This was my first book – the one where I admit I’m deceptively muscular.

They were like, “what does that mean” to me in their live broadband video note, and I was wearing a baggy sweatshirt [...]]]> I was talking this weekend with a book reader, and the book they had read was mine.

This was my first book – the one where I admit I’m deceptively muscular.

They were like, “what does that mean” to me in their live broadband video note, and I was wearing a baggy sweatshirt so I showed them this picture.

“Is that even the same guy,” is what their face meant to say, and then they wanted to know some famous people who maybe had this condition, also.

Joel McHale took his shirt off on Community and now he has a DM trophy. Ben Affleck could be DM if he wanted to.

Ryan Reynolds was DM until he just started having his shirt off all the time, which made it undeceptive.

That’s the big-time temptation of being DM. There’s an urge to let everyone know, like how I put in that hazy picture above or how the Force goes bad guy for some people in Star Trek.

Also me and Joel (and Christian Bale sometimes) work really hard to get like this so if you’re naturally muscular or (especially) blatantly muscular, you’re boring.

Go to the dog pound!

I am really having the crazy day this time on my dot com blog. lol

If you have no idea what a Two Gun Girl might be, go watch this Two Gun Guy thing.

Anyway, most of this week has been spent brooding and being happy about how [...]]]> So my sister did some photoshoot for a friend last week, and I just got my eyes on the pictures.

If you have no idea what a Two Gun Girl might be, go watch this Two Gun Guy thing.

Anyway, most of this week has been spent brooding and being happy about how sad and happy I am. Also, lots of self-important writing.

Over at AOL Fanhouse, I wrote up my problems with LeBron James, and did a podcast with Brett Pollakoff, wherein I talked about LeBron’s Dancing Crisis, Bill Simmons’ basketball book, and of course some Who Shot Mamba? plugging.

At Yahoo!’s Ball Don’t Lie, there’s a small essay about the logistics and fun of shooting at Bill Walton’s house. Couple cool behind-the-scenes pics – I think in that one I’m trying to explain what an Orange Roundie is.

LOL!

What.

At CT Kingston’s blog – otherwise known as @CTK1, I did maybe my favorite Photoshop work I’ve ever done for part of her mega-super-2009-roundup-post.

Thanks also to @DennyMayo, @mfeige, @cjrider, and @thegnc for joining me in that Matt Bullard-based Houston Rockets chat, helping to bring Calvin Stadiums, Petey Skippen, Sherpa, Peter Ovaire, Brad Radby, Russell Slanteer, Monstero, and others to vivid life.

Keep in mind we are twins, but I’ma go ahead and say it – do you want to date my sister?

Here’s the deal – I won’t do anything with it, because there are people who worked on it who haven’t been paid yet.

Details are unimportant and avoid the bottom line: the proverbial buck stops with me on this project, I take full responsibility for [...]]]> Occasionally I get asked whatup with 2WO G2N G2Y.

Here’s the deal – I won’t do anything with it, because there are people who worked on it who haven’t been paid yet.

Details are unimportant and avoid the bottom line: the proverbial buck stops with me on this project, I take full responsibility for it, and the fact that it’s unresolved sixth months later is an unfair, embarrassing, and ugly situation.

These are the initials of everyone who hasn’t been paid:

DG, JM, NJ, CS, SS, CS, JC, and AT.

I’ll link to this up in the 2GG tab above, and knock people off the list as this is taken care of. If you’re one of these people and you have to vent, go ahead and do it right here – I (and I alone) deserve to be bad-mouthed until it’s a closed case.

I learned a couple producering lessons on 2GG for sure, and unfortunately the good and talented people who helped make it have felt a trickle-down effect.

(For the sake of transparency, I also owe my parents about $6,500,000 in “metal anguish fees” for pretty much my entire high school experience.)

I’m thinking about writing a screenplay, blah blah, what should I do, tips, etc blah?

I don’t know why this comes to me, considering my one produced feature credit and my one web series credit, neither of which have been released yet.

Obviously this isn’t all that [...]]]> I actually get this question a lot:

I’m thinking about writing a screenplay, blah blah, what should I do, tips, etc blah?

I don’t know why this comes to me, considering my one produced feature credit and my one web series credit, neither of which have been released yet.

Obviously this isn’t all that I’ve written or even had made – it’s just those are the only two that are public in any way.

I suppose it’s because I have a lot of readers who are writers, and I’m all accessible and have perfected the art of pretending to be able to pretend I’m intelligent.

So yeah – I was asked this over the weekend again, and decided to just put my answer up as a post for the long haul.

I’m doing it on Sunday, because a lot of you won’t care about the answers, but it’ll be here to link to in the future.

Thus…read on if you wish. Little to no jokes follow.

Everything or not much at all depends on what you plan to do with your first screenplay, but my best advice is as follows:

1) Keep it simple. Don’t try and write the next Pulp Fiction your first time out. You need to know the basics before you start getting clever and deconstructing traditional film storytelling.

I started writing somewhere in the early 2000s, and because of The Sixth Sense, I was convinced anything I wrote needed a huge twist at the end – one which was cleverly hinted at throughout the entire film. Debate whether The Sixth Sense‘s twist actually did this another time – you get my point.

