Allen Iverson, Wolverine, Ben Affleck

By On April 2, 2009 · 29 Comments · In Books, Brad Radby, Bruce Willis, Cleveland Cavaliers, Movies, NBA, Weightlifting, WSM?

I can’t help but feel a little sorry for Allen Iverson.

At this point it’s become clear that what his career was always about – not being able to play well with others – is what is career actually was always about.

He’s having major sadness about it, and even though I like him, I’d love to see Cavs-Lasers in the first round, because I think all of their various issues would eventually result in the ultimate Sheed meltdown for all-time.

This whole thing where the Wolverine movie has leaked online isn’t that big a deal. I mean, it sucks and it’s wrong, and I’ll be similarly angry when I accidentally leak my movie online tomorrow, but I don’t see it having a huge effect on the box office.

Go read David Poland’s analysis – I think it’s correct.

What’s great is that no matter if it makes a ton of money or tanks, the leak with be credited with doing that.

They’ve got their “out” if it doesn’t perform, and then Wolverine stands in a field and screams. If it takes off, then it was so good, people went and saw it anyway, and Wolverine stands in a field and screams.

If it’s right in the middle, Hugh Jackman stands in a field and screams, but not as Wolverine. Nobody writes anything about it in this last scenario.

(Side note: I don’t think I’m genetically capable of having that many veins pop out of my arms, but I’m now determined to try. Originally this entire post was about that.)

Today’s Brad Radby movie is 1999′s Dr. Wall Street, with Ben Affleck, Al Pacino, Minnie Driver, and Bruce Willis.

One day at the businessman cigar club, Ben finds out his Minnie Driver is also Al’s secret wife, and that she’s from England. The double-crosses are happening everywhere, and it turns out Bruce is bad, and Al knows it, and Minnie knew also, even though she’s never met Bruce.

When Ben finds this last one out, he pulls the fire alarm and runs down the street in the rain, and he’s holding important files when he does this.

I ended up rewriting this one quite a bit, but in the end it came out pretty funny, probably because of the surfing thing in the credits. This was also the first of the book’s soon-to-be excessive and borderline offensive use of the term “The Big C”.

(Follow me on Twitter here.)
(Download the first 55 pages of my epic, pretentious, and stupid book, Prelude to a Super Airplane, here.)

 
  • joe

    the big… cockroach?

  • joe

    the big… cockroach?

  • Greg Odens tonsils

    Bulging veins is diet and dna man. Don't lose hope but don't expect either.

  • Greg Odens tonsils

    Bulging veins is diet and dna man. Don't lose hope but don't expect either.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Oh I have some good ones, just not like that.

    Although he's clearly flexing to some large extent here.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Oh I have some good ones, just not like that.

    Although he's clearly flexing to some large extent here.

  • Benny08302

    See, I've never liked A.I. or his game. Not to get all Simmonsy, but I would hate to be on a team and play with him (I'd basically cry to myself every offensive possession).

    What kills me about this coming off the bench stuff is that Iverson would be really really good at it. He could come in, blow by some scrubs, not have to worry about passing to various important players on his team (cause they'll be sitting) and just be able to do his thing.

    I dunno what he thinks is gonna happen next year, but if he'd rather retire than not to start and be The Man, he might want to get his papers in order.

  • Benny08302

    See, I've never liked A.I. or his game. Not to get all Simmonsy, but I would hate to be on a team and play with him (I'd basically cry to myself every offensive possession).

    What kills me about this coming off the bench stuff is that Iverson would be really really good at it. He could come in, blow by some scrubs, not have to worry about passing to various important players on his team (cause they'll be sitting) and just be able to do his thing.

    I dunno what he thinks is gonna happen next year, but if he'd rather retire than not to start and be The Man, he might want to get his papers in order.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Yeah he would be like the perfect Vinnie Johnson.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Yeah he would be like the perfect Vinnie Johnson.

  • http://preludetoapretentiousreview.blogspot.com/ Kingsley Le Corbusier

    David Poland says, in regard to Soul Plane: While the movie was not destined to be a cash cow, I think they had a real beef.

    As a wordsmith, that offends me.

