Blood, Rings, Gurus

By On September 17, 2008 · 8 Comments · In Celebrities, Girls, Hygiene, Movies, Social Issues, WSM?

The latest update to the Vegetable Trivia Game is full of confusion and contradictions, so let’s get to it, with explanations afterward:

I Could Never Be Your Woman, Eastern Promises, There Will Be Blood, Grease 2, Scarface, Wolf (1994), Dangerous Minds, What Lies Beneath, Gangs of New York, Carlito’s Way, Daylight, A Perfect Murder, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, A History of Violence, Shoot ‘Em Up, Beowulf, Matchstick Men, The Love Guru

Congrats go out to The Love Guru for cracking the bottom five, and to There Will Be Blood for making the top twenty.

There Will Be Blood is everything I hate in a movie – long, based in the past, no basic “hero vs villain” happenings. I loved it, though – even moreso the second time through.

The Love Guru was really that bad – it wasn’t just bad because it was a high-profile bomb. It was a weird looking guy making fart and penis jokes. That’s it. And it was 86 minutes – 4 for end credits, plus two useless musical parodies at 2-3 minutes each.

You’re looking at roughly 77 minutes of story, mostly consisting of Mike Myers making the aforementioned fart and penis jokes. And just one other note – it was edited terribly. Like strikingly bad.

The Lord of the Rings movies (#181, #221, #222) – many of you will think these would/should be higher…I liked the books a lot, and the movies were good, but they kinda all blend together, like the Bourne movies.

Plus they’re super long, which I didn’t hold against the movie that tells you there’s blood on the way. I’m not a huge fantasy fan, either.

But the real kicker here is I have no idea if I’ve actually seen these movies or not.

Which one is “the movie”? The theatrical version? The director’s cut? The extended director’s cut? The special edition theatrical cut? The double-special theatrical extreme director’s cut?

If I ever direct a movie, there’s be one cut, and that’ll be “the movie”. I’m promising you that today.

I Could Never Be Your Woman (#439) stars Michelle Pfeiffer and Paul Rudd, and was directed by the woman who did Clueless (#150), which I really liked. I knew going in this movie was poorly reviewed, but I thought it couldn’t be that bad – with those people involved, it had to be at least watchable, right?

No, but Michelle Pfeiffer is still super hot, no matter how old she is.

 
  • http://www.wishrules.com/awesome Wish

    I agree with you on ‘There Will Be Blood’. I’m not sure why I liked it and it was very long, but at the end I A) felt good about myself and B) needed a milkshake

  • http://www.wishrules.com/awesome Wish

    I agree with you on ‘There Will Be Blood’. I’m not sure why I liked it and it was very long, but at the end I A) felt good about myself and B) needed a milkshake

  • admin

    There’s so much you could cut out and still tell the story, but for some reason all the long ponderous shots where nothing was really happening was very effective.

    I think maybe it was just Daniel Day Lewis. That character had no redeeming qualities whatsoever beyond his determination, but you still kinda rooted for him.

    He was so mean to his son at the end, but it was awesome to watch.

  • admin

    There’s so much you could cut out and still tell the story, but for some reason all the long ponderous shots where nothing was really happening was very effective.

    I think maybe it was just Daniel Day Lewis. That character had no redeeming qualities whatsoever beyond his determination, but you still kinda rooted for him.

    He was so mean to his son at the end, but it was awesome to watch.

  • http://www.wishrules.com/awesome Wish

    In all seriousness, I enjoyed the movie because it was about a man who would do whatever it took to ‘win’. Whether winning meant climbing over a mountain with a broken leg or bringing along a kid who wasn’t even his to make people think it was a family business all the way to the end with the bowling pin, his only weapon left after he tried with the bowling balls. He won at everything because he was willing to do whatever it took to win.

    Even though there were parts where he screwed up, like bringing along the fake brother like he did or treating his ‘son’ like crap….he still beat them both in the end. One with death, the other with honesty.

    To want, no need, to win at all costs without any thought of people on the other end is something that everyone wishes they could do. Don’t let people fool you, they wish they could do that only they can’t most times. That’s what made it mesmerizing to me.

    Also, the music, since I don’t think you can call it a soundtrack, of the movie was like someone was sticking you in the spine with a fork…only you liked it and couldn’t look away.

  • http://www.wishrules.com/awesome Wish

    In all seriousness, I enjoyed the movie because it was about a man who would do whatever it took to ‘win’. Whether winning meant climbing over a mountain with a broken leg or bringing along a kid who wasn’t even his to make people think it was a family business all the way to the end with the bowling pin, his only weapon left after he tried with the bowling balls. He won at everything because he was willing to do whatever it took to win.

    Even though there were parts where he screwed up, like bringing along the fake brother like he did or treating his ‘son’ like crap….he still beat them both in the end. One with death, the other with honesty.

    To want, no need, to win at all costs without any thought of people on the other end is something that everyone wishes they could do. Don’t let people fool you, they wish they could do that only they can’t most times. That’s what made it mesmerizing to me.

    Also, the music, since I don’t think you can call it a soundtrack, of the movie was like someone was sticking you in the spine with a fork…only you liked it and couldn’t look away.

  • admin

    I agree with everything you just said.

    His period with the fake brother was interesting, because it’s like he was trying to find his humanity and couldn’t.

    I loved after he killed the brother, and tried to read the diary, how he just swallowed the potential tears – it’s like he was killing any remaining desire he had to connect with other people.

    I also thought the part where he was baptized was awesome – you just knew he was gonna make Eli pay for that.

  • admin

    I agree with everything you just said.

    His period with the fake brother was interesting, because it’s like he was trying to find his humanity and couldn’t.

    I loved after he killed the brother, and tried to read the diary, how he just swallowed the potential tears – it’s like he was killing any remaining desire he had to connect with other people.

    I also thought the part where he was baptized was awesome – you just knew he was gonna make Eli pay for that.