Yes, you may feel like you’re being predictable or formulaic, but those movies get made and work because…they work. For example, action movies all follow a certain formula, and that formula exists because the formula makes for a good movie. There’s nothing wrong with following it, and you can still give it a unique voice, concept, and point of view within that formula.

Picking apart the formula can totally make for an amazing script/movie, but you better understand the inner workings of what you’re ripping open first.

2) Get software or a correctly formatted template of some kind. If it actually looks like a screenplay, you’ll feel a lot better about it, and if you want to have anyone read it who knows screenplays, they will too. Final Draft is the best. Here’s a link to an MS word template.

3) Save your best concept/be realistic. You won’t realize it at the time, but your first screenplay will suck, and it might be difficult to rewrite it in the future when you know the craft better, because you already burned your enthusiasm for it on the sucky one. First time out, use an idea you can have great enthusiasm for, but don’t mind throwing away forever if/when it doesn’t come out good.

I would say my first legitimately “okay” screenplay was my third one, which is also the one that got me my first agent. My first “good” one was my fourth, and my first one to generate income was my seventh. My first to get made was my eighth.

My ninth was technically (if not creatively) my best, simply because having actually seen something go from script to screen taught me more than anything else I’d ever learned put together.

(This doesn’t include scripts that were abandoned before completion because they just weren’t working. The point: screenwriting isn’t a get-rich-quick scheme, and if you only have one idea, you better be ready to think of some more.)

4) Read a bunch of professional screenplays, including some to movies you’ve seen. There are tons of them at JoBlo. Here are the scripts to 2WO G2N G2Y (web series) parts 4-8, if you’d like to see a little of my junk.

5) Write it, then read screenplay writing books afterward. This was my what my experience taught me. I read a bunch of books – mainly to put off actually writing. It was like reading a different language. These books will be way more useful if you’re able to put what they’re telling you into some kind of context.

Disclaimer: I was NOT good in school, and only learn things by doing them. I’m literally incapable of being taught, unless I can put it into like a real-world, in my hands, “doing” of something. It occurs to me this is probably why I’ve always hated history.

6) A screenplay is not a novel. You’re not attempting to make someone weep with your beautiful prose, and if we don’t need to absolutely see it onscreen, it doesn’t go in the script. If Joe has a messy apartment, “Joe’s apartment is a mess” will suffice. I don’t want to know what color Joe’s sink is, unless it’s necessary to know that for the story for some reason.

If you write a paragraph telling your reader how glorious the sunset is, it’s a waste of time. This is not prose or poetry – this is a blueprint for making a movie. “They watch the sunset – it’s beautiful.” That’s all you need – that might even be too much, if it’s obvious the sunset is supposed to be beautiful already.

7) Start reading John August’s website. Also go back and read the archives. There’s nice insight into the business as well as doing screenwriting itself. This is who John August is, if you’re not familiar.

8) Just write it, and stop talking about writing it. If you’re asking about it, you want to write it, so go write it.

These are just my opinions, and I know the one you’re burning up about is #3. Look, I hope you’re the exception – I hope your first screenplay is amazing and makes you a ton of money.

Keep in mind when you read those stories about the “first-time screenwriter” though – it usually means it’s their first produced screenplay, not the first one they ever wrote.

Anyway, I hope this is helpful – good luck to youse.

LeBron better get his stuff together before I accuse him of spending all his time at the movies again.

Yes, he had a triple-double lasterday, but only because he went out of his way to try at his doing rebounding at the end, in order to get said triple-double.

The rest of the [...]]]>

LeBron better get his stuff together before I accuse him of spending all his time at the movies again.

Yes, he had a triple-double lasterday, but only because he went out of his way to try at his doing rebounding at the end, in order to get said triple-double.

The rest of the game he was acting like Tracy McGrady.

Z being out for a month (my estimate) stinks, so maybe it’s time to do the Wally-for-Brad Miller trade. All goes well, and Wally can be back with CLE by this time next month. He looks like he could use the rest anyway.

I see a lot of music videos at the gym that I’ve never seen before – probably because the gym is the only place I watch music videos.

Anyway, below is where some German chicks called Ultra Flirt try to trick a man into giving them a Ferrari.

I like this because it completely fools you into thinking the girls are hot, plus the whole thing seems like it’s from 1985, but Germanies are really doing this today.

Oh, and it’s a remix of “Heaven is a Place on Earth”, but I don’t think there’s any irony involved in this concept.

I like the part where the robot voice goes, “Let’s go!” and it says “Let’s Go!” on the screen at the same time.

Speaking of the 1985, here’s another video from last year where Doc Brown helps rappers dance with girls.

Catchy in its own way, plus at some point, Doc apparently dropped the wife, kids, and choo-choo train. It’s like a continuity mystery.

Okay, so Monday two things will happen.

1) The full lowdown on my book. Excerpts start getting posted Tuesday. If you’re clever enough, you can buy it now.

2) You can start playing Vegetable Trivia Game for real, and it’s the only way to win a free copy of my book, and it can only be done on Twitter. If you’re not following me now, maybe you should go start.

I’ve almost got it figured out, and I knew that was true when I started using it to hit on girls.

There was some debate in the Christmas Household yesterday over whether the Lakers or Celtics were the preferred victors in the Christmas Day Basketball Game.

Reason being, it’d be really fun if the Cavs were the ones to break their winning streak on January 9 in CLE.

