30 Years of Home Depot

By On June 22, 2009 · 35 Comments · In Liking Things, Retail Stores

Home Depot BucketWell…today is the 30th anniversary of Home Depot and I think you know that means I want to talk about Home Depot and maybe go to Home Depot and when I get there I will say HAPPY BIRFDAY to everyone in the whole store and they will know how happy I am for them and even though they haven’t worked there since the start of Home Depot I will make them feel like they’re a real part of the team and that’s good for morale and even though I don’t work there or have anything to do with them other than the time I bought some lumber and a hammer and then had to go back and buy nails to complete the project I feel a great affection for the company because we used some of their ICONIC orange buckets as background props in the dead snake movie that starts running on 9/15 and also other orange stuff that we bought at the 99 cent store and man oh man there’s another thriving company selling everything for 99 cents but not as thriving as Home Depot because thirty years is a long time to be selling plants and hammers and lumber and drills and sinks and sod and whatever else they sell maybe light bulbs (sp?) but they only started selling those like ten years ago so the glass-light-givers will be shunned by me when I go in to do my big HAPPY BIRFDAY Home Depot parade that I’ll have and maybe I’ll try to drive my Japanese brand SUV right through the front door as a type of symbolism for Pearl Harbor.

I missed you guys after all the Saved By the Bell Begins action last week. Tell me about the last time you were in Home Depot. Or Lowe’s – that’s fine, also.

 
  • goathair

    I always prefer to save big money at Menard's.

  • goathair

    I always prefer to save big money at Menard's.

  • http://alexisreviews.tumblr.com alexiskn

    that was one big giant laugh fest by myself at my desk and now i realize why you give me the urge to write in big runon sentences cuz that's kinda how you do but usually you put in punctuation but not this time except for that “(sp?)” which was also funnies.

    the last time i went to home depot was to buy primer and paint to paint my dining room table and the day that i painted it i also burnt my hand really bad on some steam on leftover organic white cheddar macaronni coming out of the microwave and i had to go to the urgent care clinic because it was seriously almost third degree burns and it hurt really, really bad and i had to go to my friend's birthday party dinner the same night with my hand all wrapped up in gauze and everybody was like “whoa, yo, what happened??” except for this one girl who asked me if i had a bowling accident and that, my friend, is a very true story for real.

  • http://alexisreviews.tumblr.com alexiskn

    that was one big giant laugh fest by myself at my desk and now i realize why you give me the urge to write in big runon sentences cuz that's kinda how you do but usually you put in punctuation but not this time except for that “(sp?)” which was also funnies.

    the last time i went to home depot was to buy primer and paint to paint my dining room table and the day that i painted it i also burnt my hand really bad on some steam on leftover organic white cheddar macaronni coming out of the microwave and i had to go to the urgent care clinic because it was seriously almost third degree burns and it hurt really, really bad and i had to go to my friend's birthday party dinner the same night with my hand all wrapped up in gauze and everybody was like “whoa, yo, what happened??” except for this one girl who asked me if i had a bowling accident and that, my friend, is a very true story for real.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Thanks for keepin it real.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Thanks for keepin it real.

  • TVBrain

    Because you asked”
    I bought a B&D Grasshog to replace the B&D Grasshog that I had for 10 years. Now, I have discovered that the little guardrail that drops own for the edging feature is too big, The two little lines that whip around at super speed to trim the grass do not outreach the guard rail. So the edger does not edge. Recently I discovered that one of the little lines was no longer being fed out of the little hole, so I popped it open to inspect the line and the whole darn thing unspooled. I thought I bought two replacement spools when I bought the B&D Grasshog but now I can't find them and I'm wondering if I mistakenly threw them out when I did my late-night panic clean up of the garage when we spotted a rat. So in fact, my last visit to the Home Depot was to buy rat poison. The next visit will be to buy a replacement spool for the Grasshog.
    One time we had a water softener salesman in our home who tried to tell us we cold buy filters at Home Depot. Only he pronounced it “Home Deppo, ” I feel Brian Spaeth would have been really amused by a 60 year old man saying, “Home Deppo” repeatedly. It's how I pronounce it to myself when I need a smile. “Home Deppo!”

