I’m not out to offend women in any way, but the cold hard fact is that I won’t ever go to American Apparel again.
Set aside that I’ve never been there before – just take in that ad to your right.
Take it in.
I know a pregnant woman is supposed to be the most beautiful thing on Earth, but seriously – if I had a wife who was wearing that, I’d have a hard time not laughing.
After I was done having my hard time not laughing, I’d get a divorce and spend ten years on the road with my high school friends, trying to forget.
Ten years later I’d return, and try to patch up the relationship with the kid. I’d know it was mine, because I’d show him/her the picture of my ex-wife in the American Apparel Pregnant Leotard (2009 Limited Edition), and they’d then go on their 10-year road trip.
The fact is, American Apparel is a bunch of hippies, and their ad about pregnant leotards means I’ll never have a family.
I’m going see Night at the Museum 2 instead of Terminator Salvation this weekend. I’ll see Terminator Salvation also, but I noticed that Bryce Dallas Howard is pregnant in it, and I have an intense fear she’s wearing post-apocalyptic maternity leotards from American Apparel.
I’m sure the guy in that Wendy’s commercial thinks this is the greatest outfit ever, but…yeah.
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(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here – it’s available in paperback, or iPhone/Kindle for only 1.99.)