Logic ruled out in the end [...]]]>

There was some debate in the Christmas Household yesterday over whether the Lakers or Celtics were the preferred victors in the Christmas Day Basketball Game.

Reason being, it’d be really fun if the Cavs were the ones to break their winning streak on January 9 in CLE.

Logic ruled out in the end – we’re looking at a team that will probably go no worse than 67-15. You’ve gotta gain in the standings anywhere you can, because there simply won’t be much room to make up games, period.

And so, the Cavs are now 1.5 back, after a scary, Christmas Cookie fueled win over the Wizards. I think LeBron spent most of the day watching Shrek 3.

I thought the pre-game thing was lame – do it with real chalk next time, please.

That said, it’d be awesome if LeBron started throwing confetti in the air himself instead of the chalk from now on.

Moving on. My Christmas Smile is diminished, as I’ve expanded my form up to 205 pounds since coming home. For the record, during 2GG I was 179.

Vain person that I am, I’ll now be trimming away at this – all should be back where it’s supposed to be soon, ie Brian Re-yoked.

I feel like garbage, and I started off with a solid 40 minutes on the elliptical with my prize-winning gym buddy this morning.

Apparently my Christmas post caused some confusion, but that’s why it’s called a tease. Although it says January 6th on there, I’ll actually be revealing the full scoop on January 5th.

That’s what should confuse you.

Anyway, I again encourage you to go join my FB group Southwestern Airplane Rides Consumer Action Group and to start guessing.

Regarding FB, generally I only befriend people I’ve met in person. It’s not that I’m paranoid – it’s that I’m super paranoid. Please don’t take it personally.

I can’t see doing a “walking down the street” or “typing something into Twitter” or “making out with a bunch of girls at once [...]]]> Okay, I’m doing Twitter, but I don’t know if I’ll keep up with it. Honestly, anything I have to say to the internet, I usually flesh out right here.

I can’t see doing a “walking down the street” or “typing something into Twitter” or “making out with a bunch of girls at once again”.

I got a haircut yesterday, and it eliminated almost all my black hair left from 2WO G2N G2Y.

I’m kinda torn, because I think I like my hair dark, and plus my sister arrived over the weekend, and she said it looks better dark. I trust her judgment in such matters.

The last thing I want to do is get into some thing whereby I have to do any sort of maintenance on hair, either long or short term.

I suppose the answer to this situation will present itself.

I think my favorite toy of all the nieces’ toys are their Duplo blocks.

A lot of people will tell you that stuff like this is true skill with Legos, but I’ve built like a bunch of these towers (as seen above), and they’re super cool.

The thing is, the person who did the Star Wars thing literally couldn’t achieve what I did with my construct, because he’d keep trying to make it too advanced.

I’m getting some of these blocks for myself as soon as I get back to LA.

I’d love to hear your best guesses. Here’s a link to the website.

This is my current status on Facebook, and I have to admit I’ve amused myself again.

Brian Spaeth is a Blackberry American.

There was a day I would’ve ran over to godaddy and reserved blackberryamerican.com asap, coming up with some sort of idea [...]]]> Survey please – which of these fonts do you like best?

This is my current status on Facebook, and I have to admit I’ve amused myself again.

Brian Spaeth is a Blackberry American.

There was a day I would’ve ran over to godaddy and reserved blackberryamerican.com asap, coming up with some sort of idea for it that I’d never execute.

Sigh…those were the days.

Speaking of DAYS du YAY, old pal Jordi Scrubbings just emailed and told me a bunch of people are still subscribed to YAYsports! via Google RSS Pages, Inc or whatever it is.

Far more than are signed up here, which means what they want is available, and they’re not getting it. (Or, they just haven’t cleaned out their feeds in awhile.)

Anyway, even though it’s more likely the latter, I’ma have to put a new post over there, explicitly telling people I’m over here, and am now “I” instead of “we”. I just didn’t want you to get frightened if you see something over there – “we” aren’t back.

Anyway, because of CLE-NYK lasterday, I was forced to have the Ahmad Rashad/Gary Payton/Max Vebber NBATV show unleashed on me, which is the only way I know how to describe it.

What was the pitch on that?

We’ll make it just like the TNT show, except a less elaborate set, and instead of witty banter between complimentary personalities, we’ll just put whoever out there and hope Ahmad can keep it sane without slitting his throat. If things start to slip, we’ll just run continuous clips and pictures for three minutes straight, and have the guys literally just laugh harder than humanly possible, and make random noises like ‘whoop’, ‘whee’, or ‘wacka-wacka-wacka’.

Yes, because Photoshopped images, old clips of the hosts playing sports, and rampant CACKLING is what makes that TNT show work.

You just throw those three things out there, in any combo, and you’ve got a show.

Special guest star Richard Jefferson was so horrified he simply took off before halftime.

btw I am so, so, so very in love with airplanes right now.

Here it is:

Shall I compare you to Jean-Paul Belmondo in A Bout de Souffle instead? Ok then…your nonchalant, cat like nimble way with the guns reminded [...]]]> I have an old friend who’s a legit literary critic (or something), so I asked him to give me his most pretentious review of the 2GG trailer.

