I’m not out to offend women in any way, but the cold hard fact is that I won’t ever go to American Apparel again.

Set aside that I’ve never been there before – just take in that ad to your right.

Take it in.

I know a pregnant woman is supposed to be the most beautiful thing on Earth, but seriously – if I had a wife who was wearing that, I’d have a hard time not laughing.

After I was done having my hard time not laughing, I’d get a divorce and spend ten years on the road with my high school friends, trying to forget.

Ten years later I’d return, and try to patch up the relationship with the kid. I’d know it was mine, because I’d show him/her the picture of my ex-wife in the American Apparel Pregnant Leotard (2009 Limited Edition), and they’d then go on their 10-year road trip.

The fact is, American Apparel is a bunch of hippies, and their ad about pregnant leotards means I’ll never have a family.

I’m going see Night at the Museum 2 instead of Terminator Salvation this weekend. I’ll see Terminator Salvation also, but I noticed that Bryce Dallas Howard is pregnant in it, and I have an intense fear she’s wearing post-apocalyptic maternity leotards from American Apparel.

I’m sure the guy in that Wendy’s commercial thinks this is the greatest outfit ever, but…yeah.

(Follow me on Twitter here.)
(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here – it’s available in paperback, or iPhone/Kindle for only 1.99.)

 
  • http://preludetoapretentiousreview.blogspot.com/ Kingsley Le Corbusier

    That is about the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen from them, and they have gold lame hot pants!

    I don't know about LA, but in NY it's not uncommon to see chicks walking down the street wearing entire outfits composed of ironic '80s-esque clothing from AA. It's hilarious.

    Brian, what are your thoughts on Chris Anderson? I'd like to know.

    Also, could you write a script in which the Most Interesting Man in the World is the star? I'd like to play him. I'll even grow a beard.

  • http://preludetoapretentiousreview.blogspot.com/ Kingsley Le Corbusier

    That is about the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen from them, and they have gold lame hot pants!

    I don't know about LA, but in NY it's not uncommon to see chicks walking down the street wearing entire outfits composed of ironic '80s-esque clothing from AA. It's hilarious.

    Brian, what are your thoughts on Chris Anderson? I'd like to know.

    Also, could you write a script in which the Most Interesting Man in the World is the star? I'd like to play him. I'll even grow a beard.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    I pretty much already wrote that script – I put part of the first page here back in Sept:

    http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com/?p=21

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    I pretty much already wrote that script – I put part of the first page here back in Sept:

    http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com/?p=21

  • http://preludetoapretentiousreview.blogspot.com/ Kingsley Le Corbusier

    I love it. And I'm 32! Perfect. I'll start growing the bear right now.

  • http://preludetoapretentiousreview.blogspot.com/ Kingsley Le Corbusier

    I love it. And I'm 32! Perfect. I'll start growing the beard right now.

  • dude

    i wonder why no basketball related material? oh yah… magic pwned.

  • dude

    i wonder why no basketball related material? oh yah… magic pwned.

  • http://www.jenwatch.com orange5o

    one game by one point. i'm entirely not worried. as long as mike brown realizes that maybe varejao should only play backup 5 and they need to put sasha or kinsey out there when rashard is a 4.

    lakers i think will lose both road games and be f'd though.

  • http://www.jenwatch.com orange5o

    one game by one point. i'm entirely not worried. as long as mike brown realizes that maybe varejao should only play backup 5 and they need to put sasha or kinsey out there when rashard is a 4.

    lakers i think will lose both road games and be f'd though.

  • goathair

    This seems like something Dwyane Wade would wear under his uniform.

  • goathair

    This seems like something Dwyane Wade would wear under his uniform.

  • http://www.jenwatch.com orange5o

    ??????? p?p ?? ?o? ?u???puo? s?? ?

  • http://www.jenwatch.com orange5o

    ˙˙˙ʇɐɥʇ pıp ǝɥ ʍoɥ ƃuıɹǝpuoʍ sɐʍ ı

  • http://www.jenwatch.com orange5o

    sasha AND tarence in the game? thanks for reading, i didn't know you frequented the blog MBrown!

  • http://www.jenwatch.com orange5o

    sasha AND tarence in the game? thanks for reading, i didn't know you frequented the blog MBrown!

  • alexiskn

    ive always kinda thought AA was totally pretentious and stupid (not an intentional PTSA reference there… i genuinely think that) – but this ad is just disturbing. AA reminds me of being at SCAD with all the dirty hippie kids who tried to look really sloppy and starving-artist-esque… until they climbed back into their Range Rovers. posers.

  • http://alexisreviews.tumblr.com alexiskn

    ive always kinda thought AA was totally pretentious and stupid (not an intentional PTSA reference there… i genuinely think that) – but this ad is just disturbing. AA reminds me of being at SCAD with all the dirty hippie kids who tried to look really sloppy and starving-artist-esque… until they climbed back into their Range Rovers. posers.

  • http://www.wordwebbing.com/ netta

    I've been a pregnant lady, and there's no way I'd wear something like that for one reason — at that stage of pregnancy, you gotta have easy access for a bladder squished to the size of a thimble. By the time I got that thing down I'd have peed all over it.

    Just sayin'.

    Fashion doesn't matter at that stage, but dry pants do.

  • http://www.wordwebbing.com/ netta

    I've been a pregnant lady, and there's no way I'd wear something like that for one reason — at that stage of pregnancy, you gotta have easy access for a bladder squished to the size of a thimble. By the time I got that thing down I'd have peed all over it.

    Just sayin'.

    Fashion doesn't matter at that stage, but dry pants do.

  • http://www.jenwatch.com orange5o

    House, 2006, epsiode “Lines in the Sand”. quote: “show me the juice card!”

    jus sayin

  • http://www.jenwatch.com orange5o

    House, 2006, epsiode “Lines in the Sand”. quote: “show me the juice card!”

    jus sayin

  • svg

    magic are owning the cavs poor lebron he's sad that terminator sucks so bad

  • svg

    magic are owning the cavs poor lebron he's sad that terminator sucks so bad

  • suchi889

    Right !This kind of clothings from AA are uncomfortable to wear.During pregnancy,it essential to wear loose fitting clothes.

  • http://www.checkpregnancysymptoms.com pregnancy symptoms

    Right !This kind of clothings from AA are uncomfortable to wear.During pregnancy,it essential to wear loose fitting clothes.

  • Pingback: American Apparel Pregnancy Apparel Apparel Brian Thoughts | Weak Bladder

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