A-Rod, Bole, Boli, LOL

(Happy Birthday, Michael Jordan – your gift is a horrible Tyson Chandler trade by the Hornets.)

I just watched the A-Rod press conference, and I’m pretty sure ESPN reporters/anchors are dense, and A-Rod mis-planned his agenda a bit.

Some bullet-pointed thoughts:

1) “Bole” is clearly the Dominican slang for Primobolan. No doubt they think this is like a secret street drug, however. Please someone help them clear this up.

1a) Primo is the American slang.

1b) I know these things because as you well know, I love everything steroids and HGH have to offer. They make you big and strong – that’s so cool. Plus, needles.

2) You don’t buy it “on the streets”. You can buy that over-the-counter in pharmacies down there, and it’s totally legal.

3) Ripped Fuel is an ephedra-based fat burner sold by Twin Labs, and it’s still produced, minus the ephedrine. You can still get the original if you’re clever.

3a) Ripped Fuel (the old version) works. I miss having it readily available.

4) A-Rod wants us to think he was the most naive 24-year old on Earth. Sorry – if he took it when he was 16, I’d buy the young and stupid stuff.

I simply can’t accept that someone who had been in pro baseball for six years was clueless as to what he was doing. Especially someone as obviously intelligent and savvy as Alex Rodriguez.

4a) Manny Ramirez could sell that – not A-Rod.

5) I did appreciate the fact that he sat up there and took questions, and wants to leave it behind him. He was pretty frank in many respects, and came off as very human. Go forth and do your baseballing.

Really, this entire post was for point #1, because somewhere there are any number of journalists pumping out 1000-word columns about how aghast and offended they are by the “illegal street steroid bole”, crafting awkward metaphors about Alex Rodriguez in the back alleys of the Dominican.