Here it is:

Shall I compare you to Jean-Paul Belmondo in A Bout de Souffle instead? Ok then…your nonchalant, cat like nimble way with the guns reminded me of Jean-Paul Belmondo smoking his cheap cigarettes as he relieved an innocent passerby of his car, using the gun like his fist, and of course never ruffling his suit. There is perhaps a dash of the vengeful protagonist in Old Boy, a seething drive to act and kill based on the supreme truth of a profoundly unjust life.

That’s DVD cover material.

Anyway, the Cavs just kinda swatted the Nets aside as prep for the Lasers tonight, and as the game was in Jersey, the talk of course turned to where LeBron is going to play in 2010.

“When I decide to make that decision, it’s going to basically put me in a position where I feel I can win multiple championships,” James said. “If it’s staying here, I’ll be here, and if it’s moving elsewhere, then I’ll have to look at all my options.”

I haven’t done this in awhile, so let’s go ahead and discuss it.

Keep in mind, during my NBA sabbatical, I came to peace with the whole “LeBron will leave CLE thing”. If he goes, it won’t affect me one way or the other.

Honestly, I don’t have a gut feel on it right now. The people on message boards saying LBJ cares most about the people of Cleveland are delusional – let’s make that clear.

My breakdown, and none of these points smoothly connect with others. The point is nobody has a clear picture right now:

1) The most important thing to LeBron is his brand.
2) The best thing for the that brand is a championship.
3) The best place to do that, talent wise, right now, is in Cleveland.
4) Another good thing for the brand would be moving to the Knicks, obviously. (I think we can all agree NJ is out at this point, and the Lakers can’t afford him.)
5) In terms of sports history/legacy only, winning a title in Cleveland is far more valuable than winning one in NY.
6) If the Cavs win a championship in the next couple years, it makes it easier for him to leave, ie “I need new challenges”. (The key would be for the Cavs to win in 2010, so he looks like a huge jerk if he doesn’t defend it.)

What it comes down to is nobody knows what he’s doing, and it’s clear LeBron loves being famous, and loves toying with people’s perceptions even more.

As the NBA stand right now, if he leaves, he doesn’t really care about winning. There’s my contribution – like I said, I’m fine either way, and there’s no reason to talk about this until season after next.

I love the contact form – here’s another old school friend who got in touch:

Raja Bell () wrote: Choo choo!

Although Raja – how could you not fill in the “website” part?

In my ongoing quest to find out what’s wrong with my Curve and figure out how to get a Storm, the charming and seductive Tara of T-Mobile helped me find out a few things in our hour plus together:

1) She hunts and has a boyfriend.
2) She’s going to watch the [...]]]> Awesome news.

In my ongoing quest to find out what’s wrong with my Curve and figure out how to get a Storm, the charming and seductive Tara of T-Mobile helped me find out a few things in our hour plus together:

1) She hunts and has a boyfriend.
2) She’s going to watch the 2GG trailer.
3) There are two T-Mobile towers down in the area, and this happened right around when mine went wonky. This has been diagnosed as the problem.
4) If I went over and helped fix the tower myself, that probably won’t make things happen any faster, even though I can bring my own hammer.

And the most important thing ever…

5) Verizon only has a one-year exclusive on the Storm – T-Mobile will have it next year around this time.

This is actually a good thing – it gives them a year to get the glitches out for me, I don’t have to switch carriers, and by this time next year, we’ll probably be three more generations of phone forward.

All I have to do now is hold out.

Thanks to the new widgets in the sidebar, everything should be a little more orderly around here. I’m toying with the idea of a different template, but I don’t want to get over-excited and make things complicated.

(I’ll be streamlining the YAYsports! set-up and archives sometime soon, so certain things are easier to find for the historically inclined.)

One new thing here is the contact form, which has already yielded some neat questions. (I think I was rediscovered by some lapsed YAY readers when I rec’d a TrueHoop link the other day.)

Let’s roll through them:

Are you gay?

No.

Are you stupid?

Technically, no. Measured by real-life actions, without a doubt.

your old website sucked anyway

I think I agreed with this to some extent, although I caught myself going through the archives of both YAY and Hey, Deer the other day, and I have to say I’m pretty good at this sometimes.

I had another site I was going to put on the network back then called Trollr, where I would email people who wrote letters in magazines, trying to pick fights with them over what they wrote.

I did a couple test cases, and it was hilarious. Imagine being all excited about having your letter to People Weekly published, and some idiot randomly emails to tell you your opinion of Angelina Jolie is dumb and you shouldn’t be allowed to use email ever again.

That was the jist of it. I’m planning a personal, mini-version of this where I’m going to email by brother about the Star Trek trailer, and how much better it is than original Star Trek.

Will you email me the Eastham Way poem that 2WO G2N G2Y is based on? You said you would.

Eastham actually returned one of my emails and said it is in fact online. I couldn’t find it, but if he says it is, it is.

How do you pronounce your last name?

It rhymes with “faith”.

test

I sent this one to myself. It worked!

Anyway, that’s all – the funny thing is my email is like the easiest thing to either figure out and/or find, but I like to seem pretentious by having an important contact form.

Cavs-Nets! Victory!

Higher quality Quicktime version is over at the 2GG main site.

Clearly looking to capitalize off the future success of 2WO G2N G2Y, some writer for Syracuse DOT COM has dubbed his buddy THE Gun Guy, and is dispensing firearms device.