  • TVBrain

    Because you asked
    I bought a B&D Grasshog to replace the B&D Grasshog that I had for 10 years. Now, I have discovered that the little guardrail that drops own for the edging feature is too big, The two little lines that whip around at super speed to trim the grass do not outreach the guard rail. So the edger does not edge. Recently I discovered that one of the little lines was no longer being fed out of the little hole, so I popped it open to inspect the line and the whole darn thing unspooled. I thought I bought two replacement spools when I bought the B&D Grasshog but now I can't find them and I'm wondering if I mistakenly threw them out when I did my late-night panic clean up of the garage when we spotted a rat. So in fact, my last visit to the Home Depot was to buy rat poison. The next visit will be to buy a replacement spool for the Grasshog.
    One time we had a water softener salesman in our home who tried to tell us we could buy filters at Home Depot. Only he pronounced it, “Home Deppo. ” I feel Brian Spaeth would have been really amused by a 60 year old man saying, “Home Deppo” repeatedly. It's how I pronounce it to myself when I need a smile. “Home Deppo!”

  • Greg Odens tonsils

    I went in there some time ago because my friend, David, works there. I bought a powerade while there because they mark the item just over cost and appreciably under what you'd purchase the item in the grocery for.

  • Greg Odens tonsils

    I went in there some time ago because my friend, David, works there. I bought a powerade while there because they mark the item just over cost and appreciably under what you'd purchase the item in the grocery for.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    This is interesting. Now my life is different.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    This is interesting. Now my life is different.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Haha I like that – Home Deh-pot would be be another good one.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    Haha I like that – Home Deh-pot would be be another good one.

  • Wish

    The last time I was in a Menard's was to buy a new door handle for the door leading out to my garage. My future wife and I were heading out to the grocery store and being the gentleman that I am, I went out to the garage to warm up the car so that she wouldn't have to sit in a cold seat. Do it, it works.

    Ten minutes later I'm yelling at her through the door to stop “messing around so we could go to the store!!!” She's a bit of a prankster so of course I'm going to overreact. I need my pretzels!!!

    When she started crying I finally realized that she wasn't messing around and, in fact, the door handle was broken. I was on the outside and she was on the inside. That has to be a metaphor or something like that.

    I have another story that's funnier but it's from a few years ago.

  • Wish

    The last time I was in a Menard's was to buy a new door handle for the door leading out to my garage. My future wife and I were heading out to the grocery store and being the gentleman that I am, I went out to the garage to warm up the car so that she wouldn't have to sit in a cold seat. Do it, it works.

    Ten minutes later I'm yelling at her through the door to stop “messing around so we could go to the store!!!” She's a bit of a prankster so of course I'm going to overreact. I need my pretzels!!!

    When she started crying I finally realized that she wasn't messing around and, in fact, the door handle was broken. I was on the outside and she was on the inside. That has to be a metaphor or something like that.

    I have another story that's funnier but it's from a few years ago.

  • http://preludetoapretentiousreview.blogspot.com/ Kingsley Le Corbusier

    Oh the humanity. Someone, please, I'm begging you, use some punctuation. Only Molly Bloom is given a carte blanche on this.

  • http://preludetoapretentiousreview.blogspot.com/ Kingsley Le Corbusier

    Oh the humanity. Someone, please, I'm begging you, use some punctuation. Only Molly Bloom is given a carte blanche on this.

  • Sara

    I don't have a Home Depot in the city I live in, but we do have a Lowe's, and I love to go there! I like to walk around and just look at everything they have. But, every time I go there, every single employee asks me if I need help, like several times. I guess they just see a blonde girl wandering around Lowe's, and think I'm lost or something.

  • Sara

    I don't have a Home Depot in the city I live in, but we do have a Lowe's, and I love to go there! I like to walk around and just look at everything they have. But, every time I go there, every single employee asks me if I need help, like several times. I guess they just see a blonde girl wandering around Lowe's, and think I'm lost or something.

  • http://alexisreviews.tumblr.com alexiskn

    just to keep it even really realer, here's me being totally hardcore gangsta with my bandaged hand. http://tinyurl.com/mtrs5b

  • http://alexisreviews.tumblr.com alexiskn

    just to keep it even really realer, here's me being totally hardcore gangsta with my bandaged hand. http://tinyurl.com/mtrs5b

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    “I don't have a Home Depot in the city I live in”

    I could read anything after that because I was trembling so much.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    “I don't have a Home Depot in the city I live in”

    I could read anything after that because I was trembling so much.

  • Sara

    There's a Home Depot like 30 minutes away from me, is that better?

  • Sara

    There's a Home Depot like 30 minutes away from me, is that better?

  • http://jentropy.com/ Jen

    I rented a stripper from Home Depot. This is the support group for that type of thing, right?

  • http://jentropy.com/ Jen

    I rented a stripper from Home Depot. This is the support group for that type of thing, right?

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    I'd like it to be – finally looks like step one has happened. Thanks for that.

  • http://madpropstobakedpotatoes.com Brian

    I'd like it to be – finally looks like step one has happened. Thanks for that.

  • http://blip.fm/ct_kingston Username_Already_Exists

    funny is funny!

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