(Well, this is the big one.
If one of these other Brian Spaeths were to become my nemesis, it would be this one, what with his book writering.
I call him out on it, because I like to establish myself as a sort of Alpha Dawg in this manner. You can buy his book, Clocks Stopped At A Strange and Savage Hour, via that link.
Note here our shared enjoyment of using the word “savage”.
The back cover instructs the reader to “read this book out loud”; that the words inside are that powerful.
Yes, I wish I had put that on the back of my book, but at least mine has a larger page count.)
1) You beat me in the “Brian Spaeth Book Writering Contest”. I have to admit, I was shocked, both by my participation in such a contest, and by the fact that I lost to another me. What was your strategy here?
Well, naturally I was saddened & appalled to discover that there was another Brian Spaeth. (I am saddened & appalled that there is even one!)
Now this whole situation raises profound questions about the fundamental nature of identity, but I have no idea what those questions might be, nor am I interested.
You ask me what my strategy was, and I reply that I never had a strategy in my life!
To be serious for a moment (but only for a moment!): Let me make one thing clear: My book was never written with the intention of being published.The writing of my stories and “poems” were an act of self-preservation. In the year 2000 I had become poisoned by chemical fumes seeping into my apartment and I got very sick and was homeless for the next 4 or 5 years. I engaged in what is known as “couch-surfing” for many years. I developed an extreme chemical sensitivity and I used to hang out in public parks just to try and get a little fresh air and scribble in my journal just to keep from going totally insane. (I lost my job also).
At some point I started transcribing some of my stuff into the computer and e-mailed one or two of the stories to a friend, who forwarded them to another friend who is an independent publisher. He took a chance on me—and lost!
A similar thing happened to me when I got too drunk the night before I moved to a new apartment. I had to lug all those boxes around hung-over. :(
2) Let’s trade books, and we’ll do reviews. Thoughts? We could be each others biggest fans. I specialize in poor writing, btw.
I hate to agree with you (me?), but I think this is a good idea. Anything to drum up a little publicity! (Not that I need it—I make a very comfortable living from the sales of my book).
Hey, I would like to do that parenthesized thing. That sounds enticing. I have purchased Brian’s book, btw – will review as soon as I read it.
3) I have noted you as “Brian Spaeth 3” in my online address book. I am “Brian Spaeth Prime” and the other one of us I found on Facebook is “Brian Spaeth Jr”. (I interviewed him here.)
What is your reaction to where this is all going, and how jealous will you be if I decide I like the second one of us more than you? He has a book he wants to write, as well. I don’t think he knew about the contest, so you must have pulled the same strategies on him that you did me.
These numbers of yours mean nothing to me. I scored a 16 (out of 100!) on the Math Regents exam in high school, and my math was so bad that for three days I thought it was a good score!
Listen: Instead of bickering amongst ourselves and “competing” with each other, I propose that all of the various Brian Spaeths (How many are there?) band together for our common good. Perhaps there’s some way we can capitalize on the confusion, and we can all take credit (Or blame!) for each others accomplishments (Are there any?).
I appeal to your criminal instincts. We live in a world that is run, for the most part, on scams! Now, I’ve never had what it takes to be a successful criminal. To be a good criminal, you have to be on the ball, sharp, motivated, entrepreneurial, and a keen judge of other people.
I, unfortunately, lack every single one of these qualities, and hence, I am a total failure, and yet, I am somehow proud of that fact (I come from a very proud people, even though they had nothing to be proud of!)
This man is complex, like me. Similar to all the Brian Spaeths I have encountered, his name is Brian Spaeth. I think an anthology book of some kind is the only answer.