Being that I played [...]]]> (That thing being arrowed is awesome – I’ll bet instead of bullets it just fires fully formed explosions.)

Clearly looking to capitalize off the future success of 2WO G2N G2Y, some writer for Syracuse DOT COM has dubbed his buddy THE Gun Guy, and is dispensing firearms device.

Being that I played 2GG, and thus have held real guns several times over the course of three days, I feel I must get into character and answer these questions the correct way.

While this would seem like it’d be an ongoing feature, I’ll bet I only do it once.

Here is the question that was sent to the guy.

While the writer signed it “Joe Trihey”, I think his real name is probably, “I Have Way Too Much To Say About Guns Trihey”.

Besides all his words, I can’t help but think there’s something wrong when a person is looking for advice that is best summed up as, “my gun isn’t killing things good enough”.

Question:
I have recently purchased the a new BAR Longtac 270 and I am a little displeased with the accuracy of the gun. I would like to share a few details of my experience with the gun and get a professional opinion on the matter. I have been a deer hunter for the past 12-14 years and I’ve had several bolt action rifles, all of them being 270s and have been pleased with the accuracy and flat trajectory of this caliber. I am accustomed to still hunting but have recently moved to an area where dog hunting is the primary focus and the guys I hunt with shoot rifles, naturally automatic rifles. The majority of them consider Browning the only automatic rifle. I did some research and found that it has a good reputation for reliability and accuracy. After purchasing the Longtrac I mounted a 3x9x40 bushnell elite 4200 scope along with weaver bases and rings. I would have used leupold mounts but I had a bad experience with these in the past.

The rest is after the link, followed by 2GG’s answer.

I first sighted the rifle in at 25 yds. I moved the target out to 100 yds. Shot 3 different brands of 130 grain bullets (core lokt, hornady custom, rem prem accutip) and 3 shots each. The gun was shooting all over the place, 5-6″ groups at best with the hornady’s. The person with me said it was me. But I am usually capable of shooting 1″ groups with other rifles so I knew that was not the case. Just to make sure, I quit for the day, cleaned the gun that night and shot it again the next day. The results were not better. After this I began to examine the gun. I noticed that the crown was not center of the bore and it was not square either (almost looks like somebody slipped with a cordless drill). It is not easily noticable but it definately is not right. So I took it to a local guy, who I believe is a gunsmith, and had him look it over. He found that the scope bases were loose. I was very surprised b/c I used a thread locker and tightened them pretty good or at least I thought so. He tightened them and remounted the scope. I told him that I had mounted the scope well and he said that the aluminum reciever has steel plugs that the base screws go into and that these can sometimes come loose from the reciever. He said to shoot the gun some more and check the bases again, if they were loose again to send it back to Browning. I asked him about the crown, and he replied that it probably would not make a great impact on the accuracy.

I took the gun back to the range. Zeroed in at 25 yds, and then shot three 3 shot groups at 100 with the ammo mentioned above. This time it shot better, but not what I expect out of a $1100.00 gun and scope. The rem ammo shot 3-4″ groups and the Hornady about 2″. One thing I find strange about the groups is the pattern; it shows some consistency but not accuracy. I kept 6 of the targets I shot, using a new target for each 3 shot group. On 3 out of the six targets there is a pattern that is very similar. The pattern is like this: 3 bullet holes following a diagonal line 3-6″ long consistantly going higher and to the right away from the bullseye almost making a straight line if you connect the dots. I dont know which ones are the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd shot but at any rate it is notable. In fact on two of the last three targets shot 2 of the holes line up almost perfectly with one another.

I have not yet taken the scope off to check the base screws. First of all I would like to know if it is possible for the “steel plugs” inside the aluminum receiver to actually come loose, it could have been me not using enough torque the 1st time. Secondly to what effect could the crown have on accuracy. To give you an idea of the crown dislocation: it looks slightly egg shaped looking into the bore and on one side of the crown the depth of the crown is about the thickness of a dime and exactly opposite of that it is about the thickness of a small paper clip and then about an eigth of the circumfrence looks like it did not get crowned at all. So I am wondering if this will have an effect on accuracy and if it does should I have the gun replaced or have the barrel recrowned. The reason I would be hesitant to have the gun replaced is because it did shoot a 2″ group with the bad crown and if there is a good possibility that a correct crown job could bring it down to an inch then I would say that I have a good gun and just a bad crown, and why should I return it when I may get a gun that will not shoot any better than 2″ groups with a good crown job. From what I read mass production guns, especially automatics are hit and miss.
- Joe Trihey

DEAR JOE GET ANOTHER GUN SO YOU HAVE TWO ADN THEN SHOOT EVERYTHING YOU SEE THANKS FOR WRITING 2GG

UPDATE: The following quote is from The Gun Guy’s actual answer, and if you think it’s not making its way into a future 2GG script, then you’re wrong:

A good man with a bolt action rifle is hard to beat.

So true. So very true.

To me, it looks like the same Enterprise, but cooler and modernerer.

I’m a big fan of the director, so I’ll be seeing [...]]]> My brother is a huge Star Trek fan, so I’m sure he hates this picture of the new Enterprise (from next summer’s re-boot movie) on some kind of general principle.

To me, it looks like the same Enterprise, but cooler and modernerer.

I’m a big fan of the director, so I’ll be seeing this. I also saw Beverly Hills Chihuahua, so that statement might not be worth much.

