirtation technique.

Anyway, I had name-dropped my brother’s government so I could meet Jennifer at the airplane gate, and the magic picked up right where we’d left off.

We went to airplane baggage claim, got her airplane bag and this awesome pink guitar she’d brought, and…I don’t know – it was indescribable. This was the woman I would marry, hands down, no doubt, 100%.

I carried her to my car, symbolic of her being my future bride, and we left the airplane station.

That’s when everything went bad. Worse than that – it was a disaster. We couldn’t look at each other without it being awkward, and anytime we tried to start a conversation, there was no common ground. If she said the sky was blue, I said it was not blue, and vice versa.

The voting thing was the last straw for her. And for me. We were out of straws. Both of us. Together.

Jennifer stayed for one night, changed her flight, and left. It was by mutual decision – Jennifer and me just didn’t work.

Our love was simply two moments in time – one on an airplane ride, and the second during an airplane station pick-up. That was all it would ever be.

4 – I did have one very serious, sustained, long-term, lasting relationship, but since the girl it was with utterly destroyed my heart, and any chance of having a second sustained, long-term, lasting relationship, I try not to think about it.

Brad Radby’s Foreward, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 31

(The following is an excerpt from my book, Prelude to a Super Airplane. It can be purchased by clicking on any of the roughly 400 banners adorning this site, or by clicking here. It’s also available on Amazon.

I’ve posted the first 20 chapters (roughly 55 pages of PTSA) on this site. Links to each of those are at the end of this post, or you can download all of them as a pdf by clicking here.

The witch was sitting on her broom, reading a paperback reading book, which appeared, from the intensity of her reading, to be of great importance to her.

Floating in the air behind her were exactly thirty-nine candles, and the light from their flames helped her to read the words inside the important reading book.

Even though she was but twenty-five pages in, the witch had become engrossed in this reading book. This surprised the witch, because when her reading group had put forth the book, she’d found the title ill conceived.

This was because, in the witch’s opinion, the title of the reading book made it sound epic, pretentious, and stupid, all at once.

After many years of reading her reading books, and because of her membership in several reading groups, the witch knew a book such as one fitting this description was not possible – it was contradictory, and outside the grasp of normal human ability. And so, when presented with the book in her reading book group, she assumed the book, with its ill-conceived title, must be poorly written.

Knowing all of this, and despite the poor writing, she was enjoying the book immensely. She’d even taken to periodically emailing the author, who readily (and stupidly, she thought) provided his online internet email address inside the book.

Because of this, the witch feared he was possibly just another in the long line of charismatic, good-looking idiot savant types she tended to attract.

The witch closed the book, for at this time another member of her coven/reading group was contacting her by way of a telepathy spell.

“Abracadabra!”

The witch needed to say this in order to cast her reply telepathy spell. (She laughed to herself, as she thought of all the foolish humans that thought this was a word only for magicians, who didn’t even cast real spells. The irony!)

This went on for 55 minutes – the back and forth telepathy between the witch and the other witch. The one from her coven/reading group.

When the telepathic conversation was over, the witch looked to the moon, basking her witch-face in its soft glow. She thought about the two vitally important new witch-tasks she had to do tomorrow afternoon, and she was happy.

The witch fingered these new tasks into her Blackberri Tornado mobile telephone’s calendar, placing them after lunch, but before her trip to the tattoo parlor.

She then swirled the thirty-nine candles in dizzying circles around the ceiling – a spontaneous and girlish show of glee! This surprised her, as she had not been a girl in quite some time.

In fact, when she was reading her reading books alone by candlelight, or when she went out to the hot and trendy dance clubs, the witch often felt quite old…and alone.

But now, because of the epic, pretentious, and stupid book from her reading group/coven, and because of the two new tasks in her Blackberri Tornado, everything had changed, and perhaps work would not be so unbearable the next day.

Brad Radby’s Foreward, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 31

(The following is an excerpt from my book, Prelude to a Super Airplane. It can be purchased by clicking on any of the roughly 400 banners adorning this site, or by clicking here. It’s also available on Amazon.

I’ve posted the first 20 chapters (roughly 55 pages of PTSA) on this site. Links to each of those are at the end of this post, or you can download all of them as a pdf by clicking here.

Ah, ye ole Writing Hat – this one is simple, because a writer is a person who does writing.

Movie scripts entail the vast majority of my writing work, and I’ve been told that I have a singularly unique ability best described as, and I quote, “an a-hole-like ability to take anything and turn it into a screenplay”.

(The fact that you’re reading this book makes this ironically true.)

Additionally, at various times and for various reasons, I’ve written songs, and for a brief window, I attained godhood in the professional basketball online internet blogosphere.

(There were six months in my early 20s wherein I illegally drew up contracts for a large lawyering firm in Cleveland, Ohio. They paid me under the table, which for that and other obvious reasons, I won’t elaborate on. I don’t even know if that counts as writing.)

What you’re doing now is reading my first attempt at writing a reading book. I’ve never done this before, and I hope it doesn’t affect the text and/or clarity of this reading book, as it is my first attempt.

As such, I think you can probably expect repetitive phrasing, amateurish melodramatic prose, incorrect grammar and syntax, overwritten prose, adverb abuse, bad prose, over-identification of characters, and a host of other poor book writing indicators, including, but not limited to, completely making up new words, and giving up on certain sentences wholesale.

There are also a host of words, phrases, and extra commas I use all the time that I’m 90% sure I’m using wrong or whatever.

A few I can remember, in this moment:

* any and all forms of “ironic”
* raw, savage
* alpha dawg
* fingering
* ,
* or whatever

As a gift to you, and in an attempt to mask my amateur book-writing status, I’ll try to keep in mind the best writing advice I’ve ever gotten: KEEP IT SIMPLE.

That said, in this moment, one thing I know I’ll do is enhance sentences with stuff like “furthermore,” or “in this moment,” just to make things sound more like critically acclaimed literature should sound.

Now that I’ve described my various entertainment industry hats, we can probably get on with the heavy lifting of the narrative. I do want to go over one more thing, and please know that the following words came to me in a dream – a dream I’ll never, ever talk about.

This is some raw, savagely honest stuff, so turn away if you’re sensitive. Call this a reading book mission statement.

Welcome to the first reading book that I’ve ever written. I’m not even sure what this reading book is about yet – I just love the title.

It sounds epic and pretentious and stupid all at once, and if I were going to write a book, that’s exactly what it would have to be like.

Brad Radby’s Foreward, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 31