    On another Wolverine-related topic: I've been made aware that the screenwriter (Benioff) is also the author of a novel that was moderately well-reviewed, and there are folks in the book publishing world who seem to think the movie will lead people to the novel. I think they're insane: what does a guy who loves comic book movie adaptations care about the screenwriter's decidedly un-comic book novel? Thoughts?

  • http://preludetoapretentiousreview.blogspot.com/ Kingsley Le Corbusier

    David Poland says, in regard to Soul Plane: While the movie was not destined to be a cash cow, I think they had a real beef.

    As a wordsmith, that offends me.

    On another Wolverine-related topic: I've been made aware that the screenwriter (Benioff) is also the author of a novel that was moderately well-reviewed, and there are folks in the book publishing world who seem to think the movie will lead people to the novel. I think they're insane: what does a guy who loves comic book movie adaptations care about the screenwriter's decidedly un-comic book novel? Thoughts?

  • http://www.ndeddiemac.blogspot.com NDEddieMac

    While nobody would write about Hugh Jackman letting out a primal scream in a field, the lavish musical number that came after he caught his breath again would be all over the place.

  • http://www.ndeddiemac.blogspot.com NDEddieMac

    While nobody would write about Hugh Jackman letting out a primal scream in a field, the lavish musical number that came after he caught his breath again would be all over the place.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Yeah I can't see that having any affect on book sales.

    How many people come out of a movie – let alone a movie like Wolverine – talking about who the screenwriter was? Industry people sure, but not the general public.

    Even most industry people are only talking about the screenwriter if it was a bad movie. If it was good, the director gets the praise.

    Now if Hugh Jackman wrote a novel, I would guess Wolverine would help sales, especially if it was titled “Hugh Jackman's Wolverine Unleashed”.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Yeah I can't see that having any affect on book sales.

    How many people come out of a movie – let alone a movie like Wolverine – talking about who the screenwriter was? Industry people sure, but not the general public.

    Even most industry people are only talking about the screenwriter if it was a bad movie. If it was good, the director gets the praise.

    Now if Hugh Jackman wrote a novel, I would guess Wolverine would help sales, especially if it was titled “Hugh Jackman's Wolverine Unleashed”.

    Oh, and wrt to Poland, I would guess that was unintentional – I've never known him to try and be “clever” in that manner.

  • http://preludetoapretentiousreview.blogspot.com/ Kingsley Le Corbusier

    Right, especially for a movie like this. Diablo Cody (not saying I like her or anything) is another matter.

  • http://preludetoapretentiousreview.blogspot.com/ Kingsley Le Corbusier

    Right, especially for a movie like this. Diablo Cody (not saying I like her or anything) is another matter.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Now, maybe it gets the film rights snatched up if they aren't already, but again, that's not helping sales of the novel unless the movie gets made.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Now, maybe it gets the film rights snatched up if they aren't already, but again, that's not helping sales of the novel unless the movie gets made.

  • Benny08302

    just saw on TrueHoop someone suggesting he go to europe. I mean, that'd be perfect. He's still fairly good (no one there could guard him) and he'd be a fan favorite/star of the team. I always thought Shaq or Kidd would finish his career there (like for a year or so), but it'd be cool to see AI go now

  • Benny08302

    just saw on TrueHoop someone suggesting he go to europe. I mean, that'd be perfect. He's still fairly good (no one there could guard him) and he'd be a fan favorite/star of the team. I always thought Shaq or Kidd would finish his career there (like for a year or so), but it'd be cool to see AI go now

  • http://www.icanprobablydothat.com Boney

    I wish AI would kill himself

  • http://www.icanprobablydothat.com Boney

    I wish AI would kill himself

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    I'm suprisingly unbothered by the Cavs loss to the Wiz.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    I'm suprisingly unbothered by the Cavs loss to the Wiz.

  • Benny08302

    just saw on TrueHoop someone suggesting he go to europe. I mean, that'd be perfect. He's still fairly good (no one there could guard him) and he'd be a fan favorite/star of the team. I always thought Shaq or Kidd would finish his career there (like for a year or so), but it'd be cool to see AI go now

  • http://www.icanprobablydothat.com Boney

    I wish AI would kill himself

  • http://brian23.com Brian

    I'm suprisingly unbothered by the Cavs loss to the Wiz.