I read maybe the stupidest thing ever in this article about the increase in gun purchases, from the Chicago Tribune.

“Why are white people buying assault weapons?” said Ben Agger, a sociology professor at the University of Texas at Arlington who wrote a book about the Virginia Tech slayings. “I almost hate to say it, but there is a deep-seated fear of the armed black man, because Obama now commands the military and other instruments of the justice system. They are afraid Obama will exact retribution for the very deep-seated legacy of slavery.”

I don’t know, maybe my read of the man is off, but I can’t see him putting down an executive order for the military to start shooting white people.

The last thing I want to do is get into a huge gun control debate, but the Second Amendment is a consistently misread decree, ie it’s the product of a different era, and is no longer relevant.

Google Talk now has video for the Mac, which is where you can see other people when you talk to them.

This isn’t as exciting as my song about airplanes, but worth mentioning.

Sorry this is kind of scattered, but I’ve been trying to get up the 2GG site, as you’re getting close to a teaser trailer going live.

I’m in a branding disaster on this thing – I really want it to be 2WO G2N G2Y (and have that domain), but let’s run a scenario:

You’re in the street, and someone tackles you, and they’re like, “GO WATCH TWO GUN GUY ON THE ONLINE INTERNET!”

You don’t go home and search for “2WO G2N G2Y”, you go search for “TWO GUN GUY”, right? (Or “TO GUYN GIE” if you’re a non-speller.)

I dunno – I think it’s all work itself out. By the way, if you want to work on the marketing for this, I’m paying $5 per person you tackle/scream.

NOTE: Guess whose blog is the #1 Google result for “LeBron James yoked”?

This is a song I wrote for a special someone. I hadn’t thought about airplanes in so long, and after spending time with her, I really wanted to think about them again.

This just spilled right out of my heart…directly. I only have the music in my head, but it’d be like an [...]]]>

This is a song I wrote for a special someone. I hadn’t thought about airplanes in so long, and after spending time with her, I really wanted to think about them again.

This just spilled right out of my heart…directly. I only have the music in my head, but it’d be like an 80s Bon Jovi power ballad:

AIRPLANE IN THE SKY
BY BRIAN

Airplane in the sky,
There you go,
I don’t know where you’re goin’,
But you’re in the sky.

Your wings keep you up there,
That’s so nice,
The stewardess,
Gives out drinks with ice,
Everybody’s happy,
All up in there,
They hope you don’t crash,
And I know you won’t!

Chorus:
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY!
OH, I DON’T KNOW WHY!
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY (EYE-EYE)!
I WISH I WAS ON YOU!
SITTIN’ IN YOUR NICE LEATHER SEATS (So plush…)

The clouds are no object to your mighty jets,
The jets are engines and they run on gas,
It’s not like car gas, oh no-no,
It’s like jets for planes,
And that’s so damn different!

(***Cool extended guitar/saxophone riff-off back and forth***)

I see your picture in a magazine,
But Airplanes Weekly just isn’t the same,
Cause all you airplanes,
You’re not just like us,
And seein’ you in person,
Not in 2-D,
I wanna take you in my arms,
But you’re a huge airplane!

Chorus:
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY!
OH, I DON’T KNOW WHY!
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY (EYE-EYE)!
I WISH I WAS ON YOU!
SITTIN’ IN YOUR NICE LEATHER SEATS (So plush…)

AIRPLANE IN THE SKY!
OH, I DON’T KNOW WHY!
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY (EYE-EYE)!
I WISH A LOT OF THINGS!
BE MY AIRPLANE! BE MY AIRPLANE!!

(***Cool extended keyboard/guitar riff-off back and forth***)

Now, baby, now we’re gettin’ close,
To the first quarter of this song bein’ done,
Long way to go,
Just like your wings are long (and beautiful),
It’s gonna get intense,
Just like my gaze,
I’ll sit in your first class,
Or even the back,
As long as we’re together,
And you’re going over 400 miles per hour!

Chorus:
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY!
OH, I DON’T KNOW WHY!
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY (EYE-EYE)!
I WISH I WAS ON YOU!
SITTIN’ IN YOUR NICE LEATHER SEATS (So plush…)

I wanna tell you somethin’,
I never told no one,
I don’t know if ‘no one’ is two words or one,
If it’s one, then it’s pronounced “noon”,
So that’s kinda bad,
Unless it’s in writing,
See why everything’s better up in the sky!

(***Cool extended keyboard/saxophone riff-off back and forth***)

I think what you can see what this is building toward,
Three days together,
Each one represented by an instrument,
The keyboard is Friday,
The saxophone Saturday,
The guitar is Sunday,
And they’re going to war!

Chorus:
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY!
OH, I DON’T KNOW WHY!
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY (EYE-EYE)!
I WISH I WAS ON YOU!
SITTIN’ IN YOUR NICE LEATHER SEATS (So plush…)

AIRPLANE IN THE SKY!
OH, I DON’T KNOW WHY!
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY (EYE-EYE)!
I WISH A LOT OF THINGS!
BE MY AIRPLANE! BE MY AIRPLANE!!

Here it comes girl,
Here it comes girl,
It’s gonna get crazy,
Don’t know what’s gonna happen!

(***Mega-cool extended 3-way keyboard/saxophone/guitar triple riff-off back and forth and a third way***)

Chorus:
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY!
OH, I DON’T KNOW WHY!
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY (EYE-EYE)!
I WISH I WAS ON YOU!
SITTIN’ IN YOUR NICE LEATHER SEATS (So plush…)

AIRPLANE IN THE SKY!
OH, I DON’T KNOW WHY!
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY (EYE-EYE)!
I WISH A LOT OF THINGS!
BE MY AIRPLANE! BE MY AIRPLANE!!

Repeat Chorus 17 times (With explosion sounds and additional 3-way riffing until someone wins the riff contest; also the singer has to sing the last line over and over until he loses his voice (no matter how long it takes), and that’s when the song ends.):

AIRPLANE IN THE SKY!
OH, I DON’T KNOW WHY!
AIRPLANE IN THE SKY (EYE-EYE)!
I WISH A LOT OF THINGS!
BE MY AIRPLANE! BE MY AIRPLANE!!
BE MY AIRPLANE! BE MY AIRPLANE!!
BE MY AIRPLANE! BE MY AIRPLANE!!
BE MY AIRPLANE! BE MY AIRPLANE!!
BE MY AIRPLANE! BE MY AIRPLANE!!
BE MY AIRPLANE! BE MY AIRPLANE!!

Well, we’re done shooting in Dallas.

The project is a web series called 2WO G2N G2Y.

It’s a long story, but it’s actually an adaptation of a series of poems I licensed from a writer named Eastham Way. They were originally called “The Man Who Carries Two Guns”.

I have no idea [...]]]>

Well, we’re done shooting in Dallas.

The project is a web series called 2WO G2N G2Y.

It’s a long story, but it’s actually an adaptation of a series of poems I licensed from a writer named Eastham Way. They were originally called “The Man Who Carries Two Guns”.

I have no idea if he put them online or not, but they’re really cool. Alas, he hated what I did in adapting his work from dramatic poetry into a comedic web series, so you might say we’re slightly on non-speaking terms.

Basically, I took his poems and turned them into a spy comedy, so you might say I bastardized his entire concept.

The plan for this is to put it online no matter what – this isn’t a WSM? situation.

Will probably put together an extended trailer asap, and then see what happens next, depending on how everything cuts together.

We had a lot of fun prepping and shooting this. The Dallas cast and crew is great, and totally fun.

If this all seems a little scattered, it’s cause it is. I’m either really tired or have some sort of virus from the meat in the “meat soup” prop.

In any case, I’m gonna go ahead and get fat for a few days, since I’ve been living on canned tuna, protein powder, and cucumbers for like the last 6 weeks.

I’ll post some screengrabs for you as I look through the footage. Here are some screenshots:

Kelley Johnson as “Miss Nightstand”:

Hilary Kennedy as “Kristina Von Vendervan”:

Dominic Pace (who also killed in WSM?) as “Commander Barry Crayonchance”:

Charles Solomon, Jr. (who also directed and co-produced) as “Captain Richard Tractorface”:

Some guy as Two Gun Guy himself:

Lawrence Varnado as “Dr. Bobby Porcupine”:

Here’s one more for the road, because I’m going to see my parents soon, and my mom will insist that I’m 2OO SK2NNY:

It’s days like this I wish I really was a robot, so I could reprogram my hearing and vision circuits to filter out any and all talk of this [...]]]> Well, as you can imagine, I’m pretty sick over the Red Sox likely coming back from down 3-1, and thus making it to the World Series.

It’s days like this I wish I really was a robot, so I could reprogram my hearing and vision circuits to filter out any and all talk of this abomination.

I dyed my hair black for this thing in Dallas – it was surprisingly easy, although I can’t imagine doing it if one were a girl and had like long hair. Have been told I did a good job – I think it looks okay.

I have been and am going to be super busy over the next week – we’re doing all the pre-production stuff, and start shooting later this week. Next Wednesday, I’d expect I can get back to regular posting.

Will try to post something from set via Blackberry from T-Mobile.

I guess I was wrong about them not being edible. I still hold that they don’t have brains, no matter what you people say.

Here’s my favorite recipe:

Pumpkin Knife Poison Salad

Ingredients: pumpkins, knives, poison, lettuce

1) [...]]]> Okay, so here is a big old article about how to use pumpkins for food.

I guess I was wrong about them not being edible. I still hold that they don’t have brains, no matter what you people say.

Here’s my favorite recipe:

Pumpkin Knife Poison Salad

Ingredients: pumpkins, knives, poison, lettuce

1) Put a pumpkin, a knife, some poison, and lettuce in a bowl
2) Mix
3) Serve room temperature

Geez, it’s so good – the best is the part with the knife and the poison, with just a bit of lettuce and pumpkin.

The great thing about it is you can serve it as a side dish to a hamburger, or as a meal to itself – you just have to make it huge to do so.

Like, use so much lettuce and poison that you almost can’t believe it.

Terrence Howard is out as James Rhodes in Iron Man 2. He got greedy and they switched to Don Cheadle, who I would’ve thought would cost more, anyway.

I guess this is fine, but I like some continuity, cause I’m a closeted geek.

And tomorrow…is the day…that…I…dye my hair black.

I’m using a kind with a woman on the front. I was gonna use the guy kind, but it said it was only for covering gray hair.

Someone told me today it might come out blue/black, or like some bluish tint or something. This is actually fine – the more it looks like some kind of comic book character, the better.

Truthfully, I have no idea what I’m doing, and there’s no way this can possibly go well in any way.

Things I did yesterday:

1) Went to factory, as seen here.

2) Made jokes in factory.

3) Wore cowboy hat, which I looked shockingly “right” in. I sent a pic to my sister, and she said it was “molesting”, though.

4) Unloaded closet full of real guns, including some awesome ones.

Things I’ll [...]]]>

Things I did yesterday:

1) Went to factory, as seen here.

2) Made jokes in factory.

3) Wore cowboy hat, which I looked shockingly “right” in. I sent a pic to my sister, and she said it was “molesting”, though.

4) Unloaded closet full of real guns, including some awesome ones.

Things I’ll be doing in the next three weeks:

1) Dying hair jet black.

2) Hoping that doesn’t make hair fall out.

3) Running around in factory.

4) Casting “Machine Gun Bikini Karate Goons”, which will be one of the cooler things I do down here. (By the way, if you think that sounds fun – don’t think you need to make a movie to do those sorts of castings. Just type up some pages of a script, and have a casting session. The girls have no idea if you’re actually making something or not. They’ll just assume they didn’t get the part!)

I think that’s all – I may MURDER Pencils, though. I didn’t know this about horses, but they never sleep. In fact, they don’t sleep so much, they actually have 27 hours in each of their days.

Dallas, I might add, is great – when you tell them you want to shoot something in their building, they’re like, “Really? Neat!” instead of like in LA, where they run the other direction and try to hide.

That’s not a knock on LA – it’s just they know better out there.

I just fell off the energy drink bandwagon by consuming 4 triple-size Monsters in 45 minutes.

I also completely did no writing or anything else [...]]]> UPDATE: Since my Texas request is so awesome, I decided I’d better show what mine came out looking like – it’s at the bottom of the post.

I just fell off the energy drink bandwagon by consuming 4 triple-size Monsters in 45 minutes.

I also completely did no writing or anything else today, ’cause I’ve been cranking out 10 pages a day on this script I need to get done, and it’s kinda fried my brain.

Basically, I’m all wired and caught up on all my reading. Thus, this post.

The Dragonball trailer is out, and there’s not nearly enough Emmy Rossum. The above screenshot reminds me that I’ll be seeing it, though.

Here – read this excerpt from the headline of an MSN Money article:

The Dow finishes at levels last seen in October 2004, but losses are cut substantially at day’s end. The decline is prompted by heavy selling around the world. Crude falls under $88; the dollar soars against the euro. Bank of America will raise $10 billion in new capital.

Some of that sounds like good stuff, doesn’t it? I have no idea.

My friends are all freaked out – I lost all my investments back in like 2001, so I’m generally unaffected by all this stuff. All I know is I like things, and Monster is still in business.

I only watched the Hills one day in my life, but it was a hangover day, and I think I watched 29 episodes in a row or something. Thus, I’m all up on it.

Chalk me up as someone who doesn’t care if they’re useless or untalented, or if it’s fake. Audrina is hot with her look-up-all-the-time face and medical enhancements. And her last name is Patridge, not Partridge.

I just discovered this today! Oh, and Heidi’s good-looking too, even though she’s like a Frankenstein.

One thing about Dallas that’s really super fun is my new 15-year old girlfriend. She’s so hot, and she has a fake ID, and everything we do together is illegal. I even let her drive my car to go buy her wine coolers.

You’re MTV. Certainly you can find something better to write about than, “supporting actor from The Shield says he would be in The Shield movie if they make a The Shield movie”.

Y’know what – 99.99% of the actors in Hollywood would be in the The Shield movie if such a thing existed and they were asked to. In fact, 99.99% of the actors in Hollywood would be in any movie if you asked them to.

There are like maybe 15 actors in the entire world who actually say “no” to things. (In fact, this is a list I’m going to make in another post.)

At least make it interesting, and ask Gary Senise from CSI: NY if he would do it.

I apologize if I turn down your Facebook friend request, but I only use it to be friends with people I actually know, or family, which are also people I know. My brother just signed up today, and my best guess says he will never log in again.

Me and Pencils had a counting contest today, and I won, because he’s a telepathic horse, and this was an “out loud only” counting contest. I tricked him.

Target had The Aviator on 2-disc DVD for $5, and American Psycho for $5. Guess who has both of them now? That’s right – the guy who was in front of me in line, and me! Both of us!

I was like, “Hey! You’re getting The Aviator 2-disc DVD and the American Psycho DVD for $5 each! That’s a good deal I’m taking advantage of, as well!”

He was like, “Look around, pal – this is Dallas.”

I looked around like a pal, and he was right – it was Dallas.

Nobody was home today, so I walked around carrying two cap guns and practicing my acting.

For you old schoolers, the beautiful lady formerly known as Miss Gossip has a new blog of her very ownsome. I don’t remember the exact sequence of events, but I think I “discovered” her, among my many other contributions to the NBA blogosphere. Is this true?

Can you draw the state of Texas off the top of your head? Try – I’ll bet it looks really messed up and you feel sad when the experience is over.

Halloweeeeen ain’t ’til manyana…!

My Texas drawing, from memory: